His Ex Wife Ask To Go Back to My Country

[stepmom 1]

Hello,

I married USC since 5 years old. He has 3 kids from his ex wife. Two of the kids are with us.

One day i have an issue with one of the kid. And she texted her mom by phone that she has problem with me. Her mom called me directly and clearly told me that if i dont wanna deal with my kid, just go back to my country.

I was feel so offense with her word. I think it is just common for a stepmom and stepkid has an issue just like other relationship. Why we always have to get along?. Everybody has problem with people around them. Normal.

It hurts me a lot. I am here cooking, washing their clothes and dishes everyday, i have been taking care of them since 5 years ago and when i have problem with them, she threaten me to go back to my country.

Can i go to a lawyer to make her not to say a harsh word anymore? Thanks you.

[Georgia16 2,858]

A lawyer will just make all the things between you guys go wrong and it'll would not be good for the kids.

I know it sounds harsh but just let it go. She can't do anything at all to deport you if thats what you are worried about.

Otherwise call her and tell her how you feel.

[Ontarkie 14,193]

Tell your husband to tell her she is to only contact him. If she calls you do not answer it.

[NikLR 13,227]

She's being mean and hurting your feelings because she can. Ignore her. You can not make her not say mean things but you can choose how to react to them. Just be nice and remember who is the ex wife.

[Ortolan 381]

Just ignore her and concentrate on your own life and building a good relationship with the kids.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Fortunately, there isn't much you can do than to ignore her. Sometimes your hands are legally tied up too. I wish we could all make people be nice to us but such is life.

That's unfortunately sometimes the baggage that comes with raising someone's kid..

Have a talk with your husband about the behavioral issues of the kid so that y'all can live peacefully. Cos it looks like ex wife just mouthed off only when people with her kid came up.

As your immigration status, she can't do anything to do you but it doesn't she can't be mean. Some people are just mean.

[stepmom 1]

@all

thank you guys for your support. I have to ponder over this problem, just cant believe that it hurts so much, i cried everytime i remember it.

[NikLR 13,227]

@all

thank you guys for your support. I have to ponder over this problem, just cant believe that it hurts so much, i cried everytime i remember it.

Don't let it hurt you. She's just mean and people are jerks. Be better than her. Take Ontarkie's advice and don't talk to the woman. She's not worth your time or effort. Chin up!

[NikLR 13,227]

If the child is a teenager this likely will happen again. Your husband will need to put his foot down and state the rules. What happens in your house is dealt with in your house. If they have an issue with it then you guys can discuss it as a family, but the ex wife needs to butt out. Kids will try to put one parent against another one to gwt their way, so there needs to be rules and consequences against doing so. Talk to your husband. Get a hug.

[DaisyD 12]

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.

You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.

Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.

Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

[dmck 80]

Besides, we have a free speech amendment that protects people and their nasty opinions. You have the right not to answer your phone when she calls You are a better person that she is, so just sleep well at night knowing your husband loves you and you are above her. She will undoubtedly manipulate with the kids, so be ready for that. Educate them, don't let them believe that the lies she will feed them are true. I have a wicked ex wife/mother of my children and we deal with this a lot.

[stepmom 1]

If the child is a teenager this likely will happen again. Your husband will need to put his foot down and state the rules. What happens in your house is dealt with in your house. If they have an issue with it then you guys can discuss it as a family, but the ex wife needs to butt out. Kids will try to put one parent against another one to gwt their way, so there needs to be rules and consequences against doing so. Talk to your husband. Get a hug.

I also think that what happen in our house should not be bothered by her opinion, because when they have vacation with her we dont bother them as well. But trully, it happens many times when we fight because of the kids but this one is the worst. In some way i feel the kids not listen to me well, and it makes me sometime question myself; what is the use of me taking care of them?

[NikLR 13,227]

They will appreciate it one day. Dad needs to put a stop to calling their mother whenever there is an issue.

[stepmom 1]

I am a step mom who looks after her step kid full time. I have no contact with the kids mother. I have no need to. You have no need to be in contact with the kids mother.

You do not need a lawyer to get the ex out of your life. You have the power to do that for yourself and for free. Block her in your phone (and email if needed), do not message her, do not call her. Do not be in the same place as her or talk to her unless you absolutely have to, and even then keep it brief and polite. Your husband needs to deal with his ex himself when they need to talk about kid related stuff.

Your husband also needs to talk to his kid that if the child has a problem with you then they need to either talk to you or talk to him and they will discuss it (even if it is just dad telling the kid, tough luck, you are not an adult). The child also needs appropriate punishments for being disrespectful. If the child continues to disrespect you and go behind your back telling tales to their mother, then stop doing things for the child. Stop cooking for that child, stop doing their laundry and start making them wash their own dishes. People who are disrespectful towards you do not deserve your time and attention. If the child is old enough for a cell phone they are old enough to fix themselves something to eat, use a washer and a dryer and wash up some dishes.

Being a step parent is one of the toughest things I have had to deal with. Get some support. I have found some online step parent forums to be invaluable in learning how to stay sane while trying to deal with having someone elses kids in my life.

I before had contact with her for the kids needs, but since the issue came up, i deleted her number. I hurt a lot. When i remembered it, i cried. Just imagine, far away from your family, from your country to help your hubby taking care of his kids but there is someone telling me to just go back home if i dont wanna deal with them? I dont wanna deal with them if she take care of them properly but because she ignore the kids school, that is why i willing to keep them. Because i know kids need education.

Honestly, her words makes me lazy to do anything for the kids that is why for now i am lazy to make their beds and room. I only cook and do their laundry. The good thing is their phone is lost recently and i dont think they talked a lot now to their mom now. Because one day i found by accident the way she talked to them it is like always saying that she want them to stay with her and always put something in their head that makes me understand why the kids behave such poorly to me.

My husband talked to her he said but in some ways i know he loves his kids a lot that sometime i think when they make mistake, he always said that they only kids. But i think they already big know how to distinguish which information from our house need to deliver to their mom or not. I often wanna back home and got divorce because of this kids issue things, but i always forget about it when we have problem with it.

But this time this is the worst. This is the first time i fight with their mom and she said something horrible like that.

I am not crazy about got respect and appreciation but i think why i must spend my time more taking care of them if in the end they dont recognize what i am trying to do?.

Edited March 7, 2016 by stepmom

[NikLR 13,227]

Kids rarely appreciate it during the time. They will when they're older. Chin up sweetie. They grow up eventually.