STUBBORN WIFE!!!

[depressed_lost 12]

$200 is cheap / she has to cover you by buying health insurance and the market place insurance premiums run over $250 a month with a $5000 deductible / a good policy under obama care is over $800

she will be fined when she does next year's tax returns for not buying health care insurance for you

as far as $24000 if she has an accident sounds like she doesn't carry collison insurance

she doesn't have to add you but would be a lot better to help you learn to drive and be able to work

seems like money is one issue and trust is the other

come out and ask her directly if she loves you and wants this relationship as she is not willing to share her life

I asked her directly before marriage and after marriage and all she says is she's been treating me very nice and she loves me a lot and wants to spend life with me and this is the way things work here in USA.Meanwhile she is calculating the amount I owe her for the 2 spoons of salad i tasted from her plate the other day at the restaurant which would be like $ 1 or .75 cents.I am confused if things work this way or she is telling a lie about things working this way here?The other day me,her mom and I were eating at a restaurant and her mom asked me if I wanna taste the mixed green salad she was having,out of respect I said ok and she gave me some and later the salad amount was split three ways during the bill.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I absolutely agree with you that we barely got married and we have 2 whole years,I wouldn't be worried at all if the other things in the relationship were fine.I almost missed my K-1 visa interview because she did not prepare and send me the documents she was supposed to.She kept on telling me we still have time.Basically things related to me are of least importance.I can keep quiet and just wait for her and I am 100% sure one and half year will pass and we wouldn't have joint account or anything else.

This should have been your red flag warning sign that this would not go well. If she had wanted and felt excited about you coming over she would have sent it over well in time.

[depressed_lost 12]

Sounds like you guys just got married and you're filling for AOS. ROC is in 2 years. Relax and stop worrying about ROC.

If I was the USC and my husband was nagging about ROC I'd be unhappy too. Enjoy being married and try to focus on your marriage. Stop bugging her about ROC, she probably feel like you just married her for the green card.

I agree with you but I have never ever nagged her for ROC.I have never bugged her for that.I asked her once and she said she cannot do it and I said ok.But there is some evidences which we have to start collecting from now onwards.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

I appreciate your reply...trust me I have done a lot little things for her which she did not appreciate at all.I walked 2.5 miles in snow on valentines day to the Walmart from my home to get decorations for the apartment and her gift while she was working.I decorated the house with balloons and other stuff and all I heard was that balloons were not placed on the correct place the decoration looks crooked and she wanted to take them off cos of that reason cos she was embarrassed as her dad and grand ma were about to pay us visit next day.The teddy bears and soft toys I ever gave her are laying on the floor in the closet somewhere.

Upon what happened on Valentine's day, you two got married within the same month. Was it after this incident or before?

I think you are jumping the gun here. Your wife may be as awful as you say but have you done your part? Isn't it convenient that you have been holding all this grudge against her and waited until you file for AOS?

You said she delayed in sending you the paperwork, don't ya'll live in the same house? She is a procrastinator and you're not. You are supposed to complete each other.

if this "selfish, self-centered" wife of yours have being paying all your immigration bills, paying for your living expenses, the least you could do is not to make her look like the worse person to us here.

You haven't said a ONE SINGLE good thing about her.dang!

You said you would just go back home if she didn't love you but , here you are...smh.

Honestly, if you are in this marriage for real then this shouldn't be the way to resolve your issues.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I agree with you but I have never ever nagged her for ROC.I have never bugged her for that.I asked her once and she said she cannot do it and I said ok.But there is some evidences which we have to start collecting from now onwards.

She can't do what?

The thing that confuses me is that you seem more concerned about ROC than the fact that you and your wife might have an interview for your Green Card. And if she barely helped you out to get your K1 and doesn't really want to help you out with ROC, how do you think the interview for Green Card will go?

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

The underlined statement is not true.

His health insurance is his problem not hers!!

If they file as joint, then they both must have insurance or they will pay the penalty.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

If they file as joint, then they both must have insurance or they will pay the penalty.

Exactly so. She needs to get off her misguided merry-go-round and help him get insurance or pay hundreds of dollars in penalty after filing

taxes.

It will definitely be HER problem as much as his.

[depressed_lost 12]

The importance clause is IF....OP sounds like he will be walking away from the marriage by then..

I feel bad for OP but I can understand the wife if she is footing all the bills and you have a husband demanding and not showing any consideration? I will probably be adamant in giving and giving all the time. None of this process is cheap. His wife will have to be taking the financial responsibility until OP starts working. SO i think OP should tune it down, be supportive if his wife and slowly ease her into helping him get establish. OP didn't even believe her and she told him about her insurance premium going up is she adds him. You need the health insurance, a little compassion for her concerns could have change the conversation while in still making your case.

Find the best way to communicate with your wife. If she feels she is been used, she will definitely show hesitation. You need her to help you so that you both can contribute to the household.

You are calling her stubborn because you expect things to flow when you say so. Change the way you approach things with her ..just for a change and see things. If they don't work out then , we could all agree that she isn't any longer interested in the marriage.

Things won't be easy for you right now should you walk away and neither for her. You both need eachother. You are the man, change the tune of this relationship. Great leaders lead from behind.

Good luck!

**I am no marriage counselor

That's exactly how I felt too.

First of all she is not footing all the bills.Secondly demanding for love,care and attention is bad?There is no financial responsibility on her for me.I am paying half the bills from the money I brought from India.I have been showing compassion for her concerns but what about compassion to my concerns?So being a man means wife can treat you whatever way she wants and I am man and I should put up with it?How come other USC women here are all worried about the process and what they need to do and she shows she can care less.She says she doesn't care about the process.What would you feel when you leave your family and country to be with someone and they treat you this way?

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I appreciate your reply...trust me I have done a lot little things for her which she did not appreciate at all.I walked 2.5 miles in snow on valentines day to the Walmart from my home to get decorations for the apartment and her gift while she was working.I decorated the house with balloons and other stuff and all I heard was that balloons were not placed on the correct place the decoration looks crooked and she wanted to take them off cos of that reason cos she was embarrassed as her dad and grand ma were about to pay us visit next day.The teddy bears and soft toys I ever gave her are laying on the floor in the closet somewhere.

She sounds like a real piece of work. Selfish and way out there.

[depressed_lost 12]

Is she a naturalized citizen ? and Even if she is not. i am going to assume things here. Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. she is purely harassing you for no apparent reason. this can break a individual down so bad.although your question is more of marital issue than immigration one. usually for a lot of people, ROC goes very smoothly.the evidences you are trying to gather are primary ones that shows you guys are co mingling your assets. you will have to gather them. i am not sure what your future plans but just reading what you put here about the spouse is very disappointing.even she is daughter of immigrants parents who was born here. she should know better. Also, please do not think i am being biased here and blaming the wife of all the wrongdoing. this is a reply to only one side of story. good luck. be nice to her, keep her happy. stubborn wife ? we all have those .

She is not a naturalized citizen she and her forefathers were born here.I can understand,maybe some people think here that I am making up stuff but I am not.Her side of the story is that she loves me a lot,more than anyone else in this world yet she doesn't care about the immigration process.She loves me a lot yet she doesn't show any interest in intimate relationship.She loves me a lot yet she doesn't feel like hugging or kissing much.She loves me a lot and I am not supposed to go India and meet my family as I have to babysit her dog while she is working.She loves me a lot but she cannot take me to places I have never been to because she has been there already yet when she was in India I took her to places I have been to more than 5 times.EVEN HER OWN UNCLE ASKED ME IF EVERYTHING IS OK BETWEEN US...HE SAID HE NOTICED THAT MY WIFE DOES NOT PAY MUCH ATTENTION TOWARDS ME....

[depressed_lost 12]

You sound so hostile in your recent replies, which to be honest surprises me as I personally was just trying to understand your situation better. I was even thinking you're not far from where I'll be soon, back home in Chapel Hill, NC.

Yes I have pointed out we're only hearing one side which it makes it difficult to give an accurate response.

You say their is no longer any intimacy in your marriage which means something happened.

You sound resolute in that your not happy in your marriage so maybe it's time to pack it in and just go home!

Good luck!

I apologize if I sounded that way.

[TomEn 90]

Dear Depressed,

I am truly sorry about your condition in the United States and how things are not working out for you. Perhaps you have tried your best and did all that you could but still are not appreciated. I do understand how you feel (though I do not have an emotionally abusive Caucasian husband), and I empathize with you. Hopefully things will work out really very soon for you.

There are a lot of people here who have given you very good advice about your initial line of questions on how to collect eveidence. For now, it is not very important since you have two more long years to survive with her and I'm sure you will eventually figure out how to collect the necessary evidences. Marriage is not something we are born with the skill sets to deal with. It is something that we learn in the journey of being married.

Perhaps your wife has only seen the worst of the marriages in her life (from her parents) and her mother's conditioning statement about men perhaps, has imprinted on her deeply. I presume that this is the first marriage for the both of you and I believe that you really do love her. So start working on it. Don't expect her to compliment you about something that you have done. Just do the chores like you always have, take down the decorations if she wants to and just lead life the way she wants to cuz by the end of the day she is trying really hard to prove that you are just like all the other men that her mother warned her about.

So the ball is and always be in your court to prove her wrong. A spouse like that is like having a child with trust issues. If you and your wife had a child with trust issues, would you just abandon the child or be around for the child? In this married life, she is your first child, she will be rebellious and she will try to hurt you for the single purpose of proving that you are just like the other men. And she will try that to the very last breath of hers.

So, do you want to still love her unconditionally and give her all you have till death do you apart (hopefully said in your vows) or do you want to give up on her already?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

It sounds to me like your wife is young or poor or both, and extremely stressed about money. Either way she seems to have an unhealthy relationship with money, if she splits a bill for salad three ways with her mom and you. Most of these decisions are based on fear (like prenup when she has no estate to speak of, no insurance), and she is working in a job she is not happy in to make ends meet.

Regarding your comment that you are not important to her, it may be that she believes she is entitled to the visa process and is not worried about the outcome. Don't take that to mean that you are not important to her, necessarily. If she wants to go to the AOS and ROC interviews and yammer on about joint accounts, then let her.

She should not tell you that "this is what we do in America." You should open a dialogue on that and compromise, both of you.

Marriage is hard. Yours just started. Good luck.

[depressed_lost 12]

Upon what happened on Valentine's day, you two got married within the same month. Was it after this incident or before?

I think you are jumping the gun here. Your wife may be as awful as you say but have you done your part? Isn't it convenient that you have been holding all this grudge against her and waited until you file for AOS?

You said she delayed in sending you the paperwork, don't ya'll live in the same house? She is a procrastinator and you're not. You are supposed to complete each other.

if this "selfish, self-centered" wife of yours have being paying all your immigration bills, paying for your living expenses, the least you could do is not to make her look like the worse person to us here.

You haven't said a ONE SINGLE good thing about her.dang!

You said you would just go back home if she didn't love you but , here you are...smh.

Honestly, if you are in this marriage for real then this shouldn't be the way to resolve your issues.

Ok this happened before we got married and I did not hold a grudge I told her the very same day how I felt.Then I asked her If she loves me and thinks she wants to marry me and I am the guy she wanted if not I will be happy to return to my country.I told her the way she is acting I feel I am living with a room mate and not a fiancee.I told her I felt bad when she slept and I had to wait at the airport for One and Half hour for her when I came on K-1 visa.She said she wants to marry me and loves me a lot and it's just that she is stressed because of her work.I said that is what she said about the previous job and this one was the job she always dreamt of,I said where is the stress when she sees her family and is all laughing and cracking jokes and giggling?She said she will try to change and she loves me a lot...so we got married.She delayed the papers she was supposed to send in india for K-1 visa.NO SHE DID NOT PAY IMMIGRATION BILLS....I DID.SHE IS NOT PAYING FOR LIVING EXPENSE FOR ME.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

First of all thanks to each and every person who replied and gave precious advises in my other post.Some how I convinced myself to give some more time to this relationship and not take a decision so early.I will be eligible to remove my conditions on the Conditional Green Card after 2 years and according to the research I did on this website I will have to submit extensive evidences.Now the biggest issue is that my wife is the biggest procrastinator I have ever come across in my life. She always wait until the very last moment to do things which are concerned with me. She does not want to add me to her employee Health Medical Insurance Plan-she says currently she is paying $30 and if she adds me she will have to pay $200 which I don't understand why. She says "we cannot have a Joint Vehicle Insurance because If one of us gets into a wreck then the other person's Insurance Premium will go up". She says she doesn't care what Immigration Officer wants to see.According to her,US Citizens don't do all this.She says she will tell the Immigration Officer on his/her face and ask him/her if he/she has a Joint Vehicle and Medical Insurance with his/her spouse.She is very reluctant to help me learn how to drive on her car,she says I will have to pay her 24 thousand dollars if I wreck her car while learning how to drive and doesn't wanna talk about the Immigration process and what we need to do to collect evidence.She says we will have a Joint Bank Account for name sake.Basically she does not give a damn about all this.I have talked to her and have tried to make her understand the importance of all this but there wasn't any use.I am added to her Apartment Lease and that is it.I need advice from people what else evidences should I start collecting and I want to know if what ever my wife is telling me is true.

For AOS, if you have an interview as many do not, you may get by with no joint bank account if you have plenty of other evidence of a

bona fide marriage.

I commend you for looking steps ahead into your next phase which is ROC. Unlike some here who tell you to slow down I tell you that you are

correct in planning NOW what is required for ROC. Far too many posts of recent months are all about "I didn't know we needed this and that and got denied."

So, again good for you to plan ahead and ignore the rest of the procrastinators here telling you to just skip happily down the yellow brick road.

For ROC you must have a joint bank account from the INCEPTION OF MARRIAGE not 5 minutes before an interview (if you have one).

Not only from the inception of marriage but statements showing it and the activity of your MUTUAL financial obligations, not just in name only.

Can't tell you how many posts of ......denied, they want joint accounts from inception of marriage.......posts are starting to tick me off, don't they

think ahead ?! You do, she doesn't, worst thing is you divorce and ROC on your own but you still need the evidence.

You can't get what she refuses to give you so add her to your account as soon as you have one and mingle finances there and get every other

scrap of joint evidence you can.

Show her the penalty she has to pay for not adding you to her health insurance. www.healthcare.gov $695 for 2016.

Unfortunately you don't qualify for Obamacare because she gets health insurance through her job.

It is irresponsible of a USC to not add them to their health insurance, not just for ROC but for obvious health care reasons.

Lets hope no one gets run over by a bus meanwhile.

The salad thing is just ridiculous. That would be the straw that broke the camel's back and frankly I would either tell them both to straighten

out and fly right or leave and return home.

Sorry that you have become another statistic of a USC not doing what they obligated themselves to do by petitioning a beneficiary.

If they can't afford to properly care for a beneficiary then they shouldn't sponsor and stop crying about how much it costs.

She made her bed but refuses to sleep in it. Just nuts.