my fiances first week in america...,.

[Jamnan_n_Steve 17]

Best of luck getting through some difficult first days. Not sure how familiar you are with Thai culture, but there are aspects of that culture that make adjustment here difficult, particularly as the Thai emphasis on appearance and status has been brought here by many of those Thai's who have emigrated earlier (e.g. every restaurant owner believes they are hi-so). Your wife will get ranked by other Thais on her origins, education and whiteness as well as your car, job, and home - for a sweet village girl this can be pretty brutal. Just because those externalities operate in Thailand don't let her buy into it here, but try and introduce her to the good people in your life so she can begin to value her new home - it has taken a while for my wife to see past surfaces and recognize that here friends are co-equal with family for many of us.

Simply because the sign says Thai does not mean that all Thai people will be welcomed and made to feel comfortable. My wife is from a small village who is acutely sensitive to slights by those who are 'higher' than her on the Thai hierarchy who seem to run many of the restaurants and are central to the temples. Also, while the advice you receive here on this forum is generally pretty accurate, you and she need to be on your guard against well meaning (but wrong-headed) advice that is rampant in the Thai community about how to 'work' the system.

Setting up a phone with a calling service set up on our land line and cell phones to allow her to call without using a computer (we use Nobel.Com ( http://www.nobelcom.com/Thailand-phone-cards-274.html ). We have set up her contact numbers pre-programmed and auto-refill so I can get out of the loop.

Setting up your TV to access Thai TV and YouTube will allow her to 'visit' her culture. We use a Roku player to access Thai TV (http://www.thaiflix.com/home) and YouTube on the TV, The cost is quite reasonable and the menus are in Thai. Not sure if you remember to bring a Thai keyboard to allow the multi-language capability of most computers to use a second language, but if not they are available on Amazon or EBay.

Steve

[amicablebride 25]

The transition was hard for me as a Canadian. I cannot imagine if I could not understand most people.

All you can be is understanding. The woman you fell in love with is there, she's just homesick and missing her child. This isnt about you and you have to swallow hour feelings for a while. There's nothing you've done wrong or are doing wrong persay, but she has little control over her life right now. Get her the phone she wants so she can contact her family and have a little independence.

My daughter wanted to stay in Canada with her father. It's unbelievably hard to be without your child when you're used to them on a daily basis. If you can have her son move asap, then please do so.

Also the sooner you're married and can adjust her status, the more personal freedom you can give her. She can get a job or travel. Unless you plan on having ber and her son adjust status as the same time (more cost effective this way) that is. But maybe talk to her about wedding plans?

Great advice, and i too had a really rough time getting used to live in the USA. I cannot even imagine coming from Thailand. I try and keep very busy, but the lifestyle in the US is so different than anywhere else. It's very fast-paced (remember, I'm from CANADA, not a small village somewhere... and even I think it's too fast paced in the states).

She is lonely. I know because that's how I feel. I feel bad for leaving people who loved me behind and moving to be with one special person. It's tough to wrap your head around sometimes.

Just make her feel special, loved, give her lots and lots of attention when she gets like that. Do fun things to keep her mind off things. Most importantly... get into a routine! That's what helped me. Having dinner together followed by a walk, and then cuddling up to watch a show or netflix every night with a snack and hot chocolate, I looked forward to that all day. Routine is definitely comforting.

Remember, she has NO control over her life. For me... I lost practically everything. i didn't have money or access to money, no cell phone, no job, no family, no friends... thank God I had my car and my cat here. If not for that I would've been really rough!

But one thing that makes me even more depressed is when the man I came here to be with says, "this isn't the girl i wanted. i wanted a happy cheery girl that I once met..." well, him telling me he has regrets only makes me miss home even more and hate living here even more. So don't tell her that if you really love her and want her to stay. She might very well pack up and go home.

[3rd 84]

It's classic depression, and we can all suffer from it. I know I loved being able to spend so much time with my husband but missing family got a lot to take at points. We've had some choppy waters, but if she wants to be here then she'll find a way to be happy with you. It will take time and your support, which I'm sure you can provide her. See if she can join any groups of similar people, those who speak the same language even if you're able. Being able to have that little bit of freedom is such an invigorating feeling when you give up everything to be with the person you love. You don't regret your decision but it can be difficult adjusting when your whole world changes.

[rukus2009 5]

things are much better 3 months later, we got married in april and are in process of getting her son here, hopefully by december or january

she says she is in america to stay now, i think she is spoiled with the northern california weather. she was always getting headaches in thailand and it appears to have been caused by the relentess100 degree days

[TBoneTX 45,301]

That's great to hear, OP!

[JenniferNangel 137]

I know this post is old but I wanted to share my story. I'm a USC I've never even left USA or traveled alone and I'm now in DR with my husband. It's not easy at all for me plus I'm pregnant now and I miss America everyday I miss my family, I miss the food EVERYTHING. Some days I get so depressed but I promised him that if I left it would be us together not just me and I'm sticking to that. Regardless of the huge spiders (I scream when I see the tiny ones now I have to deal with ones the size of my hand ????) I hope your fiancé is adjusting better it's not easy forgetting everything you ever known and going to a different country away from your family. I feel blessed to be with him and not 1600 miles away anymore. All I can say is thank god for dcf ????

[markandrizzatyler 14]

One thing i have done is bought rossetta stone to learn my wifes language ( tagalog ) I am not very good yet but i keep trying. It definately helps our relationship because she has to laff when i try to speak tagalog . i guess i figure with all she has to learn , i should be doing my part to learn her culture as well

[rukus2009 5]

Just thought I’d update my thread, it has been what seems like a very long journey,  things got much better and we are back in Thailand waiting for her sons interview on the 19th of this month, if everything goes well all 3 of us should be back in the states in early October just in time for his first Halloween . She has really settled in to living in Northern California and has actually become spoiled by the weather, the cities, the shopping and lifestyle in general. She is from a small Thailand village and is a superstar here, she says that she is the first person from her village to come to the USA, everyone seems to know of her story. 

 

I think the thing that really put her at ease was the sin sod, the gift from the husband to the wife’s parents for hand in marriage, I asked her if she wanted to give her parents money or build a new Home for them, she chose to have a new home built and that took a lot of planning, thought and communicating with the contractor which kept her mind busy and detached from missing her family and homeland. 

 

 

 

[TBoneTX 45,301]

Thanks for the positive update.  Too often, stories merely "end" and we're left hanging.

[rukus2009 5]

Just another quick update, her sons interview went well and his visa is approved, should be getting his passport back this coming week.

 

this place was wonderful, without the help from here the journey would have that much more difficult.... wishing you the best of luck to those of you waiting for your visas and to anyone that might be hitting a speed bump along the way

Edited July 20, 2018 by rukus2009