Need HELP with your opinions!!!!!!

[genem 0]

I think you need to realize that she is likely giving up a job and disrupting her life a lot. A prenup can be good for both of you. I know one Ukarainian gal who came her on a K-1, married, divorced a year later and they each spent $ 20,000 in legal fees including about $ 5,000 each argueing about who owned an $ 8.00 snow shovel. With a good prenup you can save the arguements and the legal fees.

She got to stay in the USA and came out with about $ 30,000 in her divorce settlement and a lawyer bill for $ 20,000. He lost his house over it and a lot more in addition. The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers.

I totally agree with your comments. I was to meet with the attorney tomorrow, Friday, to draw up the agreement but decided to call her through an interpreter to see how serious she really was. She told me about some concerns she had and we had a very nice discussion. I called the attorney to say i was going to make some changes in the agreement that i hope will help her feel more comfortable, yet she is definitely not going to get much from me because i don't have much for her to get. I believe her concerns are valid and I believe the relationship is going to work out, maybe even stronger than i had hoped for. Language has certainly been a problem but i believe things are headed up hill again and will be stronger because of our problems.

[JoanBill 0]

I think you need to realize that she is likely giving up a job and disrupting her life a lot. A prenup can be good for both of you. I know one Ukarainian gal who came her on a K-1, married, divorced a year later and they each spent $ 20,000 in legal fees including about $ 5,000 each argueing about who owned an $ 8.00 snow shovel. With a good prenup you can save the arguements and the legal fees.

She got to stay in the USA and came out with about $ 30,000 in her divorce settlement and a lawyer bill for $ 20,000. He lost his house over it and a lot more in addition. The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers.

I totally agree with your comments. I was to meet with the attorney tomorrow, Friday, to draw up the agreement but decided to call her through an interpreter to see how serious she really was. She told me about some concerns she had and we had a very nice discussion. I called the attorney to say i was going to make some changes in the agreement that i hope will help her feel more comfortable, yet she is definitely not going to get much from me because i don't have much for her to get. I believe her concerns are valid and I believe the relationship is going to work out, maybe even stronger than i had hoped for. Language has certainly been a problem but i believe things are headed up hill again and will be stronger because of our problems.

To be blunt, I think you are either nuts, self-abusive or both. And now you say you can't even communicate with her on your own. Man-o-man-o-man-o-man.

[Turboguy 6]

My current K-1 is my second. Different fiancee this time and a really great girl and we are both head over heels in love.

To be honest, your relationship reminds me a lot of my first K-1. It was rocky and on and off again. When the K-1 was approved and she got here is turned into a big disaster. After she got back home she started to beg me for another chance. To this day she still would like it to do over. To be honest she was beautiful and wonderful but had some issues inside herself and I don't think she will ever have a happy marriage.

I really think you should give some serious consideration to visiting with your gal again and get the relationship issues resolved before you both disrupt your lives. I am not saying you both don't have good intentions and that it won't work but I think you need more time together and to build a real relationship. It just sounds too much like you want it because you think she is young, pretty and nice and she wants it becuase it is a ticket to a better life and she thinks you are a good man. Love needs to come into the equation and you can only build that by being together.

[Fandango 1,439]

yes, this relationship is unique and does not have "LOVE" in it yet, and i say YET!!!! We both have needs and can fill the other person's needs. Love can and will work its way into our life. Who of you want to play "GOD" and say it can't work. Sounds like many of you do.

Then don't ask for our opinions if ya don't wanna hear the answer

[JoeMama 0]

The only winners in a divorce are the lawyers.

I absolutely agree with you it's only the lawyers who win in a divorce case. The more they can instigate a situation, the more they make. My divorce cost me $20K also. It was all for the sake of pure greed on the part of my ex. Her stupid attorney convinced her to go after money and things that did not exist. I had to disprove all of it. Which is why it cost me so damn much! But it wasn't only me that paid for it. My children did too. In her quest for what she thought was going to be free money, I fought and I don't have to pay her a damn dime! In reality now, I sit in the position she should be paying me! She's lucky I am not a greedy or vindictive ####### like she was in the divorce! All in all, she's said and done things which my children have lost much of their respect for her. And nothing I had do with it either! My fiancee wants all my children to be living with us full-time after we are married. Instead of 50% of the time. I only expect things to get better as time rolls on. Life has a funny way of working things out, don't it?

With the way how divorces are glamourized here in the U.S., pre-nup agreements should be mandatory before any marriage. And updated as property or assets are acquired. I would love to see divorce attorneys start taking a hit to wallet!

[DA BOMB 1]

yes, this relationship is unique and does not have "LOVE" in it yet, and i say YET!!!! We both have needs and can fill the other person's needs. Love can and will work its way into our life. Who of you want to play "GOD" and say it can't work. Sounds like many of you do.

Welcome to Visa Journey.

[NYGirl 0]

You should really pay attention to what I wrote to you in your last post about marriage agreement.

You are not hurting anyone but yourself in this relationship. She'll get what she wants which is a green card and you'll be left with a big bloody painful hole in your heart.

There are plenty of other women out there ( even in russia if you are interested in russian women) who would be a great companionship and not ONLY after your money.

good luck on your decision.

[Yodrak 7]

genem,

Based on what you've posted in this and another thread it seems that her need is someone who can get her out of Russia and into the USA. While you may be able to satisfy this need, you can't do so without violating immigration law. This particular basis for a relationship does not qualify the relationship as valid for immigration purposes.

Love is not a required basis for a valid relationship, any basis will do except a relationship based on the alien's desire to immigrate.

Yodrak

yes, this relationship is unique and does not have "LOVE" in it yet, and i say YET!!!! We both have needs and can fill the other person's needs. ......

[Romerica 0]

i have not posted often, but as a woman i feel the need to respond to your post.

unfortunately for you, i don't this woman really wants to be with you. i strongly advise that you get out of this situation before you are out more money & more heartache... the fact that she left 2 days earlier than planned says a lot about her. I'm quite sure you spent a lot of money going there to see how and this is how she treats you??? of course, she is going to call back & be nice. she realized that she might be throwing away her "meal ticket" to the US. The age difference also bothers me a lot. I absolutely do not mean any disrespect to you, but I am a 42 year old woman & I would NEVER think of dating a 61-year-old man. Does this woman have children?? Does she want children?? If she is acting this way now before she gets what she really wants, a visa, how in the world is she going to act when you bring her over here??? I understand that you want to be generous to her & give her money & buy her things, but you need to ask yourself would she want to be with you if you weren't doing those things.. I think you seriously need to evaluate this "relationship". take a step back and take a very, very good look. I do not know this woman, but judging from your post i honestly think she's an opportunist & she is in this for all the wrong reasons. If she had any integrity she would have given you your money back when you asked for it & she absolutely would not have been asking you to buy her things. please, please think twice, three times & four times about what you're doing & don't waste anymore of your money. if you really feel the relationship is important to you, go visit her & don't give her ANY money or buy her ANYTHING & see how interested in you then... that will certainly be a test to see if she's interested in you, or if she's more interested in $$ and what you can offer her... It would be much easier to get out now than after you were married to her.

Good luck to you.. You're in my thoughts.

Thanks for all your opinions and thoughtfulness. I would like to add that i do have a copy of her divorce papers which i submitted one with the I-129F. But the copy i have is illegible & USCIS says i have to translate it into English so i asked her for a more legible copy which she has not sent. She is going to school full time & i wonder why if she plans to come to USA, she just enrolled for two months. She has not beat me out of any money to date and when i visited her in 11/06, she was very frugal with my money. But when i met her in 02/07, she seemed like a spender wanting a $1,200 dress. She settled for a $300 blouse, which is still a lot of money, but she was not happy. I also know she doesn't love me yet, but she has a 14 y.o. son and said she wanted a Dad for him, so i am hoping she will learn to love me. Thought i would add some more infor, it is hard to tell the whole story in one post. thanks again everyone, i am needing some encouragement to continue. But i am coming to realize that it may be a lost cause.

All I can say is this. I know alot of immigrants from East Europe for a long time now and you need to cut your losses. There are actual people that want real relationships. Russia is overhyped and I have seen it time and time again with especially Russian girls. Just cut her loose man.

[Ron/Sharon 0]

Wow!!!! How many would suffer foot in mouth if she were to tell her side.

[JoeMama 0]

After watching this post grow and grow, it is funny how it includes not being sure about this lady, giving her money, asking for it back, her not being happy because she didn't get a $1200 dress, her sleeping on the couch after their 1st sexual encounter, her ending the visit 2 days early with him, asking for some kind of marriage agreement to be financially compensated if there is a divorce, absolutely each other not actually being in love, etc. It goes on and on with this guy! Asks for advice after telling us all the ####### within this relationship. And then, actually trying to defend the relationship for some oddball reason!

The man is 62 years old. Going by his own posts, he's fairly set in his ways and no matter what anyone here says, he's going to do what he wants. Regardless, all the answers to his doubts are hitting him over the head! Even though he is trying to force something to be there when it's obvious, in his own words, that they will love each other in time.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Sorry to hear that all this is happening. From your post there are lots of things that sets off alamrs in our heads. For your own good do you honestly want to be with a women that is already going in for the kill before you are even married? How can u marry some one that you hope will love you latter and not before the marriage? If things are strange now imagine what kind of terminator she will turn into when she arrives here. Do you think she will offer you companionship, love and support unconditionally with out shedding out money? Why dont you tell her that u will marry her but that you want to live in russia, just to see how she will react. Maybe her true intetions will come out. She has already told you that she really wants to come to the US, isnt that clear as water? I really wish you all the best in the decidion that you take.

[Romerica 0]

All I can say is this. I know alot of immigrants from East Europe for a long time now and you need to cut your losses. There are actual people that want real relationships. Russia is overhyped and I have seen it time and time again with especially Russian girls. Just cut her loose man.

I really should not dog on Russian women like that. The population is bigger so it would seem that there was a problem there but in reality there are just more so it seems that way.

[Blues Fairy 0]

Seems like a pure misunderstanding due to language barrier. She might have been reasonable but misunderstood; he might have been reasonable but misunderstood. As a result, a load of mutual hurt and stones thrown at both. Sad.

P.S. I would never blame a struggling single mom looking to emigrate from her home country through marriage, even if "love is not yet in the picture." And please folks, do not generalize about Russian women.

[Romerica 0]

All I can say is this. I know alot of immigrants from East Europe for a long time now and you need to cut your losses. There are actual people that want real relationships. Russia is overhyped and I have seen it time and time again with especially Russian girls. Just cut her loose man.

I really should not dog on Russian women like that. The population is bigger so it would seem that there was a problem there but in reality there are just more so it seems that way.