i need some help!

[iwannaplay54 985]

Hello.. I do appreciate with all my heart all the feedbacks from all of you.But I want to point out something after I read some comments here.

I really don't have any single idea that my husband cares for sex thing only. From the very first time we met, from the time we've been together,coz he already visit me here before in Philippines twice to spend his time to me and we can get a chance to know each other, all his intentions to me is far from what I witness when I reached put in the US. Even when we exchange letters before, emails, all he always says is his big love for me and my son that all his intentions is to have a wonderful family, bring me and my son to US , marry me, love me with all his life and create a wonderful and happy family together. As we get a chance to be together that time he visit me here in Philippines, I fell in love with him coz I can see how much he love me and he always mention about being creating a wonderful and happy family.

Even all the letters he submit to the US immigration the time we file our papers as fiance visa, he always say how much he wanted and dream to have a wonderful relationship with me for the rest of his life. All his intention is pure and lots of love.

Do you think If ever at the first place, I know and discovered that he cares for sex only,why should I will waste my time with him? Maybe that time I will tell him frankly that this will not work out.

I see the real him after we got married. The excitement I see in his eyes is just for lust only and he doesn't care and listen to what I feel. All he care is just his sexual desire.

And he gets mad, when he demands more and I refuse, he start saying something like, he should not take his time bring me and my son to US and marry me and he always compare me to the hooker he met in the street who gives him the best sexual pleasure he desires.

I became depressed and I don't know whom I gonna ask for help when I was in US. No friend. There is a neighbor but you lnow in US.. always on work so no time to talk in a little while. I try to contact those website that seems fit in my situation that they said they help people like me but no response.

Anyway, my main point here is.. I'm not here to make a drama, I'm here for what the real experience I had with my husband. My concern is just a simple. I just need the right and real steps I must do in this kind of experienced I had. Cos I care about following US immigration rules so I need a guide for the very real and right thing to do. Thank you!

And please. For some who reply that I marry for visa.. That's not true. I love him that's why we got married but I don't know that he is fake until I reached US.

A few years ago when we were living overseas my wife and I decided that we did not want to bother with all of the hassle of maintaining residence in the US and overseas just to maintain a green card. She filled out the form, went to the US consulate, and surrendered it. A couple years later when my job was winding down and we were ready to move back to the US I filed a new petition and she got a new green card.

Summary: If you want to stay in your home country, surrendering a green card to the US consulate or embassy does not effect your future immigration or travel benefits. Hope that answers your original question.

[TBoneTX 45,304]

A noncontributory post has been removed.

[N and J 88]

A few years ago when we were living overseas my wife and I decided that we did not want to bother with all of the hassle of maintaining residence in the US and overseas just to maintain a green card. She filled out the form, went to the US consulate, and surrendered it. A couple years later when my job was winding down and we were ready to move back to the US I filed a new petition and she got a new green card.

Summary: If you want to stay in your home country, surrendering a green card to the US consulate or embassy does not effect your future immigration or travel benefits. Hope that answers your original question.

From what I understand by her reaching out to websites for help she is not looking to surrender her green card but looking for someone to help her start a life over in the US. i don't think she plans on staying in the Philipines.

[iwannaplay54 985]

She asked about her status if she stayed (originally, no mention of returning) and later asked about what sort of notification is required if she stayed. Though I cannot provide an answer about who will take care of them absent a sponsor in the US hopefully the previously mentioned questions related to staying in home country are answered.

[NikLR 13,227]

Hello.. I do appreciate with all my heart all the feedbacks from all of you.But I want to point out something after I read some comments here.

I really don't have any single idea that my husband cares for sex thing only. From the very first time we met, from the time we've been together,coz he already visit me here before in Philippines twice to spend his time to me and we can get a chance to know each other, all his intentions to me is far from what I witness when I reached put in the US. Even when we exchange letters before, emails, all he always says is his big love for me and my son that all his intentions is to have a wonderful family, bring me and my son to US , marry me, love me with all his life and create a wonderful and happy family together. As we get a chance to be together that time he visit me here in Philippines, I fell in love with him coz I can see how much he love me and he always mention about being creating a wonderful and happy family.

Even all the letters he submit to the US immigration the time we file our papers as fiance visa, he always say how much he wanted and dream to have a wonderful relationship with me for the rest of his life. All his intention is pure and lots of love.

Do you think If ever at the first place, I know and discovered that he cares for sex only,why should I will waste my time with him? Maybe that time I will tell him frankly that this will not work out.

I see the real him after we got married. The excitement I see in his eyes is just for lust only and he doesn't care and listen to what I feel. All he care is just his sexual desire.

And he gets mad, when he demands more and I refuse, he start saying something like, he should not take his time bring me and my son to US and marry me and he always compare me to the hooker he met in the street who gives him the best sexual pleasure he desires.

I became depressed and I don't know whom I gonna ask for help when I was in US. No friend. There is a neighbor but you lnow in US.. always on work so no time to talk in a little while. I try to contact those website that seems fit in my situation that they said they help people like me but no response.

Anyway, my main point here is.. I'm not here to make a drama, I'm here for what the real experience I had with my husband. My concern is just a simple. I just need the right and real steps I must do in this kind of experienced I had. Cos I care about following US immigration rules so I need a guide for the very real and right thing to do. Thank you!

And please. For some who reply that I marry for visa.. That's not true. I love him that's why we got married but I don't know that he is fake until I reached US.

Thank you for clarifying.

Please let us know where you want to live? In the USA or not?

Edited May 20, 2016 by NLR

[kjem 11]

Hello.. I do appreciate with all my heart all the feedbacks from all of you.But I want to point out something after I read some comments here.

I really don't have any single idea that my husband cares for sex thing only. From the very first time we met, from the time we've been together,coz he already visit me here before in Philippines twice to spend his time to me and we can get a chance to know each other, all his intentions to me is far from what I witness when I reached put in the US. Even when we exchange letters before, emails, all he always says is his big love for me and my son that all his intentions is to have a wonderful family, bring me and my son to US , marry me, love me with all his life and create a wonderful and happy family together. As we get a chance to be together that time he visit me here in Philippines, I fell in love with him coz I can see how much he love me and he always mention about being creating a wonderful and happy family.

Even all the letters he submit to the US immigration the time we file our papers as fiance visa, he always say how much he wanted and dream to have a wonderful relationship with me for the rest of his life. All his intention is pure and lots of love.

Do you think If ever at the first place, I know and discovered that he cares for sex only,why should I will waste my time with him? Maybe that time I will tell him frankly that this will not work out.

I see the real him after we got married. The excitement I see in his eyes is just for lust only and he doesn't care and listen to what I feel. All he care is just his sexual desire.

And he gets mad, when he demands more and I refuse, he start saying something like, he should not take his time bring me and my son to US and marry me and he always compare me to the hooker he met in the street who gives him the best sexual pleasure he desires.

I became depressed and I don't know whom I gonna ask for help when I was in US. No friend. There is a neighbor but you lnow in US.. always on work so no time to talk in a little while. I try to contact those website that seems fit in my situation that they said they help people like me but no response.

Anyway, my main point here is.. I'm not here to make a drama, I'm here for what the real experience I had with my husband. My concern is just a simple. I just need the right and real steps I must do in this kind of experienced I had. Cos I care about following US immigration rules so I need a guide for the very real and right thing to do. Thank you!

And please. For some who reply that I marry for visa.. That's not true. I love him that's why we got married but I don't know that he is fake until I reached US.

First, let me say that it is sad to hear that you had to endure such treatment by such a person. Let me ask, have your husband already left you and your son in the Philippines? If so, Before you three left the United States, were there a roundtrip ticket for you and your son or a one-way tick for you and him? If it was a one-way why would you agree to leave the states?

I think you should contact your Embassy there in the Philippines and talk to a person who is experienced with cases like yours, to learn of your rights. And I do agree that you should somehow return to the U.S. A. You may also want to contact the U.S. Philippines Embassy here in America that has jurisdiction over the state you married and lived in. I will be praying for you and your son, that you both are able to return to the U.S. and start your lives over. You are dong the right things by seeking advice here. But you must make the next step of contacting agencies and those who can directly help you in your situation. All we can do here is offer advice.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

If the assumption is that the reason that she first came to the US was to be with her husband, and now he is unhappy with her, and doesn't want her anymore, why would you ever advise her to go back? What reason would she have to go back? And don't say that she has an established life in the US that she doesn't want to give up. She has no job, no money, no friends nor family, no property... nothing established. The smartest advice we can give her is to stay in Philippines and re-start her life with the her friends and family's support.

Of course, somebody always has to mention VAWA. Per OP's posts, I didn't get the sense that there is any abuse in her marriage. I know that some women probably think so, but asking for sex is not abuse. I don't think he is raping her when they are intimate. I would like to point out something she said. He visited her twice and I think it's safe to assume that they were intimate in Philippines when they were together. So whatever she was giving him was acceptable enough for him to bring her to the US and then when she arrived, he was no longer happy with the level (or amount) of intimacy he was getting from her? I highly doubt that. I suspect that he was getting a certain level in the Philippines and when she came to the US, it either decreased dramatically or stopped completely. I only bring it up because I know a USC who this happened to. He met a woman in DR (I think) and they were doing it like animals. And when she finally came to the US, it stopped almost completely. Suffice to say, he was not happy as this is not what he expected nor wanted in a wife. And they are no longer married. I think the OP's could be another case of mismatched expectations. Just an idea.

Somebody mentioned her "rights". What rights are you referring to. Like any other married person, she has the right to leave the marriage if she is not happy. Having a cheating spouse doesn't entitle one to anything extra. There is no cheating compensation. (or "sex trafficking" payment--that was interesting btw). It seems that some people would like a severance package when a marriage doesn't work out.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Eric-Pris

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

I think you should contact your Embassy there in the Philippines and talk to a person who is experienced with cases like yours, to learn of your rights. And I do agree that you should somehow return to the U.S. A. You may also want to contact the U.S. Philippines Embassy here in America that has jurisdiction over the state you married and lived in.

Rights?

She has the right to leave the marriage if she's not happy

She has the right to return to the US for the time until her greencard expires or she removes conditions

She has to right to turn in her greencard if she won't be returning to the US

She does NOT have the right to receive compensation from her husband due to his cheating or failed marriage

[Boiler 45,525]

Rights?

She has the right to leave the marriage if she's not happy

She has the right to return to the US for the time until her greencard expires or she removes conditions

She has to right to turn in her greencard if she won't be returning to the US

She does NOT have the right to receive compensation from her husband due to his cheating or failed marriage

Learning of your rights from the Embassy was a hoot mind you.

[Caryh 5,206]

So what will she live on while all this process goes on, even if it was possible? Where will she live? Its hard to do anything when you're homeless. How will she even get money for a ticket to fly two people back? The embassy will not give her any assistance, she is not a US citizen. And even if she was, the most they would do is help her to return to the USA as long as she wasn't a dual citizen in the Philippines. Violence Against Women is a law, it can do nothing for her. She hasn't exactly been abused in any way that would even bring the law into the situation as far as I can see. The husband wants daily sex, she wants it less often, how much less we don't even know, maybe its never and she just wanted someone to support her? An imbalance in sexual desire is bound to create problems in a marriage if the couple can't work it out.

If a couple were to marry with immigration in the picture and one comes to live in the other one's country. Before the marriage when they visit, sex is plentiful and often. So after the marriage and immigration occurs, and one decides sex should not happen any longer, or is suddenly very infrequent. Do you really expect the partner who suddenly discovered sex is suddenly going to be withheld after marriage not to be upset? Are they supposed to think the person who was plenty willing before marriage and immigration was not lying or faking it before in order to get in the country? Sex is part of marriage, differences in desire need to be worked out as a couple, not mandated by either party, both the one wanting it every day or the one who suddenly no longer wants it.

A bad marriage and even being an jerk does not equal abuse under VAWA.

Two people getting marriage with immigration in the picture and without really knowing each other tends to hurt both sides in equal numbers. If you're here long enough and not biased you'd see that. It certainly isn't the immigrant who suffers most of the time. I would guess that most of the time both suffer when the marriage falls apart. Too often both sides fill in the gaps of what they know about their partner with wishes they want their partner to be. Once they're together 24/7, when those wishes of what they wanted their partner to be are filled with the reality of who their partner really is, they can either accept and live with it, or grow resentful they didn't meet their expectations. Heck I knew my wife for 8 years before she came to the USA and we got married, and I still had plenty to learn that surprised me once we were together 24/7. How much more so for people where most of their relationship was while the immigration was in process before they were together 24/7?

I read many people giving advice here, but some common concerns should not be overlooked. The man has been very manipulative and self-centered. He has cause two lives to be damaged by his stupidity. I think if the woman can return to the U.S. she should, and she should contact an immigration lawyer once she returns to find out her legal right. If it is established that this man has not been faithful in his marriage to her by seeking out hookers, then she can possibly get a divorce, and she and her son's papers possibly can be processed through an advocate agency. here is the thing people, she should get something out of the call husband's selfish sexual urges. Also, what many of you should also understand is that being used by another person in such a way is not like someone stealing your favorite electronic. People like her husband are doing this to foreign women, which means a new level of abuse to foreign wives is unveiling itself.

I have a friend, right now who is living in an abusive relationship, nd the husband told her that he is going to send she and her daughter back to the Philippines. How utterly stupid. But what he does not see is that he is sitting on a train track, and he does not see nor hear the train that is coming his way.

The woman should investigate to see what her rights are. She should call the Embassy and contact Violence Against Women to see how or what agency can assist her. Once she gets help she can get her proper papers to get a job and began to rebuild her life here in America. After the treatment from that peson it is the least that should be done for her, and that is obtaining U.S. citizenship for she and her son.

I will say I do agree that this is a case where two people did not know one another, and the beneficiary almost always is the one who suffers the most from those kinds of relationships.

[N and J 88]

So what will she live on while all this process goes on, even if it was possible? Where will she live? Its hard to do anything when you're homeless. How will she even get money for a ticket to fly two people back? The embassy will not give her any assistance, she is not a US citizen. And even if she was, the most they would do is help her to return to the USA as long as she wasn't a dual citizen in the Philippines. Violence Against Women is a law, it can do nothing for her. She hasn't exactly been abused in any way that would even bring the law into the situation as far as I can see. The husband wants daily sex, she wants it less often, how much less we don't even know, maybe its never and she just wanted someone to support her? An imbalance in sexual desire is bound to create problems in a marriage if the couple can't work it out.

If a couple were to marry with immigration in the picture and one comes to live in the other one's country. Before the marriage when they visit, sex is plentiful and often. So after the marriage and immigration occurs, and one decides sex should not happen any longer, or is suddenly very infrequent. Do you really expect the partner who suddenly discovered sex is suddenly going to be withheld after marriage not to be upset? Are they supposed to think the person who was plenty willing before marriage and immigration was not lying or faking it before in order to get in the country? Sex is part of marriage, differences in desire need to be worked out as a couple, not mandated by either party, both the one wanting it every day or the one who suddenly no longer wants it.

A bad marriage and even being an jerk does not equal abuse under VAWA.

Two people getting marriage with immigration in the picture and without really knowing each other tends to hurt both sides in equal numbers. If you're here long enough and not biased you'd see that. It certainly isn't the immigrant who suffers most of the time. I would guess that most of the time both suffer when the marriage falls apart. Too often both sides fill in the gaps of what they know about their partner with wishes they want their partner to be. Once they're together 24/7, when those wishes of what they wanted their partner to be are filled with the reality of who their partner really is, they can either accept and live with it, or grow resentful they didn't meet their expectations. Heck I knew my wife for 8 years before she came to the USA and we got married, and I still had plenty to learn that surprised me once we were together 24/7. How much more so for people where most of their relationship was while the immigration was in process before they were together 24/7?

Very nicely put!!!

[bigjailerman 318]

Some of you guys crack me up. Amy man that went through a divorce in a liberal state, including step children have no idea that women do indeed rights. Way too many at some point. Do you know what they acquired as a marriage? Is the kid in school and if he paid for that, the courts could easily give her child support. I personally experienced family court in NYC amd I am here to tell you, a pit bull divorce attorney can rip you a new AH committed out of nothing.

[Caryh 5,206]

Some of you guys crack me up. Amy man that went through a divorce in a liberal state, including step children have no idea that women do indeed rights. Way too many at some point. Do you know what they acquired as a marriage? Is the kid in school and if he paid for that, the courts could easily give her child support. I personally experienced family court in NYC amd I am here to tell you, a pit bull divorce attorney can rip you a new AH committed out of nothing.

I know in my own state she would walk away with next to nothing, and it is a liberal state. She might get spousal support at a minimal amount for a year if she had a damn good lawyer. But if he didn't agree with it from the start, it could take her two to three years before she saw a penny as a lawyer can easily tie up a contested divorce case that long. And this is in a state with no fault divorce. She'd likely have spent more on the lawyer than she'd receive.

[bigjailerman 318]

http://rightsandremedies.blogspot.com.co/2009/04/when-does-step-parent-have-to-pay-child.html?m=1

[NikLR 13,227]

Thats a lot of ANDs im not sure the OP meets... (beyond the BC Canada part....)

Edited May 20, 2016 by NLR