Prenup Stating if he Divorces me he has to Pay Back Expenses

[B_J 2,752]

Thank you guys for your advice. I have been hurt before. There was another Filipino that I thought loved me. Fortunately for me he didn't get any money out of me (which is why he left) but it did damage me. I don't understand how you guys can be so trusting though given the plethora of stories of Americans/Europeans/Australians being taken for a ride by unscrupulous people that will do/say anything to come here. I hear the stories all the time. When I was online I had so many scammers try to contact me with their sad stories and then requests for 'help'. I saw through them but there are always some that are really good and can pull the wool over your eyes. But really I have no assets. I am a student that just barely meets the income requirements to bring someone over here and in fact he would be the one working until I finish my graduate studies (in 3 years). But still he could always bounce as soon as he got here by claiming abuse or some other sinister means meaning I'd be out not just my money but my heart as well.

You are correct, there are a ton of people who have taken advantage of people to get to the US. There are also a ton of Americans who have taken advantage of immigrants.

However, you aren't dating those people. You are with one person. Just one. Focus on knowing that person. Don't worry about what somebody else may have done. That's not fair to the person you are with. Really get to know the person you are with and you won't have to worry about anything else. Either you will find out that you can truly trust the person. Or you may find out that you can't trust that person and you'll have to end things; but even that will have protected you better than a prenup ever could.

Take your time and I wish you all the best.

[Umka36 781]

Thank you guys for your advice. I have been hurt before. There was another Filipino that I thought loved me. Fortunately for me he didn't get any money out of me (which is why he left) but it did damage me. I don't understand how you guys can be so trusting though given the plethora of stories of Americans/Europeans/Australians being taken for a ride by unscrupulous people that will do/say anything to come here. I hear the stories all the time. When I was online I had so many scammers try to contact me with their sad stories and then requests for 'help'. I saw through them but there are always some that are really good and can pull the wool over your eyes. But really I have no assets. I am a student that just barely meets the income requirements to bring someone over here and in fact he would be the one working until I finish my graduate studies (in 3 years). But still he could always bounce as soon as he got here by claiming abuse or some other sinister means meaning I'd be out not just my money but my heart as well.

Here is how I am so trusting of my wife. I visited her multiple times and also spent time with her family & friends. I stayed at her place during all my trips. Living in her environment, I got to see who she was. You can also mitigate the chance of being scammed by paying attention to red flags. If it doesn't sound/feel right, then slow it down than trying to rush the process to save a dollar (OK, a few thousands for some of us) because it will only get more expensive if you are wrong. By doing this, I can live with myself guilt/paranoid free. I just don't get why people are in such a hurry.

OP, was your previous partner from the Philippines already in the US or did you petition for that person?

[bdrew612 1,071]

Thank you guys for your advice. I have been hurt before. There was another Filipino that I thought loved me. Fortunately for me he didn't get any money out of me (which is why he left) but it did damage me. I don't understand how you guys can be so trusting though given the plethora of stories of Americans/Europeans/Australians being taken for a ride by unscrupulous people that will do/say anything to come here. I hear the stories all the time. When I was online I had so many scammers try to contact me with their sad stories and then requests for 'help'. I saw through them but there are always some that are really good and can pull the wool over your eyes. But really I have no assets. I am a student that just barely meets the income requirements to bring someone over here and in fact he would be the one working until I finish my graduate studies (in 3 years). But still he could always bounce as soon as he got here by claiming abuse or some other sinister means meaning I'd be out not just my money but my heart as well.

Time is the only thing that will answer those questions. I mean time without the immigration piece attached. The immigration process is stressful, if you're already apprehensive, mistrustful and of the mindset that this isn't going to work out, then your prophecy will be fulfilled. For as many scammer stories that exist, there are just as many successful ones. But if you're searching for horror stories, that's exactly what you'll find.

If this dude contacted you initially with a sad story and was seeking help, well then, you already know how this story will end. If that's not what the initial contact was, then let it go and don't focus on that.

My advice? Pump the brakes, get to know each other more before you start talking marriage and immigration. If he's pushing the matter of immigration, well, there you go.

[Wooderz 314]

You are right. Those stories are out there and they're scary. But like another poster said, focus on the person you're with, not the stories. Get to know him. Build that trust and bond. It can only be built over time.

For me, we visited 25 times during the 7 years before my husband moved here. I guess I knew he wouldn't do that because I knew him inside and out. I know that in 7 years he's never asked me for a dime or expected me to help or support him financially. I also knew he was happy in London and didn't actually want to move here. I know my situation is different coming from a vwp country and a city that is equally or more desirable than the US.

But nonetheless, I think you just need more time getting to know him.

[blondedoc 35]

Depending on the state, I'm not sure how valid a promise about child support yes/no is enforceable unless your spouse adopts your children legally. I'm only guessing here since I'm not a lawyer.

That´s fine. I was never about to ask him for it. We got married to be together forever and if something happen, I don´t want child support from him.

The adoption will occur just if the kids want it and if he want it too. He said that he prefer wait a bit more and let them grow a little bit and they will decide together. Kids already ask to have his last name but they are still too young to make such a decision.

By the way, thank you for the advice!

[yuna628 9,646]

The document is unenforceable and I think any lawyer worth their salt would refuse to take part in it. If you have trust issues, then you are not ready. Anyone can be taken for a ride and have their heart broken, whether they be a foreign born spouse or an American one.

[tomyka81 95]

A prenup can protect anything that you want it to: pre marital income and assets or post marital income and assets. I am definitely getting a prenup. This was something that we talked about before I even went to visit. I have stuff that I want protected at any rate: foreign husband or domestic. My prenup will not include him paying me back for expenses. To me that is the cost of love and the price that I was willing to pay. However, I will protect my house, my assets, my income, my retirement, etc. I had those things prior to. Also my income will be significantly greater than his for a while so I want me stuff protected and equitable to what I contributed. This isn't a love thing, this is a smart thing. All love starts out rosey and if you are fortunate to never need to use your prenup, then good for you. If however, things go south and that person who promised you that they didn't want anything of your suddenly wants your stuff or for you to pay them spousal support then you have protection. Do what is best for you. but paying you back, I think that should be part of the price to find love and not a loan.

Also in most cases a prenup is only good for ten years and only valid after one year and not under duress. I think.

Edited May 31, 2016 by tomyka81

[mallafri76 1,012]

I am considering bringing my Filipino same sex partner over here and I am just paranoid by nature. I read all the stories of Americans who have been duped into marriage by unscrupulous foreigners seeking the coveted green card. I want to know can I have him sign a prenuptial agreement that states that if he divorces me shortly after getting his 10 year green card (which means after the 2 year waiting period) that he has to at least reimburse me for all the expenses to bring him here? Would that be enforceable in court?

My husband and I have a prenup. I'm the foreign spouse and we did one before we got married because I came into the relationship with considerably more assets than my USC husband and also because my husband has a child from a previous relationship.

A prenup is for protecting assets not for cost reimbursement in case the marriage fails. You can't force someone to pay you through a prenup but you can prevent someone from claiming assets from you in case of divorce. So if you have more assets than your spouse, a prenup is a good idea.

[Boiler 44,873]

Post a bond rather than a pre nup?

[soulstriker 274]

thank god for morals , time , i wouldnt marry anyone if i had to think of doing a pre nup , thats just me

[tomyka81 95]

thank god for morals , time , i wouldnt marry anyone if i had to think of doing a pre nup , thats just me

It is unfortunate, but the way things are, a woman would be crazy not to have a prenup, especially if she was established before meeting said love of her life. If both are broke, then there is no need for a prenup. It is when you are caught without one, that you need one. People break promises all the time. Anger in divorce drives people to do things and seek things they promised you that they wouldn't do or go after. I would recommend any educated, decently well off and established woman to get a prenup. If a man loves a woman, a prenup will be nothing for him to sign. After all he is telling her he doesn't want anything of hers in the beginning. A prenup proves that fact. A man can go, in his late years, and get a decent paying job where as statistically during the divorce, women are the ones who are hardest hit financially. Also sometimes it is difficult for a person who wasn't of means to let go of the life a woman made him accustomed too. My advice of a prenup is mainly for women who are already established before meeting the loves of their lives.

[Starnexus 2]

Time is the only thing that will answer those questions. I mean time without the immigration piece attached. The immigration process is stressful, if you're already apprehensive, mistrustful and of the mindset that this isn't going to work out, then your prophecy will be fulfilled. For as many scammer stories that exist, there are just as many successful ones. But if you're searching for horror stories, that's exactly what you'll find.

If this dude contacted you initially with a sad story and was seeking help, well then, you already know how this story will end. If that's not what the initial contact was, then let it go and don't focus on that.

My advice? Pump the brakes, get to know each other more before you start talking marriage and immigration. If he's pushing the matter of immigration, well, there you go.

Actually he says he doesn't want to come to the US since he already has a career in the Philippines as a teacher but lets be honest a teacher there makes peanuts compared to what a teacher here can make. I'm just scared that he's 'so good' that he's getting me to pressure him to come and he can say that never wanted to come here. He did initiate contact and with a sad story but moreso I think it was to make himself look good as he graduated from college sigma cum laude despite all of his hardships. He's never asked for anything so I have to give him that.

[Starnexus 2]

Here is how I am so trusting of my wife. I visited her multiple times and also spent time with her family & friends. I stayed at her place during all my trips. Living in her environment, I got to see who she was. You can also mitigate the chance of being scammed by paying attention to red flags. If it doesn't sound/feel right, then slow it down than trying to rush the process to save a dollar (OK, a few thousands for some of us) because it will only get more expensive if you are wrong. By doing this, I can live with myself guilt/paranoid free. I just don't get why people are in such a hurry.

OP, was your previous partner from the Philippines already in the US or did you petition for that person?

He was in the Philippines. I never petitioned him. It didn't get anywhere near that point when the red flags started popping up. Those were: not talking to me as much, always making excuses as to why he was decreasing the amount of contact. Then the dreaded phrase "I have a problem" came up but I shut that down before he had a chance to request any money. The last straw was he wouldn't even take a picture of a gift I sent him and send it to me. I had to ask him if he got the gift he didn't even tell me about it! He was a horrible human being that played with my heart.

[Ontarkie 14,133]

~~This thread is starting to go Off Topic, stick to the questions from the OP or Do not Post.~~

~~Off Topic posts and those quoting removed.~~

Edited June 1, 2016 by Ontarkie

[Boiler 44,873]

Get him to pay the expenses, then there is no financial risk.