K1 interview will be in 3 days... Now my fiance is not ready to get marry

[Jack2107 46]

Sorry that you are going through these emotions right now but like everyone else said its better sooner than later. It might feel like your world is crumbling down right now but I couldn't imagine anything worse than forcing myself into a marriage that's not wanted right now. Like previous postes have mentioned you won't be able to work right away and that may cause more friction between you guys.

The thing about your post that gives a red flag is that you are more concerned about your visa and also chances of applying for more immigrant visas in the future if need be.

I mean each to their own but if it was me then I'd cancel the visa completely and work on my relationship and it seems like he's not liking the pressure of the visa etc etc

Take your time and see where it goes. But you definitely shouldn't be in this situation at this part of your relationship.

even if he decided to marry you whos to say he will then file AOS for you? Or attend the interview with you or help you remove the conditions.

There's so much to moving your life over there with him than you realise and I'm sure your family wouldn't want to see their daughter abandoned in a country that they are not in.

Only you know what's best and only you know your fiancé and only you know what's the best decision to make.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Jack2107

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Are you kidding me? Its just a thank you. If this relationship's failure is really all due to a few missed thank yous its certainly doomed before it started. I thank my wife all the time and she yells at me to stop it....like why the hell am I thanking her.

Accepting peoples cultural backgrounds goes both ways, regardless where they permanently reside. Shes giving up EVERYTHING for him to come here to be with him. How many freaking thank yous is THAT worth??! Is one enough?

I kid you not..If OP is giving up everything for him, then why is a "just a thank you" a big deal? There's more to the story than been divulged here either deliberately or OP may not even be aware.

Op doesn't have to give up anything.. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't even be thinking about moving to a new place where there's no family to be with someone who is unsure of his feelings.

That's just me..

OP cannot force him to marry her. it should be consensual.

You're right that accepting both "backgrounds [go] both ways" but if you are moving to a new place with a different culture, assimilation or merging your culture with the new place is better. A bushman's culture can't survive in New York and vice versa.

it doesn't matter how you value a THANK YOU, but if it brings peace and if it makes your partner happy, you do it.

[Meant2B 8]

Reschedule

It will give you time to figure out if he's just wanting you on the side, rather then having you as a wife.

No matter how much you want this and love him it takes two to make this work.

Take a real hard look for any other warning signs in your relationship. I have a feeling you have been ignoring some.

​I agree with this 100%. You don't want to rush into a marriage that is destined to fail since there are doubts. Give it time and reschedule so you can work on your relationship. Weak foundation is destined to fall.

[Ortolan 381]

Sit down and try to think about things separately. Think about your relationship with him, without the immigration part. Do you like the way he makes you feel? Or do you feel like he's too demanding and doesn't care much about your feelings? Because, like others have opined, it's not going to get any better after you marry. This is the time it should be the nicest and most exciting of all between you. If it's not that, it's probably not going to happen.

[heo luoi 206]

He seems to have commitment issues. based on your update. I would hold off. He does not sound like he's ready. I really don't understand his not ready to be married and almost surprised by the whole act of it 'coming up' by the nature of you guys applying, that what it freaking means.

If hes not committed to working through your issues, than move on. At this point sounds like you'd need to abandon this K1 and refile later since it sounds like this current application will lapse....if you guys do manage to press on.

THANK YOU, OP.

Thank you all the other VJ posters.

[heo luoi 206]

Meh, so sure she could learn more to try to remember to do it. Not like she acted like she refused to. He could also learn to let it go. She didnt have to give up everythign and go there? He didnt have to invite her out to dinner expecting a thank you either. Everything goes both way. His entitlement to a thank you seems bogus and quite frankly lame. If he can't get over her neglect of a few thank yous WTH is going to happen when she gets here and can't meet all the other other worldly things hes accustomed to. At 45 vs 25 he literally has virtually another of her lifetimes of preconceptions and assumptions of how things should be. Dude is courting someone from a 3rd world country. Get over yourself.

He was ok w/ the idea of getting married, now that its maybe real, hes freaking out or the game is over.

In VN its very CUSTOMARY, when you invite people out...you pay. Simple as that. Next time someone else likely returns the favor. Here when my friend buys me lunch I thank him. When I buy him lunch and he forgets to thank me? Guess what?! We're still gd great friends.

Em tara28 get this guy to be honest..... is he legit? Is waiting going to help? Is he willing to travel to VN again, as I know its likely impossible for you to get a visa to travel here? Even if you manage to get this interview or the next, are you comfortable you can really LIVE/love this person here by yourself and he's going to be SUPPORTIVE of you and all the things you are going to have to learn and do?

I think you need to ask him some serious questions....and more importantly yourself some other serious questions.

I kid you not..If OP is giving up everything for him, then why is a "just a thank you" a big deal? There's more to the story than been divulged here either deliberately or OP may not even be aware.

Op doesn't have to give up anything.. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't even be thinking about moving to a new place where there's no family to be with someone who is unsure of his feelings.

That's just me..

OP cannot force him to marry her. it should be consensual.

You're right that accepting both "backgrounds [go] both ways" but if you are moving to a new place with a different culture, assimilation or merging your culture with the new place is better. A bushman's culture can't survive in New York and vice versa.

it doesn't matter how you value a THANK YOU, but if it brings peace and if it makes your partner happy, you do it.

Edited March 15, 2016 by heo luoi

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Meh, so sure she could learn more to try to remember to do it. Not like she acted like she refused to. He could also learn to let it go. She didnt have to give up everythign and go there? He didnt have to invite her out to dinner expecting a thank you either. Everything goes both way. His entitlement to a thank you seems bogus and quite frankly lame. If he can't get over her neglect of a few thank yous WTH is going to happen when she gets here and can't meet all the other other worldly things hes accustomed to. At 45 vs 25 he literally has virtually another of her lifetimes of preconceptions and assumptions of how things should be. Dude is courting someone from a 3rd world country. Get over yourself.

He was ok w/ the idea of getting married, now that its maybe real, hes freaking out or the game is over.

In VN its very CUSTOMARY, when you invite people out...you pay. Simple as that. Next time someone else likely returns the favor. Here when my friend buys me lunch I thank him. When I buy him lunch and he forgets to thank me? Guess what?! We're still gd great friends.

Read your post to yourself. it might make more sense. I am way over myself right now.lol.. maybe just a little bit.

You are a bunch of contradictory. Use the double edge sword on your statement. OP is 25 not a child. She is not been forced to do anything she doesn't want. Maybe the guy is not nice, a freak, controlling or whatever but what is making OP want to still pursue this relationship despite the red flags?

I understand CUSTOMARY culture, I was born and raised in one but GRATUITY is universal.

There's a book called The 5 Languages of Love, get one and read it. It talks about the different ways how people express and receive love. So if you are set in your "CUSTOMARY" culture, you might as well marry someone in your culture. maybe the USC brought it up because OP is not vocal with her appreciation. This process aint cheap.

But like I said before, it might be one of the many issues that OP may or may not be aware of.

A 45 yr old man is set in his ways and there's little that OP can do to change that.

OP knows what she is signing up for but she is reluctant to CANCEL THE INTERVIEW and is worried about FUTURE IMMIGRATION PROCESS...

whew!

And don't forget to say "Thank you" everytime someone opens the door for you. It just makes the person feel good about themselves. Beside, inflation rate does not affect a "Thank you"

I will now Get Over myself...Thank you and good luck to OP

[kikibooboo 11]

Awww dear, I feel so sorry for you. As the comments above, I also think you should cancel it and give it more time. Getting married is a huge deal and if he's having second thoughts, also look from his perspective. However, I can't lie to you, I am Brazilian and we don't usually thank people a lot for doing things for us, like thanking our parents for cooking for us etc., so when my fiancé and I go out to dinner, he pays the bills and I feel so grateful for having a nice and generous future husband (even at the beginning of our relationship I felt that way too), so I not only FEEL grateful, I also make sure I address that feeling to him. Because, at the end of the day, I'm sorry to say this, but he has technically no obligations with you, you guys aren't even married yet. So, whenever he pays for something, thank him, cause he doesn't HAVE to pay for your things. Also, I used to be a little bossy at the beginning of our relationship (and he was very stubborn) but we addressed all of our complaints, always. In your defense, it's a little unfair of his side to feel that you're unappreciative of the things he does for you and never address it and 3 days before your interview just hit borderline and get sick and tired of it. Also, he is 45, so he is supposed to be a mature man who knows what he wants and what he doesn't. My fiancé and I are VERY sure of our love, and we both know it won't be always butterflies (it already isn't) and we're only 26 and 23, respectively. Other people say all you have is time, well, sorry, but time is one of the most valuable things we have, and you shouldn't waste your time with something that might hurt you one day.

[heo luoi 206]

I wrote the Fiance USC needed to get over himself. Dont take things so personally.

Read your post to yourself. it might make more sense. I am way over myself right now.lol.. maybe just a little bit.

You are a bunch of contradictory. Use the double edge sword on your statement. OP is 25 not a child. She is not been forced to do anything she doesn't want. Maybe the guy is not nice, a freak, controlling or whatever but what is making OP want to still pursue this relationship despite the red flags?

I understand CUSTOMARY culture, I was born and raised in one but GRATUITY is universal.

There's a book called The 5 Languages of Love, get one and read it. It talks about the different ways how people express and receive love. So if you are set in your "CUSTOMARY" culture, you might as well marry someone in your culture. maybe the USC brought it up because OP is not vocal with her appreciation. This process aint cheap.

But like I said before, it might be one of the many issues that OP may or may not be aware of.

A 45 yr old man is set in his ways and there's little that OP can do to change that.

OP knows what she is signing up for but she is reluctant to CANCEL THE INTERVIEW and is worried about FUTURE IMMIGRATION PROCESS...

whew!

And don't forget to say "Thank you" everytime someone opens the door for you. It just makes the person feel good about themselves. Beside, inflation rate does not affect a "Thank you"

I will now Get Over myself...Thank you and good luck to OP

Edited March 15, 2016 by heo luoi

[RobertM54 36]

I do not understand the cancel the interview advice. Everything is ready to go. I assume the DS-160 is already paid and will be forfeit if the interview is cancelled? The NOA2 expires in a month - can she reschedule for a month from now without penalty?

My sense is to go ahead with the interview because there is nothing to lose. Unless the current approved I-129 can be indefinitely extended, it looks like they will have to start over anyway in the near future.

I am very concerned about him not doing any of the forms. My guess is he is not engaged in the relationship.

[blondedoc 35]

Read your post to yourself. it might make more sense. I am way over myself right now.lol.. maybe just a little bit.

You are a bunch of contradictory. Use the double edge sword on your statement. OP is 25 not a child. She is not been forced to do anything she doesn't want. Maybe the guy is not nice, a freak, controlling or whatever but what is making OP want to still pursue this relationship despite the red flags?

I understand CUSTOMARY culture, I was born and raised in one but GRATUITY is universal.

There's a book called The 5 Languages of Love, get one and read it. It talks about the different ways how people express and receive love. So if you are set in your "CUSTOMARY" culture, you might as well marry someone in your culture. maybe the USC brought it up because OP is not vocal with her appreciation. This process aint cheap.

But like I said before, it might be one of the many issues that OP may or may not be aware of.

A 45 yr old man is set in his ways and there's little that OP can do to change that.

OP knows what she is signing up for but she is reluctant to CANCEL THE INTERVIEW and is worried about FUTURE IMMIGRATION PROCESS...

whew!

And don't forget to say "Thank you" everytime someone opens the door for you. It just makes the person feel good about themselves. Beside, inflation rate does not affect a "Thank you"

I will now Get Over myself...Thank you and good luck to OP

Just a comment...

I´m from a third world Country and | say thank you for everything that I get, it doens´t matter from who.

From my husband???

Wow... I thank even the love that he gives me!!!

I thank him for the amazing person, hubby, friend and partner tha he is!

I love him so much that I can say thank you for each kiss that he gives me!

And, if a relationship is working like this before living together... Bleh... Let it go...

The OP is young enough to get a job and find someone else (there´s no age to find a partner!) and get over it!

Better quit this now, than after a marriage and in a foreigner Country...

[Ontarkie 14,440]

Going to the interview knowing you are not going to get married is a bad idea.

What are you going to say to them when they ask for the letters of intent to marry?

He does not intend on marrying you, and by giving them a letter from before is pretty much fraud.

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

I don't think he feels appreciated enough in what he thinks he's doing for her. In his mind, he rode in on his white horse to rescue this girl from her life of poverty, and now he expects her to bow down to him for every dime he spends on her. This guy sounds like a loser.

OP,

Move on with your life. I was never not "sure" about my intentions with my fiancée when she was about to come to the US. And if you are fighting already in the first month together on vacation, imagine how it will be when you are living together full time. Also, like others have said, there are probably other signs that the relationship is no good, but you may be ignoring them. It seems you are more worried about the immigration part than about the relationship part.

[Unlockable 7,315]

I also agree that moving forward with the interview is bad advice. What will happen if asked "When is the wedding and where?". Or asked about how the relationship is going?

Even if the OP is approved, she will have a Fiance visa with no indication of getting married. Who will arrange for her flight over? OK so let's assume that she buys her own ticket to the US, is she is just going to show up at his front doorstep with luggage after he specifically told her 90 days is too short a time? That is extremely aggressive. And if she gets the K1 visa she only has 6 months to use it. He may still think that is too short a time. So the visa would expire. At least rescheduling to a later date would give the OP an option to keep the Visa case open until a clear decision on their relationship is determined.

Keep in mind that if she doesn't marry her fiance there is NO path for her to become a permanent resident if she stays in the US.

As for the "Thank you" discussion that seems to also be a hot topic. I can tell you that in America culture we say thank you all the time. It is referred to as common courtesy. We develop it from childhood when our parents teach us to always say please and thank you. After a while it becomes habitual and if not reciprocated it CAN be offensive. Again, this is American culture.

I work for a large international organization and we have priority training for anyone who travels on multinational cultures; business and social. They show examples of how multi-million dollar negotiations has gone sour because of people "disregarding" other cultural standards.

Not saying that people who migrate here NEEDS to do it. Just that they should identify that it is a common thing that could cause misunderstandings.

Edited March 16, 2016 by NuestraUnion

[heo luoi 206]

Going to the interview knowing you are not going to get married is a bad idea.

What are you going to say to them when they ask for the letters of intent to marry?

He does not intend on marrying you, and by giving them a letter from before is pretty much fraud.

Wasn't that letter submitted a long time ago at the initial I129F, hows its fraud its already part of the record/case no?