Long distance problems

[thrashunreal 20]

Hey guys.

My fiancé and I have been arguing a lot recently. I am in the UK and struggling a lot more than he is. I am not enjoying my life over here and am really finding it hard to remain positive for the brief exchanges we have over the phone.

Can anyone offer a morale boost? I really feel like it is a matter of time before he gets fed up of my bad moods and stresses after work.

He keeps saying something has changed, which is true - it's like all the fun of travelling back and forth is gone while we are in this strange purgatory and now I know I am very serious and stressy about forms, and this whole K1 process. Praying the NOA2 comes sooner rather than later.

[Georgia16 2,858]

Long distance is really hard and no one who has ever been in one can really understand how it is.

When you do talk is it about the process everytime? Because that can be hard for the relationship if everything is just about this process. You guys have a long way yet so stop talking about it to much until the NOA2 comes which will take a while.

It's hard now but try and focus on your last months there and family and so on before you know it it's time to leave!

[city2888 5]

I would say why not pick a topic you like....lets just say you too both like to read ... Why not get the same book and then talk about it every few days...read a few chapters and go from there.... Or you both like movies watch the movie and do the same thing

What's also a good game to play every few weeks ...is the I like game as I call it.... How it works, you tell your partner one think you like about them... Then you tell her one think you like about yourself ...then it's her turn to tell one thing she likes about you and then herself and then go just go back and frioth with that for the evening.... May sound silly but it will cheer you too up

Phone,do video chat when you guys can ....Facebook message each other during the game...

Send each other photos of each other randomly and out of the blue.

Leave them a message to wake up to in the morning to start their day with a smile..

Good luck guys ...keep the heads up!

[Rc123rc 528]

The waiting is tough. No doubt about it. Can you do SKYPE or something so you can at least see each other visually? My other suggestion is maybe to find another outlet for the stress or get some support/counseling. Both of you. If all you are doing is stressing out about work, the process, financial situation, family, etc, etc, then I can see where things have changed and dialogue is going to be very strained and not fun. My fiancee is living alone with zero support. We've had to suck it up and make sure we talk about positive things. We know the process and waiting sucks but it's no reason to pull the whole relationship down.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

My advice is to hang in there. I'd like to say that it gets better once you're together, but that's not exactly how it turned out for my wife and I. You imply that it was easier/better before the immigration process. I would definitely concur with that. Here is how I would peg the stress levels for both of us in our relationship, on a scale from 1 to 10.

3 - Years 1-8, no marriage or engagement yet. Many trips back & forth.

9 - The 16 months of immigration processing.

8 - The first six months of her time in the US, together with me.

2 - The second six months of her time here.

So yeah, it's gotten a lot better, but it took time. You're right in the middle of the worst of it. I wish you the best of luck.

Edited June 13, 2016 by Russ&Caro

[Scandi 4,166]

It's super hard. You get so stressed over this whole process and not being able to just be close to your man. I hate this, I really do. After a while it starts feeling as if it'll never end and you start losing hope. I know exactly how you feel.

[Rc123rc 528]

It's super hard. You get so stressed over this whole process and not being able to just be close to your man. I hate this, I really do. After a while it starts feeling as if it'll never end and you start losing hope. I know exactly how you feel.

5 months and no NOA2? What's the holdup? You of all people know how high the stress and frustration levels can get.

[Scandi 4,166]

5 months and no NOA2? What's the holdup? You of all people know how high the stress and frustration levels can get.

Yes, it's horrible. I have gotten physical issues from all the stress regarding this. Nobody knows why nothing is happening, nobody can seem to find our petition at this point. I don't think I can ever go through this again.

[Rc123rc 528]

Yes, it's horrible. I have gotten physical issues from all the stress regarding this. Nobody knows why nothing is happening, nobody can seem to find our petition at this point. I don't think I can ever go through this again.

Infopass? You might have to send them the complete package again. You have an NOA1 so they got the original. Yes, stress can cause physical problems. Hang in there.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I take a day off from him sometimes give me time to miss him. The time apart is NOT easy but whats worse I keep getting sooooo many people saying hes using me for a visa because I almost had that happen with my childs father. People make it hard. I try to look at the positive....we are now trying to get a head start on the embassy paperwork due to my lack of reading i got us a RFE add few more weeks to the case....

Def hard

BUT we are lucky this process has been longer for other folks some people get AP so it def rules out weak relationships if you can pass this hurdle you got a leg up on things

[Dutchster 1,107]

My fiancé is more laid back than me and that causing nights where he had to comfort me over Skype of WhatsApp and especially now with just 45 days left for my plan to leave (if everything goes well, visa seen) I stressed a lot during the K1 process and I guess it will not be over any time soon but talking is what helps us through. We never got into a fight or discussion about anything because we talk talk talk. Try not to get mad at him or blame anything on him at least, let him know if you're upset by this process and how much stress it causes.

If you can overcome this in your relationship, you will to mostly anything. (That's how I see it with my relationship, though)

[Scandi 4,166]

Infopass? You might have to send them the complete package again. You have an NOA1 so they got the original. Yes, stress can cause physical problems. Hang in there.

We have a service request open at the moment, they said they'll get back to us by the 16th. For some reason I doubt they will and if they do it'll most likely just be another standard reply like "It's still being processed, you have to wait". Which probably means they haven't been able to find it but they won't admit it.

Infopass is the next step, I hope it's easy to get an appointment.

[NikLR 13,227]

~~moved to progress reports from process and procedures. Topic is not asking about K1 process~~

[JFH 12,190]

I'd say take time now to do things in the UK that you won't be able to do for a long time. You're going to Austin so you're going to be a fair distance from the coast and also anything that is vaguely hilly. So take a trip to the coast here or to the Welsh mountains. Soak up the scenery. Eat fish and chips. Take a trip by train. See something really old like Stonehenge.

I found that when I first started going back and forth a lot to see my (now) husband, it felt like going on honeymoon every time. I realised that this had to stop and we had to carry on as normal and not treat each trip like a honeymoon. So he would carry on going to work and I'd cook his meals. We'd go grocery shopping together and he introduced me to tax returns! I had to start seeing this as my home and not somewhere I sneak off to every 6 weeks for a fun weekend with my boyfriend. While he was at work I used the library and figured out how to use the washer and dryer. I took a bus into Seattle. I went to the post office. I paid his phone bill. I learnt the American words for things and trained myself not to convert prices all the time. I drove around and got used to traffic being on the "other" side of the road.

Now when I come back from trips to see him (over 40 trips now and counting) the UK seems like my holiday destination. It's starting to feel foreign to me so I really want to see everything here one last time before I leave.

Edited June 13, 2016 by JFH

[Unlockable 7,314]

I shared our (my wife and I) story in another thread. It is copied and pasted below. It has a happy ending.

Will share me and my wife's story...

Wife and I was engaged and everything was fine. I filed the K1 petition and was approved. Soon after receiving the NOA2 several compounding life events from both our lives and families occurred; medical diagnosis of sickness of loved ones, deaths, job loss, fear of immigration, etc, etc. It seems like any tragic event that could happen, happened.

We decided to call of the engagement and marriage to focus on taking care of things in our lives. But we remained in contact.

And for some reason I never cancelled the K1 application. I don't know why and I can't explain it. I just felt that it didn't feel right for me to cancel it. maybe I was just relying on it to die on it's own.

Anyway,Less than three months later we were back together.

We decided that despite enduring tragic events in our lives and families we wanted to continue being together. I investigated if the K1 petition can be extended when it is pass the 4 month validity. I discovered that the CO can extend it if it is not too expired. We restarted the process and by the time she had her interview it was 15 months AFTER the NOA2.

She arrived in January of this year. We just had wonder Mother's Day dinner this past weekend.

My point is that sometimes when you take a step back, you can still move forward. If your loved one needs time then it may be for the best. And who knows, you may still end up together stronger than ever.

I wish you two the very best of luck.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/594109-can-the-visa-be-extended/

Hang in the OP.