Does it get better? Got married on K1 and it's been wishy washy hell.

[LoveinUganda 20]

Hi guys,

Have any of you started out your marriage once your fiance arrived here and it was Extreme hell the first month instead of loving bliss?

[TabeaK 517]

Adapting to a new country can be tough - I would hope your spouse is a great source of support for you.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Moved from K1 Process to Moving to the US and Your New Life In America Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum, past K1~

[LoveinUganda 20]

Let me rephrase, during the adjustment status did you and your fiancé or wife fight at least once a week ? Did it ever get better ?

[Wooderz 314]

We did have a few gnarly fights while waiting for my husband's ead. It's tough moving to a new place without your support system and relying on one person for everything. Once my husband was able to start working, he started making friends and feels better now that he's able to contribute financially. Things are much better and much less stressful now.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I dont think k1 has anything to do with it persey honestly in marriage generally theres an adjustment period your problem is AOS someone else can be the step children family...

Dont feel bad all marriages go through their adjustment throw in immigration there you got a HUGE ?? give it your best is all you can do im soon to be in your shoes lol i am bucking up ??♥️

Edited June 25, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Rc123rc 528]

Nothing to do with a K-1. Everyone is different and uprooting to a new country is certainly stressful. Also, living together constantly instead of honeymoon/vacation visits that you might have had in the past is also something to take into consideration. Certainly patience, compromise, compassion, empathy and support are needed. I'd take a good look at why you are fighting. Power struggle, nosy relatives, children, respect, ego, cultural differences, religious beliefs, used to doing things your own ways etc. These are all issues that need to be worked on quickly before they cause resentment.

[Roy&Chanel 109]

We did have a few gnarly fights while waiting for my husband's ead. It's tough moving to a new place without your support system and relying on one person for everything. Once my husband was able to start working, he started making friends and feels better now that he's able to contribute financially. Things are much better and much less stressful now.

Same as Wooderz, I had a few arguments during the process, it was frustrating. It will be better. I'm trying to find a job right now, its frustrating to not get any calls back after submitting resumes. But I believe things gonna be better.

Finance is one of the main reasons, moving and migrating to new country with little funds is really tough.

It will be better! Good luck!

[NikLR 13,232]

Homesickness can cause lots of fights even when you dont want to argue. The USC spouse needs to be more understanding than normal because moving someplace new is hard. I had at least a year of homesickness and threatened to leave twice in the first 3 months. I didn't even get homesick when I went to college for 2 years.

Hubs and i still argue but nothing like that first year or so. But we're both stubborn people.

[Toddandcamilla 34]

I came from Europe, i was a total a.. For at least 6 months. Contant outburst in tears unexplained, mood swings etc. turning into arguments for no reason. But you know what, it was my reaction to being helpless, waiting position for EAD is stressful. Being home alone everyday, not having family or friends anymore. Its a life change we go through. An identical crisis if you will. My husband was so good at supporting and listening and baring with me when i had tough days. Just sitting at home, not able to drive or have a job is hard. You rely on your spouse so much and we all wanna feel a little independent just like we were before. But have patience. Please. Try to find a place of encouragement and support and remember its a phase! Im happier than ever with my husband now!! We have worked through the struggles of immigrating. It was hard but theres a light at the end of the tunnel. Make room for it to grow into something amazing again. Moving countries isnt like normal life. You gotta be good to your partner and listen and give a shoulder to cry on. And not put blame or frustration on the person going through this. Just encourage them to get it all out and try to make tomorrow one of the good days untill Ead and all that is over with! Learn and grow from this experience as a couple. It will make your marriage stronger than anyone elses who doesnt have to do what everyone in here goes through. Its hard on the spouses part too, but try to rise above it and acknowledge what this really is about. Its a process. Life is a working process and journey with challenges. Hope all the best for you guys!!! It will be okay again! Camilla

[JR loves JR 196]

We went through some rough patches mostly caused by me (USC). My husband has been very patient and understanding but I'd get tired of being the one who had to do whatever because he didn't know the culture, or his language skills weren't quite good enough to do it alone, or pay for everything because he couldn't work, or grocery shop because he didn't want to buy the wrong things, or drive everywhere because he didn't have a license. The more independent he's become the happier we are. He's more confident and I don't feel like everything's on my shoulders. I guess you could say we're truly equals now. We also went back to his country to visit and it was good for me to be reminded of all his strengths. It helped to restore his confidence and to restore my confidence in him. It made me think of all the struggles I would have had if I'd moved there instead of him moving here. So I gained back some patience in the fact that he's still adjusting. And it made me appreciate all the things that he'd has had to relearn since coming to America.

You're not alone in your struggles. You married a great person. Their personality hasn't changed and they're the one you fell in love with. There's just some major differences in your relationship. You're the one who's got to go to work where as before you were probably fairly stress free and on vacation when around them. They're stressed because of all the things they have to learn, all the things they used to be able to do but can't right now, they're bored or lonely since they have a very limited social circle, and/or because they feel like a burden to you. And you're stressed because you are trying to help them with all the things they're stressed about plus all the things that stressed you before they arrived. But trust me, it does get better. Find a good friend or see a counselor and get yourself some support.

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

Our biggest frustration was with immigration so by the time he came, it has been quite easy

ss card in 2 weeks

10 year green card in one month

My son made sure he had car to drive and we got driving license within 2 months / had to buy glasses to get pass test

he went online immediately and had a job within 3 months and taking college classes in 4

so, he keeps busy

found the mosque and has made friends

you really need to find your place in house and in this country

don't be an outsider / even if you have to walk, learn the area / even if country, there are things to see and do

get online / talk to family and freinds back home so you are not homesick

spend quailiy time with your spouse / this is like a honeymoon time / don't fight

for God sake LOVE each other

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Sometimes immigrants from less progressive countries think the USA is gold on easy street and get a little culture shock

as to the reality of it all.
Having huge and unrealistic expectations of each other can also lead to arguments.
Finances can be a major issue if you have not gone through all income and expenses she may think money grows on trees here.

The key is communication before commitment to gauge the compatibility and if that was not done then it will be rough to adjust.
A good relationship is work and lots of it, it is compromise, respect, understanding and patience. Pick your battles and let the small

stuff go. Hang in there and talk it through until you both are ok about an issue.

[caliliving 606]

I think you need a PLAN IN PLACE! if you are going to be looking for a job, you should figure that all out before you move here.. the industry ect. if your spouse is going to be teh sold provider then what are you going to be doing when you are here? ect. dont wait until you come here to start talking about if you are working or not, where, what industry and all that.. sort that stuff out before

[jordynalex 10]

Me and my boyfriend have already lived together for almost 7 months. We don't really have fights. We live in his country at the moment while waiting for the k1 visa. I dont think anything will change once we get to the US we are both very excited to go there together. If you have not lived together or stayed together for long periods in the past, that could be the reason. Maybe it will just take you guys a little while to get used to living together. Also living in a new country can be very stressful