Freaking out (again)

[Sukie 1,459]

Marienne,

Your fears are normal and they are real. But they are not silly or stupid or out-of-line. Change - especially this kind of MAJOR change - is drop-dead scary. And you have lots of reasons (children, husband, in-laws, job) to have those fears.

Folks, remember, when someone makes themselves vulnerable enough to say they are scared, they don't want advice telling them they SHOULD have done this, or their in-laws are terrible, or implying that something is wrong with their situation. Please stop criticizing and start empathizing!

They just want assurance that they'll be OK. And, as one fabulous poster said above, Marienne, you've already accomplished so much with the way you've been dogging this visa stuff. I would hire you just based on your tenacity!

Best of luck. I believe in you - and I believe you will be OK. Not without some lumps and bumps, but you will be OK!

Sukie in NY

[Caykay1 71]

First of all, it isn't up to you to be the sole support of the family because your husband hasn't worked in 15 years. It is sad that they are putting that pressure on you. Not sure why he would be unemployable. He can always apply with temp agencies and get some other kind of work. Who is sponsoring you? What is your teaching degree in? Is it high school, elementary, or what? Probably you can take some courses at college and take the Michigan Test for Teacher Certification, but it will take a little time to do that. In the meantime, you probably can work as an aide or possibly as a substitute teacher or even as a tutor. Do you speak any other languages besides Greek and English? Where are you moving to in Michigan?

Husband doesn't work and I believe she said she's coming with 3 kids so college is out the window. She needs something I mean anything that can bring in legal income as soon as possible. It's sad she has to travel with such burden.

[Caykay1 71]

Sponsors are my in laws.

I used to speak French and Italian but haven't used them in 20 years!

I have also worked as a translator ans interpreter.

I have several computer certifications including but not limited to Web Design and Photoshop.

I also do freelance professional photography (mostly weddings, kids and pregnancy photos).

I am a kindergarten teacher but most often than not I get preschool.

I am also qualified (in Greece at least ) to teach English and I have 19 years experience from children to adults.

I do have skills just not a super strong degree at least according to American standards.

We are moving to Grand Rapids.

I don't know why my husband would be so hard to employ. His.mother keeps saying that.

I do see some great skills. Just get here and then you take things from there. For example computer certification should be very good if you can apply great skills. Wishing you good luck.

Seems like if you don't find a job, you can start a photography business or even do something with one of your many qualifications.

Your in- laws should pass that advice on to their son. smh.

But even though it sounds scary, if their son is a bum (sorry my harsh words), then you might end up facing these "fears" you are having now.

Talk to your partner about what he is doing to find a job. You don't wanna be a slave for someone who claims to be "unemployable". Even ex-convicts find jobs.

Stay calm and get here first. Anything certification you have back might be useful here so bring any of those that you have there.

You have more skills than lots of people.

It is not your responsibility to take care of their family or even your husband especially when he is capable.

Just get here.. You will be fine...Be safe!

Same thing I'm thinking. Why don't they put that pressure on the one who has been in this country and not worked for 15 years. So annoying.

[Marrienne 112]

Guys and gals,
I have read everything you wrote and I thank you!!
I will write more later, I am trying to pack!! Lol

[NikLR 13,227]

Enjoy!

[Michael and Ganna 104]

I might be able to help....If your husband gets his Michigan DL, I know someone that will give him a tool route.....kinda like snap-on....also I have a few friends that may help you...I will talk to them

[Ulrica&Jesse 39]

Hey VJers,

I am 2 weeks away from flying out to the US and I very ambivalent about it.

The reason is my mother in law has been pushy to a great degree about me getting a job there to feed my family.

They have been amazing and I do mean AMAZING in helping us out but I am afraid I will let them down if I don't get a super job right away.

Nobody understands my feelings. They are all starry eyed about the US thinking gold flows in the streets. They have no idea at what a bottom level an Immigrant starts from. I have a teaching degreet which I come to find out might not meet the American standards so I might not be able to teach. (I don't mind being an aide though )

I am suddenly very scared of being in a foreign country with 3 small kids and no job. My husband hasn't worked in 15 years and his parents keep telling me how this is really bad in the US and how this makes him hard to employ and how I must be the one to tackle this issue.

I can't even drive in th US. Even my driver's licence is useless!

Nobody understands here!! All they see is the pretty house waiting for us. They don't realize that said "pretty house" has bills and taxes and maintenance etc.

There is no such thing as a freebie!!

I am terrified of failing there and having nowhere to go.

My husband and I have a strong marriage but I fear this might put a strain on our relationship.

Please wish me luck in finding a job!! We are going to a "good" area with 4% unemployment rate.

Share your stories with me please especially if you were scared too!!

Dear Marrienne, first of all congratulations on getting your visa and good luck!!! Just wondering if you were able to find day care for your kids already and how did you guys found home over there? Did you use online real estate websites to rent something? I would appreciate a little info on how you managed those things

[Marrienne 112]

I might be able to help....If your husband gets his Michigan DL, I know someone that will give him a tool route.....kinda like snap-on....also I have a few friends that may help you...I will talk to them

Thank you!!!! He has a DL

[NuZayetsPogodi 117]

OP, send me a PM! Whether or not you're religious, I HIGHLY encourage you to get involved with the Greek American community (via the Greek Orthodox Church) in Grand Rapids, MI. I don't want to put a lot of personal details on here, but I'd be happy to help. It may be quite difficult in the beginning, but you will be just fine!

[NikLR 13,227]

Im sure you two will be just fine

[Marrienne 112]

Dear Marrienne, first of all congratulations on getting your visa and good luck!!! Just wondering if you were able to find day care for your kids already and how did you guys found home over there? Did you use online real estate websites to rent something? I would appreciate a little info on how you managed those things

Thank you!

Well, originally I was looking in places like Apartments.com for an apartment but guess what? There is a law in MI that prohibits 5 people living in a two bedroom apartment. Nobody would rent us one!! And we couldn't afford a 3 bedroom one.

So our in laws went ahead and bought a house for us (not a new or big one but a house nevertheless!). They figured the real estate market in GR MI is fantastic so if it didn't work out, they could easily sell it again.

As for daycare, I asked around and my sister in law who has 3 kids, recommended a in home daycare she used and swore by, so we contacted the owner and arranged that

[Spmaria 11]

I know it's hard and I really don't understand why your husband and in-laws and pressuring you. But. You'll be fine. I know I might sound not too encouraging right now, I just wanna give you advice from another perspective.

Your husband is a home maker, right? He might stay in with kids for now because day cares are very expensive. I believe you can drive with your international lisence for a month or so, try to get a US one during that time. Also try to transfer your credits and diploma to a local community college. I'd call them NOW and ask what they need. Because to transfer and evaluate your diploma you will need lots of papers from your old educational institution. Collect them NOW while you are still in Greece, so you won't have to save money to go back home for every little thing (I had to). You have skills in web design, you said. And photography. Make pictures of your kids, neighbors, locals in beautiful locations, make your own web site and open a little side business. Go to church and promote it there (because online ads are expensive). Do whatever you can to survive. If this situation with your husband and in-laws will keep coming back and getting to you, you might want to break it off. You need to be ready, be strong, independent and be able to support 3 kids on your own if something goes wrong and you left alone in foreign country. Do as much as you can while you have someone babysitting kids (like your husband).

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh. I didn't like it when I got that advice years ago. I didn't wanna think about anything bad happening to us. Now I get it. I mean we are still going strong and do everything together. But I have 2 toddlers now, I'm a housewife and no one can help me with kids (I cannot make enough money to cover a day care - it's $1100-1300 per child in our area). I feel so bad I didn't do everything I could while being a housewife BEFORE having kids. Now my options are limited but I'm trying to secure my future and following every available option to do so - college, languages, meeting professionals on LinkedIn, going to different training.

Good luck.

[RodDetroit 118]

it will be different once you get here. Come with as much savings as you can . Starting in a new country is not easy nor cheap. the 2 of you will need a car that can last at least 2 winters. Gran Rapids get a lot of snow because of the lake effect. Getting a job in Michigan is not hard, the rate of unemployment is about 6% or 7%, getting a high paid job is a different story. you will need to get health insurance, which it may cost between $500 and $800 a month for a family of 5. If your annual income is too low your husband may apply for EBT (food stamps ) to help to cover the food expenses along with Obama care, this is not automatic, your husband will have to submit the request and your case will be studied, this help is only temporary to get you on your feet. Are your children US citizen too?

[Soup Dragon 104]

OP, if you don't mind my asking, why is your DL useless and you cannot drive in the USA?

[jjbandero 39]

First of all, congratulations on getting through the painful paperwork process!

While I did not come to the US under the same circumstances as you (I had a work visa), I do understand the anxiety associated with the unknown and unfamiliar. I arrived in the country by myself with two suitcases and only knew the three people who interviewed me for the job. I can say that everything was not as difficult as I thought they would be, but there are things that still surprises me after more than 10 years, the key for me was to acknowledge what I didn't know and find someone who knew what they were doing and ask for advice.

My personal opinion on your in-laws pressuring you to support your family is that while they are family, your nuclear family comes first and their opinion matters more. For example, how does your husband feel about you being stressed and looking for work? Does he think he should work immediately too? What plans has he put in motion? Will your kids need more time to adjust? what if they need to be close to one or both of you during this period of transition? I think you should have an in depth conversation about how each of you feel about the plans or formulate a plan and a backup plan if you don't already have something in place. Perhaps include your children too, if they are old enough to express their opinions. Have you tried budgeting already? Do you know how long you can go without having a job? The key is really making sure that the two of you are on the same page, and if possible for him to be the buffer between you and your in-laws, pushing you harder will not help you get a job (it will only add more stress), helping you research, build a network of assistance would be more useful.

Best of luck!

Hey VJers,

I am 2 weeks away from flying out to the US and I very ambivalent about it.
The reason is my mother in law has been pushy to a great degree about me getting a job there to feed my family.

They have been amazing and I do mean AMAZING in helping us out but I am afraid I will let them down if I don't get a super job right away.

Nobody understands my feelings. They are all starry eyed about the US thinking gold flows in the streets. They have no idea at what a bottom level an Immigrant starts from. I have a teaching degreet which I come to find out might not meet the American standards so I might not be able to teach. (I don't mind being an aide though )

I am suddenly very scared of being in a foreign country with 3 small kids and no job. My husband hasn't worked in 15 years and his parents keep telling me how this is really bad in the US and how this makes him hard to employ and how I must be the one to tackle this issue.

I can't even drive in th US. Even my driver's licence is useless!
Nobody understands here!! All they see is the pretty house waiting for us. They don't realize that said "pretty house" has bills and taxes and maintenance etc.
There is no such thing as a freebie!!

I am terrified of failing there and having nowhere to go.
My husband and I have a strong marriage but I fear this might put a strain on our relationship.

Please wish me luck in finding a job!! We are going to a "good" area with 4% unemployment rate.

Share your stories with me please especially if you were scared too!!