STUBBORN WIFE!!!

[Unidentified 2,930]

Ok this happened before we got married and I did not hold a grudge I told her the very same day how I felt.Then I asked her If she loves me and thinks she wants to marry me and I am the guy she wanted if not I will be happy to return to my country.I told her the way she is acting I feel I am living with a room mate and not a fiancee.I told her I felt bad when she slept and I had to wait at the airport for One and Half hour for her when I came on K-1 visa.She said she wants to marry me and loves me a lot and it's just that she is stressed because of her work.I said that is what she said about the previous job and this one was the job she always dreamt of,I said where is the stress when she sees her family and is all laughing and cracking jokes and giggling?She said she will try to change and she loves me a lot...so we got married.She delayed the papers she was supposed to send in india for K-1 visa.NO SHE DID NOT PAY IMMIGRATION BILLS....I DID.SHE IS NOT PAYING FOR LIVING EXPENSE FOR ME.

So she delayed sending the documents for K1, she didn't bother to come pick you up on time at the airport and she treats you like #######? I'm sorry but this woman doesn't love you.

[depressed_lost 12]

She can't do what?

The thing that confuses me is that you seem more concerned about ROC than the fact that you and your wife might have an interview for your Green Card. And if she barely helped you out to get your K1 and doesn't really want to help you out with ROC, how do you think the interview for Green Card will go?

She said she cannot add me to her health and car insurance.I don't think we will do good at the green card Interview.I am sure it looks like I am more concerned about the ROC than marriage but its not the case.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

She said she cannot add me to her health and car insurance.I don't think we will do good at the green card Interview.I am sure it looks like I am more concerned about the ROC than marriage but its not the case.

Every couple SHOULD BE concerned about the ROC phase and prepare early. If not perhaps a deportation order will be the necessary

dynamite up her behind to get her motivated. Never apologize for doing what has to be done in regards to proper immigration preparation.

Without it there is no marriage in the US. Period.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

For AOS, if you have an interview as many do not, you may get by with no joint bank account if you have plenty of other evidence of a

bona fide marriage.

I commend you for looking steps ahead into your next phase which is ROC. Unlike some here who tell you to slow down I tell you that you are

correct in planning NOW what is required for ROC. Far too many posts of recent months are all about "I didn't know we needed this and that and got denied."

So, again good for you to plan ahead and ignore the rest of the procrastinators here telling you to just skip happily down the yellow brick road.

For ROC you must have a joint bank account from the INCEPTION OF MARRIAGE not 5 minutes before an interview (if you have one).

Not only from the inception of marriage but statements showing it and the activity of your MUTUAL financial obligations, not just in name only.

Can't tell you how many posts of ......denied, they want joint accounts from inception of marriage.......posts are starting to tick me off, don't they

think ahead ?! You do, she doesn't, worst thing is you divorce and ROC on your own but you still need the evidence.

You can't get what she refuses to give you so add her to your account as soon as you have one and mingle finances there and get every other

scrap of joint evidence you can.

Show her the penalty she has to pay for not adding you to her health insurance. www.healthcare.gov $695 for 2016.

Unfortunately you don't qualify for Obamacare because she gets health insurance through her job.

It is irresponsible of a USC to not add them to their health insurance, not just for ROC but for obvious health care reasons.

Lets hope no one gets run over by a bus meanwhile.

The salad thing is just ridiculous. That would be the straw that broke the camel's back and frankly I would either tell them both to straighten

out and fly right or leave and return home.

Sorry that you have become another statistic of a USC not doing what they obligated themselves to do by petitioning a beneficiary.

If they can't afford to properly care for a beneficiary then they shouldn't sponsor and stop crying about how much it costs.

She made her bed but refuses to sleep in it. Just nuts.

If what the OP states is true, I agree. Very immature. Taking advantage of all his money but not holding up her end of the bargain.

OP maybe you should try a more gentle approach. Possibly you are coming off as forceful or demanding which shuts her off. Otherwise, Don't know what else you can do but try to collect as much evidence as possible on your own. Doesn't sound like she cares much if you get denied. Ask her how she'd feel then?

Edited March 28, 2016 by LionessDeon

[7Ken 15]

I apologize if I sounded that way.

You sound like a nice guy!

I'm curious how old you and your wife are?

In all honesty and compassion I would say it's time for consoling including your wife, some serious honest one on one time, or time to go back home.

I've been in many countries and more recently after 2 years of marriage just got my wife a Visa to move back to the US.

I always tell people in other countries that people are not much different around the world, there is good and bad everywhere.

The idea that US relationships are different is except maybe in cultural ways is wrong.

Love is love and depends on the people, not the country.

You two must have had a good relationship at one time and moving anywhere in the world shouldn't have changed that but something has happened! Maybe you're to passive, she's to demanding or ?? but something sometime went wrong.

Only the 2 of you know if it's fixable and more times than not others will only complicate things.

This is your marriage, if you want it, work on it with your wife. If you don't want it or she doesn't then I guess sadly the answer is obvious. Only you 2 can find your way back to where you once were or move forward to ??

Wish you both the best.

One thing I have always believed is never settle, you have the right to be happy and sadly we all make mistakes sometimes...

[depressed_lost 12]

So she delayed sending the documents for K1, she didn't bother to come pick you up on time at the airport and she treats you like #######? I'm sorry but this woman doesn't love you.

When she came to India I made sure I was there before One hour her flight was scheduled to land because I was scared for the traffic jams or car breaking down.I was so excited and was walking down the airport and couldn't wait to see her,hug her and kiss her,My house was ready with a welcome sign for her.My mom prepared nice food for her and every possible thing I could do like getting bottled water and small things like that.But when I came here I landed and once I passed the Immigration I sent her wats app message and asked her if she is inside or outside the airport....to my surprise she said she went to see her family in another city and fell asleep and she is 90 Miles away and will be on road soon.I was exhausted from the long flight with severe back pain and I was sitting at the airport for ONE AND HALF HOUR.I had to stop at the walmart to buy water bottles for myself and her as she ran out of them a day before.Talking about the good things she does is she does my laundry,she cleans the house and she gets me food sometimes on her way back to home(i always pay for my food back to her as soon as her credit card statement arrives).I told her that I can do my own laundry and clean the house but she says no she does not want me to touch the washing machine.She does not want me to clean the house as she likes things according to her way as she is a perfectionist.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Ok I'm going out on a limb here and asking another question.

What do you do? For example, my so and I made the agreement that while I couldn't work, I'd do the cooking and cleaning as he was working 12 hours a day. When he's home (two work injuries unfortunately) he will help out with the baby or cook some meals. It's an arrangement that was hard at first but seems to be working for us.

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

So she delayed sending the documents for K1, she didn't bother to come pick you up on time at the airport and she treats you like #######? I'm sorry but this woman doesn't love you.

+100

You are not working yet, you have to buy your own food, you are newlyweds but are not intimate (I don't know about others, but my wife and I couldn't keep our hands off each other the moment she arrived in the US), she shows almost no interest in the immigration process, she arrived late to pick you up at the airport, and on and on....

Is getting a green card that important to you that you would put up with all her BS. This will never get better. She probably figures that if your immigration process fails, she can just discard you like garbage, no biggie.

I can't stand to see USC's playing with honest (I admit we only know his side) foreigners and treating them like ####### (like they are disposable) when they come to the US to make a new life.

[depressed_lost 12]

It sounds to me like your wife is young or poor or both, and extremely stressed about money. Either way she seems to have an unhealthy relationship with money, if she splits a bill for salad three ways with her mom and you. Most of these decisions are based on fear (like prenup when she has no estate to speak of, no insurance), and she is working in a job she is not happy in to make ends meet.

Regarding your comment that you are not important to her, it may be that she believes she is entitled to the visa process and is not worried about the outcome. Don't take that to mean that you are not important to her, necessarily. If she wants to go to the AOS and ROC interviews and yammer on about joint accounts, then let her.

She should not tell you that "this is what we do in America." You should open a dialogue on that and compromise, both of you.

Marriage is hard. Yours just started. Good luck.

Hi thanks for your kind words.She is 28 yrs old and is earning approx $25 an hour.She has a good job.She was not happy in the previous job then she applied for the current job and she got fired because she was slow and she didn't do what she was supposed to do.Then she got a new job in the same hospital and now again she has same problems with her new manager.I tell her all the time how I have seen other couples and how they live with each other and this is not happening in our case and she gets upset and blames me for comparing her to others.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I think you got to ask you this simple question: If you were still living in India and this woman is not a USC but an Indian woman, would you put up with this ####### and still be married to her?

[NikLR 13,231]

You can't compare her to others. Especially not in a new marriage. She is her. You are you. Stop comparing. If you want something, like more affection, you can give more yourself, ask for more, and then decide what to do with the outcome. Stop comparing. Really if my husband compared me to other people all the time, I'd be annoyed. But the only person he wants me to be is me. He just wants to be him. In fact accepting each other as who we are, was part of our wedding vows.

You seem like a nice guy, and you sound like you want to make this work, and she does some ridiculous things.

Maybe ask her if she's happy. Ask her how she could be more happy. And ultimately decide if this woman is right for you or not.

[depressed_lost 12]

Ok I'm going out on a limb here and asking another question.

What do you do? For example, my so and I made the agreement that while I couldn't work, I'd do the cooking and cleaning as he was working 12 hours a day. When he's home (two work injuries unfortunately) he will help out with the baby or cook some meals. It's an arrangement that was hard at first but seems to be working for us.

Ok since I am not working...I walk her dog 2 or 3 times a day and feed him,I cook food often and do the dishes.I also try to organize the house whatever I can I am scared she will be upset because she says she is a perfectionist and wants the things in her own way which her mother also admits she is.The remaining time I read about the driving license hand book and study for my masters degree exams which I am pursuing from India(online) and I had to skip my exams in April because she said who will babysit her dog if I go India or may be I won't be able to come back to USA,something will happen with the immigration.So now I will go back to give my exams in october 2016.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Ok, so it's not like you're sitting on your duff doing nothing. I think that you need to decide if this relationship is what you really want and need

[depressed_lost 12]

I think you got to ask you this simple question: If you were still living in India and this woman is not a USC but an Indian woman, would you put up with this ####### and still be married to her?

I asked this question to myself already and I think if it was Indian woman and I was in India I would give it some more time in a hope that everything will be fine and pray to god that somehow she starts caring about things and act like a wife not a roommate.See I have thought about going back to India many times but I just want to make sure that I don't feel regret later that I did not give it time.I know I am a man and I am supposed to be strong but I am very emotional and sensitive person due to my childhood which I do not want to talk about.I am a person who is always ready to help people in distress even strangers.I cannot see people hurting and look what is happening with me.

[depressed_lost 12]

You can't compare her to others. Especially not in a new marriage. She is her. You are you. Stop comparing. If you want something, like more affection, you can give more yourself, ask for more, and then decide what to do with the outcome. Stop comparing. Really if my husband compared me to other people all the time, I'd be annoyed. But the only person he wants me to be is me. He just wants to be him. In fact accepting each other as who we are, was part of our wedding vows.

You seem like a nice guy, and you sound like you want to make this work, and she does some ridiculous things.

Maybe ask her if she's happy. Ask her how she could be more happy. And ultimately decide if this woman is right for you or not.

That is true!!! One should never compare their loved ones to others but when their loved ones tells them that whatever they are doing is the way things happen in every relationship which is not true of course then what I am supposed to do?