what to do when u dont speak the languge?

[wvnurse 1]

Hi all,

I am having a problem here. When my husband, who is from Kenya, and I go to social gatherings, what do I do when I don't speak the language? We recently lost my sister-in -law to colon cancer on 2/24. WE traveled 2 hours from where we live to be there, and cared for her in the last few weeks, and then after she passed away, we sent her home to Kenya to be buried. During so much of the time we were there, Kikuyu was spoken. The parents came to see her, ad of course they dont speak english. Thats fine...but I feel like at a loss of what to do when its just my husband and cousins his age as we were hanging out in the evening, having some beer and goat meat...the conversation began in english..then changed to kikuyu..I dont want to sound like a big baby..but I felt left out. How do I handle this? I want to try to learn the language..but this will take time. When the conversation changes from english to their tribal language..what to I do.. look at the wall?? take a book to read, I dont want to look stupid. I understand how much speaking is language is so important to him. Has anyone else been through this?? Please help!!!!!

[Otto 83]

When this happens to me - Karin remembers to translate from time to time. This helps to understand the conversation and to keep others aware I'm there and don't always understand. Not that they do anything different..but the know to try to include me, through her, from time to time. This helps..

I pay very careful attention when listening, it doesn't get any more real-life learning - you hear tones, inflections, body language etc. And humility too.. it's sometimes frustrating.

Luckily I do understand many things - it's just when you get 2 sisters and a mother going at the same time..it's tough..lol

~Otto

[frndly1 1]

I understand how you feel. I have asked my husband while he is in my presence that he speaks english especially if they person he is talking to speaks and understand English. I am slowly learning my husband's language. Ask your husband to be mindful that you are present when they start speaking in your language. Don't feel bad about how you feel.

I am so sorry to hear about the lost of your husband's sister. I was very shocked to say the least. I thought she was doing good. My prayers are with you and your husband. Could you please have your husband let me know when he will be coming back down this way?

Thanks

Kathy and Saoudi

[randolady 1]

Hi all,

I am having a problem here. When my husband, who is from Kenya, and I go to social gatherings, what do I do when I don't speak the language? We recently lost my sister-in -law to colon cancer on 2/24. WE traveled 2 hours from where we live to be there, and cared for her in the last few weeks, and then after she passed away, we sent her home to Kenya to be buried. During so much of the time we were there, Kikuyu was spoken. The parents came to see her, ad of course they dont speak english. Thats fine...but I feel like at a loss of what to do when its just my husband and cousins his age as we were hanging out in the evening, having some beer and goat meat...the conversation began in english..then changed to kikuyu..I dont want to sound like a big baby..but I felt left out. How do I handle this? I want to try to learn the language..but this will take time. When the conversation changes from english to their tribal language..what to I do.. look at the wall?? take a book to read, I dont want to look stupid. I understand how much speaking is language is so important to him. Has anyone else been through this?? Please help!!!!!

This is something I struggled with on my last visit to Tanzania. I know a decent amount of Swahili, but it's only enough to maybe get a grasp on the topic. I couldn't really contribute to conversations, and trying to actively listen and comprehend was EXHAUSTING! Very frustrating. I didn't even like it when my fiance translated, because it felt like I was still two steps behind everybody else.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister-in-law.

[NkemEmeka 0]

I am sorry for what you are going through. What I would be doing now is trying to look online for the best online tapes, books, etc.. just to learn his native Kenyan tribal language. Ask your husband politely to teach you his language. Inform him that you really want to learn his language. I know it can be heart breaking when people do that to you and sometimes one feels left out. I have known people who went through the similar situation as you. I am also very sorry that you have lost your sister-in-law to colon cancer. I have also lost my Great-Grandmother to colon cancer as well. Also, you might want to ask his friends to teach you his language. What I would personally do is to purchase a recorder and record it from your purse and get a translator that speaks the exact same language to be able to translate it in English.

Good Luck!

[mRx 16]

Ive been in that situation and honestly the best thing to do is look interested and laugh when everyone else does.

[akatagirl 0]

Hi all,

I am having a problem here. When my husband, who is from Kenya, and I go to social gatherings, what do I do when I don't speak the language? We recently lost my sister-in -law to colon cancer on 2/24. WE traveled 2 hours from where we live to be there, and cared for her in the last few weeks, and then after she passed away, we sent her home to Kenya to be buried. During so much of the time we were there, Kikuyu was spoken. The parents came to see her, ad of course they dont speak english. Thats fine...but I feel like at a loss of what to do when its just my husband and cousins his age as we were hanging out in the evening, having some beer and goat meat...the conversation began in english..then changed to kikuyu..I dont want to sound like a big baby..but I felt left out. How do I handle this? I want to try to learn the language..but this will take time. When the conversation changes from english to their tribal language..what to I do.. look at the wall?? take a book to read, I dont want to look stupid. I understand how much speaking is language is so important to him. Has anyone else been through this?? Please help!!!!!

Oh I know exactly how you feel wvnurse! The last time I was with my boo, they didnt even bother speaking a lick of english because they are most comfortable speaking in their native tongue. From what he explained to me, some stories and jokes get lost in translation so it remains most authentic when spoken in Ga or Fanti, his tribal languages. Like you, I often felt left out and didnt know what to do with myself and as others had mentioned, I tried to follow the conversation paying close attention to body language and gestures, and piece it together with a few words uttered in english etc....My hubby and I even got into a slight misunderstanding over the language barrier because when we spent a week in Italy being around his friends, I felt completely ignored and left out because I felt he didnt do a good enough job of including me....We had many discussions over this and the only suggestion I can make is to talk with your significant other and continually make him aware of this so he can translate and make you feel more included. In addition to learning the language, I try to learn more about his culture by reading about the latest events affecting Ghanians and then discuss it with my husband and his friends and family as well. I also watch movies from Ghana and listen to their latest music which they call hiplife. I do this to make an extra effort to understand my boo and also to prepare myself for future gatherings so if the situation calls for it, I can strike up a conversation with his people. Hopefully there are some resources online about Kenya that can keep you informed and learn more if that is something you are open to or that you think may help you stay connected and involved for upcoming social gatherings. I am glad you posted this because I think probably a large portion of us on VJ can relate this very issue!

[blah0323 0]

I can't speak my DH language either, but I normally can pick up on a word or two here and there. My hubby won't teach me the language. I have to depend on his brother, telling me a word or two in emails.

What is disappointing though I recently learned of someone teaching the yoruba language in our area and when I inquired about the classes, I was told that I needed "to be of Afrikan descent and that it involved the IFE classes as well". My hubby says NO!! So I'm looking for other ways to learn the language.

Is anyone familiar with this software, I found it on Ebay???

[ursy 0]

I can't speak my DH language either, but I normally can pick up on a word or two here and there. My hubby won't teach me the language. I have to depend on his brother, telling me a word or two in emails.

What is disappointing though I recently learned of someone teaching the yoruba language in our area and when I inquired about the classes, I was told that I needed "to be of Afrikan descent and that it involved the IFE classes as well". My hubby says NO!! So I'm looking for other ways to learn the language.

Is anyone familiar with this software, I found it on Ebay???

I have not heard of that software but I too would like to learn Yoruba. Let me know if you find a great place to learn it.

[maore 0]

I put a former girlfriend in the same situation and I feel sorry for this. Talk to your special one and tell him his/her job is to translate otherwise you can help /participate and feel excluded from the family matters.

Regards,

[mmarlo 1]

There is a very good African language instruction program offered every summer. There are still a couple days left to register, but they may extend the deadline if you're interested and can put your application together shortly. Many different African languages are offered there.

http://scali.afrst.uiuc.edu/

I don't know about that software. It might be useful; it might not. I assume it's "standard" Yoruba; you might find standard Yoruba quite different from your fiance's dialect.

I am a linguist who studies African languages (primarily Bantu languages of East Africa, but am familiar with other languages as well). Feel free to message me if you have any specific questions. You can see my website for more about my research.

My advice would be partially what other people have suggested--just talking to your SO and explaining how you feel about it--but also try to understand how important speaking the language is to him/her. My fiancee speaks at least three non-native languages better than I speak French, which I studied for nearly a decade, including 8 months living in France, so I know it can be frustrating. I can pick up bits and pieces of several of her languages and am improving, but I'll never be able to hold a conversation in anything but maybe Swahili if I dedicate a few years to it and live more in East Africa. You should think of your SO's multilingualism as a gift and try to foster it as much as possible. And don't forget--bilingual and multilingual kids are at a learning *advantage* over kids who only get exposure to a single language. It won't confuse them or slow them down, and it will actually speed their learning in other areas. Like I said, feel free to ask me other questions if you're interested.

There are a handful of universities that offer courses in Kikuyu. There is also quite a bit of written literature on the language, and it's fairly easy to learn its alphabet (although not all Kikuyus know how to write/read in Kikuyu).

[blah0323 0]

I can't speak my DH language either, but I normally can pick up on a word or two here and there. My hubby won't teach me the language. I have to depend on his brother, telling me a word or two in emails.

What is disappointing though I recently learned of someone teaching the yoruba language in our area and when I inquired about the classes, I was told that I needed "to be of Afrikan descent and that it involved the IFE classes as well". My hubby says NO!! So I'm looking for other ways to learn the language.

Is anyone familiar with this software, I found it on Ebay???

I have not heard of that software but I too would like to learn Yoruba. Let me know if you find a great place to learn it.

I will let you know if I find anything. Actually UT just had a fun day for the children and they may be offerring the class I just haven't checked yet.

Many different African languages are offered there.

http://scali.afrst.uiuc.edu/

Do you know if they offer on line classes? I guess I need to check the site and see. Thanks for the link.