Missing your partner

[JoanBill 0]

How do you deal with missing your partner?? I don't know why but today has been the worst since I came back from being with her six weeks ago. I know it will pass and I know we are inching our way towards the K1. We communicate everyday either by IM or phone. We seem to be halfway to our NOA2. We are making progress. But still, the missing...

[flutter95 4]

I found it very hard - we did the on off seperation thing for 5 years.

Its worth it in the end.

Don't dwell, count days....keep hope and know you WILL be together and it will be for good.

[Together4ever 1]

Yes, this is the worst part of the visa journey. As the saying goes "that which doesn't break you makes you stronger." I know what I went through waiting out this process emotionally. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, so my heart goes to you. Try to stay focused on some positive aspect in your life and definitely keep a good strong support system for those times when it just gets too heavy. We actually ended up avoiding web cams because it was too painful. It made the missing worse. I know that sounds weird, but for us it was just the way it was trying to wait out the 9 months of AP before he got his visa. Stay strong, smile as much as you can, and know that this doesn't last forever. Many have said it here before. This part of the journey, although difficult, also gives you the opportunity to concentrate on the communication/understanding part of your relationship and build a good strong foundation that nothing can shake through the coming years. Stay strong.

[mmarlo 1]

For us, there seem to be some days that are better than others, but it's best when we can both stay busy with our own work. I imagine it's harder for her than me because the pace of life is so much slower in Kenya than it is here, but on the other hand, maybe some aspects of it are easier because she's used to having to wait for things to happen. Me, I just expect things to happen when I want them to, and there's this idea that if you work hard enough, you can accomplish anything. But really, here there's just a lot of waiting and so much is out of your control.

But as for what we actually do, I send a lot of emails. She's not so much into emailing, but she likes getting them, printing them out at the cyber and taking them home to read. We exchange a lot of SMSs from my SMSCountry account to her cell phone, and I call her a couple times a week. That's how we stay in touch, anyway.

I guess that's part of the coping process, but there are a couple other things, besides staying busy, that are useful for me. There's a friend of mine, Phil, who's in the same field of study as me, who was in Kenya the same time I was, and we got to be good friends. His fiancee and mine, both of whom we had to leave behind when our research grants ran out, also both got to be good friends. Now Phil and I make a point of hanging out at least a couple times a month, even though we're about two hours apart. Just having some beers and talking about everything. And my fiancee and his also seem to have a similar ritual where every week or two they get together and have a girls night out. That really helps both of us, I think, to know and to be able to interact with someone who understands your situation so well. My other close friends, I can talk to them about it, but they don't really "get" it as well.

And then there's exercise. It helps me to clear my mind and relieve some stress. I should do it more, but at least a couple times a week seems to have made a difference.

[*julez* 124]

If don't don't have web cams, but can afford them, I highly reccomend that! It has really helped to be able to see eachother. Also, if you know the date that you'll see eachother next, you can make a customized counter on timeanddate.com to countdown the days. It breaks it down into days, hours minutes, seconds - its great to see all the milestones go by!

Other than that, you just have to stay strong and know that you WILL be together forever someday! We all have our bad days - that why this community is so great cos we can all relate to how you're feeling and offer support!

Hang in there!

[~Chad~ 0]

The hardest time for us was between the NOA1 and the NOA2. It was like the NOA2 is the top of the mountain. But then the pace picked up and excitement has been setting in more and more each day. I used to lose sleep because of the "missing". Now that I know her interview date I'm losing sleep because of excitement.

[seattlegirl27 0]

Im sure I understand how it feels.there are days that worst than others.this waiting game all we need to do is to be patient because its really killing us sometimes.I am glad our visa jouney will end very soon and plan to fly by June.

God bless you and hope to you and Joan will be together soon..

Your not alone with that feeling...

seattlegirl

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Just look forward to the next mile stone, then the next, then the next, after the NOA2 it will go quicker, it is a very hard process. Some days a little overwhelming.

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

How do you deal with missing your partner??

get a laser sight

[NYGirl 0]

Web camera is what's getting us to get by

[BelwinMills 0]

It is hard knowing we only have 2 months left we haven't talked much because of different work schedules ready for this to be over with after 9 years. I am hanging up pictures and getting the house ready for him. Next week during spring break will be hard but I will still get the house ready mom and dad are giving us their king bed so when I get that in the next couple weeks it will remind me he will be here soon.

[featherB 1]

If don't don't have web cams, but can afford them, I highly reccomend that! It has really helped to be able to see eachother. Also, if you know the date that you'll see eachother next, you can make a customized counter on timeanddate.com to countdown the days. It breaks it down into days, hours minutes, seconds - its great to see all the milestones go by!

Other than that, you just have to stay strong and know that you WILL be together forever someday! We all have our bad days - that why this community is so great cos we can all relate to how you're feeling and offer support!

Hang in there!

What Julezabelle said.

We have our webcams on constantly. We don't even have sound with them, it's not like we do 'video messaging' or anything, but even if we don't talk (beyond the occasional IM) for hours, it makes it feel like we're not so far away from each other... and the whole 'countdown' thing has really helped me, breaking the time down into more manageable chunks!

[CountryBoy 0]

this post has been moved from the K-1 discussion group