Does it get better? Got married on K1 and it's been wishy washy hell.

[Harmonia 211]

How much time had you spent together in person before you married?

It could be you're now seeing the "real" her, and she's seeing the "real" you. Visits are like vacation, an ongoing honeymoon phase. Take time to get to know one another. She is adjusting to an entirely new country and has no other family or friends. She's completely dependent on you. I imagine that can cause fights.

[indiana_sweetie 120]

Stress, and everything being different in ways my hubby (or I) didn't anticipate, caused some arguments in the beginning. My hubby's country has way fewer laws and regulations, such as almost no stop signs in 4-way intersections, everyone just drives at the intersection and slows down for each other....try that in America A few times my hubby just stressed out too much over the laws and restrictions and we ended up arguing. I'm happy to say after more than 3 years here in the US my hubby has adjusted to the differences. He has a good job and friends.

[mallafri76 1,012]

I think it's extra difficult for k-1s when they first arrive in the US because they're so restricted, especially if the person coming is used to working and now all of the sudden they have to just sit and wait. That must be extremely frustrating.

Also does your fiancé drive, does she have a car? If not, that's gonna add to the stress and the isolation.

Some adapt to change more easily than others. And if your fiancé is not used to traveling or living abroad, I'm sure it's gonna take a little longer to get used to it all. Just give lots of encouragement and support. I think the important part is not to be isolated. Are there any expat groups to joint? Anything from your fiancé's country? i think it's important for her to get out of the house and explore her new hometown and find some friends.

Edited June 26, 2016 by mallafri76

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Stress, and everything being different in ways my hubby (or I) didn't anticipate, caused some arguments in the beginning. My hubby's country has way fewer laws and regulations, such as almost no stop signs in 4-way intersections, everyone just drives at the intersection and slows down for each other....try that in America A few times my hubby just stressed out too much over the laws and restrictions and we ended up arguing. I'm happy to say after more than 3 years here in the US my hubby has adjusted to the differences. He has a good job and friends.

OMG the teaching him to drive time was tough I totally agree, just about pulled my hair out but he is doing fine now.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

OP, if there are specific issues with her not being easy to live with right now feel free to bring them out so we can help

with more detailed suggestions.

To the posters who are confused, the OP is the USC and his wife is the immigrant.

[Shadowess 13]

I highly recommend volunteering! I'm a new transplant and I was becoming depressed and angry because I went from the town I was born and raised in, with all my friends and family, my own car and my own business to sitting around in the flat by myself all day with no job, no car, and no friends.

I've recently starting volunteering at a local museum and it's been really helpful to my mood, I'm talking to new people, making new friends and it gets me out of the house for a couple hours a week.

The side benefit is it's helping me build a network and gain US experience and therefore have a US based reference for my work ethic.

It's also helping me from snapping at my husband (as much )

The thing I wasn't really prepared for was how isolating it would be. I realized one day before I started volunteering that I had gone two weeks and the only person I had spoken to was my husband (aside from the cashier asking me cash or credit) The other thing that was unexpected was that I would be desperate to go out on weekends (since I had been sitting in the flat all week) but my husband wanted to just sit around the flat all weekend since he had been working all week. So we've compromised and have one weekend in and one weekend doing some event.

I suggest looking up your local city website and then see if they have a list of volunteering opportunities. This will allow your spouse to get some US based experience, build a network and help give them some purpose.

[TBoneTX 45,270]

In terms of volunteering that might pay off later:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/449151-the-steveandtiff-stupremacy/?p=6471637

[Wooderz 314]

Op maybe you can give us some details of what the stressors are in your marriage right now.

If your wife had never been to the US before she moved, she may be struggling with culture shock, unmet expectations and just plain loneliness.

Talk to her. Find out what she's feeling. Do what you can to help.

[Ontarkie 14,218]

Hi guys,

Have any of you started out your marriage once your fiance arrived here and it was Extreme hell the first month instead of loving bliss?

Everyone here has given you great advice on what can help if this is culture shock and homesickness.

I'm not, I'm more worried about the Extreme hell comment..

I don't think that many are thinking arguing and snapping at each other is the same as extreme hell. You need to think long and hard if this is a warning to what's to come. Culture shock, homesickness may make someone pretty depressed and snappy. But if you're not exaggerating with the extreme hell comment there may be more going on then what others are talking about. Figure out for yourself if this is something that can be overcome with time or something you need to be vary worried about and protect yourself.

[LoveinUganda 20]

hey guys sorry ive been gone for sometime after posting.

Things are a lot better. We just needed to learn to communicate a bit better than we had been. Truly getting out what was hurting or bothering both of us. Communication is Key for sure.

[TBoneTX 45,270]

That's great to hear. Keep it up. Thanks for returning with your update.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Yes, yes, yes! Extreme hell for 3 months. Fights all the time. Despair from both of us that it wasn't going to work. Then gradually both of us doing the hard work. And then it got better. Then way better. Now we're really happy in a house we just bought.

And note, we were in a 10 year romantic relationship, the last 1.5 married waiting on cr1. Then she arrived last year and all hell broke loose. You think you know someone and then you realize you dont. Best of luck to you. I hope things get better.

[KASH2011 382]

Glad it all worked out!

[Roy&Chanel 109]

Yes, yes, yes! Extreme hell for 3 months. Fights all the time. Despair from both of us that it wasn't going to work. Then gradually both of us doing the hard work. And then it got better. Then way better. Now we're really happy in a house we just bought.

And note, we were in a 10 year romantic relationship, the last 1.5 married waiting on cr1. Then she arrived last year and all hell broke loose. You think you know someone and then you realize you dont. Best of luck to you. I hope things get better.

Congrats to your new house! I look forward to that on myself one day haha!

[Nyash89 0]

Omg ....for me it was a shock my husband who is a USC was hostile to me ,locked me in the house ,I think he has a mental issue, he is abusive.

Very abusive,