Thinking to move back to my home country

[toxicatta 10]

This is the 3rd I want to go home home thread I read just this evening.

I was also an immigrant and frankly can not relate to any of it.

Marriage is about commitment not feelings. It is about making a life together.

If cars, jobs, friends and family mean more to you than your husband then do him a favor and move back

and divorce so he can find happiness with someone who makes him a first priority.

It is normal to 'feel' homesick to some degree but this is about being an adult and not summer camp.

I just don't get it.

Well, I do get it. Personally, I think friendship, relationship with one's family and confidence in one's career are just as important as marriage. I don't think it's healthy to completely dedicate yourself to just one person and suppress your feelings about everything else you love. It's perfectly normal to miss your friends and family as well as your favourite job. If you miss all that so much that you become unhappy your marriage may suffer. Happiness cannot grow on just "commitment" alone, feelings matter. If spouses should sacrifice things for each other then maybe in this case OP's husband should be the one sacrificing his life here and move to Indonesia with her? Honestly, you make it sound like her husband is the only one who deserves happiness here...

To OP:

Yes, these feelings are very normal and very common. A lot of immigrants have them at first. But it's totally in your power to build a new life here that might be just as good as your old one. It really is. Sure, it's just not easy to start from scratch, but you are not alone.

You just have to decide what's best for both of you. It's okay to try and fail. It's okay to change your mind, too. But it's not okay to make rash decisions.

Good luck!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

All of your posts have been insensitive and rude. She didn't mention in her post anything about wanting to abandon her marriage or her husband. She didn't mention cars or jobs being worth more to her than her husband is. In fact, you can probably infer from her post that she is thinking about moving back to Indonesia WITH HIM. Being in the US isn't the end-all-be-all to a marriage to a US citizen.

In fact, I can relate to OP. I am currently going through the homesicknesses and missing Canada more than anything. I love my husband very much and he IS my #1 priority in life. I could not imagine my life without him - but that does not mean that I can't miss my home.

It's definitely normal to feel this way, OP. Moving to a new country is always difficult. It may be hard to feel like you "fit in" or it may be difficult to get used to seeing new things and seeing people act in a different manner. It's also very difficult to adjust to a new quality of life (especially if that quality of life is lower!).

My advice would to be sit down with your husband and discuss what you both value most in life and try to determine which country would better suit your values. Or to wait it out and see if your situation will improve. Adjusting takes time

To me the post conveyed that she wants to go back home because she feels it would not be fair to her husband to ask him to

move back with her. Yes, she did mention she misses her old way of life along with car, job, friends and family, not that she

finds more worth in those things and people but moving back without him ( since she said it's not fair to him) but that she

prefers to live her life as she always has in the past.

Of course if the husband agrees to go back to her country it is all a non issue.

The bickering back and forth with what my opinion is steers the thread off topic but I want to clarify how I understood the post.

OP needs to communicate with her husband if she is serious about asking him to go

back with her.

In a marriage it is not just about him or her, it is about compromises on both sides and what's best for the marriage not her only.

[LUAL 43]

Move back, you'll never be happy in the USA.

Hi All,

I believe some of you have experienced the same situations that I am facing here now. I need to figure out how to get out of my feelings and situations.

In my home country, Indonesia, I was running my own company in Recruitment Consultant. My life pretty excellent there, with upper class living situation. I tried to take my husband moved to my country but his job as a Nurse Practitioner is not promising and pay so less there. I can not kill his career and I dont want to have him feel bad about himself, so I decided to move to US with him, considering that it may gonna be easier for me to build my career in US instead of him in Indonesia. Then I sell my Company along with some of my assets and move to US.

So I've been here in the US since Feb '16, green card and driving license already in hand since June '16. Life seems pretty good at the beginning. I keep applying jobs even though still there is no interview or anything good yet. Its been quite sometimes now and I start feeling so low, less confident, and the worst is I start comparing my life in Indonesia and here in the US. I compare everything from living situations, car, job, friends, family. I start missing and love the life I had in Indonesia more than the life I am having in US.

I know my husband been doing the best he can to make the transition as smooth as possible, I dont want to hurt him by saying this but I really dont like the life in the US anymore. I just wanna fly back to Indonesia and back to my old life. I dont feel happy anymore here, everyday is another unhappy life.

Is this some common feeling or situations that most of new immigrants have? if anyone have experiencing similar feeling please let me know how to get through this feeling and feel happy again or help me to decide if maybe moving back to my country is gonna be best decision.

[SAbokkie 3]

People need to be supportive and respectful toward one another. We are all in this journey together. The world has enough problems.

Lets try be positive for one another

[Caykay1 71]

Transitioning has never been easy. Hang in there. Just know one of you will have to make a commitment for this marriage to work. Try looking for Indonesia group or club around where you live or online. Maybe look for a group for the career or business you had. I understand you need to meet people and be able to move around. That will make easy. Don't give up hope. It will all fall in place. It's a little early to give up. Hang in tight.

[Caykay1 71]

I was crying when I was reading your post, as I have been feeling the same way, I have been hear since March, no job, nothing. Have made lots of applications, attended lots of interviews. Still nothing. I think is because we are just at home and not working. Back in UK I have a good job working with TFL (transport for London) now am at home, no work, nothing.

I feel like going back to UK. But also I think about my other half, how he will feel if he also move to UK and doesn't have a job and he feels bad because he is the head of the family and should be providing for us.

Take it easy, u have ur driving licence, I don't. That is one accomplishment. Take it easy, am doing the same with my boy

Hugs. It will get better soon. Hang in tight. I'm still fighting to bring my husband here. You are here already and that's your accomplishment compared to me.

[vanity08 66]

Hugs. It will get better soon. Hang in tight. I'm still fighting to bring my husband here. You are here already and that's your accomplishment compared to me.

Prayers to you ma adamfo, Jehovah will open the door for you very soon, and you guys will be together as a happy family. Will kept you in my prayers. Thank you

[chicha 9]

To PO I just want to share some more beliefs/perspectives that are based on my own experience:

- Even U.S. couples face "two body problems" while one has to accommodate to the other's career location. Partly this is due to the fluidity of labor market and companies moving offices due to tax or other concerns. The only places I know couples tend NOT to have these problems are big cities in Asia where local folks just assume they'll work and live in the same place where they were born and where they are familiar with the opportunities there. They lose on the adventure, novelty, and risk taking part though.

- How bad you can feel at times is NOT equal to how bad things really are at those moments. However feeling down can really hurt one's marriage and job prospects in the long run and making an effort to turn the bad feelings around is really important!

- Transferring/developing employable skills to a new environment and and learning new people skill rules in a new country HAVE to start somewhere, so try to make a starting point (say a less ideal job).

[TBoneTX 45,304]

OP, this idea might be something for you to pursue:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/449151-the-steveandtiff-stupremacy/?p=6471637

You can meet other professionals (Americans) who can help you acclimate yourself to the U.S. business environment, serve as mentors for you, and talk on a professional level with you.

[Marc_us82 49]

I wish you the best of luck and that you're able to think your whole situation through before making a decision.

I empathise with you a lot because I also had a great job as a construction manager for a multinational here in Mexico and I just quit today. When I move with my fiancé I won't even have a car and I will survive through my savings and whatever he provides for me, which I don't know how it will make me feel because I have always being very independent. I know it's gonna be hard to get a job and obviously harder if not impossible getting one with the same range as the one I had, being a foreigner with no experience in US workplaces. But I also know it will be worth it in the long run.

Reading through the forums it's funny how USC usually think of foreigners as helpless people struggling and rushing to get out of our countries and into USA, when many times that's not the case. But I do believe that USA is a land with many opportunities and where you can make whatever you want out of your career.

I would tell you: don't give up. Give it time, oficially you have only had your work permit for 1 month. That's nothing! You need to give it more time. You already made it from scratch once, you will make it again and even better than before because now you know what needs to be done. Lean on your partner, express your fears and doubts to them, I'm sure his love will make you feel how strong you are together because you're a team know. You don't have to go through this alone.

I wish you the best!!!

I'm in so much agreement about the part where the USCs think the US is the absolute best place to be, and no where else can compare. After traveling for years in 63 countries, I can tell you that the Americans who have traveled and the Americans who have never left the US soil are two completely different animals. Obviously the latter are the ignorant ones which we can all term 'the ugly Americans', aka the uneducated redneck trump supporters. Every time someone says 'if you don't like it here then go back', my blood starts to boil. Who do these people think they are?

Alright rant over. Point is, OP, life is indeed better outside of the US. My husband and I were just discussing about moving to South America and/or Asia in the near future. With his US salary and the low cost of living in developing countries, the sky is the limit.

Do whatever is best for you and make you both happy. I absolutely love Indonesia and I can see myself living in one of that pristine islands. Life is too short to be in a place that makes you miserable. If he loves you enough, he will move with you.

[chicha 9]

Sometimes, the decision to move to one partner's hometown versus the other may seem rash and based on instinctive feelings but instincts may beat thousand hours of analysis? Grass is greener in the alternative case.

[Caykay1 71]

Prayers to you ma adamfo, Jehovah will open the door for you very soon, and you guys will be together as a happy family. Will kept you in my prayers. Thank you

thank you very much. We all need prayers in one way or the other. Good luck with your transitioning.

[usmsbow 801]

I think you're being a little impatient. You received your work authorization a month ago. It takes time to find a job. I'm guessing you're being selective in the jobs you've been applying for. Or perhaps not strategic? And how is the job market where you live? And have you had an American review/edit your resume? That helped my wife a ton.

My own wife's experience (from last year): it took her just over a month to get a job, but it was through a temp agency. She, too, applied for jobs but never got contacted for an interview. I think she was most upset about Target and the like not contacting her. If THEY wouldn't even consider her, who would?? (No offense to any of you who work in Target).

Anyway, her first temp gig was a resounding success, and they offered her a full time job, but thanks to yours truly, we moved across the country about 6 weeks after she started that job. Yes, my poor wife had to move to one city in the USA (her first time outside Asia), then a completely different city in the US in less than a year. Talk about having to make lots of adjustments!

Thankfully the Bay Area's economy is doing very, very well and she got another temp job in about 10 days after we arrived here. While doing temp work, she also was looking for permanent work. Unlike when we were in DC, she was getting interviews and eventually landed a job as a company office manager/bookkeeper. I think it took her about 5 months to find something permanent.

Summary advice: 1. Try to be patient. 2. Make sure your resume and application is a format Americans are accustomed to. 3. The job market could be the reason for your difficulty, and not because of you specifically.

Edited July 23, 2016 by usmsbow

[pinaypilot 3]

I'd say this is exactly how I felt when I started my first job here. I've been on your shoes, though I did not own the company, I worked for an international firm reporting directly to GM and VP in my past two jobs. I've had a driver, assistant, and department heads at my disposal. It is so easy to miss this kind of life while you're living in a country where you need to get your hands dirty before earning couple of bucks. Every time I have these kind thoughts, I keep going back to the main reason why I moved here which is to be with my husband who's job is based here. So I guess, just think about the main reason why you moved here in the very first place when thoughts of easy life "back home" starts to visit you.

Also don't compare life situations because you will always miss your family, friends, parties thrown at the most exclusive clubs. Think about the things that you should be thankful for. In short, always count your blessings.

Worst case scenario, try to weigh in your happiness vs challenges while staying here in the USA. Make a list of all the things that makes you miss home and try to find a solution to that problem. Maybe find a hobby or new sets of friends. If this doesn't work, maybe start a conversation with your husband about moving back home, since you've at least tried living in his home country and it doesn't work for you.

Hi All,

I believe some of you have experienced the same situations that I am facing here now. I need to figure out how to get out of my feelings and situations.

In my home country, Indonesia, I was running my own company in Recruitment Consultant. My life pretty excellent there, with upper class living situation. I tried to take my husband moved to my country but his job as a Nurse Practitioner is not promising and pay so less there. I can not kill his career and I dont want to have him feel bad about himself, so I decided to move to US with him, considering that it may gonna be easier for me to build my career in US instead of him in Indonesia. Then I sell my Company along with some of my assets and move to US.

So I've been here in the US since Feb '16, green card and driving license already in hand since June '16. Life seems pretty good at the beginning. I keep applying jobs even though still there is no interview or anything good yet. Its been quite sometimes now and I start feeling so low, less confident, and the worst is I start comparing my life in Indonesia and here in the US. I compare everything from living situations, car, job, friends, family. I start missing and love the life I had in Indonesia more than the life I am having in US.

I know my husband been doing the best he can to make the transition as smooth as possible, I dont want to hurt him by saying this but I really dont like the life in the US anymore. I just wanna fly back to Indonesia and back to my old life. I dont feel happy anymore here, everyday is another unhappy life.

Is this some common feeling or situations that most of new immigrants have? if anyone have experiencing similar feeling please let me know how to get through this feeling and feel happy again or help me to decide if maybe moving back to my country is gonna be best decision.

[TBoneTX 45,304]

The OP hasn't logged on to VisaJourney for about 3 weeks.