How can I get my fiance to understand.....

[JC&BB 33]

why can't you just flat out tell him that you have never been married? Am I missing something?

I did, and he went on to say how can I if I had my daughter..

[LionessDeon 2,060]

it is not about being smart but educated. Who knows, he may even believe in black magic, voodoo and these other made up non sense things .

True but surely he doesn't think the stork delivers a baby.

[Tommal 28]

Hey, Do you have an extra bed room for him in your house? I am sure he will refuse to sleep in your bed room until you guys get married

[JC&BB 33]

True but surely he doesn't think the stork delivers a baby.

I know, well I will just going to keep enforcing that I was never married, and never had a husband... Just had a child with a boyfriend who I was with for 5 years.

[andy78 178]

As you know, in some places having a baby without being married is a taboo. He probably already told everyone (such as his family) that he is about to marry a woman who has a child from a prior marriage, because he would be ashamed to tell them otherwise. He might even be ashamed to admit in front of the embassy interviewer that he is marrying someone with who has a child, and who was never married before. He could be in denial because this is such a taboo in his "culture".

As someone else suggested, you have much bigger issues than having to worry about the interview. Men like him (and their families) do not, under normal circumstances, agree to marry a woman who has had premarital sex or children without being married. It would be a big scandal for them and their families if they did. Which is why I would have to question why he wants to marry you.

[JC&BB 33]

Hey, Do you have an extra bed room for him in your house? I am sure he will refuse to sleep in your bed room until you guys get married

ummmm, while I was there we slept in the same bed so he couldn't possible refuse once he comes here

[Bzegurl 41]

I'm sorry to say but this sounds like a hot mess waiting to happen. He will have a hard time in the US adjusting to culture which may create problems in your marriage.

Good luck us all I gotta say. Everyone else advice is accurate.

[Tommal 28]

Then you explain him. "I spent 5years with my ex bf like I did with you. Then baby came" If he still dosn't understand ask him to Google the definition of "living together"

ummmm, while I was there we slept in the same bed so he couldn't possible refuse once he comes here

[JC&BB 33]

As you know, in some places having a baby without being married is a taboo. He probably already told everyone (such as his family) that he is about to marry a woman who has a child from a prior marriage, because he would be ashamed to tell them otherwise. He might even be ashamed to admit in front of the embassy interviewer that he is marrying someone with who has a child, and who was never married before. He could be in denial because this is such a taboo in his "culture".

As someone else suggested, you have much bigger issues than having to worry about the interview. Men like him (and their families) do not, under normal circumstances, agree to marry a woman who has had premarital sex or children without being married. It would be a big scandal for them and their families if they did. Which is why I would have to question why he wants to marry you.

He isn't a virgin! So he can't say anything. It was all based off of a misunderstanding that I wasn't clear on. Please don't think he's doing anything wrong... Women there have children out of wedlock, it's just bring shame to the family. But again I am in a different country so he didn't understand that it's different.....

[LionessDeon 2,060]

As you know, in some places having a baby without being married is a taboo. He probably already told everyone (such as his family) that he is about to marry a woman who has a child from a prior marriage, because he would be ashamed to tell them otherwise. He might even be ashamed to admit in front of the embassy interviewer that he is marrying someone with who has a child, and who was never married before. He could be in denial because this is such a taboo in his "culture".

As someone else suggested, you have much bigger issues than having to worry about the interview. Men like him (and their families) do not, under normal circumstances, agree to marry a woman who has had premarital sex or children without being married. It would be a big scandal for them and their families if they did. Which is why I would have to question why he wants to marry you.

I suggested this in one of my prior responses and OP is assured it is not an issue of purity/virtue or child out of wedlock. I tend to believe it is but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. At any rate, something bigger is going on here. I hope they can resolve it and have a successful interview.

[JC&BB 33]

I'm sorry to say but this sounds like a hot mess waiting to happen. He will have a hard time in the US adjusting to culture which may create problems in your marriage.

Good luck us all I gotta say. Everyone else advice is accurate.

anyone coming here will have s shock because life isn't the same here and anywhere else in the world.... I believe a lot are taking what I'm saying out of context.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

He isn't a virgin! So he can't say anything. It was all based off of a misunderstanding that I wasn't clear on. Please don't think he's doing anything wrong... Women there have children out of wedlock, it's just bring shame to the family. But again I am in a different country so he didn't understand that it's different.....

So it is an issue of virtue and shame not that he can't comprehend.

My original adivce remains. Let him know it is the American embassy that is interviewing and it is not unusual in American culture to have a child while unmarried. He can just be honest without worry of shame. Good Luck!

Edited July 5, 2016 by LionessDeon

[JC&BB 33]

So it is an issue of virtue and shame not that he can't comprehend.

no, it's because I never said I wasn't married and when I did I don't think he understood me. but nevertheless I could careless what his culture says about having children out of wedlock... They're having sex before marriage so they can't point a finger at anyone... SIN is SIN and passing judgment is SIN... He would isn't with sin can judge.....

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

In many cultures sin is only sin with tangible proof, a living breathing child is proof if out of wedlock child birth is taboo

[LionessDeon 2,060]

OP you're taking this too personal. No one is pointing a finger at you. Obviously, least of all your fiance. Other countries have different beliefs, customs, and traditions. No one is wrong its just different. There are going to many times in your life as husband and wife when these differences may come up. You both have to do the best you can to educate yourself and work toward a compromise and understanding.

We were all just trying to help you come to a resolution to get a successful interview. I believe your title was "How can I get my fiance to understand"....

Now I believe you have your answers and can move forward!

Edited July 5, 2016 by LionessDeon