How are you getting around the mothers day issue?

[jezebelseven 0]

That's really sad that your future mother-in-law feels like that. My first husband's mother was just like that and it really got me down. If he forgot a certain date or didn't call every day, it was all my fault. Truth is, she was jealous of us and hated the fact I took away her little boy.

You have 3000+ miles between you and her, so a little lip service will go a long way. Good idea on keeping spare mothers day cards, that way if your SO forgets, you can say "well I remembered" (she'll hate that!)

Can't think of any other dates, I believe father's day is the same.

ETA: It's also a good idea to get all of his family members birthday/anniversary dates and put them on a calender.. saves alot of hassle!

It's the same thing here. She feels like I am taking away her little boy. Little does she realize she's pushing him away with the little games she's trying to play.. which breaks my heart, even if I don't like her. I don't want him to be in a bad patch with his mum. If she wants to hate me, so be it, but she's making him suffer by putting him in the middle every chance she gets, and he's feeling completely unsupported. I've always tried to bend over backwards to make this easier for her, from waiting to file 'just a few more months' so she could see him go off to college, to planning a second wedding out of state (despite being seriously poor) so she could enjoy it as a vacation, etc, etc, but if she can't even pretend to be supportive of him, I'm not sure why I'm bothering to do things for her so much. I have to wonder if she's going to bother visiting him when he's here or if its going to be a one way street for the rest of her life. Anyhoo, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, aren't I? Oops!

The father's day won't be an issue for either of us as both of us lost our fathers in our early years... And at least Christmas is the same.

Great idea on the birthday date calendar. Thankfully he doesn't have a huge family but I have a horrible memory and really need to do the same thing for my own family, so I'll have him try to get that before he comes here so we can have all that sorted from the get go, and maybe will make her feel better about him staying connected to her and the other bits of family.

[Mags 112]

I didnt know if I should of replied to this, as my mother died 2 years ago, it was the most heart wrenching thing I had ever gone through. I just wanted to say please just send a small card (even if you can't stand your other half's mother) you only have one and to be sure you will miss them when they are gone.

Janice

Ditto.

[Fandango 1,439]

That's really sad that your future mother-in-law feels like that. My first husband's mother was just like that and it really got me down. If he forgot a certain date or didn't call every day, it was all my fault. Truth is, she was jealous of us and hated the fact I took away her little boy.

You have 3000+ miles between you and her, so a little lip service will go a long way. Good idea on keeping spare mothers day cards, that way if your SO forgets, you can say "well I remembered" (she'll hate that!)

Can't think of any other dates, I believe father's day is the same.

ETA: It's also a good idea to get all of his family members birthday/anniversary dates and put them on a calender.. saves alot of hassle!

It's the same thing here. She feels like I am taking away her little boy. Little does she realize she's pushing him away with the little games she's trying to play.. which breaks my heart, even if I don't like her. I don't want him to be in a bad patch with his mum. If she wants to hate me, so be it, but she's making him suffer by putting him in the middle every chance she gets, and he's feeling completely unsupported. I've always tried to bend over backwards to make this easier for her, from waiting to file 'just a few more months' so she could see him go off to college, to planning a second wedding out of state (despite being seriously poor) so she could enjoy it as a vacation, etc, etc, but if she can't even pretend to be supportive of him, I'm not sure why I'm bothering to do things for her so much. I have to wonder if she's going to bother visiting him when he's here or if its going to be a one way street for the rest of her life. Anyhoo, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, aren't I? Oops!

The father's day won't be an issue for either of us as both of us lost our fathers in our early years... And at least Christmas is the same.

Great idea on the birthday date calendar. Thankfully he doesn't have a huge family but I have a horrible memory and really need to do the same thing for my own family, so I'll have him try to get that before he comes here so we can have all that sorted from the get go, and maybe will make her feel better about him staying connected to her and the other bits of family.

Her little boy is perma-moving to a different country. So she may not be dealing with it in the best way poss, but she is his mother. I bet when she held that iccle baby in her arms, and imagined his life, she never imagined him emigrating away.

She may be being unreasonable, but if she was half a good mother to your fiance growing up, you both should try to remember that and cut her some slack while she adjusts

Good luck!

[Lou Lou 1]

There is no issue with Mothers Day, surely? If you usually send cards and gifts, what is to stop you now? There are plenty of cards out there that are plain so you can write your own message. Endless of flower companies too....Tescos, M&S, Next, etc. all do those fancy ones and even bunches.co.uk which are budget priced have been reliable for me in the past! Most of them come with a card for an extra few quid.

I buy 2 cards when Mothers Day comes around here. My Mum gets another one then, and I save the second one for the following year. My Mum is not in the best of health, and 70 next year, so there is always this thought in the back of my head whether she will even be around to recieve it...and that feels horrible.

It's not that hard to remember or find out the correct dates. Most diaries list International holidays and special days. No excuses for your Mum.

Jezelbel -- I agree with Lisa. Your future MIL is just finding it hard to accept her lil 'un is leaving. She is not dealing with it in the best of ways, and sounds like she's crying out for some support and attention. She needs him as much as he needs her.

Edited March 13, 2007 by Lou Lou

[flutter95 4]

There is no issue with Mothers Day, surely? If you usually send cards and gifts, what is to stop you now? There are plenty of cards out there that are plain so you can write your own message. Endless of flower companies too....Tescos, M&S, Next, etc. all do those fancy ones and even bunches.co.uk which are budget priced have been reliable for me in the past! Most of them come with a card for an extra few quid.

I buy 2 cards when Mothers Day comes around here. My Mum gets another one then, and I save the second one for the following year. My Mum is not in the best of health, and 70 next year, so there is always this thought in the back of my head whether she will even be around to recieve it...and that feels horrible.

It's not that hard to remember or find out the correct dates. Most diaries list International holidays and special days. No excuses for your Mum.

Jezelbel -- I agree with Lisa. Your future MIL is just finding it hard to accept her lil 'un is leaving. She is not dealing with it in the best of ways, and sounds like she's crying out for some support and attention. She needs him as much as he needs her.

Mainly I brought this up as a conversational piece, my mothers getting a gift this week and a big card from here on this mothers day, so she gets two.

[broma25 2]

I just made my mum a card, and I know that she will be more than pleased with it. It will mean more to here than a bought one anyway as I took the trouble to make it, and here in the US there are so many nice things for card making.

[Mags 112]

I just made my mum a card, and I know that she will be more than pleased with it. It will mean more to here than a bought one anyway as I took the trouble to make it, and here in the US there are so many nice things for card making.

I've handmade cards before and they were always well received. Means just that little more if you know someone has sat down and spent some time making their own.

[TimsDaisy 0]

I almost forgot about the dueling mother's days. I was in the UK last year and FREAKED OUT on their mother's day going "oh my god, i forgot!" until i started thinking, wait a minute, mother's day isn't in march . . . . . .

it isn't a big event in my fiance's family, i don't think. but since you mention it, perhaps a card would be good!

[msu17 0]

I almost forgot about the dueling mother's days. I was in the UK last year and FREAKED OUT on their mother's day going "oh my god, i forgot!" until i started thinking, wait a minute, mother's day isn't in march . . . . . .

it isn't a big event in my fiance's family, i don't think. but since you mention it, perhaps a card would be good!

Hehe I did the same thing!!!!! I've got to stock up on cards for next year... Paul wont even think to do anything, so its up to me to remember 2 mother's days hehe! At least she's not throwing a fit with him leaving THANK GOD! They are actually kind of excited they have a place to come visit now. Oh, and Cheeky-wolf, we've got to go to MI to get our fireworks Why is it you can buy them but not in your own state? SO SILLY!

[flutter95 4]

I just made my mum a card, and I know that she will be more than pleased with it. It will mean more to here than a bought one anyway as I took the trouble to make it, and here in the US there are so many nice things for card making.

I've handmade cards before and they were always well received. Means just that little more if you know someone has sat down and spent some time making their own.

I would do this but my mother is actually pretty...well shes not exactly QUITE normal and she actually doesn't appreciate homemade cards, she thinks I don't really care as much, I've tried the homemade before and it wasn't quite good enough, but thats ok, I'll buy TWO cards this year, sent the gift already and get a card later on

[fozzie 41]

I think we will give our mothers two cards. They deserve more than one day a year so they can now have two.

The store where i work has mothers day cards in storage so i am sure most other stores will do the same. Maybe ask them if they have any lefft from last year.

As for remembering the uk one when i am in the us...my dad emailed me for one but i already knew because ads pop up on hotmail as its a uk registered account.

[tmma 467]

Well, as your Mum lives in the UK, I would follow the UK dates instead.

This is my first year without my Mum. Feels very strange.

(((Mags)))

I realize this might sound horrible, but my first thought upon reading this topic with our situation was 'His mother doesn't deserve anything anyway.'

How can you possibly say this? Does she deserve nothing for at least bringing the man you love in to this world and raising him to adulthood; capeable and confident to make the choice to start a new life in another country......? She may not be handling the immigration process well-true-but try and see her point of view. She MUST be hurt and from your description of all this is sounds like she has mostly tried to slow or stop the actual logistics of him moving than personal attacks on you. Your fiance is still coming here and you will have a life together, so why not just try and be the bigger person and ignore her...after all she is HIS mother, let him deal with the fall out of him moving and comfort her...It's just your place to support your fiance, during his life changing move. Not join forces against his mother.

It's the same thing here. She feels like I am taking away her little boy. Little does she realize she's pushing him away with the little games she's trying to play.. which breaks my heart, even if I don't like her. I don't want him to be in a bad patch with his mum. If she wants to hate me, so be it, but she's making him suffer by putting him in the middle every chance she gets, and he's feeling completely unsupported. I've always tried to bend over backwards to make this easier for her, from waiting to file 'just a few more months' so she could see him go off to college, to planning a second wedding out of state (despite being seriously poor) so she could enjoy it as a vacation, etc, etc, but if she can't even pretend to be supportive of him, I'm not sure why I'm bothering to do things for her so much. I have to wonder if she's going to bother visiting him when he's here or if its going to be a one way street for the rest of her life. Anyhoo, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, aren't I? Oops!

The father's day won't be an issue for either of us as both of us lost our fathers in our early years... And at least Christmas is the same.

You say SHE is " putting him in the middle"...If you were NOT on opposite sides with her, there would be no middle. My advice is this-(and trust me I KNOW this is hard to do; but I believe what his mother feels is actually not that uncommon or not that difficult to understand), YOU support HIM through all of this. If he wants to vent about his mother-let him-if she wants to vent at him or her friends about his moving away-let her.

In the end he is moving here and I am sure he is aware that bad arguements and anything said before the move that is later regretted is much harder put right over the phone.

My tactic in this situation was to try and keep relationships within his family as intact as possible throughout the upheaval ( Mark's family is very close and the value they place on family is actually a part of the reason I love him), not put him in the middle ( as he has made his decision is going to be with me anyway) and NOT add to the upset they were all feeling anyway...as it would be him suffering later 1000's of miles away from them and unable to put anything said later regretted right face to face.

Be the bigger person, buy a card and thank her for having such a wonderful man who is willing to move half way around the world for you

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I've always been bad at sending cards on ANY occasion (still haven't done wedding present thank yous 3 months on), so much so that if my mom did get a Mother's Day card on either the US or UK date I think she'd suspect I had joined a cult or had been replaced by a replicant.

[PaulineA 1]

I just made my mum a card, and I know that she will be more than pleased with it. It will mean more to here than a bought one anyway as I took the trouble to make it, and here in the US there are so many nice things for card making.

I've handmade cards before and they were always well received. Means just that little more if you know someone has sat down and spent some time making their own.

I send on the UK date. I made my mum a card last year, wrote a nice verse in it, she was crying cause it was sad, but it was a nice verse I thought. I sent her a gift too. This year, I asked my sister to get a card for her and some flowers, and I am going to write another verse and my sister will put it in the card for me.

[LVA 0]

I guess Im greedy I will be having 2 mothers days. My Kids in the UK (students 19 + 20) have sent me their cards for the UK date, and a table is booked here for me and my husband to celebrate, I have send my mum hers plus flowers for the UK date. And my stepson (student 21) has said he would like to take me and his dad out on the US day for a meal. So Im on to a win win.

Fireworks are not allowed in NY but we have them anyway (we live in the sticks and buy out of state). Had them for 5th Nov and New Year. Also will fly the Cross Of St George along side the stars and strips on St George's day

Lyn