Engagement party, is it necessary?

[violet18ac3 0]

Wth you experience, should I have a "da'm ho?i", I'm going back there this August to visit my fiance, and I have thought a bout it. But it's kinda weird because only me going to be there. Shouldn't "dam ho?i" required the elders from both sides? what are your thoughts on this? Is it going to help us with the interview later on? We're not planning to get married until 2-3 years from now since I still have 3 semesters left in school.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Yes, an engagement party is absolutely necessary! If your parents cannot make it, then have a substitution. The circumstance is understandable due to the expense of having them over. It's really important because it's a part of the culture. Also, take lots of pictures from the ceremony plus invite at least 20 people or more for the party!

Edited March 20, 2007 by consolemaster

[Mike n Huong 1]

I totally agree. Definately have it.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Where are all the Viets? Your fellowmen needs your input!

[CK&Tydi 0]

heheh, here I am. ......... It is depend on your situation (regard about your family like an dislike the ideal about marry a Viet Girl, MONEY invloved) Some of them do not care to have it and some of them do care about it. It is depend on your situation, but in my opinion you should have one. Firt you will have some prove to improve your case at the consulate. Second, give the girl and her family some faces with their friends and people known them. Third, it is the culture. Some of the people they will combine the Dam Hoi and Dam Cuoi into one. Save you some money and time. Cuz you don't have to fly back to Vietnam so many times. Also, you let everyone know your girl is taken. She is off the Market. hehheheh Hope that will help you. Also, If you get marry in Vietnam, it is a lot cheaper than in the State. You may as well do it in August, and bring your parent back with you too. Make sure if you do it, you need to take a lot of picture

Edited March 20, 2007 by CK&Tydi

[Kevin and 10]

I didn't have an engagment party. Because my parents were not going to be in VN long. We combined the Engagment party and Wedding. Then a few days later we had our Wedding Party. Tuyen's Family was more than willing to break from tradition to accomadate my parent's visit length.

[STL_HCMC 0]

I'll throw my vote in that you should do it. We did it and I didn't have any of my family there with me.

STL_HCMC

[Lace 0]

Although I'm not applying in the embassy in Vietnam I will add my input as well. By all means yes, yes, and yes.

I went through the ceremonial engagement with my fiancee. It was the happiest time of her life and mine as well. It could be because she's my first fiancee. For my fiancee the best part wasn't really the 'show' sort of speak. It was actually shopping for an engagement ring, handing out invitations, and all the support from her family and friends. We had over 300 guests which I'm going to ask her dad to write down their names. He's the one that went overboard. That's not including the vendors, waiters, security guards, etc etc etc. As expensive as it is it's worth every penny of it. We had it on DVD, hired a professional photographer, makeup, the whole 9 yards. We had a representative for my side of the family as they were not able to make it. I watch our engagement ceremony and engagement album all the time. We had 100's of pictures that day. It even included a picture of her grandma crying. I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture.

[chuckandkim 0]

As expensive as it is it's worth every penny of it. We had it on DVD, hired a professional photographer, makeup, the whole 9 yards. We had a representative for my side of the family as they were not able to make it. I watch our engagement ceremony and engagement album all the time. We had 100's of pictures that day. It even included a picture of her grandma crying. I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story Flashfish..!!! Yes, I got the picture!!!!

To OP:

- Read what other said, go the WHOLE 10 YARDS if needed

Here is why you WANT to have this Engagement Ceremony, IMO:

1. Legally, there is no requirement but HCMC has been known to weight in on their approval decision on whether or not you have had the Engagement Ceremony for it is the norm for Vietnamese girl/boy to have an elaborate engagement ceremony and reception before they get married.

2. TRADITION (think Fiddler On The Roof), traditionally, if you're well learned student of the Vietnamese tradition and culture, which you should, or make an attempt to learn, you will not skip this very important event of your wife and her family's name-sake. It is considered by many Vietnamese to have your daughter goes off and marry someone without the "Traditional Engagement Ceremony" is not "Đàng Hoàn" or "Danh Dự". Try to think of the words, hmmm, Decent and with Honor!!!!

3. Ceremony: big or small, it's not important. It's a production for her and her family to tell/announce to the big family (the Klan), her 10 aunts/uncles, siblings, unrelated "brothers/sisters" (speaking in code: 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins or close family friends) that She is going to marry you and off the market. Therefore it is now become the family's duty and honor to make sure she is "saved" for you and protected until she marries to you. Whenever that may be.

That is all in the nut shell what the Vietnamese Traditional Engagement Ceremony is all about. Since you won't have any of your parents, ask hers to appoint an honorable member of her family, an immediate family member, to stand in as your parents' representative. That would do! My folks couldn't come to my engagement either, but my mother's oldest brother and sister were there instead.

The reception is another whole other story!

4. Reception: big or small, it's not important either. What her parents want? Your ability to fulfill their wishes. Remember, for most but some, this Reception is treated as if it is her wedding IN Vietnam for their guests and family will not be able to attend the one in the US. You can limit the number of guests by saying: I would only like to have close friends and family at the Reception/Ceremony for it is about setting and announcing the becoming marriage of ours in the coming days/months. That would help to limit the size. Or just go all out for you know soon enough they will make sure everyone will be invited anyway

5. Priceless memories: You will never forget what you have to go through and do for the Engagement Ceremony/Reception and preparation it takes. Her family will be proud and most appreciated your love deeds for years to come. To them, it shows your dedication and devotional love to their daughter and value their family and its name.

6. Last and repeat: HCMC will ask for engagement photos, who were there, why your parents didn't come, when was the date etc. So, it is easier to have the actual engagement so your wife can talk about it at the interview. I don't know anyone who didn't have the engagement ceremony in Vietnam when apply for K-1 Visa. I could be wrong. It's a common knowledge among VJ folks who go through HCMC to have proof of this event in their K-1 Visa file.

Good luck and relax, this journey is fun filled and memories that you can't buy.

love,

chuck and kim

[Anh map 2,098]

Have the Dam Hoi!!! It's such a wonderful experience and it will mean the world to her and her family. I enjoyed it so much, even though I couldn't understand a thing. But what great memories.

[CK&Tydi 0]

[Good luck and relax, this journey is fun filled and memories that you can't buy.

love,

chuck and kim

Well said brother!..

In American word Dam Hoi = Engagement. But this thing is really a Wedding for her. You just have to bite the bullet and do it. It is a lot cheaper than in the state. Also, you don't have to do much. They got the excellent services in Vietnam. They will take care from A to Z.

[VN10 0]

Yes,u should have engagement . Me and my fiance did not do that .So it was among reasons made me failed in interview .My fiance dont have realtive in vietnam ,we dont have a lot money ,my sister was died about 2 months before my faincee visited me .... But we love true .

All our hope for staying together was gone . Consulte did not belive us ...They need proof about relationship .

Our true love over than 1 years and that was become fact while they only saw and read about 10 mins .

What do you think about engagement .....?

Good luck for everybody .

[gp1 0]

If you want to increase your chance of approval than definately have one, with or without your parents.

RELATING TO MY CASE, my fiancee had her interview this past week and the primary focus was did we have an engagement party and can I see the photos? He also looked at phone records and emails briefly.

Good Luck to you.

[poppscc 0]

I had a dam hoi with my uncle and cousin to represent. I dont know if it makes a difference, but it would be nice if it did. I did it because I was ready to get engaged, and definitely ready to get married. I also think it's a respect issue to show my fiance's parents.

[john_and_marlene 162]

It was not necessary to give my fiance an engagement ring, but my life is better because of the joy that it brought us both.

It was not necessary to meet and spend time with her family members, but my life and marriage are better because of it.

It was not necessary that we have a formal wedding after she arrived, but those memories add to our happiness.

It is not necessary that I take time to hug and kiss her every day before I leave for work, but it makes every day brighter.

So many things in this world are not necessary, but can make a world of difference in the quality of life that follows.

Remember that everything is not about passing an interview and getting a visa. Take the time and make the effort to build a loving and lasting relationship.

Edited May 18, 2007 by john_and_marlene