Hubby is pushing me and we just got here

[NikLR 13,227]

I met my neighbors for the first time about a month ago. They've lived here 8 years and the people across the block (I work with the son) have never met them.

Meeting your neighbors is a strange thing to do these days.

[soulstriker 274]

lol baking for neighbors thats so old schol aint even safe to be doing that anymore , he shouldnt be pushing just gradually to get you comfortable , def should get some good shoes and clothes for u instead where that hobo gear ,im sure hell understand just do a one on one

[Marrienne 112]

Well one of them came over with an actual invitation (in paper) for a coffee!! It is tomorrow. Neighborhood women coffee day they called it.

They did say they were curious who moved in. We live in the suburbs not in a big city, the people next door asked my boys to go swimming in their pool with their grandkids

[NikLR 13,227]

Sounds like a friendly bunch.

It also sounds like you're introverted. It's who you are and he should respect your boundaries. Tell him to google introverted and figure it out.

[Ischnura 285]

He might just be trying to help you make friends. Otherwise, just keep telling yourself that you can look how ever you feel comfortable, you're not from around here so your style is bound to be different. There's a Walmart people comment in this thread that is incredibly true lol Me personally, I spend a fair amount of the Summer hiding indoors in my pj's in the air con. It's too hot to be going outside. dressing all fancy to sweat buckets, all for saving face.

Also, I've been told countless times "You're in America now and this is how we do it here" but it's a crock of ####### (edited cause #### is frowned upon haha). Don't be forced in to anything you're not comfortable with even if it does mean you have to be curt to get the message across.

Edited July 27, 2016 by TBoneTX
to remove a prohibited word

[TBoneTX 45,265]

go to local thrift stores like Goodwill to get cheap (used but in good condition) clothes or shoes.

^^ This. ^^

In my area, Goodwill is the most expensive thrift store.

Some of the church-affiliated shops can be even cheaper.

Some "women's crisis" groups also have thrift stores.

I've had outstanding luck shopping at garage sales.

People are amazed when I wear designer neckties that cost $1 or less.

If you find a good sale with clothes in your size, you can make out like a bandit.

Whatever you buy, wash and iron it, and no one will know or care where you got it.

[TBoneTX 45,265]

Addendum:

When Mrs. T-B. first came here, she was amazed at the concept of thrift stores.

(In Ecuador, no one ever throws anything out.)

She very rapidly filled her closet with quality, designer clothes.

We spent entire days "resale-shopping," and even went on some out-of-town road trips.

Our record was 7 thrift stores in one day.

This can be a fun, inexpensive activity with your husband or girlfriends whom you meet.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

Well one of them came over with an actual invitation (in paper) for a coffee!! It is tomorrow. Neighborhood women coffee day they called it.

They did say they were curious who moved in. We live in the suburbs not in a big city, the people next door asked my boys to go swimming in their pool with their grandkids

Sounds like the kind of neighborhood I live in It's great that they are reaching out to you, and your kids. Hopefully you'll make friends fairly easily, at your own pace, and feel more settled in doing so. Good luck!

[USAMorocco 143]

Oh it is so easy behind a computer screen. Nobody can see me. How can he be proud of me? I look like a hobo compared to everyone here.

Hey now! I live here and I don't bake cakes for people nor do I know my neighbors lol I dunno we dont do that in Jersey either. Also, I look like a hobo 24/7. Most of the time

I pick my daughter up at school in my PJs since I do school

From home. Right now I'm with my fiancé with a missing front tooth ?. My point is if that is not who you are the basking cakes and not wanting to meet neighbors than its not who you are. He will have to understand and respect that. If not too bad he has no choice. Also looking like a "hobo" well who cares he loves you and he fell in love with you for who you are not what you look like. Hey I'm not ashamed to admit I shop at Walmart. I haven't spent money on clothes for myself in years. I'm a single mom...my money goes towards my daughter. I buy a few tee shirts and a few pairs of yoga pants.

I would just tell him look this is me. This is who you married. I'm not a social type person. I'm private and I like to keep to myself...especially since I am not from here. Tell him I will make friends with people at my own speed. Please don't force me and help me. Help me through this adjustment period.

I told my fiancé straight from the door. I don't cook and I don't bake. I don't eat meat so I dont touch it and wouldn't know how to cook it if my life depended on it and I don't bake. If I had to cook and bake I would need a bottle of Xanax and vodka with me every night because I would

Be a basket case. Lol I know how to cook and very well it's just stressful to me. If my mom ever left me and my daughter...I don't know what I would do. So he married you because he loved you. Not because you were going to play Suzy homemaker and Betty Crocker. Good luck!

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

Common to great new neighbors in Ohio to, but the current neighbors visit you, not you to them

[Scandi 4,166]

Well one of them came over with an actual invitation (in paper) for a coffee!! It is tomorrow. Neighborhood women coffee day they called it.

They did say they were curious who moved in. We live in the suburbs not in a big city, the people next door asked my boys to go swimming in their pool with their grandkids

Oh I feel for you! I would hate to end up in a neighbourhood like that, I don't like being social at all. I can if I have to, but I really don't enjoy it. I'm Scandinavian, we tend to like our "personal space" and we're not always very open to new people which to others can be perceived as cold and rude even. Which really isn't the case. I just wouldn't fit very well in a neighbourhood where people actually socialize with each other.

I've noticed that Americans are way friendlier than what I'm used to - and I've only ever been to California, aren't they supposed to be less friendly than many other Americans?

The "hug and kiss on the cheek" thingy when they greet you kinda freaks me out tbh. To them it's probably just as normal as shaking hands, to me it's way too personal. I kiss and hug my man, that's enough!

These are just cultural differences we'll have to learn to deal with, I'm sure it won't feel so strange after a while. It's a new country and new people to us and we'll adapt.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I've noticed that Americans are way friendlier than what I'm used to - and I've only ever been to California, aren't they supposed to be less friendly than many other Americans?

The "hug and kiss on the cheek" thingy when they greet you kinda freaks me out tbh. To them it's probably just as normal as shaking hands, to me it's way too personal. I kiss and hug my man, that's enough!

That hug and kiss thing is regional and freaks me out too. Where I grew up some people did it and when I would shy away from it, they'd be offended or like one lady ask if I had been molested or something (yes, she really did). Minnesotans thankfully don't do that. I think it is more prevalent in areas that had some immigration from countries that speak Romance languages.

[Dal&Rose 45]

Tell your husband you transposed countries not personalities.

Now as for clothes and etc lots of good places listed. If you have Ross and Marshall's nearby can't hurt to look.

Focus on clothes that you are comfortable in, good for interviews, and eventually work. Lazy day clothes - jeans and T-shirt with those flip flops. (If that's your preference.)

I would despise going to the coffee thing.... but it may be worth it for connections for jobs. Look at it that way. Sometimes it's who you know in smaller areas. They may have great leads and references. When you know going to that social outing may help with a job, it puts it in a different perspective.

As for baking and etc for neighbors. Tell your husband to do it if he wants it done. You have more important things to do. Get familiar, adapt and get job to support the family.

But definitely talk to the him, tell him to back off and let you adjust and focus on self and job hunting.

[bigdog 376]

Talk to him, and work it out. You deserve your space also. Find one neighbor to be a buddy and go from there. My wife was accommodating but took her time also. I started with a very few close friends. Look for another person with your background on VJ and make a friend, you might get good tips from some one who can relate.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Here's another perspective on what your husband might thinking...

You only get one chance on a first impression. After you make a negative 1st impression on a neighbor, it can take a lot of effort to turn it positive again. My wife's tendency is to be very private, hanging out at home with me and the dog and not really going out of her way to make new friends. However, when we moved to our new neighborhood exactly one month ago, she recognized the benefit of making a good first impression on the neighbors. As a result, we've already met some of our neighbors and are getting along quite well. This is a huge relief to both of us. If our dog runs away, or if our house gets broken into, or if a stranger is hanging out on our property while we're gone, we already know that our neighbors will have our back.

Note, we didn't make cake or invite them into our house or anything like that. My wife wore casual clothes for the encounters. We just basically met them in the street and started talking. Perhaps talking with your husband and working out a compromise would be the best course.