Divorce

[AlexandraDiana 4]

Hi, I have a few worries in regards to my husband's intention to end our marriage, he is been threatening me he will file and taking our child away from me.

I have the 2 year GC so I know there are risks if we get divorced.

To be honest, he has real drinking problems and he doesn't always seem to be responsible for our baby, I am scared he might pass out and not be able to watch her.

I am wondering if somebody could help me with an explanation of what can happen, what could be done if we end up getting a divorce, I definitely don't want to lose my baby.

He's income situation is not good, he doesn't pay taxes, has debt and doesn't seem he will ever plan to deal with any of those issues.

I am reading about this subject everywhere but I still confuse d with what the proceedings are.

Thank you,I appreciate our answers.

I hope you all had a beautiful 4th of July.

[TBoneTX 45,394]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

He (or she) who files for divorce FIRST essentially controls what happens afterwards.

If this marriage can't be repaired (and it sounds like his flaws and actions are not correctable), I suggest that you act rapidly and be the first to file. If money is a concern, contact Catholic Charities in your area for assistance.

[AlexandraDiana 4]

I really want my marriage to work, I didn't marry him to divorce later, I don't look at my life as I am an immigrant and he is the US Citizen, I care about having my family together and I'm shocked he's being so rude...I feel he has bipolar depression like he's late brother, I don't know anymore what to think.

From physical to verbs abuse, to passing out while watching our baby, all these happened and he promised to not let it happen but most of us know what those words mean actually, I'm not that naive.

He says he doesn't like me anymore and all other offenses.

He does have a 3 year old with somebody else, we "share custody" but the boy is not on his name, she was 17 when she got pregnant and the authorities don't know who the actual dad is.

We live in Wisconsin and I believe the law says we have to wait 6 months after we file for divorce until is all complete...

Why does the person who files has control? I want to have the family together and I can't have control over anything if he files?

By the way, I just got home and acts like nothing happens...

Irony of life: I have a social work degree, imagine that!

[TBoneTX 45,394]

physical to verbs abuse

passing out while watching our baby

he promised to not let it happen but [...] I'm not that naive.

he doesn't like me anymore

all other offenses

acts like nothing happens

You've said it all yourself. Don't you deserve better?

Passing out while watching the baby is 100% inexcusable unless it's one RANDOM time.

Even ONE instance of physical abuse should mean that the relationship is immediately and permanently over.

By filing first, YOU establish the criteria by which he must abide.

Edited July 5, 2016 by TBoneTX

[WiscoRussia 1]

I really want my marriage to work, I didn't marry him to divorce later, I don't look at my life as I am an immigrant and he is the US Citizen, I care about having my family together and I'm shocked he's being so rude...I feel he has bipolar depression like he's late brother, I don't know anymore what to think.

From physical to verbs abuse, to passing out while watching our baby, all these happened and he promised to not let it happen but most of us know what those words mean actually, I'm not that naive.

He says he doesn't like me anymore and all other offenses.

He does have a 3 year old with somebody else, we "share custody" but the boy is not on his name, she was 17 when she got pregnant and the authorities don't know who the actual dad is.

We live in Wisconsin and I believe the law says we have to wait 6 months after we file for divorce until is all complete...

Why does the person who files has control? I want to have the family together and I can't have control over anything if he files?

By the way, I just got home and acts like nothing happens...

Irony of life: I have a social work degree, imagine that!

I'm from Wisconsin, about 3 hours from you. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Have you been recording what has been happening? Next time he physically or verbally abuses you, you need to call the police. Does he allow you to have a cell phone? If you are able to get proof of him doing anything to you; you can get divorced and file for a removal of conditions, so you do not need to rely on him, and he has no control over your immigration status. You don't deserve this abuse, and it is not worth putting your child through this. Please message or reply to me if you need anything.

[JenniferNangel 137]

I really want my marriage to work, I didn't marry him to divorce later, I don't look at my life as I am an immigrant and he is the US Citizen, I care about having my family together and I'm shocked he's being so rude...I feel he has bipolar depression like he's late brother, I don't know anymore what to think.

From physical to verbs abuse, to passing out while watching our baby, all these happened and he promised to not let it happen but most of us know what those words mean actually, I'm not that naive.

He says he doesn't like me anymore and all other offenses.

He does have a 3 year old with somebody else, we "share custody" but the boy is not on his name, she was 17 when she got pregnant and the authorities don't know who the actual dad is.

We live in Wisconsin and I believe the law says we have to wait 6 months after we file for divorce until is all complete...

Why does the person who files has control? I want to have the family together and I can't have control over anything if he files?

By the way, I just got home and acts like nothing happens...

Irony of life: I have a social work degree, imagine that!

If he's physically abusive and you have documents of that it's very difficult for him to get custody of your child. I am a domestic violence survivor and please listen to me ..............

Men like that don't change the best thing you can do is go to a domestic violence shelter they will help you and you and your child will be save there and he can never find you. Apply for a restraining order for you and your child. I know you want to save your marriage but you and your child's life is more important. The shelter can help you with everything possible and most shelter are nice it depends on what area you live in I know where I was I had my own room in a large house it's nothing like a homeless shelter. Just please be careful alcoholics can be very unpredictable and aggressive ( my broken nose came from a alcoholic ex I was not able to date or be around anybody that drank to much I still today don't like it ) I hope this helps you

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I know that some people want to stay together to have the "family" and to not have a broken family for the kid. But also think about the child, do you want her thinking that this is what a man is suppose to be like because she grew up having a father that abuses her mother? She will see what happens, you won't be able to hide it. My parents went 23 years in an unloving marriage. I never noticed because I was only 12, but my sister who was 10 years older than me noticed all the time. They had no business being married, they just tried to make it work over and over for myself and my sister, but my father was miserable, and my sister could see all their issues when I was to young to grasp it.


Some people who created children just are not meant to be together. My exhusband and I were awful, both as functional parents and as a couple, we're significantly better since we have been divorced as it's no longer about us, it's about our daughter, It was amazing how much better our daughter thrived simply by not being around our arguing, fighting, etc. The divorce was the best possible thing our family ever did lol.

If you file for divorce first, you can draft out all the terms that you want, such as custody issues, child support, etc. Also I agree about proving the abuse, divorcing, and removing the conditions yourself.

Be careful, and please try to get out of that situation with your daughter, people like your husband don't change.