Abusive Wife

[Cheezees 1,514]

You should have called the police immediately when you realized she came back to the house. You are being very slow to act on everything she has done and said so far. When someone hits you, CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. When the same someone then tells there police they're afraid of you but then returns to your house after they have received a police escort out of the house, CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. When someone files for divorce, resets passwords and locks you out of accounts, do not say you will call a lawyer in 3 days, CALL A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY.

Why are you waiting to react to things a supposedly unstable woman is doing? What is there to wait for? You should have gathered your things and moved out to a hotel/motel the minute you saw she returned. Did you realize your updates consist of irrational reactions of hers only. What are YOU doing?

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

You are being passive aggressive with an unstable somebody (again if what you say is true) moves only calling police when it suits you. This isnt chess either (you move I move) MOVE on....

Edited April 30, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[minions2 24]

Video or audio record her abuse to you.

[N and J 88]

OP earlier mentioned he was working.

In order to get alimony in most states you have to be married for 10 years some longer. No judge would grant her alimony with them only being married 2 years....I would eat my socks if a judge did. My cousin was married for 8 years with 2 kids from the marriage when she got divorced. She only got child support. They told her she wasn't married long enough to get alimony. They will make them split everything 50/50 though =)

[N and J 88]

I was not planning on moving out till I see a divorce lawyer, she is refusing to give me the bank statements from the bank account I was on, she was the primary holder.

Forget about the bank statements. When you go to court they will order all that for the divorce especially when you have to split anything both of you acquired in the 2 years you have been married. The judge may also (depending on what state you live in) require her to sign the papers for counseling. He may want to see that everything was done to spare the marriage. I am going to tell you this. One you need to leave the house don't wait until you get an attorney because aside from the fact she is going to keep calling the cops it is not safe for you. To me the behaviors you are describing is someone who is either off their medication and not taking it or they aren't working anymore. It is not unheard of with people who have mental illness to have psychotic breaks like this. I would also like to add this is not her per say. Unfortunately, depending on what her diagnosis is she can have delusions and in her mind she really believes this stuff. It is not unusual for people to go off their meds when they feel better and it doesn't happen right away that their mental health issues kick in after stopping the meds. I see it with clients all the time.

It takes a lot to prove domestic violence. It is not just her calling the cops and saying she is scared of you. She will have to prove to a judge that you put her life in danger and instilled fear in her so DO NOT send her text messages, emails, messages on facebook...Do not call her and do not contact her without a witness (someone from law enforcement or an attorney would be the preferred person). Go to a shelter or see if you can stay at a friends house for a few days.

[belinda63 3,038]

There is no reason to provoke, to record, to keep calling the police (unless real violence happens), to discuss thing, to photograph. He needs to pack his things, find his own place, and file for divorce. During the divorce proceedings you can have your attorney ask her for copies of joint things such as bank account statements, insurance, etc. if you are unable to obtain them yourself. She obviously, from what you have written, has issues and you can either remain in the relationship and risk your physical well-being and your freedom or you can choose to leave the situation.

[Jawaree 717]

Why not get a wkly hotel room , seek an apt. and

ask the same police officer to be there as you move

out . You can get a print out of the account from the

bank for period when you were on there....move out file

for divorce, all the police reports will help prove you

lived there with her.

If she is unstable as you've told us why continue to live

there do you sleep with one eye open? You mentioned

nothing about love so what keeps you there

Edited April 30, 2016 by Jawaree

[N and J 88]

You can go home to your own country. The way I see it, you only came here for her correct? Since things aren't going to work out. Go Home.

Maybe he likes it here....He is a working it's not like he is leeching off the system....it's not like he is looking for a pathway here. He has a green card.

[N and J 88]

Because she might do this with other things, she might want to punch me again because nothing happened first time, i am paying all the bills so the internet service is mine, yet she decided to change the password ad not give it to me just because she wants to.

don't pay any more bills leave the house and let her pay for her stuff without a job.

Edited April 30, 2016 by N and J

[Rc123rc 528]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say he's dealing with a "Borderline Personality Disorder" situation. It's a nightmare situation at a minimum. I do have to agree that delaying/reacting is not a good thing to do. Everything has to be pro-active now or he is going to find himself in a much worse situation because "Borderline's" live for chaos and will stop at nothing to win and portray herself as the good guy and him as the bad guy. I would not be surprised if she accuses him of rape, injuring herself and saying he did it, accuses him of being a drug dealer or even that he watches child porn and hangs out around school yards. That is just a few examples of what a "Borderline" is capable of.

[kjem 11]

Ok, I'm will be honest here in a way that some may not like it, but I will say it anyway. There are too many situations where the two people really don't know one another well enough before marriage. Question, did you know this woman had mental problems before you married? and if you so decided to proceed with her anyway. If you were actually talking to your father's wife about him, that is fine, but you also have to consider the trust level you two have. If your wife scratched you before, and you now realize it was intentional...there seems to be something fishy there to me. How can a wife scratch a husband as you say, and the man not know it was a mistake or intentional? Many foreign spouses go through some sort of education before marriage about how to protect oneself in cases of domestic abuse and how to report it. When the woman scratched you the first time you should have filed a report. Now that she have punched you, you should file a report. The fact that you are still talking about online. when one person had already suggested to you to get off the computer and file the report immediately leaves me to be suspect of you.

There are laws here America regarding divorces. She just can't file a divorce juts because she thinks you are cheating. The burden of proof is on her, she has to be able to prove that you are cheating and that cheating has to involve what is called as infidelity, and that has to be proved. The other matter is, it is not as easy as people think when ti comes to divorcing a spouse from another country. I see in theses threads people throwing the word divorce around like it's a rock being thrown at a window.

Sir, learn the laws, learn your rights. I hope your situation is not one of endurance to a just a green card.

NOTE: I know my comments may not be embraced all, but I challenge those that don't agree to research for yourself my comments to be facts or fiction. If what I'm saying is fiction, then throw what I've said out like a rock at a window. But if what I have said is true, then don't shoot the messenger.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say he's dealing with a "Borderline Personality Disorder" situation. It's a nightmare situation at a minimum. I do have to agree that delaying/reacting is not a good thing to do. Everything has to be pro-active now or he is going to find himself in a much worse situation because "Borderline's" live for chaos and will stop at nothing to win and portray herself as the good guy and him as the bad guy. I would not be surprised if she accuses him of rape, injuring herself and saying he did it, accuses him of being a drug dealer or even that he watches child porn and hangs out around school yards. That is just a few examples of what a "Borderline" is capable of.

Bpd is very complicated but agree

[kjem 11]

I agree with you. He is dealing with a very serious and as you said complicated situation. He cannot take anything she says or does for granted. He better educate himself and seek legal advice, NOW.

[firebird00 66]

Ok, I'm will be honest here in a way that some may not like it, but I will say it anyway. There are too many situations where the two people really don't know one another well enough before marriage. Question, did you know this woman had mental problems before you married? and if you so decided to proceed with her anyway. If you were actually talking to your father's wife about him, that is fine, but you also have to consider the trust level you two have. If your wife scratched you before, and you now realize it was intentional...there seems to be something fishy there to me. How can a wife scratch a husband as you say, and the man not know it was a mistake or intentional? Many foreign spouses go through some sort of education before marriage about how to protect oneself in cases of domestic abuse and how to report it. When the woman scratched you the first time you should have filed a report. Now that she have punched you, you should file a report. The fact that you are still talking about online. when one person had already suggested to you to get off the computer and file the report immediately leaves me to be suspect of you.

There are laws here America regarding divorces. She just can't file a divorce juts because she thinks you are cheating. The burden of proof is on her, she has to be able to prove that you are cheating and that cheating has to involve what is called as infidelity, and that has to be proved. The other matter is, it is not as easy as people think when ti comes to divorcing a spouse from another country. I see in theses threads people throwing the word divorce around like it's a rock being thrown at a window.

Sir, learn the laws, learn your rights. I hope your situation is not one of endurance to a just a green card.

NOTE: I know my comments may not be embraced all, but I challenge those that don't agree to research for yourself my comments to be facts or fiction. If what I'm saying is fiction, then throw what I've said out like a rock at a window. But if what I have said is true, then don't shoot the messenger.

I didnt know that she had mental problems before the marriage and she never mentioned it, even after I came here everything was fine till 6 or 7 month were things started little and now its here. When she scratched me before later she said shes sorry and she brought some alcohol to clean it and she said it was an accident so I believed her. I did already filed a report about what happened and luckily the police officer who came home after she called on me was the same one who saw me in the station so he knew something unusual was going on. In New Hampshire you dont need a reason to divorce, so she doesnt need to prove anything.

[kjem 11]

WOW, It is either a good thing or a bad thing being a resident of New Hampshire . Sorry to read about your situation. It was good to have filed a report. It's sad for any spouse who comes to America that has to be subjected to what you are faced. I hope that once and if you and she divorce that you will be able to rebuild your life. May I suggest that you really get to know the next woman. Be willing to ask the tough questions. Peace.