How can I get my fiance to understand.....

[JC&BB 33]

So my fiancé is from a country that doesn't really believe in having children without being married...... Since I have a child (never married) he still thinks that since I had her that meant I was married.... He keeps saying that YES I was married, and had a husband... I've tried to explain things to him, but I don't think he's understanding me still. how can I explain to him that having a child does not constitute a marriage? I don't want him going to his interview and answering this question wrong... Because of him thinking this he will be denied the visa because of him thinking how things are there and not the truth of what's going on... I love this man with all my heart, and I don't want to lose him over a misunderstanding.

[Greenbaum 12,259]

There is no fast rule or answer to your question. Continuing talking about the subject is probably your only answer. Sometimes facts can turn a "non believer" to your point. Maybe a document or such would do. Your right, you need him on the same page as you during the interview.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I would tell him this is an American embassy and if you say that they will think something else that is wrong and deny you. " I was never married."

If you have repeatedly tried to explain that American culture can be very different on that topic, maybe you can enlist some of your mutual friends to help. Possibly some of your mutual friends and church members could help explain it in a way he could better understand.

[RodDetroit 118]

Jennifer.

I dont know the story behind this and neither the Ethiopian culture, the fact that he believes you can only have children being married sounds like he may have many many issues in the US.

[JC&BB 33]

Jennifer.

I dont know the story behind this and neither the Ethiopian culture, the fact that he believes you can only have children being married sounds like he may have many many issues in the US.

well the Ethiopian culture doesn't believe in sex before marriage (if they are having sex they aren't getting pregnant)... the little rural area he lives in is big on not having sex until you're married... I've explained this to him as best as I could and all he said was how did she come about if I wasn't married

There is no fast rule or answer to your question. Continuing talking about the subject is probably your only answer. Sometimes facts can turn a "non believer" to your point. Maybe a document or such would do. Your right, you need him on the same page as you during the interview.

Someone else on here had the same issue where her fiancé was denied due to him saying yes she was married since she had a child from a previous relationship. I did say to him that culturally he thinks that but that doesn't mean marriage just because you have a child... he hasn't said anything back to me, just asked how I was doing.

[JC&BB 33]

I would tell him this is an American embassy and if you say that they will think something else that is wrong and deny you. " I was never married."

If you have repeatedly tried to explain that American culture can be very different on that topic, maybe you can enlist some of your mutual friends to help. Possibly some of your mutual friends and church members could help explain it in a way he could better understand.

I have done that, and we all have just told him that if asked if I was married just say NO! if asked why I divorced just say. I was NEVER married.... but he hasn't said anything to us yet, I waiting to hear from him now. I pray it works because as of now he will be denied the visa

[Merrytooth 5,748]

You have more issues than just "doesn't really believe in having children without being married" and to pass the visa interview.

So is he really ok with you having a child outside marriage?

Have you even discuss with him being a step-parent to your daughter?

[Penguin_ie 5,993]

Maybe explain it in the context of popular US culture? Has he ever seen any Hollywood movies or US TV series? Heard of famous Americans who had kids and were not married?

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I think he's smart enough to realize a child can be conceived outside of marriage. Maybe he just doesn't want to admit to himself that his soon to be wife went outside his religious cultural beliefs. Maybe its more of issue of purity/virtuous thing. (no judgment at all! I had my first child out of wedlock) I'm just saying from his point of view, since he keeps changing the subject to random topics.

[RodDetroit 118]

I think he's smart enough to realize a child can be conceived outside of marriage. Maybe he just doesn't want to admit to himself that his soon to be wife went outside his religious cultural beliefs. Maybe its more of issue of purity/virtuous thing. (no judgment at all! I had my first child out of wedlock) I'm just saying from his point of view, since he keeps changing the subject to random topics.

it is not about being smart but educated. Who knows, he may even believe in black magic, voodoo and these other made up non sense things .

[JC&BB 33]

You have more issues than just "doesn't really believe in having children without being married" and to pass the visa interview.

So is he really ok with you having a child outside marriage?

Have you even discuss with him being a step-parent to your daughter?

he is okay with all of that, he just thought since I had her we were married... I mean I told him I wasn't married, but their was a misunderstanding and I believe he thought I was divorced because I told him why we weren't together anymore... He doesn't mind being a father figure to her, he doesn't want the title of being her step dad because he's going to treat her just as his own child.

[Unlockable 7,314]

I think there are some more conversations about American culture that needs to be had. You don't want him to experience culture shock when he gets here.

I hope it works out for you.

[JC&BB 33]

it is not about being smart but educated. Who knows, he may even believe in black magic, voodoo and these other made up non sense things .

he changes the subject because when I get upset I can be rude in how I say things..... He's no virgin so he can't pass judgment, but since I never clarified I was never married I think that's why he thinks this..... it has nothing to do with me having a child out of wedlock.

[JC&BB 33]

I think there are some more conversations about American culture that needs to be had. You don't want him to experience culture shock when he gets here.

I hope it works out for you.

I think you're right we need to have more conversations about how things can be done over here.

[Cathi 5,748]

why can't you just flat out tell him that you have never been married? Am I missing something?