Resignation Letter

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlik ely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however, I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia

Edited March 25, 2007 by Kathryn41

[Jenn! 918]

Good one! I'm gonna have to go look it up on Snopes now...

BTW, is this true???

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment."

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

funny.

but in case anyone takes the "actual letter of resignation" bit seriously -- http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/zantex.asp

Good one! I'm gonna have to go look it up on Snopes now...

BTW, is this true???

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment."

You can sue them if they badmouth you. But how are you going to know? Most potential employers won't tell you what your references said, they'll just not extend you an offer.

[flutter95 4]

I have always wished to talk to bosses like that!

[Otto 83]

Urban Legend Resignation Letter - It's a fake (sorry)

Urban Legend - Fake Resignation Letter

[GrenadianCrix 1]

Good one! I'm gonna have to go look it up on Snopes now...

BTW, is this true???

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment."

A company giving an unfavorable opinion of a past employee makes them open to a slander suit. Most companies with savy HR departments will only confirm dates the employee worked for the company with no further comment. This information was current when I was a shift supervisor at a large bio-tech production plant in the mid-90's.

Sue

[bostonparis 0]

Correct, an employer can only provide your dates of employment.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I wondered if it might be a false letter - it sounded too much like one I wanted to write and fortunately had enough common sense not to. Still, I did recognize one of my former bosses in it so even if it isn't a true letter of resignation, it still addresses real bosses. Besides, it was fun to read and it is always fun to fantasize!

[cbd2cai 0]

I wondered if it might be a false letter - it sounded too much like one I wanted to write and fortunately had enough common sense not to. Still, I did recognize one of my former bosses in it so even if it isn't a true letter of resignation, it still addresses real bosses. Besides, it was fun to read and it is always fun to fantasize!

It was definitely an entertaining read!!

[Reba 2]

Gives me an idea for my letter of resignation actually...

[Niels Bohr 72]

Very professionally done. Neat work!

[sparkofcreation 0]

Correct, an employer can only provide your dates of employment.

Having recently hired someone for a position where I work [someone with the same position as mine, but they had me participate in the interviews since we have to work together closely], this is a bit narrow. All the references we called (three for one candidate and four for another) went into great detail. Of course, they went into great detail being extremely positive about our candidates, but they did give us a great deal of information.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Having recently hired someone for a position where I work [someone with the same position as mine, but they had me participate in the interviews since we have to work together closely], this is a bit narrow. All the references we called (three for one candidate and four for another) went into great detail. Of course, they went into great detail being extremely positive about our candidates, but they did give us a great deal of information.

A lot of corporations have rules forbidding that. But many people, even managers, don't know. When you see how huge those policy guidebooks can get, that's not surprising. I got great reviews from managers at my previous employer but none of them were actually allowed by corporate policy to say what they did.