Age difference

[MrsBonsu 138]

I'm noticing quite a few post about big age differences, if you put yourself in the shoes of the consular they are asking themselves if your spouse is much older than the person they are petitioning for and the person has no children that is gonna be a big red flag for this embassy, in my opinion it looks scam worthy which in return makes it harder for those that are not! My husband has no kids so I told him I would have one for him, so one has to wonder if you come to the US and your wife can't have kids because they are pass child bearing years what will you? Go out and sleep around and get someone else pregnant who isn't your wife? But the issue doesn't stop there the person petitioning should also know this which begs the question of why would you put yourself in this kind of situation? These are just my thoughts on post with that question of age difference, anyone feels free to enlighten me?

[Ischnura 285]

You can't call a marriage or engagement a sham purely because of an age difference. Not everybody in the world wants children and that is perfectly fine. Not everybody in the world is able to bear their own children either. Just because you aren't privy to another couple's situation doesn't give you any right to judge.

[Georgia16 2,858]

You can't call a marriage or engagement a sham purely because of an age difference. Not everybody in the world wants children and that is perfectly fine. Not everybody in the world is able to bear their own children either. Just because you aren't privy to another couple's situation doesn't give you any right to judge.

Totally agree with this one! .... We have a big age different (18 years) nothing that bothers us at all and we have no issues in our relationship with that.

Find it a funny thing to judge others for that. A relationsship with big age different can be just as good as someone with the same age.

[3rd 84]

Some people flat out don't want children or can't have them. It's a very sweeping statement just for age difference.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

thats a big issue thats almost discriminitory in this society. Some men cant have children some woman cant get inpregnated or had children and are no longer able due to health reasons...

So if i cant have a child we arent allow to love one another? Though topic to throw out there.

This one hits close to home for reasons i rather not say but yeesh....

[NikLR 13,230]

From a consulate standpoint the OP has a point and it IS a red flag. However it's not an insurmountable one by any means. It really depends on the culture.

The question of children may come up with a large age difference, and it should be something you should discuss before starting the immigration process. Along with a long list of other things that will pop up for general compatability.

My husband and his ex did not discuss it, and a great many other things, which is why their marriage did not last. (Both are USC.) But they lived and learned. He's married to me, and she is also remarried with children now.

So a large age difference IS a red flag, BUT a genuine relationship should have discussed the issues before interview.

Edited June 18, 2016 by NLR

[agrabs 241]

You can't call a marriage or engagement a sham purely because of an age difference. Not everybody in the world wants children and that is perfectly fine. Not everybody in the world is able to bear their own children either. Just because you aren't privy to another couple's situation doesn't give you any right to judge.

Exactly!

You will find plenty of VJ members with an age difference who are happily married as well as plenty of members without an age difference who are not. As Ischnura stated not everyone is able to or may not want to have children regardless of their age. Furthermore, stating that couples applying with a large age difference makes it harder for those without an age difference to get a visa is just absurd. Not having enough evidence to prove your relationship is legit is what keeps you from getting a visa.

[TabeaK 517]

Not everyone in the world centers their life around having children. Not having them is as valid a life choice as having them.

We have a ridiculous double standard in most countries anyway that it is okay if the female is way younger than the male but looked upon strangely if the reverse is the case.

Age is irrelevant if you can prove a bonafide relationship and I would certainly think a legitimate couple has addressed age related issues before getting married.

[dwheels76 5,468]

WOW what a shallow non-thought provoking post. So because you want to have his kids (No guarantee you will or can) that makes your marriage more real?? Really. How did that work for you at the interview.

It's 2016 there's surrogacy, adoption, IVF or how about no kids at all. It's a personal choice. CO's aren't passing denials or approvals on if you can go forth and multiply.

Asking why would you put yourself through this. Like someone is selecting someone just for child bearing reasons only. I just don't get it. And don't even get this post.

[3rd 84]

WOW what a shallow non-thought provoking post. So because you want to have his kids (No guarantee you will or can) that makes your marriage more real?? Really. How did that work for you at the interview.

It's 2016 there's surrogacy, adoption, IVF or how about no kids at all. It's a personal choice. CO's aren't passing denials or approvals on if you can go forth and multiply.

Asking why would you put yourself through this. Like someone is selecting someone just for child bearing reasons only. I just don't get it. And don't even get this post.

Exactly! It's just an ignorant point of view. It's akin to those that think getting pregnant will somehow speed up their petition because it makes them look 'legit' despite not having proof that the spouse is the biological father. OR the fact that children don't define a bonafide relationship.

Edited June 18, 2016 by 3rd

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

i think we have the biggest age difference of anyone here

just understand that Larry King is 26 years older than his wife

for years many older men have married younger women and been able to have a visa and bring them to the US

i appealled a denial saying it is against the constirution to discriminate for age and sex / that won my appeal

he is here in the US working hard and making a good life here

at his age, if ever, he wants to remarry after i am gone, he is free to have children, but at this time, he wants only to work and provide for us and family back home

[MrsBonsu 138]

Taking my post to be rude and none understanding isn't the reason I posted it, it was posted because the embassy in question deny people daily for what I take as silly, people have posted some pretty silly reason for denials for this embassy and this embassy does question what I posted, yes some couples are fine without having kids yes I know there are plenty of options venues for people who are pass their child bearing years, but this embassy didn't get the dubbed a high fraud embassy for no reason, there are plenty avenues for fraud from this embassy I just posted a topic on one

[MrsBonsu 138]

From a consulate standpoint the OP has a point and it IS a red flag. However it's not an insurmountable one by any means. It really depends on the culture.

The question of children may come up with a large age difference, and it should be something you should discuss before starting the immigration process. Along with a long list of other things that will pop up for general compatability.

My husband and his ex did not discuss it, and a great many other things, which is why their marriage did not last. (Both are USC.) But they lived and learned. He's married to me, and she is also remarried with children now.

So a large age difference IS a red flag, BUT a genuine relationship should have discussed the issues before interview.

This is the avenue I was going down, Ghanian culture is the point of my topic, and what the embassy seems to go by, such as instructing people not to show consular pics with the couple in celebration looking like they have married which they would consider to be knocking rituals, the other point is people don't also discuss a topic about children in there future, they come here and ask will the big age difference be ok

[NikLR 13,230]

Genuine relationships should talk about kids, finances, jobs, homes, sex, romance, intimacy, inlaws, travel, vacations, hobbies, morality, etc... theres a huge range obviously. A genuine relationship should not have these issues prior to immigration.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

While we all think it is a bunch of poppycock that an age gap should be cause for refusal (behind general blanket statements of

"not bona fide" (they don't come right out and say it but make other excuses) it is actually a valid point OP is making.
I have seen the fraud referral sheet that the consulates go by and one fraud indicator is a large age gap. If you can still overcome

that suspicion, assumption and speculative reasoning the CO's have then fine but if there are also some other indicators (fast marriage,

short or just 1 trip, overlapping divorce beginning new relationship etc) then likely you will have a hard time the first time around.
It is a mute point to bicker over the age gap thing, I have seen it in print and it is a fact, it is listed as one of the fraud INDICATORS.
An indicator is not an absolute no but it is the elephant in the room that needs to be tackled. Either it tramples you or you sit on it and

ride it out with a visa.
When asked about children, have an intelligent and ready answer and don't scratch your head going ooommm.
The consulate cultural field manuals are still in the dinosaur era and need to be overhauled, their reasoning is from something
out of Beaver Cleaver times.
I want to puke every time I hear about outdated West African cultural nonsense that happens deep in the village and not in modern
progressive and bigger cities anymore. Unfortunately if the outdated training and manual says it then they follow it.
Is it ridiculous ? Yes. Is it a fact with CO's ? Yes. Should it be ? No.