STUBBORN WIFE!!!

[chopstickboy 5]

Don't know why but I ended up reading all the 8 pages. 7 years of online relationship where everything is awesome with 3 visits sounds all too familiar to me (personally). My ex and I shared a 4 year online long distance and then all hell broke loose when we were under one roof for more than a week. Asking your wife or her mom "1" day before the wedding about whether they are sure or not doesn't mean anything. Infact, that is a red flag that you needed to ask that.

I am guessing she is a nurse and leads a stressful 3 day 12 hour shifts work routine. What do you guys do on other days? You have savings from India? does she expect that you will learn a lot of $$$ since you will have a MS degree? I am not a psychologist but there has to be a reason for you to stay married. Financial security, love, attraction or plain ol desire to live the american dream!!!

ROC is important but that is WAY down the road. Can you see yourself living like this even if she does concede to all things required ONLY for immigration purposes. If GC/Citizenship is the goal for you, then that is a motivation. But you keep saying you are ready to go back, so I am not sure what your motivation is to plan for ROC at THIS point of time. List your priorities first, happy married life or ROC.

[depressed_lost 12]

Not trying to sound insensitive and I'm sorry if I am, but dude, just pack your stuff and leave. If my father died today, I will probably dance around with much happiness that a person who wasted so much oxygen in this world is at last dead and I am Indian for the love of God (cultural difference...really???). From all the posts that we have read thus far, yes you are the best husband she could have ever asked for but you are not appreciated so now all you are doing is finding as much fault with her as possible. You do not know what her relationship with her aunt has been and you finished judging her based on how she reacted to the news of her aunt's death.

You have now turned bitter to everything she does for the way she is with you. Wish I could delete my previous post about trying to salvage your marriage, but one can't do that here on this site. So here is my next post. "PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANNUL YOUR MARRIAGE"

You don't need a divorce since it has not even been a year. Just annul it and go live your life. Doesn't seem like you will ever be happy in this relationship. Poor you. See what is happening to you. Poor you - one who selflessly helps everyone, see what the world is doing to you.

So now just get up and leave before you have even more time, money and energy wasted into this "relationship"

Hi! I appreciate your advice.According to her she is fairly close to her aunt.And according to her mother she is really very upset and grieving for her aunt.According to her mother she needs support at this time and what I see is a person who is laughing and joking with her sister and dancing with her dog.So tell me how I am judging?

[chopstickboy 5]

OP, you're beginning to answer your own questions, which is positive.

And the OCD/ADD/ADHD adds yet another ominous layer to the situation for you.

How about Bipolar?

[Transborderwife 4,666]

How about Bipolar?

Or perhaps bpd

[chopstickboy 5]

Hi! I appreciate your advice.According to her she is fairly close to her aunt.And according to her mother she is really very upset and grieving for her aunt.According to her mother she needs support at this time and what I see is a person who is laughing and joking with her sister and dancing with her dog.So tell me how I am judging?

OP, people grieve in different ways. If you have a problem with the way she grieves, you too need marriage counseling.

[Unidentified 2,930]

OP, people grieve in different ways. If you have a problem with the way she grieves, you too need marriage counseling.

I agree. When my dad got cancer and also for a while after he died I was binge watching The Big Bang Theory. I just needed something to take my mind of all the emotional pain I felt. We all grieve differently.

[TomEn 90]

OP, people grieve in different ways. If you have a problem with the way she grieves, you too need marriage counseling.

Perfectly stated

[chopstickboy 5]

I agree. When my dad got cancer and also for a while after he died I was binge watching The Big Bang Theory. I just needed something to take my mind of all the emotional pain I felt. We all grieve differently.

(Unfortunately) I had the same experience after my Dad died. Didn't leave the home for 2-3 days and just watched Netflix and movies.

OP, both of you need to take a time out and evaluate why you are in this relationship.

[depressed_lost 12]

Perfectly stated

alright!! I agree my thinking is wrong in this regard and I will change it.

[depressed_lost 12]

Don't know why but I ended up reading all the 8 pages. 7 years of online relationship where everything is awesome with 3 visits sounds all too familiar to me (personally). My ex and I shared a 4 year online long distance and then all hell broke loose when we were under one roof for more than a week. Asking your wife or her mom "1" day before the wedding about whether they are sure or not doesn't mean anything. Infact, that is a red flag that you needed to ask that.

I am guessing she is a nurse and leads a stressful 3 day 12 hour shifts work routine. What do you guys do on other days? You have savings from India? does she expect that you will learn a lot of $$$ since you will have a MS degree? I am not a psychologist but there has to be a reason for you to stay married. Financial security, love, attraction or plain ol desire to live the american dream!!!

ROC is important but that is WAY down the road. Can you see yourself living like this even if she does concede to all things required ONLY for immigration purposes. If GC/Citizenship is the goal for you, then that is a motivation. But you keep saying you are ready to go back, so I am not sure what your motivation is to plan for ROC at THIS point of time. List your priorities first, happy married life or ROC.

One of the reason why I asked her mom and her one day before marriage is that I saw a message on her phone about her mother asking my fiancee if she was sure to get married with me and all men get worse after marriage.Why she said men get worse after marriage is because my fiancee told her mother previously that I do not want to do stuff with her which was complete lie.It snowed here and she wanted me to play with her in the snow when she knows I have Asthma and on top of that I have dislocated both my knees few years back in a accident and it was very slippery outside I went outside with her and we were playing and I slipped and almost dislocated my knee.I told my wife look I do not have a health insurance and if something happens because of my asthma or I dislocate my knee who will pay for the medical expenses and also my shoes were very slippery on the snow.But my wife does not accept this.My wife wants me to eat outside everyday lunch and dinner when I explained her that I have limited funds right now and I don't know when I will get my EAD.I have to spent on phone,bills,internet and my food so I cannot eat outside everyday.

Yes she is a nurse and definitely her job is stressful working 3, 12 hr shifts every week and I have massaged her feet and back to make her feel relieved and tried to help her best I can.On the days she is not working she is usually sitting on the couch and looking for the discount coupon ads she gets in her mail or she wants to go outside and try new restaurants.Yes I have savings from INDIA.I don't know if she expects me to earn a lot but on many occasions when I ask her to cook sometimes at home she tells me "when you earn a lot of money I will leave my job and stay at home and cook"

Yes ROC is way down the road but do you want me to not care about ROC at all when people get denied because they woke up late and couldn't show financial commingling starting from the time they got married?I am sorry but there is nothing wrong in planning ahead of time rather than waking up later and getting screwed up.I am planning for ROC now does not mean I am not concerned about my marriage.

[chopstickboy 5]

One of the reason why I asked her mom and her one day before marriage is that I saw a message on her phone about her mother asking my fiancee if she was sure to get married with me and all men get worse after marriage.Why she said men get worse after marriage is because my fiancee told her mother previously that I do not want to do stuff with her which was complete lie.It snowed here and she wanted me to play with her in the snow when she knows I have Asthma and on top of that I have dislocated both my knees few years back in a accident and it was very slippery outside I went outside with her and we were playing and I slipped and almost dislocated my knee.I told my wife look I do not have a health insurance and if something happens because of my asthma or I dislocate my knee who will pay for the medical expenses and also my shoes were very slippery on the snow.But my wife does not accept this.My wife wants me to eat outside everyday lunch and dinner when I explained her that I have limited funds right now and I don't know when I will get my EAD.I have to spent on phone,bills,internet and my food so I cannot eat outside everyday.

Yes she is a nurse and definitely her job is stressful working 3, 12 hr shifts every week and I have massaged her feet and back to make her feel relieved and tried to help her best I can.On the days she is not working she is usually sitting on the couch and looking for the discount coupon ads she gets in her mail or she wants to go outside and try new restaurants.Yes I have savings from INDIA.I don't know if she expects me to earn a lot but on many occasions when I ask her to cook sometimes at home she tells me "when you earn a lot of money I will leave my job and stay at home and cook"

Yes ROC is way down the road but do you want me to not care about ROC at all when people get denied because they woke up late and couldn't show financial commingling starting from the time they got married?I am sorry but there is nothing wrong in planning ahead of time rather than waking up later and getting screwed up.I am planning for ROC now does not mean I am not concerned about my marriage.

Sorry for assuming. I hope that an immigration forum is not the only place you are posting for advice. You need professional relationship advice.

Also, I do understand that financial documentation is required for ROC but you don't even have a GC in hand right now. You got married last month and are really eager to start collecting documentation for ROC (especially when your marriage is in ruins) is not normal imho. I would rather start preparing for the worst case scenario in case you need to appear for GC interview.

[depressed_lost 12]

Sorry for assuming. I hope that an immigration forum is not the only place you are posting for advice. You need professional relationship advice.

Also, I do understand that financial documentation is required for ROC but you don't even have a GC in hand right now. You got married last month and are really eager to start collecting documentation for ROC (especially when your marriage is in ruins) is not normal imho. I would rather start preparing for the worst case scenario in case you need to appear for GC interview.

Alright! I guess I will forget about the ROC for now and see how things take turn.Thanks anyways

[chopstickboy 5]

Alright! I guess I will forget about the ROC for now and see how things take turn.Thanks anyways

I am not trying to discourage you. I really hope you work this one out. I have been at the receiving end of a bad relationship and I too gave in best efforts because I wanted to come out knowing that there was nothing else that I could have done to save it. I feel the pain you are in now. Get your EAD, get a job, get into a daily routine, become independent and let destiny take its course after that.

[depressed_lost 12]

I am sorry I missed that post, in that case if you are willing to pay whatever the added expense is then I dont see why she would have an issue with adding you onto anything. I was not trying to imply that even if you werent that she shouldnt add you on but sometimes the cost is a factor. My fiance came over with very little money and cant really help with much until he gets his EAD and a job but I have already taken him to get his DL, added him to my health and car insurance and added his name on the bank account that I use to pay bills because I know in the future those things will be very important. Youre marriage is very new you two need to figure out how to communicate with each other both about your feelings and about the immigration process as you have many more years of dealing with it to come.

see that is what love is all about...one shouldn't feel a need to ask to do things..I make sure I do nice things for her without she asking me to do them.But when it is my turn It is always I need to ask her to do simple basic things.It's not like I cannot do them but I also need to feel like I have a wife who cares for me and loves me the right way.She is the only reason I am here for her if she is not gonna be there for me whenever I need her then what is the use of getting married.The biggest thing which pisses me off is that when she gets upset on the things I wanna do like talking to my family and planning to go meet them.She meets her family almost every week and I havent seen mine in a long time.She thinks there will not be anyone to babysit her dog....so her dog is more important than my family and my life?

[rutabaga 209]

see that is what love is all about...one shouldn't feel a need to ask to do things..I make sure I do nice things for her without she asking me to do them.But when it is my turn It is always I need to ask her to do simple basic things.It's not like I cannot do them but I also need to feel like I have a wife who cares for me and loves me the right way.She is the only reason I am here for her if she is not gonna be there for me whenever I need her then what is the use of getting married.The biggest thing which pisses me off is that when she gets upset on the things I wanna do like talking to my family and planning to go meet them.She meets her family almost every week and I havent seen mine in a long time.She thinks there will not be anyone to babysit her dog....so her dog is more important than my family and my life?

If I've learned one thing when it comes to cross-cultural dating, it's that assuming you share the understanding of things, love included (love especially even), just leads to disappointment. Communication is important in any relationship, but doubly so in a cross-cultural one. Don't assume anything--discuss everything.