Abusive Wife

[Transborderwife 4,666]

One thing that I'm noticing in regards to assets is a lot of "I"'s. When you're a couple and married, unless you have another arrangement, there is no more I. Money is joint, bills should be looked aft jointly. Your home is joint.

If she took you off of the account (which in some places isn't legal) get your own account and paycheques in there. I'd move out asap, even if you have to temporarily go to a shelter. Cut communication and file for divorce.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I just wouldn't pay the bill =P no password well then no payment.

right lol

[sparkles_ 456]

Hi my fellow psych student =) Psych for my BA, LCSW working on my masters =) lol

Hello there

[sparkles_ 456]

She also may be misdiagnosed. Personally I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety for 15 years. I finally received a diagnosis of BPD and after treatment I no longer exhibit symptoms.

I've worked with others as well who have had misdiagnosis over the years. Bipolar is one of the favourites that seem to be handed out lately.

Everyone is "bipolar" these days, the fashionable diagnosis was clinical depression in the 90s. It does seem one condition somehow catches spotlights and then it's a tidal wave effect.

Glad you have gotten your bpd managed

[sparkles_ 456]

Everyone has diagnosed this woman on his word only...remember 3 sides his hers the truth....there's more to this story....BIG TIME...

Honestly I don't sympathize with OP because he know nows if it is as he said, he didn't know and he won't leave he goes ####### for tat with the woman and all he seems to worry about most is where are the bank statements and how much alimony will I pay.

And he calls the police and starts documenting when the big "D" word gets thrown around....

There may or may not be more to it.

I witnessed a young lady chase her husband ( also an immigrant) out of their home with two sharp screwdrivers and a kitchen knife because he insisted to have dental work done for a chipped front tooth. She thought he was doing it to attract other women to sleep with (it was an episode of severe mania and paranoia plus off meds in reality). She did all of this in front of two small children. If he hadn't have hauled out, I think she would have hurt him or at least tried.

That is all I will say. And no one diagnosed the person, we aren't doctors. Some of us are just giving our two pennies because we have been around it or lived it.

[Boiler 45,912]

In order to get alimony in most states you have to be married for 10 years some longer. No judge would grant her alimony with them only being married 2 years....I would eat my socks if a judge did. My cousin was married for 8 years with 2 kids from the marriage when she got divorced. She only got child support. They told her she wasn't married long enough to get alimony. They will make them split everything 50/50 though =)

Marital assets will be split but not stuff they had pre marriage.

[Lemonslice 4,947]

One thing that I'm noticing in regards to assets is a lot of "I"'s. When you're a couple and married, unless you have another arrangement, there is no more I. Money is joint, bills should be looked aft jointly. Your home is joint.

If she took you off of the account (which in some places isn't legal) get your own account and paycheques in there. I'd move out asap, even if you have to temporarily go to a shelter. Cut communication and file for divorce.

That is your opinion, different strokes for different folks.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

That is your opinion, different strokes for different folks.

No, in many states it's the law unless you have a written agreement otherwise

[kjem 11]

ANYONE can file for a divorce just because. If she thinks he is cheating or if she is no longer comfortable living with him (fears for her life, or the relationship just isn't working) she absolutely can just file for a divorce. I don't know where you got your law degree but it is very easy to get a divorce in the US and most of the time you don't need to prove anything especially if you divorce because of irreconcilable differences (no fault divorce). If she files on grounds he is cheating then yes she will have to prove it. It all depends on what state you are in. There are laws where you may have to be separated for a while but it is not hard to get a divorce especially, from a foreign spouse. They are no different than a USC spouse. Do you think the judge said oh because you came from another country you get special treatment? I divorced a foreign spouse. It took me all of 4 months and it only took that long because the court was booked. Plus I did my own paperwork...It really is not that hard. If one party doesn't show up at some point it is granted by default.

I do agree that many people jump into a marriage before knowing someone...I agree because I did it!

I was referring more to if USCIS/ICE/or any other agency got involved, especially if the person has not gotten his or Green Card. I know of a situation where a foreign wife has been here for two years with her little girl. The husband has not attempted to process AOS. She is not allowed to have a phone. There is no Home phone. She can't work because none of her legal papers have been processed by the spouse. And now he has said to her that he will get the money to send them back to the Philippines. Cases like this is right out ridiculous, that a man would spend all that money to get a woman here to then see and say well "I'm having buyers remorse and want to send the item back. YOU ARE RIGHT. when ti comes to divorce in my country it is so easy. It seems if the person sneezes the wrong way, the other person wants a divorce.

I would venture to say that many of these marriages are not genuine. Many are trying to come here to by any means necessary, and marriage seems to be the easiest. Then too there ae many Americans who think that they will be able to treat their foreign spouse badly. In perspective, there are a whole lot more who do love one another, and they marry and live a productive life with one another. Let me put it this way in almost everything in life the devil always tries to enter into the details.

[Caryh 5,206]

Everyone has diagnosed this woman on his word only...remember 3 sides his hers the truth....there's more to this story....BIG TIME...

Honestly I don't sympathize with OP because he know nows if it is as he said, he didn't know and he won't leave he goes ####### for tat with the woman and all he seems to worry about most is where are the bank statements and how much alimony will I pay.

And he calls the police and starts documenting when the big "D" word gets thrown around....

Some one in his position should be documenting and protecting himself when his spouse starts throwing around the divorce word. And yes he should be calling the police when she starts hitting or scratching him. Had he been a woman, people would be all over telling him to call the police and get a restraining order. So far, its been her who has called the police. Its been her locking him out of joint accounts and the internet. So far I've seen you blaming him for everything when he's just reacting to what she's been doing, as if he should just ignore and accept her aggressive and abusive actions. His reactions have been fairly normal reactions from what I can see. Their marriage sounds like its over by her choice, he should do what he needs to do to protect himself. I think you've got some past bad experiences that are making you superimpose your own bad experiences on top of this situation and are ignoring what is being said.

[N and J 88]

I was referring more to if USCIS/ICE/or any other agency got involved, especially if the person has not gotten his or Green Card. I know of a situation where a foreign wife has been here for two years with her little girl. The husband has not attempted to process AOS. She is not allowed to have a phone. There is no Home phone. She can't work because none of her legal papers have been processed by the spouse. And now he has said to her that he will get the money to send them back to the Philippines. Cases like this is right out ridiculous, that a man would spend all that money to get a woman here to then see and say well "I'm having buyers remorse and want to send the item back. YOU ARE RIGHT. when ti comes to divorce in my country it is so easy. It seems if the person sneezes the wrong way, the other person wants a divorce.

I would venture to say that many of these marriages are not genuine. Many are trying to come here to by any means necessary, and marriage seems to be the easiest. Then too there ae many Americans who think that they will be able to treat their foreign spouse badly. In perspective, there are a whole lot more who do love one another, and they marry and live a productive life with one another. Let me put it this way in almost everything in life the devil always tries to enter into the details.

That is a shame. Not only did that man ruin the wife's life he ruined the little girls too. I agree with you 100% I do believe many people look for a way here and marriage seems to be the easiest way. I also think that sometimes in other countries life is so bad men/women may be willing to do anything to get out of their country. I think there are people that pray on that. I also think some people (the husband you spoke about) are just evil. It is hard enough when people move here from other countries. Culture shock is real....no need for people to make it more difficult. I do have to say one thing though, it seems many marriages today in all are not genuine which is sad. I agree the Devil loves to sink his teeth into any situation he can. I hope this woman and child you know can get out of there and get help and stay here.

[firebird00 66]

UPDATE: So I got bags and started to pack so I can leave our home going to a motel then my wife started crying and had emotional breakdown, she was crying so bad and she sat on the floor and she was like unable to breath properly. I asked her if she's fine she said please don't leave you are the last person in my life who I have, everyone has left me including my family. I said I am not leaving you because I want to, I am leaving because you want that. She said I am sorry I have mental problems but please dont leave me I have no where to go and no job and nothing. I said I dont feel safe being around you especially after you called the police on me for nothing, although the police didn't do anything to me but next time you might put me in serious trouble which I dont want at all. I told her if you want me to stay you have to promise me to seek real help for your borderline personality disorder (She mentioned that she suffers from that), and not just take your depression and anxiety pills and I am ready to help you by going to counseling with you. She agreed and today she called places and sent emails trying to get enrolled in programs for that. She also filed to stop the divorce in the court.

I hope things will get better with the programs she will attend, I really want to help her and know that she is fine. She is not a bad person it's just her mental problems will control her and turn her into a different and strange person.

[Rc123rc 528]

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

[firebird00 66]

I saw this coming. Good Luck but I will not be surprised if you come back soon telling us you made a mistake staying. I lived with a BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) person for 15 years.

You are right with everything you said about BPD. I hope that staying wont be a mistake. I love her and trying to help her and that's all what I can do, if this fails then we will divorce knowing that I tried everything I can do.

[sparkles_ 456]

You are right with everything you said about BPD. I hope that staying wont be a mistake. I love her and trying to help her and that's all what I can do, if this fails then we will divorce knowing that I tried everything I can do.

If it fails she could have you slapped with dv charges. And ruin your ability to stay in America or remove conditions on your own. Keep that in mind too. You may not get out with just a divorce.