STUBBORN WIFE!!!

[depressed_lost 12]

I thank each and every person from the bottom of my heart ,who read and replied in this thread...I sincerely needed someone to talk and share my problems...god bless you each and every one and your families.

If I've learned one thing when it comes to cross-cultural dating, it's that assuming you share the understanding of things, love included (love especially even), just leads to disappointment. Communication is important in any relationship, but doubly so in a cross-cultural one. Don't assume anything--discuss everything.

you are right communication is the key to every successful relationship.Thanks for that....

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

see that is what love is all about...one shouldn't feel a need to ask to do things..I make sure I do nice things for her without she asking me to do them.But when it is my turn It is always I need to ask her to do simple basic things.It's not like I cannot do them but I also need to feel like I have a wife who cares for me and loves me the right way.She is the only reason I am here for her if she is not gonna be there for me whenever I need her then what is the use of getting married.The biggest thing which pisses me off is that when she gets upset on the things I wanna do like talking to my family and planning to go meet them.She meets her family almost every week and I havent seen mine in a long time.She thinks there will not be anyone to babysit her dog....so her dog is more important than my family and my life?

I think you are being too nice, stop allowing her to manipulate you like this. Let her family or a kennel take care of the dog while you visit your family.

This is ridiculous.

I hope you take my other posts to heart about not letting ROC preparations slip away like so many others who end up getting denied.

[waitingstill21 44]

see that is what love is all about...one shouldn't feel a need to ask to do things..I make sure I do nice things for her without she asking me to do them.But when it is my turn It is always I need to ask her to do simple basic things.It's not like I cannot do them but I also need to feel like I have a wife who cares for me and loves me the right way.She is the only reason I am here for her if she is not gonna be there for me whenever I need her then what is the use of getting married.The biggest thing which pisses me off is that when she gets upset on the things I wanna do like talking to my family and planning to go meet them.She meets her family almost every week and I havent seen mine in a long time.She thinks there will not be anyone to babysit her dog....so her dog is more important than my family and my life?

Its what this process is about and in my relationship I am the more organized prepared one so these things fall on me. There are many people Ive seen on here where the burden is on the immigrant to make sure things are in order even though it is harder for them to do but because of the dynamics in their relationships thats how it works. No 2 relationships are the same you should not compare yours to others or say thats how things work because you are in the US, you have to look at your situation and your relationship on its own without comparing it to others as there is no norm when it comes to 2 individuals who are used to long distance relationships finally being together and making things work. Take a step back and go over your relationship and the best advice I can give you is to find a way not to resent her for everything you feel she is doing wrong, find a way to communicate with her and if she wont listen write it down for her to read if she refuses to communicate or work with you then you need to move on love though it is strong will not conquer all it takes work from both people to keep it alive.

[Ontarkie 14,378]

This is not a cross cultural issue, this is her having trust issues or other serious issues going on.

I can understand the health insurance, but everything else is bull. She wants the benefits of having you at her beck and call but doesn't want to commit to the relationship.

When it comes to ROC they are really picky with co mingling finances. Go read many of the RFE and denials that are in the ROC forum.

It's not wrong to want to get things started now, and it doesn't mean you're only after the GC as some have mentioned.

I had a folder that everything and anything went it from the minute I crossed the boarder. Not planing for the future is silly and the ROC is not that far away.

When I moved here I knew all the steps from start to finish. I even read up on VAWA because I'm a realist and wasn't going to bury my head in the sand. I was also taking my 4 kids with me and needed to know everything about everything.

That didn't mean I was after the GC that meant I was covering my butt!

We are still married and we've had two kids together and the older 4 and I all have our US citizenship. Being prepared didn't make my marriage less real.

Reread what Ebunoluwa posted about ROC and being prepared.

[depressed_lost 12]

This is not a cross cultural issue, this is her having trust issues or other serious issues going on.

I can understand the health insurance, but everything else is bull. She wants the benefits of having you at her beck and call but doesn't want to commit to the relationship.

When it comes to ROC they are really picky with co mingling finances. Go read many of the RFE and denials that are in the ROC forum.

It's not wrong to want to get things started now, and it doesn't mean you're only after the GC as some have mentioned.

I had a folder that everything and anything went it from the minute I crossed the boarder. Not planing for the future is silly and the ROC is not that far away.

When I moved here I knew all the steps from start to finish. I even read up on VAWA because I'm a realist and wasn't going to bury my head in the sand. I was also taking my 4 kids with me and needed to know everything about everything.

That didn't mean I was after the GC that meant I was covering my butt!

We are still married and we've had two kids together and the older 4 and I all have our US citizenship. Being prepared didn't make my marriage less real.

Reread what Ebunoluwa posted about ROC and being prepared.

Thank you so much for understanding.Yeah that is what I meant...I just wanted to be prepared from the start rather than running at the last moment like chicken without head.Apparently some people think otherwise,they think if i am planning for ROC since the beginning then all I care about is ROC and not this marriage which is not true.If I was after GC I would have had married her first time met her in 2013 or second time in 2014 both times I had visitors visa...she was ready to get married but I wanted to take time and think about this decision very well and also wanted my family to meet her before we take a big decision.I did everything according to the procedure and legally.But it's sad that when a person leaves his life behind and come to another country to be with someone and tries to secure his butt,he or she is considered bad.Anyways I will definitely start collecting the required evidences from this point and also keep working on the marriage.I had a long discussion with her Uncle over the phone yesterday and hopefully everything is gonna be alright.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Two posts removed for TOS violation, and quoting violating post~

From the TOS:

Use inappropriate or offensive language that is sexually oriented, sexually suggestive, abusive, defamatory, obscene, profane, or hateful.

Pitaya

VJ Moderation

[Caryh 5,206]

Thank you so much for understanding.Yeah that is what I meant...I just wanted to be prepared from the start rather than running at the last moment like chicken without head.Apparently some people think otherwise,they think if i am planning for ROC since the beginning then all I care about is ROC and not this marriage which is not true.If I was after GC I would have had married her first time met her in 2013 or second time in 2014 both times I had visitors visa...she was ready to get married but I wanted to take time and think about this decision very well and also wanted my family to meet her before we take a big decision.I did everything according to the procedure and legally.But it's sad that when a person leaves his life behind and come to another country to be with someone and tries to secure his butt,he or she is considered bad.Anyways I will definitely start collecting the required evidences from this point and also keep working on the marriage.I had a long discussion with her Uncle over the phone yesterday and hopefully everything is gonna be alright.

I don't think you're wrong to plan ahead either. Once my wife was here, I set up a shoe box that I would throw things into for ROC. Letters addressed to us both, be they bills or cards, and come addressed individually. As I got her name on bills, or the car loan we took out in both our names, I'd throw a copy into the box. Occasionally a checking or savings account statement. Insurance cards with both our names, into the box. Life insurance, showing us as each others beneficiaries, copy in the box. It wasn't much work, just remember every month or so to throw something in there. When ROC time came most of our evidence was sitting in the shoe box waiting to be sorted, copied, and sent as evidence. She had her approval in less than 90 days, and her 10 year card in about 95 days from filing. No interview, no fuss, just easily done when you plan ahead. But some people are planners and some are operate under panic mode personalities. Put away the things you can as time goes on. When you start working, you can start adding her to accounts you open up yourself. You should be fine, you have plenty of time to get there.

[Morningmist 76]

Honestly, ROC is least of your problems. I'd be worried about AOS right now.

I am an Indian woman married to an Irish American man but I lived in the US a good 8 years before I met my husband.

My husband and I did take a few months to get joint car insurance because it was more in the beginning for both of us to have joint since both of us got discounts for loyalty. We did immediately add each other to our life insurance but it took like more than 3 years of marriage for both of us to add each other to our individual credit cards. It was mostly because when I met my husband he had really bad credit. So keeping our accounts separate meant I could get better interest rates on mortgages etc. Health insurance we did have together but now we have had to split it because his current company charges like 300 dollars more just for spouse and another 200 for a child so we decide to go with our respective work health insurance which in my case was $0 for employee.

I guess my point is that the co mingling isn't going to happen overnight. It's even harder when one of you CAN'T work and the other one keeps losing her job. Join a driving school. That's what I did and pay some 400 to 500 dollars and get a license. Getting your act together without your wife's help isn't going to be hard. Getting loans will be though since your credit is going to be #######.

[chopstickboy 5]

Honestly, ROC is least of your problems. I'd be worried about AOS right now.

I am an Indian woman married to an Irish American man but I lived in the US a good 8 years before I met my husband.

My husband and I did take a few months to get joint car insurance because it was more in the beginning for both of us to have joint since both of us got discounts for loyalty. We did immediately add each other to our life insurance but it took like more than 3 years of marriage for both of us to add each other to our individual credit cards. It was mostly because when I met my husband he had really bad credit. So keeping our accounts separate meant I could get better interest rates on mortgages etc. Health insurance we did have together but now we have had to split it because his current company charges like 300 dollars more just for spouse and another 200 for a child so we decide to go with our respective work health insurance which in my case was $0 for employee.

I guess my point is that the co mingling isn't going to happen overnight. It's even harder when one of you CAN'T work and the other one keeps losing her job. Join a driving school. That's what I did and pay some 400 to 500 dollars and get a license. Getting your act together without your wife's help isn't going to be hard. Getting loans will be though since your credit is going to be #######.

Word. Even my wife and I don't have the documents OP is worried about and we have been married for 8 months with GC in hand as of this week. The only document that has both our names is the renter's insurance. I do understand the point of planning for ROC as others pointed out but this is not a normal case imo. No point in having a TON of financial documents when you are not sure how your partner is gonna behave at the interview (if there is one).

[russandraquel 86]

I don't think you're wrong to plan ahead either. Once my wife was here, I set up a shoe box that I would throw things into for ROC. Letters addressed to us both, be they bills or cards, and come addressed individually. As I got her name on bills, or the car loan we took out in both our names, I'd throw a copy into the box. Occasionally a checking or savings account statement. Insurance cards with both our names, into the box. Life insurance, showing us as each others beneficiaries, copy in the box. It wasn't much work, just remember every month or so to throw something in there. When ROC time came most of our evidence was sitting in the shoe box waiting to be sorted, copied, and sent as evidence. She had her approval in less than 90 days, and her 10 year card in about 95 days from filing. No interview, no fuss, just easily done when you plan ahead. But some people are planners and some are operate under panic mode personalities. Put away the things you can as time goes on. When you start working, you can start adding her to accounts you open up yourself. You should be fine, you have plenty of time to get there.

Thanks for this very helpful post. I am trying my best to learn as much as I can from folks like you!

Looking forward to being in your shoes one day where I can pass it along.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Stop advising OP to not worry about his ROC evidence. It is counter productive and we see enough posts here almost daily with ROC

not being approved due to lack of necessary evidence.

[deleted this acco 44]

Its important to gather information you will use for ROC ahead of time. Two years go by quickly and waiting till the last minute adds more stress. I learned here on the site to start gathering and l did not get rfe or interview.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Stop advising OP to not worry about his ROC evidence. It is counter productive and we see enough posts here almost daily with ROC

not being approved due to lack of necessary evidence.

No we don't. I've never seen a ROC denied for lack of evidence. Have you? People get RFEs...

[Unidentified 2,930]

We're not saying don't worry about it. We're saying don't worry about it just a few months after marriage to the point that the wife probably see it as nagging.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

No we don't. I've never seen a ROC denied for lack of evidence. Have you? People get RFEs...

I said we see ROC's not being approved and you are correct that RFE's are issued if the evidence is insufficient, of course.

Who wants to start the big scramble for quality evidence 5 minutes before 12. Some think they do evidently.

If the RFE response is not sufficient then ROC can be denied. I have seen a lot of RFE's for joint bank accounts from INCEPTION OF MARRIAGE.

If a RFE gets lost (which it often does) then it will be denied as well.

Why do people lollygag around and make it harder on themselves when they can start to do the best they can rather than procrastinating was my point,

sorry you missed that.