Long distance problems

[WandY 430]

Talk about the things that you will do together in the U.S. - or want to do. Don't discuss the immigration process because it's too stressful. Do the paperwork and move on. The K-1 can be a grind, a handcuff, ball-and-chain, etc. Don't feel that you have to communicate every single day at the same time. That can be a challenge and a demand that becomes a problematic chore. Understand that time goes by and everyone gets through it.

Best advice: Don't talk about the process and don't feel chained to a "Skype time." The time difference can be a real killer. Our 12-hour time difference was very tough. She was going to bed and I was just starting my work day, etc. - Not a good way to start or finish a day. Travel a little, get away and enjoy your last days.

Hang in there and give it a go!

[Meg&Andrew 297]

Not long ago, I was chatting with my fiancé on tango (video chat) and just lost it. I broke down completely. I told him the distance was killing me, me being a single mother was killing me, and me trying to keep a household up by myself was killing me. (4 kids) I will never forget it. I've always been the strong one in our relationship. Always holding it together for us. Telling him to remain Positive, to keep holding on. This was almost 2 and a half years of built up worry, and stress, and I let it all come out at once. I almost left him over it. At the time I was thinking, well I can fall in love with someone here, I can find someone here, and not have to wait or deal with any of this. Then reality sank in. The entire reason I've been with this man, and put up with all I have, is because I love him. It's because I fell in love with him, and even though he lives on the other side of the world, I will NEVER ever find anyone who compares to him. The stress of it all is so overwhelming at times, but I can't imagine not being with him. I could search this entire world over, and never truly find someone who will make me happy the way he does. And it's difficult. It doesn't really get any easier, but I know that we love one another, and that we will never be truly happy with anyone else. So we hold on, we wait it out, and we continue loving each other. Even if it is love from half way around the world, there's no other love I'd rather have. People search for their soulmate their entire lives, and some never find them. I got lucky, as did many of the other people here, to even find my soulmate, even if he does live far away. So that's how I hold on. I know there's no one else I'd rather be with. No one in this entire world.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I actually kind of liked our apart time and the many hours we spent on Skype every day. We really got to focus on each other without the other distractions of life that we now have with more kids, an old house, volunteer responsibilities, etc. Just focus on really getting to know your partner, find something new to talk about every day - news, feelings about various insects, and most importantly make sure you've agreed on all the important life stuff.

For me, I found the difficulty of adjusting to actually living with someone else in a foreign country the much more difficult aspect of our relationship. Just to give you some perspective that it might not be all glitter and rainbows when you eventually do get to be in the same place....

Edited June 14, 2016 by N-o-l-a

[kandikandi 31]

OP, its very simple. This is a test of your wills, your patience, and of your relationship. And if this is a test, you have to make sure to pass. You just have to find that laser sharp focus to not be moved.

There's a lesson in every trying experience and I think that for many of us the K1 petition is the first real test of our relationships. Don't let it break yours! Don't let the stress of the waiting make you forget why you fell in love with your fiance in the first place. This is only the first tiny part of the rest of your lives together....

Breathe and find the grace to keep calm and carry on You'll do just fine.

I think it will help to start thinking about your wedding, the things you'd like to do when you get there, planning your day to day budgets for when you are finally married, bookmarking recipes you'd want to make for your new husband, etc. Sounds silly but dream a little! Before you know it your dream will come true good luck and hang in there Xx

[Harpa Timsah 13,259]

Distance is hard enough as it is without worrying about forms.

And as I have watched so many cases go through on this forum over the years, it has taught me that people need to ignore their immigration processes more than they do. Now, of course that is easier said than done, and one should double check their forms and keep a half an eye on their process. But, so many people talk about checking the website every day, calling the NVC every day, spending time on processing times and Igor's list here, and these actions do not make a person's case go faster. They increase stress and do no good.

On the other hand, a small portion of people come on here totally unprepared and have no idea what is going on with their case, and you know what? They make it through just fine.

As much as possible, make the paperwork as small a part of your life as you can. Forget it during the times you can, like right now. Then an NOA2 will come. Of course you need some time to prepare for the interview and next steps, but you don't need every day until that time to get ready. You will get approved, everything will be fine, and you will be together.

[squareleg 69]

Hey guys.

My fiancé and I have been arguing a lot recently. I am in the UK and struggling a lot more than he is. I am not enjoying my life over here and am really finding it hard to remain positive for the brief exchanges we have over the phone.

Can anyone offer a morale boost? I really feel like it is a matter of time before he gets fed up of my bad moods and stresses after work.

He keeps saying something has changed, which is true - it's like all the fun of travelling back and forth is gone while we are in this strange purgatory and now I know I am very serious and stressy about forms, and this whole K1 process. Praying the NOA2 comes sooner rather than later.

You document everything about yourself. He is also going through the same trials and struggles (considering that their is equal commitment). If relationship cannot stand the test of time, then it is better to consider options early on than later. Immigration is small part of big scene. Good luck!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Reality check and tough love talk :

Continue to have a pissy attitude and you find yourself alone some day.
This is a process that reveals the real you, float with it and drown or choose to knock it off and be as kind as you were before.

If you think this is the only challenge you will face in marriage then you are wrong, very wrong.

If my partner would have had a big pissy personality change due to some forms and a few months of waiting time I would

run.You have been waiting for only 2 months since you filed and already have a bad attitude ? Seriously ?!

Just for some healthy perspective, this visa journey took us 5 long years to come together so what is 5 months ? Nothing you can't handle if you choose to. Period.

Get your big girl panties on and be the woman your man fell in love with and stop the negativity, it is not appealing to anyone in a

relationship. Why would he want to spend more time with you if you are constantly in a pissy mood ?

It is YOUR own choice to be happy or miserable where you currently are. Suck it up buttercup and put a smile on your face

and learn to deal with your long distance choices or date locally instead of making your man second guess his choice, which was

building a happy life with you.....challenges and all, the good, the bad and the ugly !

[NikLR 13,232]

I totally agree with Harpa and Nola. Stop worrying about things you can't control. I remember breaking down crying because if felt like my husband didn't care about the process at all. He calmed me down and reminded me that he absolutely cared, but he also was able to ignore what he can't control. If things had gone beyond normal processing times, he would have stepped in. If I hadn't done the forms, he would have stepped in. But this process really is a good place to learn to stop worrying about something you can't control like the USCIS.

Go out and do something. See the people you won't be able to see. Relax. Enjoy the little bit of life you have left over there and share those positive experiences with your fiance.

But something to remember is if they cant' take you at your worst, they probably don't deserve your best. Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. And sometimes those words are HARD to live by, but if you love someone, enough to move to another country and leave your family and friends behind, then it's worth making the effort to work on it. And that means sometimes, just taking care of YOU.

[blondedoc 35]

Yeah... After almost a year and a half separated (Since february 2015) I wish I could have more good advices...

But I´ll be honest... The things get worse and worse...

We don´t fight, we don´t argue...

But I´m in a way that I look at him on skype and I start to cry.

We avoid talk about process, but he see me so bad that he start to talk about that, saying that everything will be fine. Sometimes it makes me worse, sometimes it makes me better.

I´m drained. Nothing entertain me anymore. I don´t go out. I just work, eat, sleep. Nothing is fun anymore.

During the process I made 5 online courses. Not fun anymore too.

I wish I really could help. I can´t help even myself anymore.

Now, I have my interview in 2 days (that I´ll be denied because my I-212 is not ready) and I´m "training" myself to don´t start to cry during the interview... I don´t know if they think this is bad or not and I don´t want to make my situation worse.

I have no one around me. No mom, no dad, no brother, no in laws, I just have my 2 kids that I take care of.

I´m sorry folks... It´s the worse thing in the world.

[Kim Mertens 54]

The best advice, and people forget often because it is such a stressful time and you wanna stay on top of everything, but: you will be moving across the world in a few months from now and spend every day together hopefully for the rest of your lives. You are leaving all your friends and family behind, also for the rest of your lives. Spend time with them!! Have fun with them!! because everyone is now saying they will keep in touch, but most people just won`t, everyone has a life of their own they have to walk through and they won`t keep checking in with you. And that`s fine, but why worry about things you cannot control when you can be spending that time having fun with the people you will have to leave behind soon?

My now husband and I talked a lot about the process too, don`t get me wrong, but we made a little schedule where we`d talk about it on certain days, let`s say on Sundays, cause we don`t wanna get worked up over the process after 12 hour shifts at work. Other days we found fun stuff to do together online, watching netflix together for example. We watched all episodes of dexter and all episodes of house just during that visa process. (except the last season of dexter cause we wanted to finish it together in person, we really should have kept the 7th season because the last one was awful).

Get to know your partner, the beauty of LDR`s is that when you are spending time there are no other distractions, it`s just you and them, and you have each other`s undivided attention. Learn things about each other, talk about the past, talk about the future, laugh together. Learn to communicate, in the long run it will benefit you because so many normal couples split up because they have no clue how to talk. That is our biggest advantage, all you have is Talk.

Stay positive. And honestly, sometimes if you really feel like crying it is really better to ball up in bed with a stuffed teddy and a box of kleenex, take a nice shower and get online with them with the biggest smile and not tell them anything about it, because it is rough for them too, and they don`t burden you with their stress either because they know you have it rough too. Don`t do that to him all the time it just isn`t fair. Put yourself in their shoes.

And think before you talk when you argue. If after counting to 10 your argument still makes sense, count till 20. If it still makes sense then, bring it up, if not, don`t mention it because it will probably escalate the fight even more.

We all got through this, but it will get worse before it gets better.

Like someone else said before, before the immigration process starts, stress is low., during the immigration process it gets quite high. Right after the move it will be really bad for a while, I broke down LOTS of times, but often times when he was at work. Cause I knew he felt guilty cause I was the one moving, and honestly I just really didn`t want to make him feel bad. Now it is much better, and it gets better with every day that goes by. The Adjustment of Status is stressful too but not on our relationship, cause we are together. To put the stress level in numbers like someone did earlier:

Before the immigration process: 3 (stress mainly after we had to say our goodbyes, it was awful and messy and I can`t ever say goodbye to him again)

During the immigration process: 7

First six months after moving: 9

Now: 2.

We don`t fight, we take a moment to calm down and then talk. We never go to bed angry, we always talk while looking each other in the eye, often even holding hands. We never put blame on each other, we always say sorry. And we always end every fight with I love you.

Don`t give up that easily. Good luck!

[USAMorocco 143]

This is probably one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. Being in a long distance relationship on top of the added stress of the immigration process. Add all this into stress from school, my daughter, bills and well life and it is just one big ball of STRESS. I fight with my fiance as well. It is not easy. When I start to stress or take things out on him I try and remember this is just as hard for him as it is for me and it is going to be even harder for him to leave his family and come here to make me happy. I make contact with my fiance every day or he makes contact with me. Even if it is just to say hey how are you and I love you. Sometimes the small talk is all that gets me through. This process is not for the easily broken. It is very very hard but in the end it is all worth it. We are at an even bigger disadvantage than most people going through this process. I don't even have skype or anyway to see him via the internet. I have seen my fiance maybe 3 times since I left him in January. Morocco blocked skype and all the programs like it. So it stinks....We are a yin and yang. I am high strung and stressed out and get frazzled easy...I freak over the littlest thing...he is more calm and collected and looks at things more positively. There have been many nights where I was ready to give up and say forget this and fought with him and he wouldn't let me give up. My fiance has already put up with A LOT from me. If we can make it through this I think we can get through anything.

You are right something did change....You added a huge stressor to the relationship....Immigration =\ but don't throw the towel in. A relationship is not going to be all roses especially with someone coming from another country. When your fiance gets here it is going to be tough for him to transition even coming from the UK. For me I look at it this way I can either let this process pull us apart or we can get through our fights and be even stronger. I feel like this process beats us down if we let it. But don't...You guys can get through this...is it going to be easy? even after he gets here? probably not but it will get better.

Maybe try explaining to your fiance. Talk to him about the process and how it makes you feel...How it stresses you out and just explain the mood swings aren't meant for him but you can't help it. I told my fiance I don't mean for this all to come out toward you but you are my best friend and you are the one who is going to see me at my worst at times and I feel comfortable with you. I even had to explain to my fiance what severe PMS was because one day he asked me what happened to me lol I am like Satan on steroids. Now he knows that when he starts to see shortness in my messages and tones that he has to be even more calm and collected lol.

You will get over this hump. You both love each other and will find ways to make it work. Just don't give up. Fight fight fight. We are going through this process to be with the ones we love. If we didn't love them we wouldn't be doing this. Don't forget we are human....We are not in the normal relationship where we can come home and be comforted by the one we love in person. We have to do it over the phone or computer. That is stressful too. So many times I have a hard day (like today) and I just want him here to hug me....it hurts but I know it won't be forever. Keep telling yourself this process won't be like this forever. I wish you the best <3 good luck!! Hang in there and don't give up...You have come so far already!

[Michael and Ganna 105]

My heart goes out to anyone in a long distance relationship. It is more than difficult.

We get sidetracked sometimes and immigration seems to get in the way of the real reason you are together. I was told that when you learn to be away from each other, it makes it easier to be together.

Find ways to build your relationship while apart....let google be your friend

http://lovingfromadistance.com

http://www.modernlovelongdistance.com/how-to-make-a-long-distance-relationship-work-best-tips/

[soulstriker 274]

Distance is hard enough as it is without worrying about forms.

And as I have watched so many cases go through on this forum over the years, it has taught me that people need to ignore their immigration processes more than they do. Now, of course that is easier said than done, and one should double check their forms and keep a half an eye on their process. But, so many people talk about checking the website every day, calling the NVC every day, spending time on processing times and Igor's list here, and these actions do not make a person's case go faster. They increase stress and do no good.

On the other hand, a small portion of people come on here totally unprepared and have no idea what is going on with their case, and you know what? They make it through just fine.

As much as possible, make the paperwork as small a part of your life as you can. Forget it during the times you can, like right now. Then an NOA2 will come. Of course you need some time to prepare for the interview and next steps, but you don't need every day until that time to get ready. You will get approved, everything will be fine, and you will be together.

So true im actually shocked but there is a huge amount of filers here who have no idea what there doing and they go through the process like it was nothing

[Caykay1 71]

Just know K1 petitioning a move a lot faster. Soon you guys are going to be together. Just put in your head roughly by Christmas you guys will be spending the holidays together. There's better days ahead. It will come before you know. U.K. Is not a third world country and you're on the bright side of the world. Just hang in there. It will come before you noticed.

[Pearl1973 1]

Hey guys.

My fiancé and I have been arguing a lot recently. I am in the UK and struggling a lot more than he is. I am not enjoying my life over here and am really finding it hard to remain positive for the brief exchanges we have over the phone.

Can anyone offer a morale boost? I really feel like it is a matter of time before he gets fed up of my bad moods and stresses after work.

He keeps saying something has changed, which is true - it's like all the fun of travelling back and forth is gone while we are in this strange purgatory and now I know I am very serious and stressy about forms, and this whole K1 process. Praying the NOA2 comes sooner rather than later.

My fiance and I went throught the same and I feel you on this. The process and long distance can be tough on the relationship. I can't tell how many times we fraustrated each other and felt like quitting but if you love each other all you need to do is to take a deep breath and remember why you started this whole process in the first place and most importantly your love for each other. Unfortunately life does not stop because of this process so any other situations just add on to the stress of the visa process and being apart. Hang in there and just focus on getting to the interview stage and being with your loved one. My fiancé and I are now together and I tell you all the challenges were so worth it. Don't give up on each other no matter what....I'm routing for you guys.