wife wants me to support her family

[ExPatty 502]

I am always surprised at people who are willing to jump on a foreign spouse for fraud when a US spouse comes here to complain. We hear one snippet of a conversation (heated argument most likely) obviously angled to garner sympathy and wham, the other person must have alternative motives from the get go. Sigh...

Surprised why? his wife isn't in this thread, so people have to simply go only on his side. It's possible he's a monster and she is doing what is perfectly reasonable, but without such argument we can only conclude based on what he's said.

If you marry somebody from another country and as soon as they get here they want you to send money home and move to stay with a friend in another city it isn't a red flag. It is a complete show stopper. IF what the OP said is accurate, he's been taken for a ride and blew 6 years of his life on this person and he has absolutely no future with her.

[Unidentified 2,930]

How far away is this city she wants to go to?

[Chowking 20]

hopefully things get better soon. This is serious!

Edited March 1, 2016 by Chowking

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

I have to agree with some people on that it sounds fishy from a third party perspective. How far is this city that she wants to go to for work?

[Boiler 45,492]

You will find many many similar threads on VJ.

Sadly you were played.

Move on is the only answer.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Boiler

[khwaidee1 196]

My 2 cents from the little I know of Thai culture. My wife has nine brothers and sisters, all low wage earners. Two of her brothers live with her parents. Her one sister has a small shop in their village. It is usually up to the youngest to see the parents are taken care of. My wife is the second youngest and her younger sister does help them a little bit. We discussed this before we got married and send money every month. We can afford it and it allows them to eat well and her mother to be generous member of their temple which is extremely important to her. Her father looks after our house in the village and tends to our yard. And her parents have never asked me/us for anything, we do it because we can afford to and $300 a month is a game changer for them. Someone once said to me that in some Asian cultures, you're not just marrying the wife, you're marrying the family. I am happy to do it and fortunate that I can.

The moving to a different city is a deal breaker for me. If that topic even came up it would be over but, then that's just me.

Edited March 1, 2016 by khwaidee1

[NikLR 13,227]

Surprised why? his wife isn't in this thread, so people have to simply go only on his side. It's possible he's a monster and she is doing what is perfectly reasonable, but without such argument we can only conclude based on what he's said.

If you marry somebody from another country and as soon as they get here they want you to send money home and move to stay with a friend in another city it isn't a red flag. It is a complete show stopper. IF what the OP said is accurate, he's been taken for a ride and blew 6 years of his life on this person and he has absolutely no future with her.

I agree this guy should be single. I do not agree that she necessarily took him for a ride.

Either deal with it like a mature married adult or separate.

I dont care either way but I hate the bandwagon jumping.

<eom>

[madtownguy 164]

Dude I'd throw out the divorce card, if she wants it then move on. You got a rotten egg in my opinion. Dowry's don't really happen anymore, if they tried to convince you of that their heart wasn't in the right place. I didn't send my wife a dime before she came to U.S., she only got money to help with visa process like $100 for hotel and photos and stuff. When my wife visits home she literally will spend under $100 in 3 weeks. Don't let her wrap you around your finger dude, there's too many fish in the sea. My wife pulls the live with friend card to get a job and make money, and I pull the just don't come back card because someone else will have your side of the bed in a few days. I don't play those drama games.

[Andrea&Henry 311]

After 5 years as a member of visajourney I can tell you something: If I get a penny for every story I read like your I would be millionaire. Same exact thing...and after you are done sending money, she will go away.

I'm the former beneficiary of a k1 visa and after 4 years of marriage Im applying for my citizenship. In 4 years I have never request nor a single cent to my husband in order to help my family.

I have a job and if they need help, it's MY responsibility, not his. I know in case I need a major help he will help me without a doubt but if I can afford it, I won't ask him for money.

He already have too much on his plate so now he has to go and pay for my familly stuff?

Honestly honey, I think she is just one more of those stories I read. If you think her love is genuine well, talk and try to fix things around but paying for her family stuff is not part of the contract. Honestly I see so many red flags in your story...I'll definitely be careful

[Boiler 45,492]

After 5 years as a member of visajourney I can tell you something: If I get a penny for every story I read like your I would be millionaire. Same exact thing...and after you are done sending money, she will go away.

Exactly. so common it has become a standing joke.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Your spouse is probably the only one helping out at home. You said you lived outside the US for 6yrs. Was it with her and did you not learn about this financial obligation she had?

She might not be a fraud but might have a fairytale ideas about America. She was probably converting the currency into her home country's rate. It's been only two weeks. Give it time.

Her family probably hammered it into her ears to work hard and send home money. It is common with lots of cultures. Since she is not working, those obligations are "kinda passed" on to you.

The best way to deal with things like that is to create a realistic view of America to her. You bought her a car in only 2 weeks and that has even inflamed her expectations. Cut down on the things you are getting her or your family altogether.

If you are just going to give her all these things then prepare for more. Even if you are well off, I would suggest you slow down.

you can't expect her not to be a princess when you are already creating the fairytale life for her. A car is no big deal but if she isn't from a wealthy family, then in her mind, you are loaded and her family want some.

It's not too late. Change the tune and she will follow.Good luck

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I have regularly supported my wife while we where apart. But after being here in the USA for 2 weeks she now wants me to keep sending money to support her family. My answer is you can get a job, help pay for your car and insurance and household share and if you want or have any left you can send it home. Her answer was i want to go with friend in another city to work, my answer ok is tomorrow to soon. How many of you have gone through this major cultural change with a spouse before.

I find your answers to her are perfect. Her answers are not culture based but personality based when it comes to leaving town.

Stick to your answers and let her go because you aren't her priority.

There must have not been communication towards a common goal before you married.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Surprised why? his wife isn't in this thread, so people have to simply go only on his side. It's possible he's a monster and she is doing what is perfectly reasonable, but without such argument we can only conclude based on what he's said.

If you marry somebody from another country and as soon as they get here they want you to send money home and move to stay with a friend in another city it isn't a red flag. It is a complete show stopper. IF what the OP said is accurate, he's been taken for a ride and blew 6 years of his life on this person and he has absolutely no future with her.

but you could be wrong also.. Maybe OP has being providing anything she asked throughout the six years. If she wanted to play him, I don't think she would have stayed for 6 freaking years..

She might be getting pressure from home. And if she was helping out financially at home, you don't expect her to abandon her family. OP got a car for her in 2 weeks of getting here. Now what does that say to her? OP needs to bring down the expectation bar he has helped her create.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

OP said he lived in Thailand for 6 years. He has not stated that he was with his now wife for that entire duration. People sure love making assumptions.

[Unidentified 2,930]

That's what I said about making a very colorful bird out of a grey feather. OP has not given us any real info to go. He has not told us if he lived with the now wife in Thailand. He won't tell us how far away this city she wants to go work in is or anything. Only thing we know is that he should not have given her money.