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StuckInCDG

Now is NOT the time for this :(

By StuckInCDG in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits

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StuckInCDG Newbie

StuckInCDG   4

Posted
Filed: Timeline
Posted

Hi all..

Married over 5 years. Im in Europe he is in the US. We had an argument this week end over a trivial matter I dont wish to elaborate on it. No cheating, no physical violence, no fraud, nothing like that. A really trivial thing. He was so upset he is not picking up the phone, nor reading my Tangos or any other app we use for that matter.

Plane is booked and hotel also to attend at consulate. Only 4 days to go, 2 days no contact. He has been like this in the past but cmon, this is our life together right here.

Do I go anyway? Do I cancel? God what do I do..

TBoneTX Grand Master

TBoneTX   46,067

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
 Timeline
Posted

Welcome to the forum.

Maybe he'll calm down.

Go to the interview. If you ultimately don't use the visa, you can contact the consulate to let them know that.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

Penguin_ie Grand Master

Penguin_ie   5,996

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ireland
 Timeline
Posted

I am so sorry, the stress must get to both of you.

I agree with T-Bone, go to the interview. Hopefully he will come around before then, but even if not, you have 6 months to use the visa, or not.

Bye: Penguin

Me: Irish/ Swiss citizen, and now naturalised US citizen. Husband: USC; twin babies born Feb 08 in Ireland and a daughter in Feb 2010 in Arkansas who are all joint Irish/ USC. Did DCF (IR1) in 6 weeks via the Dublin, Ireland embassy and now living in Arkansas.

mod penguin.jpg

Teddy B Grand Master

Teddy B   17,252

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

Hi all..

Married over 5 years. Im in Europe he is in the US. We had an argument this week end over a trivial matter I dont wish to elaborate on it. No cheating, no physical violence, no fraud, nothing like that. A really trivial thing. He was so upset he is not picking up the phone, nor reading my Tangos or any other app we use for that matter.

Plane is booked and hotel also to attend at consulate. Only 4 days to go, 2 days no contact. He has been like this in the past but cmon, this is our life together right here.

Do I go anyway? Do I cancel? God what do I do..

Sounds like this could be a blessing in disguise for you. For whatever reason it appears that he doesn't care about going forward with your immigration. Could be cold feet or it could be something else. To be that over the top for something trivial could also be a warning of things to come. Even if he does come around in the next day or so, it's still not a good sign that he behaves like that. Til death do you part is a long time to deal with someone like that.

NikLR Grand Master

NikLR   13,232

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

I'll be honest my husband used to do the same thing when we lived apart. He has trouble communicating his feelings for a variety of reasons. One Valentine's day we didnt talk because he was depressed about our separation. Granted he did not do this 4 days before my interview but we were both more on edge and likely to snap at each other during that time because of stress. Now we rarely have arguments where we dont talk for more than an hour or two to calm down. We can't communicate well if emotions are escalated.

I agree to go to the interview and use until the visa expires to figure out if you really want to move.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  - Dr. Seuss

 

Ortolan Rising Star

Ortolan   381

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Netherlands
 Timeline
Posted

Go to the interview. You've been married 5 years; married people do fly off the handle sometimes with each other, and if it was over something trivial, it's likely that he's having problems dealing with stress...probably a stress reaction. Quit calling him every 5 minutes, and let him be by himself for a day to cool off.

Welcome to the forum, and good luck with your interview! :)

"Wherever you go, you take yourself with you." --Neil Gaiman

Jawaree Grand Master

Jawaree   718

Posted
Filed: Timeline
Posted

Cold feet, maybe a little spiteful, but go to the interview you can always

not use the visa issued if things goes south...when you guys make up get

a bit of intervention therapy communication is key between a couple along

ith respect for the other feelings .....good luck

StuckInCDG Newbie

StuckInCDG   4

Posted
Filed: Timeline
  • Author
Posted

I do want to thank you all for your replies. You really helped me and you really are a great community.

As mentioned by most of you, I did attend, he did come around after 3 days.

You are right and of course you understand where I am coming from when you mention stress and separation as being really hard on a marriage.

We have decided to go continue with the plan and get some marital counseling for that issue. It is impossible to have a long term relationship when you can't talk about important things out of fear of upsetting the other and being ignored.

I do thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.

Much love!

TBoneTX Grand Master

TBoneTX   46,067

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
 Timeline
Posted

Great to hear. Good luck!

If you'd like for this thread to be closed (and it's entirely up to you), hit the "Report" button and so request.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

 
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