please help ...

[desperate112 3]

hi all

if any one can help i would appreciate

first of all i love my wife ... but we can not work it out .. our life together is ending because of family issues .. her mum keeps insulting me all the time i am tired of humiliation and now she is destroying our life .. i have been here 9 months ago .. my wife did every thing for me and she is the best wife and mom for our child ever but when it comes to her mum life stops and every thing can be destroyed in a second .. of course i am not the best person but interfering in my life all the time made me a strange person . i hate living here because of her .

we are living in the same home and my wife refuses to move as her mom has heart issues

we have 1 kid and waiting for the second ; all the time humiliation and treating me like and now she is threatening me of deportation .. she wants a divorce and told me weather to live with my rules or to leave where you came from .. it's 8 months now and my residency is still conditional .

i am sure soon it will end with divorce but i dont want to destroy my kids lifes because of her and no one could stop her as she controls every one even my wife and i am not used to live such a life .. and i am sure tonight as usual my wife will ask for divorce and she will do every thing to make it happen .. i cant handle it any more . and i know if i left this country i will lose my kids like forever .

when she was threatening me today i told her you can't do any thing and i will not leave . i am dying .. i have never been insulted or threatened before in my whole life .. all i needed is some privacy in my life but couldn't get it . my future is dark now and i am losing my life , my kids and my wife. it's impossible to continue but i don't know what to do ...

please help

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Do you have your 2 year gc?

[desperate112 3]

Do you have your 2 year gc?

yes i do ..

[Transborderwife 4,666]

yes i do ..

Divorce. Keep all proof of a valid marriage like bank statements, joint insurance, rent receipts etc. Anything that will help. You can remove conditions with a divorce waiver

[Cheezees 1,514]

Gather all your ROC evidence, divorce, and file with a waiver.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please know that she cannot deport you. Again, if I had a penny for every US citizen spouse who claimed this nonsense!

[NikLR 13,227]

Have you tried asking your wife if she would move out with you. You don't have to go far but someplace where you guys can be a family and happy together?

[desperate112 3]

Have you tried asking your wife if she would move out with you. You don't have to go far but someplace where you guys can be a family and happy together?

i tried but she would not leave ... and her mom would not let this happen

[NikLR 13,227]

Thats sad. Im sorry.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

Is your wife only asking for divorce because her mother wants her to divorce you, or does she actually want to divorce you?


While I do hate to say it, when you live with someone that is the primary resident per se, it is a case of my house my rules, but your wife needs to pick between her new family that she created with you and your mother. She has a husband, a child, and another on the way that she needs to focus on.

I'm not saying that she has to bail on her mom 100%, but there has to be options. Living close by, finding the mom a nurse to take care of her, etc.


At the same time though, there are simply people who will do this. There are people who become so engorged with the idea of taking care of their parents for some reason ("they took care of me", "they did so much for me", "I owe them") that they forget to take care of the children they created, with the husband or wife they created them with. When their kids grow up, they won't be as apt to take care of their parents because they weren't focused on so much themselves.


Does your wife actually have divorce papers or does she just keep saying she wants a divorce?

Tbqh, the household relationship that's going on doesn't sound good for the kids or you.

Does your wife have a job, or does she only take care of her mother? Does your wife have a financial plan to take care of two kids and an ill mother?



I agree with the above posting though, gather your evidence for ROC, divorce, and file a waiver. Sometimes people will say they want certain things because they're being pressured too until the thing happens. Gather your ROC evidence, move out and see if she's willing to work it out with you in another home, if not, divorce and file a waiver.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Good advice from Ash.1101.

Go to the ROC guide to look over the list of what you may need to get together for removing conditions with a divorce waiver.
Keep your temper in check and try to convince her in a gentle way to move and tell her you love her and want to be with her forever.
The nurse idea is very practical and not moving too far so she can be close to her mom is not the ideal situation but

better than what you have now.
If she continues to choose her mother over you then move out, get a place and see if she will follow, if not then divorce.
But take the first step and rent an apartment close by and take charge of your life. She or her mother can not deport you so stop

worrying about that and put your energy towards a good income to be able to have your apartment and place for your kids to visit.
You are the one who is responsible to take action to better your way of life, stop waiting on her, just do it. Move out.
If she refuses to let you see your kids then get a lawyer for visitation rights.

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

Before divorce, try counseling. If your wife hears from a neutral 3rd party (the counselor) that her mother is being controlling and manipulative and that it's costing her not only her marriage but also a partner in raising her children, it might get her to re-think divorce and also re-think her obligation to live with her mother.

Good luck!

[desperate112 3]

Is your wife only asking for divorce because her mother wants her to divorce you, or does she actually want to divorce you?

While I do hate to say it, when you live with someone that is the primary resident per se, it is a case of my house my rules, but your wife needs to pick between her new family that she created with you and your mother. She has a husband, a child, and another on the way that she needs to focus on.

I'm not saying that she has to bail on her mom 100%, but there has to be options. Living close by, finding the mom a nurse to take care of her, etc.

At the same time though, there are simply people who will do this. There are people who become so engorged with the idea of taking care of their parents for some reason ("they took care of me", "they did so much for me", "I owe them") that they forget to take care of the children they created, with the husband or wife they created them with. When their kids grow up, they won't be as apt to take care of their parents because they weren't focused on so much themselves.

Does your wife actually have divorce papers or does she just keep saying she wants a divorce?

Tbqh, the household relationship that's going on doesn't sound good for the kids or you.

Does your wife have a job, or does she only take care of her mother? Does your wife have a financial plan to take care of two kids and an ill mother?

I agree with the above posting though, gather your evidence for ROC, divorce, and file a waiver. Sometimes people will say they want certain things because they're being pressured too until the thing happens. Gather your ROC evidence, move out and see if she's willing to work it out with you in another home, if not, divorce and file a waiver.

it's not about nurse sir ,

it's all about taking care of every thing .

my wife does every thing in home as my mum in low can't speak english very well and she takes care of all home details

my wife works and i don't ask for financial support from her as i am working and it's all about my family so i pay our bills and rent which all goes to her mum

i tired every thing but when it comes to her mum life stops

she asked for divorce several times just saying or to tell her mum i am in your side .

i am sure one day it will not be just saying and it will be an action however i have more than enough to accept such a decision . our life turned into fights as feelings and love disappeared and problems remained and i could not handle it .

i tried to make things work but her mum keeps insulting me like she is enjoying doing so .

i just don't wanna lose my kids and the same time i can't live such a life . the last time i was at my doctor he told me that i am living in a deep depression and i need to talk . and this is the first time i talk to some one and only to take advise

i am losing my health every single day . i did not eat 3 days ago except morning coffee and bagle to survive .. i meant it when i told you i am dying ....

[NikLR 13,227]

Then you should leave. Just because you get a divorce doesn't mean you can't be very involved in your children's lives.

[kkk1 42]

it's not about nurse sir ,

it's all about taking care of every thing .

my wife does every thing in home as my mum in low can't speak english very well and she takes care of all home details

my wife works and i don't ask for financial support from her as i am working and it's all about my family so i pay our bills and rent which all goes to her mum

i tired every thing but when it comes to her mum life stops

she asked for divorce several times just saying or to tell her mum i am in your side .

i am sure one day it will not be just saying and it will be an action however i have more than enough to accept such a decision . our life turned into fights as feelings and love disappeared and problems remained and i could not handle it .

i tried to make things work but her mum keeps insulting me like she is enjoying doing so .

i just don't wanna lose my kids and the same time i can't live such a life . the last time i was at my doctor he told me that i am living in a deep depression and i need to talk . and this is the first time i talk to some one and only to take advise

i am losing my health every single day . i did not eat 3 days ago except morning coffee and bagle to survive .. i meant it when i told you i am dying ....

I am sorry to know your situation. I am not the expert but I do have experience from the past. Yes it is painful when we dreamed a life with someone and see it is falling apart. I do understand that your kid is also your main concern; but lets talk rationally, if you marry someone then that person has to give you importance, respect and put you on priority. To save this marriage your wife must feel the same as you are feeling. Ask her if you can go to conselling with her or your friend or her friend can explain and shade some light on this.

The reason you are depress is because of the situation you are in. For your piece of mind you can't live there and dont even try to live in such atmosphere. She has to choose to live in different roof with you, probably somewhere close to her mom but not under one roof.

I hope things get better for you and your wife understand the things.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You have 2 choices, allow others to oppress and minimize you into a victim role, frustrated and depressed, OR

choose to take charge of your own life and make it what you want it to be. Life is not always perfect but we can pick ourselves

up and create a new way of life without those who hold us down.
The good news is we don't have to live as others want us to and that includes your wife and mother in law.
That takes courage and action.
I hope you will learn how to do this with the help of a counselor to guide you step by step.
You are not dying and your life is not over.
You are going through a rough spot in life and there is more out there for you, the thing is YOU have to make a choice

in staying or leaving. You received good advice and I hope you will consider it and do it.