Adjusting to life in America

[thamansa 4]

What you are going through is completely normal! Everything will work out in the end God bless you both

[Marco&Bettina 502]

If I may share a bit of my wife's story. There wasn't a huge culture shock for her because it was Germany to Texas. Luckily, I live in Killeen, which is right next to Fort Hood (largest military installation in the world). Translation = Shortly before my wife received her Visa, she started meeting local (to me) Germans on Facebook. About 3 weeks after arriving here after POE, she started to meet some of these women in person. She would meet them weekly. She's been here about 1.5 years now & is still in contact with some of those original Germans she met. She also has met countless others & has established quite the nice little social network which even includes a couple friends. That was a huge part to her adjustment.

Yes, in the beginning she couldn't work & it was hard. She tried to keep herself busy. She didn't have a car, so needed rides & stuff while I worked. That's where her social network came in. I have met many of these women & their spouses & they are generally good people. They helped keep her busy in the beginning & helped her transition. A debt I can never repay. Also, all of my family came around to be supportive. Even those who initially rebuked it came to saw that my wife was a good choice & they had nothing to worry about.

If you can develop a local social network, it will help you feel more at ease. In turn, when you're more at ease, I think your wife will lighten up some as well. Also, communication between the 2 of you is huge. My wife and I never argued but we had many disagreements & still have our moments. But we always talk it through to move past it. Never let issues linger unresolved.

[Henley1989 10]

Hi guys. I'm posting this here because I really don't feel like I have anybody else to talk to about it since most of my friends here are her friends so they always just take her side and don't ever listen to how I'm feeling,

My wife and I just got married about 2 weeks ago. When I came to Minnesota things between us felt a bit strained but we hoped that after the marriage things would get better, but we've been fighting so much more over the simplest things. I told her the other day that I wanted to get an undercut (shave the nape of my neck) and she told me that she would divorce me if I did that. Normally I would just take this as a joke, but this whole adjustment phase has got me feeling down and depressed about everything. I didn't think that I would have a hard time adjusting to living in Minnesota but I think after I sent the forms it finally hit me that this is where I live now. Some days I just feel like packing up my bags and going back home but I have nowhere to go (I know that sounds dramatic, but my father had threatened to kick me out multiple times when I tried telling him about my relationship before the engagement, so now I don't think he'll ever forgive me)

I'm hopeful that it's just all the stress that the both of us are under right now (shes having to completely support me financially, and we're having a really difficult time finding a place to live when her lease runs up next month, on top of it all she recently got sick and wasn't allowed to come in to work for a week and she didn't have any vacation/sick days left, so we went a week with no income). I know that once I can start helping out financially that things will get better so I don't want you guys to think I'm hopeless, I'm just feeling stuck since all life seems to be right now is waiting for things to get better and I feel so useless sitting home all day while she works to feed me.

I really didn't want to post this here since I always enjoy reading the happy endings on here, but I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. Any advice on how to get through this stressful time??

I hear what you are saying. I moved here last November and thankfully things have worked out well in regards to my move/job. However, im finding that my new wife and I are arguing more and more about petty little things, and I have deduced its just down to difference of personality, bringing up and general way of dealing with things. I do sometimes feel lonely here. I am not that close to my family in the UK and my wife is extremely close to hers. When we argue, she goes to her family but I have no one, so it kind of makes me feel alone and defenseless. I am really considering counselling just to take the edge off the first year of marriage. I think with a neutral third party, we can better understand how to deal with each other.

Im sure a lot of people who move here feel alone when their spouse has friends and family here to comfort them. Unfortunately I have not made many friends yet, so it is hard when we argue and she runs off to her family and Im left to be alone

I really do feel the first year will be the move difficult, both in the move and in marriage. Try to push through it and keep you head up. Im really trying to stay as positive as possible because I do know this is what I wanted, it just requires a little more patience as you have lots of other factors that get involved.

.

[Dan2023 26]

two words for you brother -- Relax man

am in the same boat. my wife tells me that its more tough for man to be without work.

i drink coffee, go to gym, go workout , go library

just try to get out and do something which will take me away from this stress ful time

and as most of folks have said in this forum "it does pay off in the end"

i have developed sleep issues due to stress but I ain't giving up man

don't give up

[JessDak 27]

Thanks you guys
Reading all of your comments have helped my state of mind so much! I'm so much more hopeful now that we just need to get through this bump in the road and hold on until things get back to normal. I have considered counselling but money is such a concern. But maybe I can find a free one that we can go to on the weekends or something.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement, reading through these feels amazing!

[Dan2023 26]

Thanks you guys

Reading all of your comments have helped my state of mind so much! I'm so much more hopeful now that we just need to get through this bump in the road and hold on until things get back to normal. I have considered counselling but money is such a concern. But maybe I can find a free one that we can go to on the weekends or something.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement, reading through these feels amazing!

Np man

you can still apply for work as fiance of US citizen

and In case you have an offer

send additional letter to USCIS to expedite EAD

that way I have read you can get in sooner

read about it :-

https://www.uscis.gov/forms/expedite-criteria

I would suggest start looking for work after you're done with biometrics

and then go that route

its upto USCIS to consider the expedite that request but hey whats the harm in giving it a shot

[Marco&Bettina 502]

Thanks you guys

Reading all of your comments have helped my state of mind so much! I'm so much more hopeful now that we just need to get through this bump in the road and hold on until things get back to normal. I have considered counselling but money is such a concern. But maybe I can find a free one that we can go to on the weekends or something.

Thanks for all the words of encouragement, reading through these feels amazing!

Make sure you share with your wife, as long as she's not angry that you used the internet as an outlet. We here at VJ are a community to help each other. This is a positive resource & if she looks at it with the right mindset, she will come to see the value of it. Reading stories here is always encouraging & seems to be just what you need at the right time. And years from now, when things have progressed, you pay it forward to someone else.

Just like this morning when I logged on to Facebook, it wanted me to share a memory from 2 years ago. It was a pic of my then Fiancee & me hanging out on a Berlin street corner as we awaited approval of her I-129F (a process that took over 6 months for us). I was visiting her in Germany for about 2 weeks. It was the 1st time we saw each other in 5 months & we would not see each other for another 5 months until she arrived during POE with K-1 Visa in hand. The pic brought me back to that very day & all the emotions that we felt. Hard to believe that was 2 years ago. Back then, my Fiancee and I needed a lot of encouragement because of how long the process was taking. And now it's my turn to help people and I'm OK with that. Things get better over time.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Marco&Bettina

[Ulrica&Jesse 39]

Several years ago my husband (then fiance) came on a K1 visa. The adjustment was super difficult. He went through severe culture shock, there was a struggle with my parents, planning a wedding and some financial issues. I felt 100% responsible for everyone's unhappiness and it put a real strain on our relationship. Ultimately, he decided to go back to his country and we would continue our relationship leading to marriage. I can't say it was the smartest decision we made when we look back on it, AOS and his ability to work would have changed the situation, and just waiting it out. We ended up marrying in his country several months later, and I decided to go live with him. We had a son and later filed for an IR-1 and recently came back to the states. When he came he was able to get a job almost immediately, nothing very lucrative, but it contributes wonderfully as a joint income and it makes him happy and he feels more productive. We are MUCH happier, I think a huge part is for us was spending that time married together in his country and putting everything else to the side ! I know this isn't ideal for everyone, but it worked for us. Good luck to you.

Oh my God, I didn't think I would actually find somebody with as similar ours! Just like your husband and then fiancee decided to ultimately return to his country so did I and my USC husband went with me. I just could not deal with constant feeling of being powerless, not being allowed to work, drive a car.. waiting for him everyday to come him from work and plus we were living with his family, so right before we were about to start adjusting my status I decided to return to my country because I could not stand the pressure anymore. We are living in my country for 2 years now and very soon are starting my GC process, we are thinking of having a baby here as well but I'm not sure if that will be a good idea. All in all, pretty much as soon as we came back from the States we started regretting my decision, and realized it would probably better for me to be more more patient and just want things out...It surely made me feel better that you mentioned how important the time in his country was for you guys ...

[KamilSoledad 9]

JessDak, be encouraged, trust God to strengthen your marriage and most importantly communicate with your spouse. I am married to a Bahamian man and the our marriage started with a lot of arguments. It was an adjustment for both of us. For him the culture shock of meeting a lot of my family at once, trying to understand the various American accents and dialects and finalizing wedding plans. I had to adjust to living with a man that wasn't my Father and is from a different culture. The day of our honeymoon we argued off and on until we reached our destination. After we moved into our apartment, we argued every day until he decided to go back to the Bahamas about 2 weeks after we got married. I didn't know if he would come back or not but he did. We got over that period of adjustment and our marriage is stronger because of it. He like you struggles with not being able to work and is not use to staying at home. We would take drives and walks in the park when I got home from work to help combat depression. He keeps in contact with friends and family in the Bahamas. We would watch ZNS online and listen to various Bahamas stations online as well. We have been married for 2 1/2 years. We still have disagreements and have gone through other types of adjustment but we don't allow them to be more important than our marriage. We are committed to each and our marriage. Don't lose hope.

Hi I realize this is an older post. You seem very knowlegable. Do you recommend a list of some kind to help the beneficiary feel productive while awaiting work. Perhaps basic stuff like - mow the grass, - clean the garage, etc. What helped you guys? My K1 is still in process - just doing some forward thinking/planning. Thanks.

[TBoneTX 45,293]

There are many such threads in this forum. Scroll through and find some that help you.