i need some help!

[Bzegurl 41]

I read many people giving advice here, but some common concerns should not be overlooked. The man has been very manipulative and self-centered. He has cause two lives to be damaged by his stupidity. I think if the woman can return to the U.S. she should, and she should contact an immigration lawyer once she returns to find out her legal right. If it is established that this man has not been faithful in his marriage to her by seeking out hookers, then she can possibly get a divorce, and she and her son's papers possibly can be processed through an advocate agency. here is the thing people, she should get something out of the call husband's selfish sexual urges. Also, what many of you should also understand is that being used by another person in such a way is not like someone stealing your favorite electronic. People like her husband are doing this to foreign women, which means a new level of abuse to foreign wives is unveiling itself.

I have a friend, right now who is living in an abusive relationship, nd the husband told her that he is going to send she and her daughter back to the Philippines. How utterly stupid. But what he does not see is that he is sitting on a train track, and he does not see nor hear the train that is coming his way.

The woman should investigate to see what her rights are. She should call the Embassy and contact Violence Against Women to see how or what agency can assist her. Once she gets help she can get her proper papers to get a job and began to rebuild her life here in America. After the treatment from that peson it is the least that should be done for her, and that is obtaining U.S. citizenship for she and her son.

I will say I do agree that this is a case where two people did not know one another, and the beneficiary almost always is the one who suffers the most from those kinds of relationships.

Well said?

[N and J 88]

I read many people giving advice here, but some common concerns should not be overlooked. The man has been very manipulative and self-centered. He has cause two lives to be damaged by his stupidity. I think if the woman can return to the U.S. she should, and she should contact an immigration lawyer once she returns to find out her legal right. If it is established that this man has not been faithful in his marriage to her by seeking out hookers, then she can possibly get a divorce, and she and her son's papers possibly can be processed through an advocate agency. here is the thing people, she should get something out of the call husband's selfish sexual urges. Also, what many of you should also understand is that being used by another person in such a way is not like someone stealing your favorite electronic. People like her husband are doing this to foreign women, which means a new level of abuse to foreign wives is unveiling itself.

I have a friend, right now who is living in an abusive relationship, nd the husband told her that he is going to send she and her daughter back to the Philippines. How utterly stupid. But what he does not see is that he is sitting on a train track, and he does not see nor hear the train that is coming his way.

The woman should investigate to see what her rights are. She should call the Embassy and contact Violence Against Women to see how or what agency can assist her. Once she gets help she can get her proper papers to get a job and began to rebuild her life here in America. After the treatment from that peson it is the least that should be done for her, and that is obtaining U.S. citizenship for she and her son.

I will say I do agree that this is a case where two people did not know one another, and the beneficiary almost always is the one who suffers the most from those kinds of relationships.

I am just wondering....just let's say not everyone that comes on here is truthful. Maybe she heard of a story where women were being abused and maybe she really is. Maybe she Googled how to get out of a marriage when you aren't happy (not saying she did)...Maybe he isn't what she thought and she thought life was going to be a bed of roses when she got here (again not saying she does) Just saying to make the accusation that this guy is truly abusive without knowing the whole story....well is kind of unfair. You said she should come back if she can....well who will support her because OP already stated at the start of this she could not get a job and support herself and her son here. So who will take her on? Taxpayers? Are you going to support her? Why would she not stay where she has some kind of help from her family? Why would you want to come back here where it could possibly be harder to survive than back in her own country. Sure if she can support herself and not become the taxpayers problem that is great and you are right she should come here if it is a better life....But I don't put 100% in everyone that gets on here and screams abuse by their spouse whether it be the USC or the foreign spouse. People know that is a great way to gain sympathy on both sides. If he is like that well then he is just a sick person. I do agree that many times people bring someone from another country here and expect them to be their slave. It isn't right....But there are 2 sides to every story. If he couldn't stand her so much why did he go back to the Philipines with her?

[bigjailerman 318]

Get a divorce attorney, try to get everything you can get. Maybe she can get child support for the kid at least the same way American women divorce their husbands (well a good number of them). If there is no pre nup, she might have leverage. If she is honest and he tried to make her into nothing but a sex doll, that can be considered abuse. The state they are living makes a difference as well.

That may sound harsh but is a possible route. Why do we fill out the support forms for the consulate interview?

Edited May 19, 2016 by bigjailerman

[NikLR 13,227]

The kid isnt his. Says in the first post he came on a K2. And the AOS is to repay the government if the beneficiary uses means tested benefits, not to support them financially; although maybe a few people have won that argument in court. Lawyers cost money and this poor lady doesnt have a job.

[bigjailerman 318]

In New York, men get rolled in court and despite the kids aren't their own get hit and have to pay..

It's sad that they CANNOT work it out. I'd bet they both did have a clue but looked at their own needs and not the whole picture.

[kjem 11]

Not everyone wants something in the event of a break up. I got a car when I broke up with my ex because he could afford to buy a new one. I didn't get spousal support, I didn't get a half the house, I didn't get anything, just freedom from being manipulated and controlled by someone who claimed not to be doing either. We were together for much longer than the OP and her spouse and I was entitled to all of those things, but didn't want any of them. Sometimes freedom is enough. Not everyone wants revenge.

It should not be perceived as revenge, when the basics of obtaining a U.S. citizenship is part of the K-1 Visa petition. I am fully born and raised American. But I do not see comparing material things with American citizenship. In my post, I did not suggest revenge, and I'm not encouraging it. It has to be understood that these two people suffered undue abuse from the one whose marital obligation were to support them. People like that person should never be allowed to pursue any kind of petition, he should be banned forever doing that he has done. But all of that is up to USCIS.

As I said before, and I stand by it, The wife should find out what her rights are as being married to an American, and she should exercise her rights. Her situation is not she was already an American and he did that to her. Far too many American men are marrying women from the Philippines with awful intentions. On the other side, Women from the Philippines better find out all they can about the man they plan to leave their country for, and don't lost in coming to the promise land, because for many, it becomes a land of being imprisoned by some twisted American man. Just because a woman marries a man, and then find out he is evil, it should not be said of her, "she deserves what she got." Many people are able to be phony, but I will say given time the real side will unveil itself.

In respect to your above comment, just because you decided on how you handled your situation, does not mean the woman should handle hers the same way. Finally I do not thnk that exercising her rights is an act of revenge. We have laws in place and human rights lawas for the purpose of protecting the rights of those that are violated by others.

[kjem 11]

Just some questions to help understand:

You and your son came on fiance visa last May to get married to your USC fiance...how long BEFORE the paperwork started that you knew your fiance?

Was there any indication from your USC fiance that he took a liking to you and your son while you got to know each other better?

Was this a marital arrangement for the sole purpose of gaining visa benefits and escaping the Philippines?

How was flight arrangements made for you guys to head back to the Philippines for vacation...one-way or round trip?

My advice: Keep the green card and try to save up some money to go back to the USA if it was one-way tickets he bought....if not, then you are in luck. It is a new life, as you already experienced it for 11mths, but try to adapt and get an honest paying job to take care of your boy. There are millions globally who fight and struggle with this monster called the visa journey just to be with their loved ones. You got thru and it shouldn't be thrown away over this nonsense with a sex-hungry man.

Truth be told, I am asking the same question as others before me had asked: DOES YOUR HUSBAND NOT WORK?? Also, when you get into the USA, you are sometimes given a pamphlet on Welcome to America that gives support for newcomers to USA. There is a bit in there about situations like what you're in right now and I think you should probably seek legal help (pro bono, of course!

Well said, I do agree that considering all she and her son have gone through, that they should at least seek legal counsel. No, she shouldn't throw it all away, because this person. What others have to understand is something like can affect this woman and her son for the rest of their lives if they just let go and do nothing about it. But at least if gets legal counsel she will be moving towards true freedom and exoneration. Mam go for it, nd when you gain your citizenship, work hard for your son and yourself, and in the process put your past behind you and began to live.

[kjem 11]

I am just wondering....just let's say not everyone that comes on here is truthful. Maybe she heard of a story where women were being abused and maybe she really is. Maybe she Googled how to get out of a marriage when you aren't happy (not saying she did)...Maybe he isn't what she thought and she thought life was going to be a bed of roses when she got here (again not saying she does) Just saying to make the accusation that this guy is truly abusive without knowing the whole story....well is kind of unfair. You said she should come back if she can....well who will support her because OP already stated at the start of this she could not get a job and support herself and her son here. So who will take her on? Taxpayers? Are you going to support her? Why would she not stay where she has some kind of help from her family? Why would you want to come back here where it could possibly be harder to survive than back in her own country. Sure if she can support herself and not become the taxpayers problem that is great and you are right she should come here if it is a better life....But I don't put 100% in everyone that gets on here and screams abuse by their spouse whether it be the USC or the foreign spouse. People know that is a great way to gain sympathy on both sides. If he is like that well then he is just a sick person. I do agree that many times people bring someone from another country here and expect them to be their slave. It isn't right....But there are 2 sides to every story. If he couldn't stand her so much why did he go back to the Philipines with her?

Those are surely a lot of maybes.

[Boiler 45,486]

The child is not his, she has been married a few months, and some people think ker ching!

[N and J 88]

Those are surely a lot of maybes.

You are right. There are. But if this is really the case for her she can come back to the states and seek legal advice. If she is being abused in any way shape or form she can go to a domestic violence shelter. By all means I am not saying that a man or a woman is not capable of being a sex addict but sometimes we turn a blind eye to things that are there when we first meet. Signs that have been there from the start. I am saying on both ends not just hers. Also, if life is not that great where she was (not saying this is the case) some people will take abuse rather than live in a not so healthy place hoping when they get here life will be better. Legal services in her will provide her with an attorney. She has no income so it will be free. She has a huge burden of proof though. These are not little accusations against someone.

[NikLR 13,227]

The child is not his, she has been married a few months, and some people think ker ching!

Go figure. Family reunification visa and theres no family to speak of.

Someones version of "all the time" may not be someone else's as well. Speculation without any OP input in the method tbey want is just speculation.

[kjem 11]

You are right. There are. But if this is really the case for her she can come back to the states and seek legal advice. If she is being abused in any way shape or form she can go to a domestic violence shelter. By all means I am not saying that a man or a woman is not capable of being a sex addict but sometimes we turn a blind eye to things that are there when we first meet. Signs that have been there from the start. I am saying on both ends not just hers. Also, if life is not that great where she was (not saying this is the case) some people will take abuse rather than live in a not so healthy place hoping when they get here life will be better. Legal services in her will provide her with an attorney. She has no income so it will be free. She has a huge burden of proof though. These are not little accusations against someone.

Nicely said. I do agree with you, and yet to add to what you have said. It seems that more and more cases like that are popping up. Scammers are everywhere, here as well as in the Philippines. I am not painting the Filipino as an innocent, but there are a lot of good Filipinos who have come here and love the man just as the man loves her. There too are cases where the woman comes here with an ulterior motive just to get a green card. I just hope there are more who are doing the right thing than those who are not. And like you said there are two sides to a story.

[Boiler 45,486]

Nicely said. I do agree with you, and yet to add to what you have said. It seems that more and more cases like that are popping up. Scammers are everywhere, here as well as in the Philippines. I am not painting the Filipino as an innocent, but there are a lot of good Filipinos who have come here and love the man just as the man loves her. There too are cases where the woman comes here with an ulterior motive just to get a green card. I just hope there are more who are doing the right thing than those who are not. And like you said there are two sides to a story.

or him

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/596573-next-step/page-2

[GutsyGirlTravel 0]

Hello.. I do appreciate with all my heart all the feedbacks from all of you.But I want to point out something after I read some comments here.

I really don't have any single idea that my husband cares for sex thing only. From the very first time we met, from the time we've been together,coz he already visit me here before in Philippines twice to spend his time to me and we can get a chance to know each other, all his intentions to me is far from what I witness when I reached put in the US. Even when we exchange letters before, emails, all he always says is his big love for me and my son that all his intentions is to have a wonderful family, bring me and my son to US , marry me, love me with all his life and create a wonderful and happy family together. As we get a chance to be together that time he visit me here in Philippines, I fell in love with him coz I can see how much he love me and he always mention about being creating a wonderful and happy family.

Even all the letters he submit to the US immigration the time we file our papers as fiance visa, he always say how much he wanted and dream to have a wonderful relationship with me for the rest of his life. All his intention is pure and lots of love.

Do you think If ever at the first place, I know and discovered that he cares for sex only,why should I will waste my time with him? Maybe that time I will tell him frankly that this will not work out.

I see the real him after we got married. The excitement I see in his eyes is just for lust only and he doesn't care and listen to what I feel. All he care is just his sexual desire.

And he gets mad, when he demands more and I refuse, he start saying something like, he should not take his time bring me and my son to US and marry me and he always compare me to the hooker he met in the street who gives him the best sexual pleasure he desires.

I became depressed and I don't know whom I gonna ask for help when I was in US. No friend. There is a neighbor but you lnow in US.. always on work so no time to talk in a little while. I try to contact those website that seems fit in my situation that they said they help people like me but no response.

Anyway, my main point here is.. I'm not here to make a drama, I'm here for what the real experience I had with my husband. My concern is just a simple. I just need the right and real steps I must do in this kind of experienced I had. Cos I care about following US immigration rules so I need a guide for the very real and right thing to do. Thank you!

And please. For some who reply that I marry for visa.. That's not true. I love him that's why we got married but I don't know that he is fake until I reached US.

[N and J 88]

Hello.. I do appreciate with all my heart all the feedbacks from all of you.But I want to point out something after I read some comments here.

I really don't have any single idea that my husband cares for sex thing only. From the very first time we met, from the time we've been together,coz he already visit me here before in Philippines twice to spend his time to me and we can get a chance to know each other, all his intentions to me is far from what I witness when I reached put in the US. Even when we exchange letters before, emails, all he always says is his big love for me and my son that all his intentions is to have a wonderful family, bring me and my son to US , marry me, love me with all his life and create a wonderful and happy family together. As we get a chance to be together that time he visit me here in Philippines, I fell in love with him coz I can see how much he love me and he always mention about being creating a wonderful and happy family.

Even all the letters he submit to the US immigration the time we file our papers as fiance visa, he always say how much he wanted and dream to have a wonderful relationship with me for the rest of his life. All his intention is pure and lots of love.

Do you think If ever at the first place, I know and discovered that he cares for sex only,why should I will waste my time with him? Maybe that time I will tell him frankly that this will not work out.

I see the real him after we got married. The excitement I see in his eyes is just for lust only and he doesn't care and listen to what I feel. All he care is just his sexual desire.

And he gets mad, when he demands more and I refuse, he start saying something like, he should not take his time bring me and my son to US and marry me and he always compare me to the hooker he met in the street who gives him the best sexual pleasure he desires.

I became depressed and I don't know whom I gonna ask for help when I was in US. No friend. There is a neighbor but you lnow in US.. always on work so no time to talk in a little while. I try to contact those website that seems fit in my situation that they said they help people like me but no response.

Anyway, my main point here is.. I'm not here to make a drama, I'm here for what the real experience I had with my husband. My concern is just a simple. I just need the right and real steps I must do in this kind of experienced I had. Cos I care about following US immigration rules so I need a guide for the very real and right thing to do. Thank you!

And please. For some who reply that I marry for visa.. That's not true. I love him that's why we got married but I don't know that he is fake until I reached US.

This is what I am not following....and OP maybe you can help clarify...you said you don't know who you are going to ask for help in the US....ask for help with what? Money? Food? A place to live? A job? What are you asking help for? I'm just confused as to why you would want to come back here with your son when you have nothing here? You stated yourself you have no friends and no one to help you?

If you have no one here and you didn't marry him for a visa why are you so set on coming back to the US? I guess I am asking what is here for you?

I'm sorry if he really told you that a hooker fills all his desires I would have cleaned his clock and told him to marry the hooker than and left.

Do you have an education? Do you speak English well? Can you get a job to support you and your son? You are not eligible for most government programs from the government and to be honest supporting you and your son shouldn't be placed on the taxpayers. That's why I ask what help are you looking for? I mean it's not impossible to build a life here but it's very hard is you have no money, no family, no friend, a job that doesn't pay well and what about medical insurance for 2 people? It's just not easy.

Edited May 20, 2016 by N and J