K1 interview will be in 3 days... Now my fiance is not ready to get marry

[heo luoi 206]

That is just ungrateful. It doesn't matter how much he spends. People should be appreciated for whatever contribution they make towards a relationship.

I can understand that it is differences in culture. For instance, expecting one to say "Thank you" for every meal is not common in African culture. But OP should understand that her partner is different and from a different background. You need to compromise. Same expectation will be required of her when she moves here because that's how Americans are. And they expect that.

Like everyone else has mentioned, OP should cancel or reschedule the interview and try to reconcile some of the differences they are facing now.

OP would have expected her fiance to adapt to her culture if he was the one moving to stay in her country.

I hope you two can compromise.

Good luck!

Are you kidding me? Its just a thank you. If this relationship's failure is really all due to a few missed thank yous its certainly doomed before it started. I thank my wife all the time and she yells at me to stop it....like why the hell am I thanking her.

Accepting peoples cultural backgrounds goes both ways, regardless where they permanently reside. Shes giving up EVERYTHING for him to come here to be with him. How many freaking thank yous is THAT worth??! Is one enough?

Edited March 14, 2016 by heo luoi

[TedA 3]

I can tell you from personal experience if you don't get along or are not compatible before you get married it will not get better when you get married.

If you both are thankful and respectful now you will remain that way. If you are not now, you will remain that way.

I'm a divorced man who is engaged now to a filipina lady I talked to for 6 months and visited one time. We spent 14 days together and now we chat every day. Not one time during any of this have we been anything but thankful and respectful for having met each other.

My ex-wife was not thankful and not respectful of me and I also was not thankful or respectful of her.

It sounds to me like, unless there really is a language or cultural barrier, this guy is not for you.

Find a man who is thankful of you and is respectful of you. And you have to be the same, or it won't work.

Edited March 14, 2016 by TedA

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

i would go to the interview and pray you get visa and he did not cancel petition on you

you have 6 months from time of your medical exam to come to the US

talk to him / you expressed yourself qute clearly here / maybe there is another issue

saying thank you anytime is quite polite and nice but i said it so much my husband said you do not have to thank me

if he changes his mind completely, say, you lost a good woman who loved you dearly and move on

[Sandra G. 5,057]

The relationship is not working then imagine after getting marriage.He says he loves you, I would pay more attention in his action than in his words.

[Anh map 2,098]

You two needs more time to see where your relationship is going. The fun/vacation visits are very different than real life. Pressure now to make it happen will likely cause more strain.

Go for the interview and then continue to talk things out. Perhaps another visit (yes it is expensive but this is an important thing) to have more face to face time. If it does not work out better to know now than a year or two later.

Worrying about how it would look to the consulate should be the last thing that you think of. Work on the relationship you are in now.

[duckhunter1 18]

I would go to the interview and make him make a decision. He doesn't have have to get married to you even after you are in the U.S. It's 90 day visa with option to marry. Sounds like you and he need more time together to make a decision.

[Jon and Fangfang 5]

It seems likely that we don't have the whole story. I am not faulting the OP, I am just saying, it is likely her fiancé is probably worried about more than a few missed thank yous. I am on here everyday, and read so many of these. For the OP, have you discussed anything else recently or during his last visit that could have set him on edge? Specifically, anything that involves financials that was not discussed before? So many men are wary of scams, try to think of any conversations that he might have taken the wrong way. If you find one, try to discuss it and see if you can get past or clear up any misunderstandings. It was a big concern I had getting into a relationship with someone from another culture. Asian culture seems to give financial gifts to parents/families more so than in the US. I discussed it with my wife, and realized it was nothing more than normal.

Please don't take my comment to condemn you, I am honestly trying to help.

Good luck, I hope you can work this out.

[WandY 430]

Heo luoi offers good advice. I'll go a step further.

My K-1 fiancee is Vietnamese and we are getting married this weekend (in the U.S.). We, too, have had our ups and downs, but thanking me after a meal would be ridiculous. Something is wrong with your American man. I think something is up -maybe another relationship, or maybe something financial. He doesn't want you to discover something. Bail on this one and find someone else. Leaving you at the end of the line is not cool. Simply put, the American man is a tool and should be avoided. Move on. Say goodbye. Find someone better.

[drlarryclements 4]

My Filipina wife and I have been married 6 years and not a day goes by that we don't say thank you multiple times a day.

She became an American Citizen 2 years ago and everything is still perfect.

[kkk1 42]

People already have advised you here and everyone is trying to explain you same thing, that is, it is better explain yourself. See the future with someone who is very confused after saying " I love you". Ask yourself "does he really know the meaning". I have answer no, he knows how it would feel you and there isn't necessary to say "thank you" after every meal. His he doing favor when he takes you for lunch or dinner. When he say " I love you" tell him "thank you". Say Don't be surprise, it is favor right. I am returning.

I am sorry but, at the end it will be your decision. I hope for your best and wish you best of luck.

[abhi_meli 150]

Definitely there is more problem here than a "thank you" after every meal.Most of the time people tend to present incomplete facts here and expect advice.If a USC changed his mind at this stage then he must have solid reasons to not get married.Anyways whatever it could be just try to convince him to give it another try,go for your visa interview and fly to USA and spend more time in real life and try to understand and work out the relationship,you and him will have 90 days to live with each other and if still it doesn't work out then call it quits and come back.It's pretty difficult to have a long distance relationship and with this long usics waiting time,couples tend to get stressful and engage in fighting.

[N and J 88]

Your comments about "I can't cancel, because I don't want to." and the comment "I am worried it will affect immigration in the future." is a little concerning. I wouldn't be so worried about a visa if I loved someone and they were telling me we didn't belong together. It would worry me more that my relationship was failing. If he isn't ready at least he is honest. You are asking him what he wants but he is telling you. He doesn't know and doesn't feel like it is going to work. If you get here and he sees it isn't going to work what are you going to do? If he doesn't file for your papers you have to leave....if you don't and you get caught you better believe that will affect any future plans you ever have on immigrating here. I say thank you after every meal and so does my husband who is from Morocco. It is just having good manners but every culture is different. That is a minor thing and when someone is looking to get out they will use minor excuses and find any little thing to pick on. I would just let him go or postpone your interview and wait to see what happens. If you don't postpone it or cancel it and try playing games (not saying you will) it could jeopardize your immigration to the US if you look to reconcile with your fiance.

[N and J 88]

Are you kidding me? Its just a thank you. If this relationship's failure is really all due to a few missed thank yous its certainly doomed before it started. I thank my wife all the time and she yells at me to stop it....like why the hell am I thanking her.

Accepting peoples cultural backgrounds goes both ways, regardless where they permanently reside. Shes giving up EVERYTHING for him to come here to be with him. How many freaking thank yous is THAT worth??! Is one enough?

I'm sorry but you make it sound like she isn't eager to get here. Which I would understand being she wants to start her life. But she does not have to give everything up to come here. It is her choice. I don't believe we are getting the full story. Normally when you pull something so petty as "you didn't say thank you" out you are pretty much reaching for anything to end a relationship. Sorry to me I would think if it was a case of "thank you" he would bring that up and not base a relationship on it but say "in my culture we say thank you after every meal" and move on. She isn't going to know if he doesn't tell her. His response is as good as "it's not you, it's me." Maybe he thinks he is being played....maybe he is hiding something else. Maybe he is just that petty that he is highly insulted. Maybe he is a control freak...Keeping her dangling isn't right just like her pressing him to be with her isn't right.

[candy-bitter45 0]

Dear all,

I appreciate for your all replies, I’ve read every comments and I understand everyone has their own opinion. I’m 25 years old, much younger than him that’s why people around him said that I’m may using him to go to US and I will find another guy there. I was very upset but that is common thinking, people can say our thing then they will forget later. Some of you said maybe he doesn’t love me as he said or he is hiding something, but I know my fiance, nobody can travel 3 times to Vietnam in 1 year to visit me expept him. Spending a lot of money and different working time that made him woke up 3-4 times per night to work, it was easy. And I understand that he need me to show him my gratitude, in my cultural we don’t say thank you too much to the person we’re close to, because we think it make we feel far away. I thought I just need to show him my gratitude by other ways but in his opinion to say “thank you” is very important, I have to take time to learn it everyday.

We both agreed to apply for the visa as a way to be together and I was the one who did all the paperwork because he said he’s not good at it and I can do it better. I prepare all the documents and evidences then sent them to US, the only thing he did was send them to USCIS and receive email. But I don’t mind, I did it for love, I just need him to support me. Now he’s not ready, I asked him why didn’t he told me before. He said he didn’t want me to be upset and he would tell me when, now is when he doesn’t want. I feel shock and lost. You can understand how I feel when you put so much effort and you got it then at the end you watch it’s falling down.

I tried to give him a solution that I will come and spend 90 days to live with him if I pass the interview. We should live together in the real life not in traveling. But he said 90 days is too short and he feels pressure cause he doesn’t want to make a decision now. He wants me to take it easy, we just spent 1 month together so give us a break he may be back after 3 months. I agree to wait for him if he show me he’s trying to make it work, not changing his mood all the time. Before he always said I didn’t plan for marriage, I didn’t talk about marriage when we were together. I feel like he put all the responsibility to plan the marriage on me. I don’t know how is the life in US, I never got marry before. He’s afraid to fail but me too. Now he tells me don’t talk about future when I didn’t plan anything for the last time. He’s so stubborn and lives in the past. In fact right now he just wants a relationship with no marriage pressure.

I just call the US consulate, if I want to reschedule I need to make another appointment with the exactly date. And my case will be expired on April 13^th. For sure I couldn’t make appointment after that, so the only thing I can do is go to the interview and take a chance. Then it will be another story if I pass.

Thank you again for spending time to read and give me the advises. I wish you guys all the best.

[oliviaalexandra88 9]

give him time and space to figure out what he wants. he is not ready