Divorce/ Annulment with nightmare Immigrant just for Green Card

[415ITGUY 0]

Have you tried getting her help?

Yes I left the part out where I searched everywhere for a therapist that was fluent in both our languages to make sure we communicated the best, and the therapist told her things she did not want to hear and refused to go back to her... It's to the point I can't help her if she cant help herself. The only remedy is her going back to her comfort zone. I did not know she was so weak minded, again she's always looked back the day she arrived to move forward as a family. I feel like it's Immigrantion fraud in a way.

[415ITGUY 0]

I'm afraid the longer I wait just allows her to try to clean my clock. If I divorce her the battle will be on and she is going to make everyone's life a hell. And it's my son I worry about the most. Divorcing seems unhealthy in a way and sending him back with her, I just can't even fathom it. I understand I have to make a choice but I've never talked to outsiders about this hence why I came to you guys. My mother feels compassionate for her and my father thinks like a proactive father and I understand I'm trying to make the best calculated decision for my son, who's a toddler and can't. Thank you so much for your information and support.

Thank you very much this was very informative

[415ITGUY 0]

And I don't want to get overly into it but working ten hour shifts to come home to clean house cook food and do laundry, I'm not complaining I actually had accepted this and was doing it, but the lack of any drive just hurts me so much inside. Spoiled children make terrible adults. Should I keep my son close and raise my kid to be a go getter and survive? She can't survive it seems like

[415ITGUY 0]

It's very assuring to know she just can't flee. But your right my decision is a long term one and does bring to some turmoil which will effect him. It's a catch 22 because she gets trapped here. And I never said I didn't care about her I do I want the best for her. But also for him. I guess I'm torn between I coming before her or her before I. This is the toughest choice I have ever had to face in my life. I'm a compassionate loving person. It's tugging at my heart strings.

Why do this though? They have a son together and she is sick and needs help. Why not just divorce her (if he can't help her) and let the son have both parents? According to another poster from Brazil, she can't take the son with her to Brazil without the husband's approval so she can't make a run for it with the son.

[NikLR 13,231]

Just because she's the mother doesn't automatically means gets full custody. In the eventual divorce I see you two having, you can go for custody of your son. If you don't feel she would make a good parent, then do this. There may be an underlying reason why she is protective about your son with even his own father. It's possible she was molested as a child, or knows someone who was, and has fear of you doing the same. I'm not going to say that a custody battle would be easy on any of you, but you need to do what's best for HIM, not you or her.

You should also see if you can convince her to go to a doctor to go back on her medication if that was what was helping her be more stable.

If you want your son to have both his parent's in his life get her the 10 year green card. Yes two countries are hard on kids... I would know.. but it's better than two parents that fight all the time and don't love each other. Understand the obligations as set for you by the I-864 if you want her to have the green card.

[NikLR 13,231]

I also agree that if you have never been clinically depressed or bi-polar you really can't understand what's she going through. Combine that with homesickness that everyone feels once they immigrate away from friends and family, and you have someone who needs professional help, love, understanding, and time.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

You clearly have never been depressed. And she is, according to you, bipolar. She is not weak minded she is sick. And you have no idea what it's like to be her. You're only focused on you. It has nothing to do with being lazy, or not motivated. Yes, if my husband wouldn't support me at my lowest, he wouldn't be someone I'd stay with.

Good luck whatever you decide on doing. I feel sorry for your wife.

This times an million. This woman left behind everything she's ever known. She likely needs medication and it proper therapy individually and as a couple. The only truly weak mind is a closed one.

[Ban Hammer 13,465]

Adjustment of status. Just sent in our Biometrics, awaiting our interview...I-495 adjustment of status. I-797c just sent her biometrics..

Is it better I let her finish the process and just get her temporary 2 year visa?

the above post removed and returned to view minus unnecessary posts towards another member.

all - please stay on topic and refrain from poking at each other with sharp sticks.

[Ban Hammer 13,465]

Your reacting emotionally so I'll only have to take your comment with a grain of salt. She said she wanted a family and wanted to raise her son here in the best environment. Sitting on the couch doesn't help in moving forward learning better to talk the language and help in the family only burdens the family, she's weak minded in the sense that she isn't trying to survive and only thinks about her self not the best interest of our family. I've tried to help but frankly she only listens to herself. When she came her she knew everything about America like it was A breeze, but she couldn't pick up a phone to do something simple like call for a pizza or make a doctors appointment. Here in Cali it's press 2 for Spanish. Her Spanish is excellent, I even had to hear how much English she studied and how proficient she is. It's lack of any modivation or drive what so ever. You wouldn't leave me dear I promise you..

the above removed and returned to view with no modification as it quoted a post that was removed

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

Why do this though? They have a son together and she is sick and needs help. Why not just divorce her (if he can't help her) and let the son have both parents? According to another poster from Brazil, she can't take the son with her to Brazil without the husband's approval so she can't make a run for it with the son.

I'm not saying he should do it just that he can. I think he should let the process run its course so his wife gets her 10-year GC.

[Harmonia 211]

You've been married for 3 years. She will get a 10 year green card, not a 2 year conditional one.

Most states don't even have a process for annulment unless the marriage was illegal when it happened (example, you were married to someone else, or you were siblings or a minor). Its not a "thing", it doesn't happen for regret, especially after a 3 year marriage and a child in common. Otherwise every divorce would be an annulment.

I've had close family members suffer depression and they acted the same way. Sitting around all the time, in the dark, not working, not studying, not doing anything except blaming me for not making them food after I worked all day. It sucked. But its the mental illness.

It seems like the mental illness is complicating your marriage. I don't blame you if you divorce, but as you've pointed out, you have a child in common. She isn't going to flee out of the country. It sounds like she can hardly get off the couch, and she can't bring your son out of the country without your permission. Anything she says is an empty, uniformed threat.

If I were you, I'd finish the immigration case and keep trying to get her help. Maybe try a different counselor or different meds. It can be really hard to get the medications correct. Many have side effects like lethargy, or mess with your appetite. You're her husband, and I hope she put you down as someone her doctor can speak with. Call the doctor who medicated her and describe your concerns. I suspect different medication could make a drastic difference.

I also think YOU need to get counseling to help deal with this situation. You said she didn't tell you she was bipolar. Maybe she didn't know, or if she did, its VERY common for bipolar individuals to go off meds because they feel better. The medication levels them out, they think they're cured, and they go off meds only to relapse. Counseling would help you understand you aren't the only one who's been there and figure out strategies for you to cope.

Frankly, I don't see, at all, how your marriage was "just for a green card", and I suggest you let that go to focus on the difficult situation at hand (having a spouse and mother of your child with severe mental illness that's preventing her from participating in life). It sounds like you both had unprotected sex, leading to a child, and you both were responsible and tried to give your child a 2 parent household. Now things aren't working out, as true of any marriage. Plenty of US citizens have been in your situation, too. Just keep that in mind. Marriage is hard enough work, and immigration adds another level of stress and complexity that few understand unless they've been there-but that doesn't mean it was "all for a green card" or fraud, when things don't work out.

Edited February 20, 2016 by Harmonia

[abhi_meli 150]

I suggest you divorce her and keep your kid away from her unless she agrees to go for a counselling or a therapy.I feel sorry for people with Bipolar but I know they can be very mean at times.I have spent a long time with a person with bipolar in my family and know how it can negatively affect you.If she doesn't wanna help herself then you cannot do anything but protect your kid from her.The maniac episodes can really really affect your kid in the long run...

[Jawaree 718]

If she has a condition that meds can help why try to see her leave?

The kid need both parents, this was someone you loved at one point

see if you can encourage her in staying on her meds, and keep her

here for her child, you do want him to grow emotionally strong , you

are responsible financially for them, however you can file for your

divorce & have a civil relationship with your ex if you love your son.

You will have to prove she is bi-polar (a word ppl throw around these days)

in a custody battle

[Transborderwife 4,666]

If she has a condition that meds can help why try to see her leave?

The kid need both parents, this was someone you loved at one point

see if you can encourage her in staying on her meds, and keep her

here for her child, you do want him to grow emotionally strong , you

are responsible financially for them, however you can file for your

divorce & have a civil relationship with your ex if you love your son.

You will have to prove she is bi-polar (a word ppl throw around these days)

in a custody battle

Agreed. She needs a professional diagnosis that can only come from ample time with a psychiatrist. They can do a quick assessment but many people and personality types can fake their way through them and need ample face time with a medical professional for proper treatment and diagnosis.

[NikLR 13,231]

NPD parents for example. I have a co-worker whose mother fits this to a T.

I've had step parents that I wish were never in my life. But that's a different story.

Edited February 20, 2016 by NLR