Relationship, Gossip from People about Your Spouse

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Comments like that shouldn't bother you if you're secure enough in your relationship. The fact that you're seeking advice about what other people say or think about your marriage should allude to a deeper issue. Maybe you yourself have doubts about him or his intentions perhaps??? Otherwise you should be able to just brush it off and be happy despite what everyone else is saying. Right?

I think this is pretty unfair. It's natural to not enjoy people saying negative things about you and your relationship. Especially if those negative things are coming from friends and family members, people you care about. This is true of any relationship, whether involving immigration or not. I think you are reading way into this and making assumptions. Some people (me included) are just sensitive to the opinion of others. I'm not saying it's a good trait to have, just that I don't think it's indicative of something wrong with the relationship.

[Michael and Ganna 104]

Great topic

Yes, we would get this from both sides. The people here in Ukraine would call me idiot, and call my wife a prostitute. She would get the " you must be crazy" something must be wrong with you that you can't marry a Ukrainian man. Or the ladies who are jealous that they have not met a foreign spouse, and the ones who are just not open to any kind of foreign relationship.

In the US we get the GC comments, or she is just after your money....or she will bring her 2000 relatives here to the US and the list goes on.

I use to get defensive about the comments. I have started to educate people about my life choices. I start off by telling them that the perfect person that God has put on this earth for you doesn't necessarily live in your backyard. Then I tell them that every night when I set at the dinner table I have wonderful conversation with a interesting and educated person from another culture. I get to learn new things, I get to share things from my western culture.

I also explain that since we don't speak the same languages, it forces you to be a better listener and brings us even closer. I share that my wife's beauty starts with her heart and soul, then works outwards.

I also explain that most people assume about the GC and other scams because it is what you hear most. But you don't hear often about the many successful loving foreign relationships and those who blessed to have found there best friend

Edited May 8, 2016 by Michael and Ganna

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Unfortunately it is human nature for people to judge, make comments and gossip about things like that. There are always people who focus on others rather than their own lives.

The best way to deal with it is to hold your head up high and don't let the comments get to you. If you have a loving and successful marriage than that will irritate the people who judge your relationship far more than any riposte to their comments could.

[lutz 41]

My husband and I get this all the time. Don't be upset about it....look at it as an opportunity to weed out the people who say these types of things to you. Cut them out of your life if you can. You need supportive people not untactful rude people like this.

[mallafri76 1,012]

That's a common view in wealthy countries, that foreigners only marry for a green card. We have it in Sweden too. When Swedes marry foreigners from poor countries, there's always someone saying it's only so the foreigner can get Swedish citizenship. Probably happens more so in the US though, since many Americans don't travel outside the US or know anything about the countries and cultures outside the US. It is what it is and yes it does get tiresome, but you and those close to you know your relationship is real and that's what matters

[SanneW 30]

haha, yea this happened to me, even someone convinced my husbands parents that I just marry for a greencard. Joke is on them, if my husband wasn't in the military he would have come to the Netherlands because he liked it more.

How I deal with it. I just ignored their ignorance =) act like they said nothing because I know this marriage is real.

We also had people say that we were too young to marry, or don't know eachother long enough (haven't been together for long... well that's hard when you live so far away! can't just come over you know).

But ye, we just ignore it all, live our life and proof them wrong

[Sukie 1,464]

I think folks from countries with high fraud get it worse than those of us who marry people who look like us - but even white-bread Australians aren't immune.

When my partner went to get her driver's license, the lady behind the counter said "Why are you coming HERE?" Then she proceeded on a tirade about all the Australians coming to our area. Turns out there was ONE Australian family on her street, and my partner was Number two.

I certainly agree with the writer who said it's mainly "ignorance". And now, with all the anti-immigrant rhetoric by a certain candidate for President, it's getting worse. A University math professor (who happens to be Italian) got booted off an American Airline flight because the bimbo next to him saw him working on some math calculations. She got suspicious because she didn't understand the "symbols" and he got pulled off the plane and questioned as a suspected terrorist.

When will it stop?

We were ALL immigrants once.

Sukie in NY

[soulstriker 274]

oh man ive gotten this more from my family side but it gradually calmed down , but ppl will always judge and ppl who are jealous of others tend to want to bring negativity to others ,sad but o well

[Goesaround 0]

It honestly doesn't matter what kind of relationship you're in, someone is always going to be vindictive and have something to say about it.

I got some very hurtful comments from my husband's ex's sister on my personal Instagram account. One such comment was on our engagement picture stating, "what a beautiful green card you have there". I am a grown woman who makes her own choices in life, from a country that is on the same level as the USA. Ideally I didn't want to leave my home country, but I did for love.

You just have to block the people that cause drama, they're not your friends.

really??? lol an american comments "what a beautiful green card you have there" to a British? she's so arrgoant and hateful.

[ttram312 10]

I am F1 student and my USC husband (naturalized from Ukraine) got this comment the first time he decided to tell his dad that we were dating lol We're married now but only our family knows. We kinda work at the same place and there's complication when it comes to it, but there are also people saying we're only together so that I can have a GC.

[3rd 84]

really??? lol an american comments "what a beautiful green card you have there" to a British? she's so arrgoant and hateful.

She was actually Australian, but the comment still stands. I'd understand her being spiteful and saying something like that if I wasn't from an affluent country, but I'm from the UK. It's not like I was leaving the UK for a drastically better life in the US. Now I have to pay out the nose for healthcare I haven't even used yet, I had to leave my loving family, and no one understands when all I want is a glass of water! Haha.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

She was actually Australian, but the comment still stands. I'd understand her being spiteful and saying something like that if I wasn't from an affluent country, but I'm from the UK. It's not like I was leaving the UK for a drastically better life in the US. Now I have to pay out the nose for healthcare I haven't even used yet, I had to leave my loving family, and no one understands when all I want is a glass of water! Haha.

There was a time when it would have been something assumed and maybe correctly. My own British family has done everything possible to move over, so I can see people thinking that it would be a possibility.

It is all relative to how people view the world, for me, there is a long list of countries I'd rather live in before England, but for someone else that might be their preferred country.

Either way, it is a rude comment and shouldn't be made.

[Caykay1 71]

I've been married for a few months. We were married in another country. However, not everyone knows about my marriage. Even some do who know I am married, they do not know the fact that my husband is not yet in the US. Only a few people I select to tell the truth about our story and relationship. The reason why I am "secretive" is because people make unkind comments: he just marries me for visa. When I heard this, it made me very upset. I am not an ugly woman. As a matter of fact, many people find me cute and attractive. I can find a man to date easily in America but I chose to marry my husband who is from another country.

I wonder, do you have problems like me where people make such comments that your spouse marries you just to come to America? If they do, how do you react and what's your respond?

Is your marriage and don't own anyone explanation. Same way you can't convince or control what people say. Well too bad I don't encounter such nonsense because my husband is finally stable and I consider him doing me "a favor" rather. Just ignore negative people and concentrate on your spouse and the good times.

I've been married for a few months. We were married in another country. However, not everyone knows about my marriage. Even some do who know I am married, they do not know the fact that my husband is not yet in the US. Only a few people I select to tell the truth about our story and relationship. The reason why I am "secretive" is because people make unkind comments: he just marries me for visa. When I heard this, it made me very upset. I am not an ugly woman. As a matter of fact, many people find me cute and attractive. I can find a man to date easily in America but I chose to marry my husband who is from another country.

I wonder, do you have problems like me where people make such comments that your spouse marries you just to come to America? If they do, how do you react and what's your respond?

Is your marriage and don't own anyone explanation. Same way you can't convince or control what people say. Well too bad I don't encounter such nonsense because my husband is finally stable and I consider him doing me "a favor" rather. Just ignore negative people and concentrate on your spouse and the good times.

[IguanaCouple 26]

Average people have always been bigoted. When Italians and Irish immigrants started to come to the U.S. in large numbers early 20th century they were heavily discriminated upon.

The common perception was Italian men were oversexed and suitable only for manual labor and thus marriage to Italian men was a taboo. The U.S. was primarily Protestant so the Irish catholics were discriminated upon.

One of my friends is Norwegian (Lutheran from hiss dad's side) and Irish(Catholic from his mom's). When his dad married his mom his dad's family cut off all ties with him and his dad had to move from Minnesota to New Jersey.

Jews have been discriminated upon for millennia all across Europe and the U.S. and by some accounts 40% of the U.S. population is anti-Semitic.

Bigots will always exist. You need to find people who will accept you as a couple and make friends with them. People who matter don't mind, people who mind don't matter.

Edited May 8, 2016 by IguanaCouple

[SanneW 30]

haha, yea this happened to me, even someone convinced my husbands parents that I just marry for a greencard. Joke is on them, if my husband wasn't in the military he would have come to the Netherlands because he liked it more.

How I deal with it. I just ignored their ignorance =) act like they said nothing because I know this marriage is real.

We also had people say that we were too young to marry, or don't know eachother long enough (haven't been together for long... well that's hard when you live so far away! can't just come over you know).

But ye, we just ignore it all, live our life and proof them wrong

I have to add that my husbands parents came to america from brasil. My husband is born in america, and I am from the Netherlands. I am sure that people would talk about him being the one getting the greencard, and me being the USC, because I am the white one.

Other than his family and friends, who know that I'm from the Netherlands. People look weird at me when I mention that I cannot work yet, or drive yet. They have no clue that I am an immigrant, so weird.

I really am waiting for someone to screw up and say a nasty comment to my husband about marrying for a greencard (knowing that he's actually the USC). So far we are happily married, and I hope we will get stationed in europe one day of our military life, because I miss it already...

Edited May 8, 2016 by SanneW