How to get free of all of this

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I FEEL BAD FOR THE CHILD

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

I'm thinking he was in a rush to fill out part of his profile. His city is listed as El Paso, but the State is Tennessee. Nowhere in Tennessee is there a city/town/municipality called El Paso. Incorporated or Unincorporated.

I suspect he is from Texas.

Good catch.

http://www.divorcenet.com/resources/annulment/annulment-basics/texas.htm

In TX if he continued living with her after fraud was discovered (IMHO, no fraud in this case anyway) then no annulment on that basis.

Edited June 22, 2016 by EM_Vandaveer

[NikLR 13,227]

It makes her a terrible mom. An unfit mother to be sure. Parenting and cheating cannot happen at the same time. Think of the meeting and interim communication with her extramarital partners, all time which should have been spent on the child, family home, and you.

It's without question that you must divorce. Man up now. If it can lead to deportation, even better because she will try to sap as much income from you as possible. The court system has been redesigned for this. You need a quick dose of the red pill. There's over 3 billion women on this planet-you don't have to put up with this.

No it doesn't. It makes her a terrible spouse but not necessarily a terrible mother.

[DJandLY 1]

No it doesn't. It makes her a terrible spouse but not necessarily a terrible mother.

Cheating on the father makes her a good mother? That's considered providing caring for your kid?

The feminist narrative keeps ruining homes and hurting the kids.

[NikLR 13,227]

Cheating on the father makes her a good mother? That's considered providing caring for your kid?

The feminist narrative keeps ruining homes and hurting the kids.

She may provide wonderful attentive care to her child while also visiting other men's beds, yes. They are not inclusive. Also I did not say it makes her a good mother but it does not necessarily make her a bad one either.

Clearly you have zero idea of what feminism is.

Edited June 22, 2016 by NLR

[NikLR 13,227]

I FEEL BAD FOR THE CHILD

I do as well. Hopefully his parents can one day be civil to one another. Obviously they arent in a healthy relationship with each other. I get the feeling he will lose one parent or the other by the end of this.

[Beth & Achraf 328]

Good catch.

http://www.divorcenet.com/resources/annulment/annulment-basics/texas.htm

In TX if he continued living with her after fraud was discovered (IMHO, no fraud in this case anyway) then no annulment on that basis.

Annulments are very difficult to obtain in Texas unless bigamy is involved. Normally the #1 reason a annulment is granted in Texas.

Then even if granted a Annulment, the record still shows in Country Clerks office, you have to petition the court to remove it.......

Edited June 22, 2016 by Beth & Achraf

[Maria1989 403]

Absolutely yes !

We are all responsible and must be accountable for our choices in a spouse, it's not Uncles Sam's job.

Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, such is life but we have to suffer the consequences for our choices

and not look for the government to meddle more than they do already.

People complain because the visa journey is too slow and then when things fall apart they can't wait for the spouse to be

deported fast enough. Get to KNOW someone before you even think marriage.

Let immigration handle her, get off the vengeance train and take care of your son who also still needs his mother.

I feel sorry for the child who did not asked for any of this.

Maybe she had the STD before you and did not want you to know which is just as bad but a possibility, some STD's

can manifest years later in life especially after a stressful event (herpes for example can be dormant for years).

If you are sure she cheated then divorce her, she can't adjust status.

That's great advice !!! We need to be personally responsible for our actions and vengeance is not the best route, in the end you only hurt more. At this point, I think if he is concerned for the best interest of the child, he would want her to stay, kids definitely do better with both parents. I'm really sorry that happened to him but causing more pain in the situation is not the thing to do. Good luck

[Harmonia 211]

Harmonia you said, "trying to have her deported is futile and can be seen as a form of abuse and control, if you refuse to do AOS for her.". There is no provision in the Immigration Law for what you said. To fall under emotional abuse the abuser must follow a pattern of humiliation, degradation, intimidation, threats, coercion, control etc, and not just one isolated incident.

FORMS OF ABUSE

Abusers use many tactics to establish and retain control over their victims. While in some cases only one

instance of abuse will be sufficient to establish a case of extreme cruelty, other situations may require a

victim to establish that many different acts, when examined collectively over a period of time, constitute

extreme cruelty. Extreme cruelty can include the following conduct:

 Intimidation and degradation;

 Economic and employment-related abuse (such as forced labor or unemployment);

 Social Isolation;

 Sexual Abuse, which includes rape as well as other forms of sexual behavior;

 Immigration-related abuse;

 Possessiveness and harassment.

IMMIGRATION-RELATED ABUSE When immigration related abuse is present in a relationship it is a key indicator of extreme cruelty.76 Abusers of immigrant women often threaten to report their victims to the immigration authorities.77 When immigrant women are dependent on their partners for legal immigration status, are undocumented, or have a vulnerable non-permanent immigration status,78 the power of immigration related abuse is accentuated.79 Immigrant women are placed in the untenable position of having to choose between living with ongoing and escalating abuse or taking action to stop the abuse and risking deportation. Others believe that they will be turned away from help by social services, health care and the justice system because they are noncitizens.80

http://www.lsc.gov/sites/default/files/LSC/pdfs/11.%20Appendix%20X%20%20BB%20CHP%20Self-Petitioning.pdf

[Harmonia 211]

She may provide wonderful attentive care to her child while also visiting other men's beds, yes. They are not inclusive. Also I did not say it makes her a good mother but it does not necessarily make her a bad one either.

Clearly you have zero idea of what feminism is.

Exactly. Think about domestic violence cases. In my state, case law proves that the interest of the child is almost always maintaining the relationship with the father even when he's perpetrated violence against the mother. In other words, a father abuses the mother but maintains joint custody and visitation with his child because that's seen as the best interest of the child.

If abusing the mother doesn't automatically make someone a bad father, than cheating definitely doesn't automatically make someone a bad mother.

[Justice Served 1]

ugly situation confirmed by you all...will try to remain positive

[Villanelle 4,122]

FORMS OF ABUSE

Abusers use many tactics to establish and retain control over their victims. While in some cases only one

instance of abuse will be sufficient to establish a case of extreme cruelty, other situations may require a

victim to establish that many different acts, when examined collectively over a period of time, constitute

extreme cruelty. Extreme cruelty can include the following conduct:

 Intimidation and degradation;

 Economic and employment-related abuse (such as forced labor or unemployment);

 Social Isolation;

 Sexual Abuse, which includes rape as well as other forms of sexual behavior;

 Immigration-related abuse;

 Possessiveness and harassment.

IMMIGRATION-RELATED ABUSE When immigration related abuse is present in a relationship it is a key indicator of extreme cruelty.76 Abusers of immigrant women often threaten to report their victims to the immigration authorities.77 When immigrant women are dependent on their partners for legal immigration status, are undocumented, or have a vulnerable non-permanent immigration status,78 the power of immigration related abuse is accentuated.79 Immigrant women are placed in the untenable position of having to choose between living with ongoing and escalating abuse or taking action to stop the abuse and risking deportation. Others believe that they will be turned away from help by social services, health care and the justice system because they are noncitizens.80

http://www.lsc.gov/sites/default/files/LSC/pdfs/11.%20Appendix%20X%20%20BB%20CHP%20Self-Petitioning.pdf

Oh my gosh. Please do not argue with Sandra about immigration law. She is a VAWA attny and donates her time posting here to help others. So FYI. The content you posted above is from legal services and the chapter starts by stating it provides practical tips.It is not the actual case law. And none of it contradicts what Sandra stated. For that to fall under emotional abuse it would have to be part of a larger pattern. It can not be the only one thing.

This is the pertinent part of the case law-( 8 C.F.R. § 204.2© )

(vi) Battery or extreme cruelty. For the purpose of this chapter, the phrase "was battered by or was

the subject of extreme cruelty" includes, but is not limited to, being the victim of any act or

threatened act of violence, including any forceful detention, which results or threatens to result in

physical or mental injury.

Psychological or sexual abuse or exploitation, including rape, molestation,

incest (if the victim is a minor), or forced prostitution shall be considered acts of violence.

Other abusive actions may also be acts of violence under certain circumstances, including acts that, in and

of themselves, may not initially appear violent but that are a part of an overall pattern of violence.

The qualifying abuse must have been committed by the citizen ..., must have been perpetrated

against the self-petitioner ... and must have taken place during the self-petitioner's marriage to the

abuser.

So it is technically one "act" resulting in injury. Psch abuse and sexual abuse is considered an "act". Other actions may be "acts" if its part of a pattern among other things. Immigration abuse falls into the 'other' category. The case law is very complex. This is not really the place to get into it.

[Harmonia 211]

Oh my gosh. Please do not argue with Sandra about immigration law. She is a VAWA attny and donates her time posting here to help others. So FYI. The content you posted above is from legal services and the chapter starts by stating it provides practical tips.It is not the actual case law. And none of it contradicts what Sandra stated. For that to fall under emotional abuse it would have to be part of a larger pattern. It can not be the only one thing.

So it is technically one "act" resulting in injury. Psch abuse and sexual abuse is considered an "act". Other actions may be "acts" if its part of a pattern among other things. Immigration abuse falls into the 'other' category. The case law is very complex. This is not really the place to get into it.

You're right. A DIY forum isn't the place to get into it. What troubles me is that any licensed attorney, in my opinion, should (and would) be quick to refer a potential victim to an actual agency for assistance. Every case is different. Every case needs to be evaluated on its merits and the particular facts of the case.

I often see Sandra post blanket statements, which is understandable because she isn't privy to the facts of the case. Its wonderful she helps people online. But I think its more productive to provide referrals to legal services or domestic violence agencies that have local staff attorneys who can do free consultations and potentially provide full representation, which victims need and deserve to have a positive outcome. Someone who reads "no" online may not take that additional step to pick up the phone to get local help. Immigrants may be eligible for forms of relief they haven't even heard of or considered, which is why speaking with a licensed attorney is so critical.

Additionally, many cases also involve family law if there's divorce, custody, child support, etc. Family law varies by state. Sandra cannot provide any guidance to people who are out of her particular state. Again, the immigrant needs to speak to a local licensed attorney to receive proper advice and counsel.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Harmonia

[Justice Served 1]

PLEASE SIGN: https://www.change.org/p/department-of-homeland-security-stop-marriage-fraud-change-vawa?recruiter=587362565&utm_source=share_for_starters&utm_medium=copyLink

[Ontarkie 14,237]

~~Multiple spam post in other threads removed. I understand you're trying to do something good but you need to stick to your own thread for your petition. Any further post in other members threads will result in suspension.~~