Divorce

[livelaughlove14 1]

I am the U.S. Citizen my husband is the 2 year greencard holder. We married in September 2014 long story short the marriage could not be saved due to ongoing problems and we just realized that no matter how hard we tried that we couldn't make it work. He moved to Boston with his mom and has only saw our son twice in 7 months. It disgusts me that he was never allowed to come visit the States due to an overstay in 2006 and now that were not together he leaves and only wants to call our son and our 4 year old wants nothing to do with him when he has the freedom to do so. I try and encourage our son to talk to him but he feels neglected that his Dad up and left instead moving to another place in town to help out with responsibilities. I fell that he came here to get what he wanted and obviously he never genuinely cared about me or our son. I have no ill will feelings towards him and have moved on with my life but I just wish he would play a part in our sons life and stop being so bitter. We go to court in a couple weeks to finalize divorce he's requesting to take our son to Canada to see his other kids that he doesn't consistently see. I feel like he's only using our son to claim at time of ROC in 2017 that it will be hardship for him. He's not even using this time to get a job or education. He also received a letter last year from Canada that he was behind in child support in the amount of $25,000 I know I can't use that in court since I opened it but I just want to show the judge how selfish and irresponsible this man is. The courts seem to be fair here because we are married. Any advice for when I go to court? Thanks in advance.

[Caryh 5,206]

This isn't a divorce forum, this is an immigration forum and I don't see any immigration question here. You married a deadbeat father by his history with kids in Canada. He moved away from them apparently and I would guess doesn't see them either or pay his support. With no job, don't expect any child support to be issued, this is something you'll have to bring him back to court for once he's working again. So there should be nothing surprising about his actions in the separation and divorce with you, as its exactly what he's done in the past.

If you're trying to get his green card yanked, you have no evidence of fraud that would cause it to be yanked. You only have evidence he's not a very good father.

[Mollie09 1,543]

If you think he only wants to use a trip with your child to create proof for ROC, don't let him take the child?

[livelaughlove14 1]

If the judge allows it he can. I'm just trying to convince the judge that he's not a fit parent. They let deadbeats have privileges which is ridiculous.

[livelaughlove14 1]

At Caryh if you read my post you would see that I said I've moved on with my life and have no ill will feelings I could care less about his greencard. At the end of the day God knows best but thanks for your advice anyways

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I wouldnt let my child go to any foreign country. With anyone I am of the school of my kid can see it on youtube fb internet. Too many stories of people hijacking children keeping them in there countries beacause in there country our court system is null.

[livelaughlove14 1]

And at Caryh this is something new to me I never knew he was behind in his child support and he faked like he was a good dad to all his kids until he got his greencard and start changing even more. He posed as a stand up guy that is how I fell in love with him. I received the letter in September the same month I filed for divorce

[N and J 88]

In the courts eyes parenting time is worth more than child support. Even if child support is not paid (in NJ at least) the parent still has rights and the right to see and be with the child. The only person who is going to deem him unfit is the judge. Just not paying child support or moving does not deem a person unfit to be a parent. In addition, I recommend you do not go into there and say "My 4 yar old son does not want to talk to him even though he has the freedom to do so because he feels his father neglected him when he up and left and doesn't take care of his responsibilities." They will want to know how your child knows those feelings. I have a 7 year old and at 3, 4, and 5 years old when (which was few and far between) my ex would call to talk to her she didn't want to talk on the phone either. I'm not saying let your son go with him, but don't use your son as a pawn in a bitter divorce. It never works out well for the child and well in all of this your son should be your main concern. If you are saying he doesn't see his other children consistently he couldn't have been too upstanding of a person when you met him.

[livelaughlove14 1]

Yes parenting is important but more important if you exercise is which he hasn't done. I sincerely appreciate your advice

[Cheezees 1,514]

FYI: You have no question related to immigration so I would not be surprised if the moderators close or delete this thread.

[brightfuture78 118]

I wasn't aware a child that young had the capacity to hold a grudge against a parent that way, to the degree that they don't even want to be associated with them anymore. Whatever problems you're having with your husband, hopefully you're not projecting your personal feelings of him upon your son. I believe that's something he should come to his own conclusion on, when he's of an age he can fully appreciate the circumstances.

Don't get me wrong; I think any guy who shows no desire to actively be in his child's life is clearly a deadbeat, but encouraging a child to believe his dad doesn't care about him (true or not) can really have some ill-effects.

In any case, I'm sorry that both you and your son have to go through this situation.

Oh, and about his ideas to take his son to Canada with him to spend time with his other kids, I'd say hell no to that.

Edited May 13, 2016 by brightfuture78

[Caryh 5,206]

And at Caryh this is something new to me I never knew he was behind in his child support and he faked like he was a good dad to all his kids until he got his greencard and start changing even more. He posed as a stand up guy that is how I fell in love with him. I received the letter in September the same month I filed for divorce

Its pretty common not to see what we don't want to see, particularly when we feel ourselves attracted to someone. Which is how many end up in this part of the forum. I'm sure the clues were there, but human nature made you ignored them. When we don't really know the person we're attracted to, people tend to fill in the blanks with what they want that person to be. When the clues start popping up, we ignore them because they don't match with the image we built of that person.

Just a couple of things you likely ignored.

You knew he had kids, where was the child support coming from? When did he pay it and how if he wasn't working?

How often was he going to see his kids or bring them down, or even seeing them when he was still there?

There's plenty of excuses we naturally put in place to excuse all this when we love someone, so I hardly blame you for not seeing it, but I'm sure the evidence was there.

As to my comment about his green card, your original post was a bit vague and this is an immigration forum. I randomly took a stab at you may want to try to yank his green card as many who come here do. Although they generally find out its rarely possible.

Good luck with how ever this plays out. And I hope your child with him can work out some type of relationship with the father.

[Georgia16 2,858]

I am the U.S. Citizen my husband is the 2 year greencard holder. We married in September 2014 long story short the marriage could not be saved due to ongoing problems and we just realized that no matter how hard we tried that we couldn't make it work. He moved to Boston with his mom and has only saw our son twice in 7 months. It disgusts me that he was never allowed to come visit the States due to an overstay in 2006 and now that were not together he leaves and only wants to call our son and our 4 year old wants nothing to do with him when he has the freedom to do so. I try and encourage our son to talk to him but he feels neglected that his Dad up and left instead moving to another place in town to help out with responsibilities. I fell that he came here to get what he wanted and obviously he never genuinely cared about me or our son. I have no ill will feelings towards him and have moved on with my life but I just wish he would play a part in our sons life and stop being so bitter. We go to court in a couple weeks to finalize divorce he's requesting to take our son to Canada to see his other kids that he doesn't consistently see. I feel like he's only using our son to claim at time of ROC in 2017 that it will be hardship for him. He's not even using this time to get a job or education. He also received a letter last year from Canada that he was behind in child support in the amount of $25,000 I know I can't use that in court since I opened it but I just want to show the judge how selfish and irresponsible this man is. The courts seem to be fair here because we are married. Any advice for when I go to court? Thanks in advance.

He doesn't have to wait till 2017 to file ROC he could do it as soon as you guys are divorced.

[Boiler 45,912]

He doesn't have to wait till 2017 to file ROC he could do it as soon as you guys are divorced.

I was thinking the same.

Also a US court is unlikely to allow him to take the child outside of the State never mind the Country.

Does beg the question regarding child support, not that he is likely to be paying much anyway, do the other children get priority?

[kris&me 572]

Most of the states do not allow the noncustosdial parent to take the child out of the state he lives in / unless it is by agreement of both

you can state this in any agreement you make in court

and taking him to a foreign country may be totatly out of the question

get your support order