I have no mother

[KarenCee 3]

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. However, I think it's a little selfish to see your mother suffering from her allergic reaction. She gave you birth, and raised you. You have no idea how much she struggled to raise you. You should be grateful. Don't be mad at your mother.

It takes more than genetics to be a parent. She didn't struggle to raise him. She was not a single mother. I am allergic to cats but there are more than just the one way to deal with it. We intend to have a kittie and I will take allergy meds as well as let kittie stay outside as much as possible. She was not allergic to Zoe before Joel moved down here.

If she is heartless, she would've abandoned you years ago and you wouldn't have a mother. She abandoned and sacrifice her own life to make sure you to raise you healthily. A cat to her is not her precious. It's only a burden to her life. You take your mother for granted. I never would fight with my mother on little stuff like that. After all, if she abandoned you, she would have made more money.

She didn't sacrifice anything to raise him and there are many ways to be heartless other than abandonment. Regardless of Zoe being a burden or not being precious is not the issue, she could have found her a new home. You don't know her like my husband does nor how I've gotten to know her. She tells me all the time that I have to "take charge" of my husband because he's no good at this or that. She also told me that if he had only "gotten off that computer and out of the basement" he might have met someone. Who did she think I was...chopped liver? She is always negative to him and always tells me what I have to do for him since he doesn't know how to do anything. Would you respect your mother if she spoke this way about you to your wife?

[Ban Hammer 13,429]

She didn't sacrifice anything to raise him and there are many ways to be heartless other than abandonment. Regardless of Zoe being a burden or not being precious is not the issue, she could have found her a new home. You don't know her like my husband does nor how I've gotten to know her. She tells me all the time that I have to "take charge" of my husband because he's no good at this or that. She also told me that if he had only "gotten off that computer and out of the basement" he might have met someone. Who did she think I was...chopped liver? She is always negative to him and always tells me what I have to do for him since he doesn't know how to do anything. Would you respect your mother if she spoke this way about you to your wife?

she sounds like one of these:

link

sorry to hear about the cat, fuzz. i believe she could have done something besides what she did.

[Mags 112]

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. However, I think it's a little selfish to see your mother suffering from her allergic reaction. She gave you birth, and raised you. You have no idea how much she struggled to raise you. You should be grateful. Don't be mad at your mother.

It takes more than genetics to be a parent. She didn't struggle to raise him. She was not a single mother. I am allergic to cats but there are more than just the one way to deal with it. We intend to have a kittie and I will take allergy meds as well as let kittie stay outside as much as possible. She was not allergic to Zoe before Joel moved down here.

If she is heartless, she would've abandoned you years ago and you wouldn't have a mother. She abandoned and sacrifice her own life to make sure you to raise you healthily. A cat to her is not her precious. It's only a burden to her life. You take your mother for granted. I never would fight with my mother on little stuff like that. After all, if she abandoned you, she would have made more money.

She didn't sacrifice anything to raise him and there are many ways to be heartless other than abandonment. Regardless of Zoe being a burden or not being precious is not the issue, she could have found her a new home. You don't know her like my husband does nor how I've gotten to know her. She tells me all the time that I have to "take charge" of my husband because he's no good at this or that. She also told me that if he had only "gotten off that computer and out of the basement" he might have met someone. Who did she think I was...chopped liver? She is always negative to him and always tells me what I have to do for him since he doesn't know how to do anything. Would you respect your mother if she spoke this way about you to your wife?

Personally, I would use this opportunity to break off contact with her. She seems to do nothing but drain the energies out of both of you.

[ceriserose 1]

I'm sorry about your cat Fuzzness. I know how important my wee beasties are to me and can't imagine the feeling of betrayal you're having now.

As for the relationship, my piece of unsolicited advice is that, while it may be hard to fathom, making the conscious decision to remove yourself from toxic relationships is extremely liberating. Not to mention the amount of energy saved when you don't have to deal with it. Speaking from personal experience, it's hard, but sometimes for the best.

My best to you, whatever you decide.

[derekkj 0]

Fuzzness, having just lost my own beloved cat a few weeks ago I can completely sympathize with your loss. I can't understand how someone could basically just execute a pet without even trying to find it a home first. At the very least your mother should have called you beforehand to talk about other housing arrangements.

Like you, I also have had a, shall we say challenging, relationship with a parent (in my case my Dad). Thankfully myhusband and my Dad's fiance currently provide a great buffer for us when we get together so he doesn't piss me off nearly as badly as he used to. But that hasn't always been the case and I can also completely sympathize with your desire to break off ties with your mom. My only advice, follow your instincts and do what's best for your sanity. Good luck.

[Mary Lou 681]

I'm sorry about your cat Fuzzness. I know how important my wee beasties are to me and can't imagine the feeling of betrayal you're having now.

As for the relationship, my piece of unsolicited advice is that, while it may be hard to fathom, making the conscious decision to remove yourself from toxic relationships is extremely liberating. Not to mention the amount of energy saved when you don't have to deal with it. Speaking from personal experience, it's hard, but sometimes for the best.

My best to you, whatever you decide.

I totally agree with what you said about removing yourself from toxic relationships. I did that with my brother and do i regret it? Not for one minute. Who needs negatives in their life, life has enough challenges without that bs in it.

[ceriserose 1]

I'm sorry about your cat Fuzzness. I know how important my wee beasties are to me and can't imagine the feeling of betrayal you're having now.

As for the relationship, my piece of unsolicited advice is that, while it may be hard to fathom, making the conscious decision to remove yourself from toxic relationships is extremely liberating. Not to mention the amount of energy saved when you don't have to deal with it. Speaking from personal experience, it's hard, but sometimes for the best.

My best to you, whatever you decide.

I totally agree with what you said about removing yourself from toxic relationships. I did that with my brother and do i regret it? Not for one minute. Who needs negatives in their life, life has enough challenges without that bs in it.

3 years of hindsight, and healing, and I can honestly say it was a good decision for me. I wasn't so sure of that at the time. Which is not to say I don't have times where I miss my sibling, but I don't miss the utterly exhausting dynamic. Everyone and every relationship is different, but sometimes you just need to take that step for yourself and what you have in front of you, rather than look back.

And that's enough waxing poetic for me for now.

Joel, keep your chin up.

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

Actually, I am going to agree with Fuzzness here. What his mother did was selfish and inconsiderate. There was no need for that cat to be put to sleep, no need at all. Yes, she has allergies...but she thought only of herself in this matter - she did not think about Fuzzness' feelings only her own. She wanted rid of the cat...so she did it. To be honest, the allergies may have been a partial excuse.

I lost my own mother last year so can understand people saying "Oh she's your Mom, give it time" but that doesn't apply to all mothers. Just because she is a mother does not give her a right to walk all over and ignore other peoples' feelings, especially her son's. Yes, she gave birth...so what? Billions of women do it every day. Yes, she brought up Fuzzness...so what? Millions of mothers bring up children every day too. This is life, it doesn't give his mother special circumstances. What IS special is being considerate and giving. Neither seems to apply in this situation. Just my $0.02 worth.

I'm so sorry about the cat Fuzzness.

QFT.

I'm really sorry to hear about Zoe, Fuzzie

And coming from someone who has cut all ties with the family, it can be done. And boy, does it feel good. Best decision of my life.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

...I don't have a relationship with my mom either. I'm better off for it.

I wish my BIL would learn that his mum considers herself to have no relationship with him (he actually did an I-130 for her; she promptly went to her younger son's home, without even acknowledging her older son's sponsorship!)

she sounds like a total ####### brother sriniv..my apolgies for calling her a foul name

No apology needed as it is my sister's MIL I described (and the term would not be inapt to describe my paternal grandmother, dead for 10+ years, either) whom I can nicely ignore.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Oh ((((((((((((((Joel)))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss! You have every right to feel angry and betrayed.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

She didn't sacrifice anything to raise him and there are many ways to be heartless other than abandonment. Regardless of Zoe being a burden or not being precious is not the issue, she could have found her a new home. You don't know her like my husband does nor how I've gotten to know her. She tells me all the time that I have to "take charge" of my husband because he's no good at this or that. She also told me that if he had only "gotten off that computer and out of the basement" he might have met someone. Who did she think I was...chopped liver? She is always negative to him and always tells me what I have to do for him since he doesn't know how to do anything. Would you respect your mother if she spoke this way about you to your wife?

she sounds like one of these:

link

sorry to hear about the cat, fuzz. i believe she could have done something besides what she did.

FYI Charles, the words "toxicparent" in the link told me more than I needed to know (I didn't click it, but it also describes my late paternal grandmother).

[Reba 2]

I'm so sorry Fuzz, for the loss of your cat, and for your Mother's betrayal. She is cruel and heartless, I have to agree with ye there.

And I for one wouldn't be someone to tell you to forgive and forget. I haven't spoken to my father since 2003, and don't miss him at all. He's an as s who abused me my entire life, and once my Mother figured it out and left him (finally!) I no longer had a need to speak to him at all. Other people in my family (sister, cousin, etc etc) say I should call him because he's repentent and wants to talk to me blah blah blah...yeah well, he keeps sayin' that, and he keeps up the abuse whenever I, or anyone else for that matter, try to be nice. So, ###### 'im. He's not worth the stress.

I'm very sorry for your kitty. Rest assured that Karma's a #######.

[Otto 83]

Your Mother...give it time...

[BelwinMills 0]

Sorry about the cat that is so horrible at least she could of asked you if you wanted the cat before she put it to sleep. I understand not wanting to talk to her. Cool off before anything is said. My mom doesn't have a great relationship with her mother. Her mom is so negative. I gave her 2 chance but I can't stand being around negative vibes. So I don't talk to her anymore. I understand go with what your gut says.

[Autumnchik 6]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your cat. I am also sorry that it sounds like your mother is not capable for being the mother that you wanted. You will not be able to change her views and ways; what you can control is what kind (if any) of relationship you will have with her.