Help please

[alanm663 0]

I need some advice and I really don't know where to turn. My wife is from Peru, we met in February of 2015 and decided to get married, we went through the long and hard k1 visa process and finally in November she made it to my home in New York, we were married in January. Now here's the issue, as you know Peru is a fairly warm climate county, and upstate New York is well known for its horrible winters. Needless to say I knew and my wife knew that it would be hard for her to adjust to our cold weather here, but I never could have imagined how severely it has effected her. We are arguing more, she seems to be always sad and depressed and gets mad very easily. It seems to have kept building and building, and now she is telling me that she wants to go back to Peru and that she doesn't care that her AOS isn't complete yet and that if she did go back to Peru she would be seen as abandoning the visa. She says she feels so completely horrible that she doesn't care about any of it and just wants to go home. It pains me to see her feeling so bad and it hurts even more thinking of having to be away from each other because I love her and I know she loves me too. I would like to make things better for her some how while still having her stay here so she doesn't lose the progress of the visa we have made so far, but I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do, if anyone has any advice or anything that will help please let me know it will be greatly appreciated, I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. Thank you

[aleful 1,905]

hi

can you move to another state, such as California or Florida where it is warmer most of the year? or even move to Peru?

[TheResistance 6]

This is the adjustment period and it could take years. She could see this as an adventure. She and you could work on it. Winter cold and snow (which I miss) does not last. She will experience those hot, humid summers too. I am not going to say to move to Florida, because job changes is near impossible since we kill ourselves to find a job and just hold onto it. I say maybe speak to a local counselor, get some suggestion from newlife.com or focusonthefamily.com, or if you know one that will not tell you to divorce (yes, they do and I experienced that, which is why faith based counselors are the way to go). Can she go to a fitness gym during her free time, attend school, or serve at a church, something to give her a sense of accomplishment each day or so?

I am factoring it will take a year or two for my fiancee to get accomplished to my life and weather and society here. Now, I am been through a life with someone else before, so I been through some "adjusting" before and different people come different methods.

[RonnaNavarro 0]

Move to Florida

[Kelcello5 8]

You can't change the weather but you can change how you react to it. Find things to do that you can't do in the hot summer months, cuddling is much easier when it's cold, find the beauty in all the seasons. Perhaps plan a trip to a warmer place during the cold. Maybe start planning a garden and start seeds inside.

Here today in Penn Yan we have snow, Had wanted to work outside, on to plan B....

[alanm663 0]

Thank you Resistance for some answers other then "move to Florida". Believe me I would love to do that and maybe in the long run we will move to a warmer climate but I am dealing with this in the here and now and moving just isn't an option. As for going to a gym, or anywhere else for that matter I have suggested it and we actually live across the street from a gym but she won't go because she says it's too cold and she doesn't want to walk in this horrible weather. She likes to go shopping and I do that as often as my job and my budget allows, but it only makes her happy for a little while. I will have to check those websites out that you mentioned thank you for that

[Kelcello5 8]

Also read about vitamin D3 and the effects on mood. Here we receive none in the winter months from the sun. I would get her started on a supplement, you too, it's a very important vitamin.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Did you get her proper winter clothes and educate her on how to dress for the cold? My husband brought all kinds of junky coats from his country that were totally not suitable; I kitted him out and helped him at the start. Now he says winter is the best and that summer is horrible.

[TheResistance 6]

Also read about vitamin D3 and the effects on mood. Here we receive none in the winter months from the sun. I would get her started on a supplement, you too, it's a very important vitamin.

Mhm, I second the vitamin thing..... now I feel guilty not taking them myself no matter how hard I try.... think mine expired (years ago). I go check!

[TBoneTX 45,223]

Show her pictures of how staggeringly beautiful the Finger Lakes region is during spring and summer. Ask her what activities she'll most want to take part in. Tell her that, in July and August, she'll be completely comfortable amongst the sweaty gringos.

(Pssst... in your left sidebar, "Canandaigua" is misspelled...)

[Kelcello5 8]

Show her pictures of how staggeringly beautiful the Finger Lakes region is during spring and summer. Ask her what activities she'll most want to take part in. Tell her that, in July and August, she'll be completely comfortable amongst the sweaty gringos.

(Pssst... in your left sidebar, "Canandaigua" is misspelled...)

Yes and Fall too. If she came here in November, she has yet to see what our area really has to offer. Weather is going to change here in the next few days, hang in there.