Need HELP with your opinions!!!!!!

[genem 0]

Lisa,

Not sure what "Feel for your stones" means. I must have missed that movie or book, Please explain.

I have read "Men are from Mars, Ladies are from Venus" and i try to communicate more now than i did before i read it. My mind is not made up, as i said before, the replies have given me lots to think about. Earlier today, i decided to take Turboguy's suggestion and maybe go see her one more time to try to work it out & decide whether she really cares about me or not. But i am waiting on an email from her to see if she cares anymore. The last thing she told me last night was "i will email you soon with a decision", the decision being whether she wants to go forward with the visa. My gut feeling right now is to forget the whole thing, and forget women altogether. But who in "MY Hell" wants to go through life lonely and by themselves. Though i know i would probably be better off, i don't want to do it. So i don't have ANY answers. Though my mind says "forget her & move on", my heart has a mind of its own that says "hey you idiot, i think i am in love with this woman and i don't want you to forget her". So, what to do, what to do, what to do!!!! I am on the fence falling in both directions.

[Fandango 1,439]

Lisa,

Not sure what "Feel for your stones" means. I must have missed that movie or book, Please explain.

I have read "Men are from Mars, Ladies are from Venus" and i try to communicate more now than i did before i read it. My mind is not made up, as i said before, the replies have given me lots to think about. Earlier today, i decided to take Turboguy's suggestion and maybe go see her one more time to try to work it out & decide whether she really cares about me or not. But i am waiting on an email from her to see if she cares anymore. The last thing she told me last night was "i will email you soon with a decision", the decision being whether she wants to go forward with the visa. My gut feeling right now is to forget the whole thing, and forget women altogether. But who in "MY Hell" wants to go through life lonely and by themselves. Though i know i would probably be better off, i don't want to do it. So i don't have ANY answers. Though my mind says "forget her & move on", my heart has a mind of its own that says "hey you idiot, i think i am in love with this woman and i don't want you to forget her". So, what to do, what to do, what to do!!!! I am on the fence falling in both directions.

'feel for your stones'...is a figurative saying which means feel for your erm, boys down under and stop fannying about with 'oh should I? shouldn't i?' You know there are red flags or else you wouldn't have started this thread. Yet you instantly jumped on her defense trying to justify things with all sorts....so just make the decision you know you want to and be done with it. I mean it's so fricken obvious it's not even funny.

Also...it's not 'ladies' are from Venus. It's 'women' lol. I know that's pedantic, but 'ladies' just sounds so smarmy, hahahah. And no one's from mars, no one's from Venus. You however are from America and she is from Russia...and you need to ask yourself 'if not for GC/money/daddy replacement for her kid....what does she want from me?' if you struggle for an answer....think about that. I only bring all that up because YOU did. But if your answer to lonliness is to hire-a-housewife...well then I hope you're ready cos the sex you got aint gonna be anything compared to the screwin you're gonna get. And you can take THAT to the bank, my friend.

Best of luck in whatever you do. Right wrong or otherwise you'll survive. But by God, man...I hope this thread has taught you summat. Don't be so fast and loose with your personal details if you don't want them talked about and speculated over like a good episode of Jerry Springer.

Edited March 17, 2007 by LisaD

[tracymike 0]

i have not posted often, but as a woman i feel the need to respond to your post.

unfortunately for you, i don't this woman really wants to be with you. i strongly advise that you get out of this situation before you are out more money & more heartache... the fact that she left 2 days earlier than planned says a lot about her. I'm quite sure you spent a lot of money going there to see how and this is how she treats you??? of course, she is going to call back & be nice. she realized that she might be throwing away her "meal ticket" to the US. The age difference also bothers me a lot. I absolutely do not mean any disrespect to you, but I am a 42 year old woman & I would NEVER think of dating a 61-year-old man. Does this woman have children?? Does she want children?? If she is acting this way now before she gets what she really wants, a visa, how in the world is she going to act when you bring her over here??? I understand that you want to be generous to her & give her money & buy her things, but you need to ask yourself would she want to be with you if you weren't doing those things.. I think you seriously need to evaluate this "relationship". take a step back and take a very, very good look. I do not know this woman, but judging from your post i honestly think she's an opportunist & she is in this for all the wrong reasons. If she had any integrity she would have given you your money back when you asked for it & she absolutely would not have been asking you to buy her things. please, please think twice, three times & four times about what you're doing & don't waste anymore of your money. if you really feel the relationship is important to you, go visit her & don't give her ANY money or buy her ANYTHING & see how interested in you then... that will certainly be a test to see if she's interested in you, or if she's more interested in $$ and what you can offer her... It would be much easier to get out now than after you were married to her.

Good luck to you.. You're in my thoughts.

I just want to interject that although I agree with the majority of your letter, I take some offense at the mention that it is impossible for a 40 something to love a 60 something. Ican and do love a 60 something and i am 40 something. He has nothing and neither do I except the great love and attraction for each other and many mutual interests too!!!!! Sorry, off the topic I know, but that is not a valid reason in and of itself. That said, I think he should run as far away from this woman as he can, and I feel quite certain he knows that!!!!

[tracymike 0]

Um, excuse me all but the OP said:

"In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? "

I find both parties here disturbing. She may have been looking for a sugar daddy - but he treated her like a #######.

This is the same guy who was concerned about "marriage agreements" before, as well. (http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=56271&st=0)

I suppose marriage is whatever two people believe it to be - and however they choose to live out the kinds of promises they make when they sign the contract. But this kind of situation and story disturbs me greatly. Am I culturally insensitive? Overly romantic? Perhaps both. But there's a ton wrong with both of the parties here - that's the impression I get from the information the OP provides. And age has nothing to do with it.

And yeah, I'll say it - the thought of his application taking up space and time in front of mine and a lot of others makes me angry. This is a guy who is only close to loving this woman that he clearly doesn't trust anyway - and he has said he thinks she isn't as close to loving him. See this post: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&p=744673

A K1 isn't for testing a relationship. And coming or not coming to bed IS NOT grounds for monetary compensation.

well said

[William33 110]

I have followed this thread for days and remained quiet. No more of that!

OP, give it up Mate. You are on a path of misery. Consider this, if your significant other were on the same page as you, she would not ask for a $1200 dress. She does not understand US money, some say? Bullsh!t.

If you want serious advice, get out now. If you want relationship validation, talk to yourself in the mirror.

The choice is obviously yours, but you should consider the advice given, minus the #######.

I suggest you begin asking about K-1 visa advice or break it off here.

[DA BOMB 1]

ORIGINAL QUESTIONS:

In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Ms. Bong, not sure very many read the questions.

YES you were wrong....NO you shouldnt......and NO she doesnt care.

[Niels Bohr 72]

I am a lot younger than you are, gamen. In fact, I can call you my grandfather. I have respect for elderly because of my culture, however, after hearing this it's very hard for me to accept. You do realize that when a woman don't show signs of guilt accepting money from you or show signs of suspicions after you offer to buy her something, you should begin to worry about the future.

Weird. Teens nowadays want to score with older woman because of the movie, 'AMERICAN PIE.' Enough said. I'm going to be attacked by women again on this forum, I know it.

[JoeMama 0]

I'd had been through a situation with another girl from Ukraine who reminded me of this guy's situation. I wrote this girl for about a month and had plans to go to Ukraine. So I thought I'd go ahead and meet her. The first time I met her, we spent a week together. I flew in her and her interpreter to the city where I was going. That was $400 with cab fare included. It was fun, etc. No sex. I did not pursue it. During this time, she asked me to get her $125 pair of boots and a $50 shirt. I did not think that much of it because I was able to afford it. I continued writing her and decided to visit her 6 months later. We took a vacation to the southern part of Ukraine. Of course, I paid for everything. Except for her cigarettes! It was not long after we got there when she asked me to buy her a purse for $150. At the next store, it was a digital camera. Notice how the items started to cost more? This is how it's going to happen to you gemen. Your lady has these signs and you say you don't have much she can get. If you cannot afford to continue everything she wants, she's going to leave you in the dust, completely financially broke! Wake it up before your sanity is thrown to the wind!

To sum it up, I ended it with the gold-digger lady fast! I saw no signs that I could keep up fnancially going from boots to digital equipment to a BMW to a mansion!

[amorcito 0]

Reading the post in some topics, i decided to ask for help. I met my Fiancee 6 months ago on the internet. She was wanting badly to come to the USA. I was very lonely and looking for romance and companionship but i am 62, she 41. With that said, i met her in Russia for 4 days in 11/06. We hit it off. I met her again in 02/07. We talked, i gave her $1,000 in cash for expenses. She later asked some questionable questions & said she wanted a marriage agreement. I went to bed, she slept on sofa. I am laying in bed thinking this is our 1st sex & because i am a diabetic & don't perform very good, she is unhappy, plus i didn't buy her a $1,200 dress she wanted so she is unhappy, plus i am a diabetic, etc. I decided i should ask for the $1,000 back until i was more sure about her. So i got out of bed & got my money back. The next morning she left 2 days early so i asked for my ring back but she wouldn't give it. When i got home, i emailed & apologized, she accepted, but has been very cool since. Currently, i am needing a copy of her divorce papers for RFE1 but she hasn't faxed a copy to me in 3 days. In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Signed, sad & worried

You are for sure blinded by your feelings for this woman of 20 some years your junior. I felt sad that you have not recognized the RED Flags. I dont believe any woman of Easter European decent with good character, values, moral and tradition will ask you for such and many more such.

I think that you need to reflect and charge all of these experiences to learning as we have learned from yours. And yes indeed you have a big heart.

On the funny side of relationship, "No matter hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades; and there had better be a lot of money to take its place". Something for us to laugh about.

[AGUA FRIA 0]

My little comment is to trust your instincts... Remember love is patient and kind. Please ensure you spend your time, money, and effort on someone who loves you. You might want to give it some more much needed thought.

[genem 0]

UPDATE!!!!!

For everyone that said i already had my mind made up, you will be glad to know that today i emailed my Fiancee' and told her the relationship had ended. For the selfish ones who were angry because we were ahead of you for a K-1 Visa, I HOPE YOUR MARRIAGE GOES TO HELL!!! And for the few who tried to make a "dirty" post out of a plea for help, YOU CAN KISS MY A__!!!! For the rest of you who offered sympathy and good advice, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! Needless to say, i met some very nice people on this site and some real JERKS!!!

[Dan J 277]

[Nagishkaw 510]

UPDATE!!!!!

For everyone that said i already had my mind made up, you will be glad to know that today i emailed my Fiancee' and told her the relationship had ended. For the selfish ones who were angry because we were ahead of you for a K-1 Visa, I HOPE YOUR MARRIAGE GOES TO HELL!!! And for the few who tried to make a "dirty" post out of a plea for help, YOU CAN KISS MY A__!!!! For the rest of you who offered sympathy and good advice, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! Needless to say, i met some very nice people on this site and some real JERKS!!!

Although I never commented on your thread or offered any advice, I did read through it from day one . It made me feel sad. And now, after reading your update, I feel very sad. That is not nice in the least to tell members on here to kiss your hind end and worse, wishing other members marriages to go to heck, and calling them names . That needs to go back into the comic books where it belongs.I will ask you, sir, is your conscience blameless? Does your conscience approve you or accuse you....or is it just slightly defiled ?

[AUBGER 0]

Reading the post in some topics, i decided to ask for help. I met my Fiancee 6 months ago on the internet. She was wanting badly to come to the USA. I was very lonely and looking for romance and companionship but i am 62, she 41. With that said, i met her in Russia for 4 days in 11/06. We hit it off. I met her again in 02/07. We talked, i gave her $1,000 in cash for expenses. She later asked some questionable questions & said she wanted a marriage agreement. I went to bed, she slept on sofa. I am laying in bed thinking this is our 1st sex & because i am a diabetic & don't perform very good, she is unhappy, plus i didn't buy her a $1,200 dress she wanted so she is unhappy, plus i am a diabetic, etc. I decided i should ask for the $1,000 back until i was more sure about her. So i got out of bed & got my money back. The next morning she left 2 days early so i asked for my ring back but she wouldn't give it. When i got home, i emailed & apologized, she accepted, but has been very cool since. Currently, i am needing a copy of her divorce papers for RFE1 but she hasn't faxed a copy to me in 3 days. In your opinions, was i wrong for asking for my money back when she wouldn't come to bed? Should i continue to try to make this work when i am wondering if she cares?

Signed, sad & worried

Ok man...She's fooling u! cmon now...I'm a Eastern European woman that is marrying an American guy because fate brought us together and because I would honestly die for him. I asked him not to buy me an engagement ring and pay for the lawyer instead so we would both be able to be toghether sooner and I scolded him for buying a $500 (i mean not $1,000 not $15,000) wedding band. The conditions in Russia are not perfect...as much as Moldova, Ukraine and all those post-soviet countries....and many people DO use american citizens because they are american citizens not because they care...Now because of people such as ur fiance, people like me are being automatically critisized for having false intentions....I am very sorry. I know that every person needs someone else to complete him/her...but in ur case u better run away as far as possible.

About the mistake getting ur money back...maaaaan...ur mistake is so much better than that....ur mistake is not seeing the greed and and....darn...i dont even wanna continue

[AUBGER 0]

UPDATE!!!!!

For everyone that said i already had my mind made up, you will be glad to know that today i emailed my Fiancee' and told her the relationship had ended. For the selfish ones who were angry because we were ahead of you for a K-1 Visa, I HOPE YOUR MARRIAGE GOES TO HELL!!! And for the few who tried to make a "dirty" post out of a plea for help, YOU CAN KISS MY A__!!!! For the rest of you who offered sympathy and good advice, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! Needless to say, i met some very nice people on this site and some real JERKS!!!

Smart decission. Respect. I'm sorry i saw the update after I posted...I know how hard must be for you right now to get over this relationship. Trust me though. There are so many more people that would fall in love. You said 61...it is still an age when you could find someone...It doesnt matter what age difference but be aware...if u find someone that is just trying to manipulate you, run for ur life or the relationship will become hell. I do think that you made the best decission though. Love is blind, but the mind still has to prevail in this case...

Keep ur head up ok?

and I'm very sorry for the pain u're going through right now