Relationship, Gossip from People about Your Spouse

[Caykay1 71]

Yes, it can be a problem - it depends on where in the USA you live and the type of people surrounding you. You may encounter vocalizations/threats far worse than the green card issue because of your country (Iran). Unfortunately, Americans can be very bigoted, ignorant, immature and nasty. Same goes for the rest of the planet, but especially true in USA. I've had my share of negative comments aimed at my wife (Vietnamese) because of an unpopular war that ended 40 years ago. I ignore stupid people and move on. However, sometimes it's impossible to bite the tongue. A kid called my wife a "######" - I asked him what the term means and where it originated. He didn't know. Of course he didn't know - he's a dumb punk. It's hard to stay silent, but don't play their game.

As you know, there's a lot of misplaced hatred towards Muslims (and persons fitting the stereotype and/or description, earned or not) because of 9/11. People learn through study, travel, and exposure to unknown things. Maybe take the time to educate others about Iran and about your spousal relationship. In time, people will see that you are in love and do the things we all do - like raise families, pay taxes, etc. Stay the course and don't worry about it. Most Americans are good people with great immigration stories of their own. My family journeyed from Europe 200 years ago - a great tale, like many others. Yours is just beginning. Enjoy it.

???????????????????? couldn't have said it any better.

[TBoneTX 45,666]

If you have a loving and successful marriage than that will irritate the people who judge your relationship far more than any riposte to their comments could.

Of the half-dozen couples who got hosed at the [censored] Guayaquil consulate when we did, all remain together. Take that.

Edited May 9, 2016 by TBoneTX

[MASH 172]

it happened to me as well

people think it doesn't happen to Canadians as it is not a third world country but sadly it does

when I came my husbands mother thought I used her son for a green card and that I was going to turn him into a terrorist and muslim and come to America to recruit pretty much, at first I was badly hurt that someone can be that evil but after so long I just started laughing thinking, what Canadian would ever want to leave Canada when they can come to the states so easily and stay for 6 months if they want to and me having a high paying job and coming here to be a stay at home mom till my EAD comes in

I try to laugh it off or get rid of the people from my life that is negative, they think they are doing this to protect the USC but in the end it is just stresses them and hurts them

like I said get rid of the bad people in your life that does not support you and your love, this just shows who your true friends and family are

[Tommal 28]

I have no kids and parents deceased. (So none to come to USA after me.)

In my 40s and working in a university.

Yes I will need a green card to work somewhere because I am going to leave my good job.

Luckily my loving sister in laws and hubby's friends are awaiting to welcome me.

But my country people.. omg they are such jealous .....s

[kc214 8]

I have 2 points.

1. I am a USC living abroad and have learned that I cannot tell everyone this because they will ask me why I am living here (in a negative way)

2. They then ask if my husband is from the US or from Costa Rica, when I say he is from Costa Rica they make this face. That smirk where they assume that he married me for the sole purpose of getting US residency, even though he had no idea I was a USC until after we various months of dating.

I've just learn to keep everything to myself. I really don't have any reason to mention anything to anyone. Only close family members know that were are going through the visa process now and plan to move to the US soon.

[akihon 129]

I wonder, do you have problems like me where people make such comments that your spouse marries you just to come to America? If they do, how do you react and what's your respond?

I ignore it. Some ignorant people have asked my mother-in-law if I was a mail-order bride for her son. She was so outraged.

Edited May 18, 2016 by akihon

[brendfai 0]

I experienced the same situation. Am a USC and my husband lives in Norway. we have been together for 8 years now and people keep telling me he abandon me immediately he gets his GC, and I said no problem I know he is my husband. Norway is even better than America, so he is not coming for GC. One lady even called me a babysitter meaning I'm just babysitting for my husband not a wife. All I said was thank u. I don't owe anybody any explanation for anything. Good luck everyone and always pray for your marriages to keep glowing. don't listen to evil mouths out there.

[Hccaldwe 12]

Haha. I just laugh it off. I'm the USC and she takes it worse when I tell what people said. I realized in almost every casre the person is jealous or something. So I know when someone makes that comment the are really wishing they have someone like my wife.

[alanjm663 2]

Unfortunately the only person who was untrusting to my wife was my mother. But I'm not sure if that is the typical mother dislikes her daughter in law thing or if it's because my wife is from Peru. The rest of the people I told about it, (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors) thought it was really cool that we are from so far apart and getting married. People also like to hear that we met online too, I think maybe it gives them hope that there really are true people online that want to meet someone special.

As for my mother, when my wife got here the first time, my mother was cold to my wife. She wasn't mean or disrespectful, just didn't talk to her much or try to make her feel more at home. I would have liked them to have a better relationship, and my mother is becoming more talkative with my wife, but I fear that they will never truly be friends.

[akihon 129]

Unfortunately the only person who was untrusting to my wife was my mother. But I'm not sure if that is the typical mother dislikes her daughter in law thing or if it's because my wife is from Peru. The rest of the people I told about it, (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors) thought it was really cool that we are from so far apart and getting married. People also like to hear that we met online too, I think maybe it gives them hope that there really are true people online that want to meet someone special.

As for my mother, when my wife got here the first time, my mother was cold to my wife. She wasn't mean or disrespectful, just didn't talk to her much or try to make her feel more at home. I would have liked them to have a better relationship, and my mother is becoming more talkative with my wife, but I fear that they will never truly be friends.

Some people just do not get along. I don't think it's a requirement for your mother and wife to be friends. Just as long as they are civil to each other, that's the best one can hope for.

Edited May 21, 2016 by akihon

[POA 178]

Unfortunately the only person who was untrusting to my wife was my mother. But I'm not sure if that is the typical mother dislikes her daughter in law thing or if it's because my wife is from Peru. The rest of the people I told about it, (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors) thought it was really cool that we are from so far apart and getting married. People also like to hear that we met online too, I think maybe it gives them hope that there really are true people online that want to meet someone special.

As for my mother, when my wife got here the first time, my mother was cold to my wife. She wasn't mean or disrespectful, just didn't talk to her much or try to make her feel more at home. I would have liked them to have a better relationship, and my mother is becoming more talkative with my wife, but I fear that they will never truly be friends.

Before I moved here, I had a talk with my mother in law and she was worried that I will just leave once I get my green card. She said it nicely like a worried mother. But that was just once and was never brought up after. My husband said they like me and they appreciate that I remember to greet the on their birthdays and for my mom-in law and his grandma on mother's day. I tried to talk to them before we even got married so they are no longer much in a doubt that I will do such thing. If it hasn't been tried, maybe your wife can also reach out to your mom. It is always nice if they can get a long and like each other and doesn't have to really close friends. My husband's family is all I have here and it is less stressful if they like her. I would say, try to have your wife reach out. To give your mom an assurance that she's there not to take you away from her but to be part of the family. At least that's what I did. I always want to visit them so they won't feel I took her only son away. Now, whenever we're visiting, they are always excited to see and she even thank me for making her son very happy. My mom in-law is very outspoken and it is nice to hear that she is really warm and very welcoming and because of that, the whole family did the same.

[Natalie and Bruce 18]

Sadly, I've encountered this since the day I met my wife. In my experience (American man, married to a Ukrainian born woman) it's almost always American women who never have nice things to say. I just ignore them, but it gets old. I've lost count how many times I've been told "she just want's a green card", or she "is after your money" (if she is in it for the money, she is with the wrong guy!). My favorite was "THOSE girls take classes in grade school, on how to seduce american men"..My wife is very well educated, and speaks five languages, but I've been told, "a college degree from there is equivalent of high school here".

It seems everyone has a brother's friend's cousin, who married a FSU "mail order bride", and she took everything, killed his family, etc.. I've lost several friendships, even long term ones over our marriage, No matter that I'm happier than I've been in a long time with my wife.

When we decide to have a child of our own, my oldest son sided with his mother, and chooses to not be part of my family anymore, blaming my wife for some evil plan to seduce me, and control my life, because that's what women from overseas do.

Just ignore the haters, realize they are small minded, jealous people, be happy, and enjoy your life together.

[akihon 129]

Sadly, I've encountered this since the day I met my wife. In my experience (American man, married to a Ukrainian born woman) it's almost always American women who never have nice things to say. I just ignore them, but it gets old. I've lost count how many times I've been told "she just want's a green card", or she "is after your money" (if she is in it for the money, she is with the wrong guy!). My favorite was "THOSE girls take classes in grade school, on how to seduce american men"..My wife is very well educated, and speaks five languages, but I've been told, "a college degree from there is equivalent of high school here".

It seems everyone has a brother's friend's cousin, who married a FSU "mail order bride", and she took everything, killed his family, etc.. I've lost several friendships, even long term ones over our marriage, No matter that I'm happier than I've been in a long time with my wife.

When we decide to have a child of our own, my oldest son sided with his mother, and chooses to not be part of my family anymore, blaming my wife for some evil plan to seduce me, and control my life, because that's what women from overseas do.

Just ignore the haters, realize they are small minded, jealous people, be happy, and enjoy your life together.

That's so sad and ridiculous. I'm sorry to hear that.

[Hccaldwe 12]

Then there are the people and family from the immigrants country that are not happy because you found love but for your marriage as they see it is a way to get for your spouse to get a GC and so they really don't care about you as long as the they get approved... recently found that out myself. You would think they gossip about being an American = money, but nope. GC.