How are you getting around the mothers day issue?

[Fandango 1,439]

Well, as your Mum lives in the UK, I would follow the UK dates instead.

This is my first year without my Mum. Feels very strange.

(((Mags)))

I realize this might sound horrible, but my first thought upon reading this topic with our situation was 'His mother doesn't deserve anything anyway.'

How can you possibly say this? Does she deserve nothing for at least bringing the man you love in to this world and raising him to adulthood; capeable and confident to make the choice to start a new life in another country......? She may not be handling the immigration process well-true-but try and see her point of view. She MUST be hurt and from your description of all this is sounds like she has mostly tried to slow or stop the actual logistics of him moving than personal attacks on you. Your fiance is still coming here and you will have a life together, so why not just try and be the bigger person and ignore her...after all she is HIS mother, let him deal with the fall out of him moving and comfort her...It's just your place to support your fiance, during his life changing move. Not join forces against his mother.

It's the same thing here. She feels like I am taking away her little boy. Little does she realize she's pushing him away with the little games she's trying to play.. which breaks my heart, even if I don't like her. I don't want him to be in a bad patch with his mum. If she wants to hate me, so be it, but she's making him suffer by putting him in the middle every chance she gets, and he's feeling completely unsupported. I've always tried to bend over backwards to make this easier for her, from waiting to file 'just a few more months' so she could see him go off to college, to planning a second wedding out of state (despite being seriously poor) so she could enjoy it as a vacation, etc, etc, but if she can't even pretend to be supportive of him, I'm not sure why I'm bothering to do things for her so much. I have to wonder if she's going to bother visiting him when he's here or if its going to be a one way street for the rest of her life. Anyhoo, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, aren't I? Oops!

The father's day won't be an issue for either of us as both of us lost our fathers in our early years... And at least Christmas is the same.

You say SHE is " putting him in the middle"...If you were NOT on opposite sides with her, there would be no middle. My advice is this-(and trust me I KNOW this is hard to do; but I believe what his mother feels is actually not that uncommon or not that difficult to understand), YOU support HIM through all of this. If he wants to vent about his mother-let him-if she wants to vent at him or her friends about his moving away-let her.

In the end he is moving here and I am sure he is aware that bad arguements and anything said before the move that is later regretted is much harder put right over the phone.

My tactic in this situation was to try and keep relationships within his family as intact as possible throughout the upheaval ( Mark's family is very close and the value they place on family is actually a part of the reason I love him), not put him in the middle ( as he has made his decision is going to be with me anyway) and NOT add to the upset they were all feeling anyway...as it would be him suffering later 1000's of miles away from them and unable to put anything said later regretted right face to face.

Be the bigger person, buy a card and thank her for having such a wonderful man who is willing to move half way around the world for you

Wise advice, Shele, ITA

[Mags 112]

Well, as your Mum lives in the UK, I would follow the UK dates instead.

This is my first year without my Mum. Feels very strange.

(((Mags)))

Thank you!

[Candace 2]

I sent my Mum a blank card this week for UK Mother's Day and some plants from M&S online; the US cards are not too much use in any case as she's my Mum, not my Mother nor my Mom. I have a fantastic sister who remembers to tell me when Mother's Day is in good time!

[John & Annie 0]

We split the middle. On the UK date she gets an ecard from Yahoo.uk.co. Annie' Brothers give her gifts on the UK date and my Annie and i on the US Date

Edited March 15, 2007 by John & Annie

[lizaanne 0]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

[Fandango 1,439]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

google florists in their home town. then call them & give em your cc#

[lizaanne 0]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

google florists in their home town. then call them & give em your cc#

Duh - like I wouldn't do it that way for my own mom in NC!!! Sometimes my brain doesn't think right.

Thanks!!!!

~Liza

[jezebelseven 0]

I realize this might sound horrible, but my first thought upon reading this topic with our situation was 'His mother doesn't deserve anything anyway.'

How can you possibly say this? Does she deserve nothing for at least bringing the man you love in to this world and raising him to adulthood; capeable and confident to make the choice to start a new life in another country......? She may not be handling the immigration process well-true-but try and see her point of view. She MUST be hurt and from your description of all this is sounds like she has mostly tried to slow or stop the actual logistics of him moving than personal attacks on you. Your fiance is still coming here and you will have a life together, so why not just try and be the bigger person and ignore her...after all she is HIS mother, let him deal with the fall out of him moving and comfort her...It's just your place to support your fiance, during his life changing move. Not join forces against his mother.

I won't go into total details here, but regarding her not 'personally attacking' me, it's quite the opposite. She's tried to break us up several times. Going through my personal belongings when she originally invited me into her home (yes, she actually broke into my luggage and went through it, including a notepad I kept with old notes which she then twisted *completely* around, lying to my fiance saying I was cheating on him), and everything else under the sun. This has been personal from the very start with her. The 'slowing the logistics' of him moving here has merely been one more last ditch attempt to derail our relationship. Par for the course.

I have tried to be the bigger person the entire time with her, I have sent her letters (long, handwritten, genuine) apologizing for what she interpreted as 'rude' behavior my first trip (which was nothing of the sort, it was her standard 'find something to complain about and blow it out of proportion'-- her complaint of rudeness was because I was shy and didn't talk a lot!), trying to mend the relationship. She sent me a nasty, spiteful, hate filled one back telling me that I don't deserve her son and that I was never welcome in their home again, and that I was 'luring him into bed', among other things.

She abandoned all chances of being adult then, so since then I have been generally avoiding her. Which, again, she feels is me being rude, when it's really me trying to maintain some level of civility with my FMIL. She will try to do little things to spark it off again, though, whenever she would be given the chance.

She IS his mother, and it is up to him how he deals with her during this, but my point remains that he shouldn't be having to deal with a fall out period from her. She is raising spite in him, and that is not the man who I know and love. He is not spiteful. So no, at this point in time, I am not fond of the example she is setting as his mother. Whereas I don't expect her to pack his bags for him and shove him out the door with a smile, she is being bitter towards him, when she should be enjoying her 'last days' with him. I am doing my best to support him and tell him I will help him through this transition, but if his mum is allowed to rant to friends, and Adam is, does that mean I am not? I feel it's better served here than telling Adam it all and making him stress over it.

I don't appreciate the idea that I am 'joining forces' against her, either. Neither of us are against her. We're just done with trying to bend over backwards for her. I'm done making this easy for her-- I'm going to get what my fiance needs done. She refuses to support him in the slightest in regards to this relationship, so I don't see a need to return the favor. As per usual, the ball is in her court.

Be the bigger person, buy a card and thank her for having such a wonderful man who is willing to move half way around the world for you

Again, as I said, I've tried that, even in the beginning before things got rough. Thanking her for bringing such a great guy into the world, apologizing for anything she may have thought I did wrong... Throwing my humility aside and telling her I didn't want her to be angry with me (even though at that point I was still completely lost as to WHY she hated me). She returned it with a spiteful, nasty letter, informing me what a horrible person I was. That's putting it nicely. I imagine the card I would receive back this time would say I was rubbing my 'stealing' her son in her face, among other choice 'go to hell you #######'-s.

She'll still get a mothers day card, again, as I've said, but it's a damn shame that we have to be sending her a card on a certain date as a precautionary measure, so that she doesn't blow a gasket on how this is all my fault and how I have ruined her life, versus a heartfelt 'Love ya, mum! You're the best!'.

I don't expect you all to know the whole situation, but it's not as simple as some of you think it is, I'll leave it at that. Feel I'm a horrible person if you must, but not all mums/mils are created equal.

I wish we could send her flowers. His mum's specifically told me she hates having flowers sent. Choccies/Sweets/Cookies/Etc, too. What else can you order and have sent as a gift easily?

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Well, Angela if all of the above is true (and I have absolutely no reason to believe it's not..so why I said that, I dunno!) I feel very sorry for you...and even worse for Adam as her son...only because I'm sure it's going to make this move SO much tougher on him. Having a Mum that is having EXTREME difficulty with the move would be hard anyway (I assume most all Mums/Dads are going to find it somewhat difficult, esp. at first!) but knowing that she is SO against it and doesn't get along with you, who he loves, on top of it....has to be extremely stressful for him.

I was very, VERY lucky to be blessed with outrageously GREAT In-laws! I'm sorry for what you're going through. M.

[jezebelseven 0]

Well, Angela if all of the above is true (and I have absolutely no reason to believe it's not..so why I said that, I dunno!) I feel very sorry for you...and even worse for Adam as her son...only because I'm sure it's going to make this move SO much tougher on him.

I don't blame anyone if they choose not to believe it. To this day, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it myself!

As much as I hate that she hates me, I'd deal with it (and have been) as long as she'd just not make him feel miserable too. This is mostly coming out because of some things she's done in the last two weeks to him-- before that things had gone back to something resembling civility for us all. Gift giving, card sending, semi-hollow greetings and messages, etc. It'####### Adam and I pretty hard. Thanks for the thoughts-- And I'm so glad most of you seem to have great relationships with your inlaws! I'm jealous, but hopefully someday (maybe when grandkids are involved! Hah!) this can all be forgotten drama.

[ajames79 0]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

google florists in their home town. then call them & give em your cc#

Duh - like I wouldn't do it that way for my own mom in NC!!! Sometimes my brain doesn't think right.

Thanks!!!!

~Liza

Where in NC? I'm in NC!

Angela: sorry to hear your MIL issues. I am very very VERY happy that mine are lovely. They are sad that Chris is moving away, but they are happy that our relationship has come full circle.

However. I am terrible! I mean awful with remembering dates. So I will have to work hard at remembering 2 mothers days!

[lizaanne 0]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

google florists in their home town. then call them & give em your cc#

Duh - like I wouldn't do it that way for my own mom in NC!!! Sometimes my brain doesn't think right.

Thanks!!!!

~Liza

Where in NC? I'm in NC!

Angela: sorry to hear your MIL issues. I am very very VERY happy that mine are lovely. They are sad that Chris is moving away, but they are happy that our relationship has come full circle.

However. I am terrible! I mean awful with remembering dates. So I will have to work hard at remembering 2 mothers days!

Rocky Mount - we will be there at the end of April! I can't wait!!

~Liza

[ajames79 0]

I'll send Simon's mum an e-card - she is just fascinated by them! I sent her one for the US mother's day and she was very pleased. I've not met his parents yet - I am so looking forward to that this September.

I do love the idea of flowers from M&S, but they live in Scotland on the Isle of Lewis - any ideas??? I doubt M&S will ship to there for anything less than a fortune, if at all.

~Liza

google florists in their home town. then call them & give em your cc#

Duh - like I wouldn't do it that way for my own mom in NC!!! Sometimes my brain doesn't think right.

Thanks!!!!

~Liza

Where in NC? I'm in NC!

Angela: sorry to hear your MIL issues. I am very very VERY happy that mine are lovely. They are sad that Chris is moving away, but they are happy that our relationship has come full circle.

However. I am terrible! I mean awful with remembering dates. So I will have to work hard at remembering 2 mothers days!

Rocky Mount - we will be there at the end of April! I can't wait!!

~Liza

Some friends Parents have a house there! Lovely area. Enjoy your visit.

I am about an hour west of Asheville in the lovely mountains!

[CarolineM 0]

ajames....SERIOUSLY? Sorry to butt in here...but Stewart and I met in Brevard...our first date was in Ashe-vegas We go visit every summer! Where are you up there? it's one of my favorite places in the world.

[ajames79 0]

ajames....SERIOUSLY? Sorry to butt in here...but Stewart and I met in Brevard...our first date was in Ashe-vegas We go visit every summer! Where are you up there? it's one of my favorite places in the world.

CAROLINE...I think we talked about this once before!

I went to Brevard College actually.

Very familar with all of Western NC.