I think my friend is falling victim to marriage fraud. Advice?

[Ontarkie 14,432]

Her keeping it a secret can also cause problems for them. Some of the high fraud places like to know what all the friends and family know. Like did they approve, did they go to the wedding? Have the parents met? Some places can be pretty picky on what they want to see.

Honestly let her be. If it is all fake then as you said she hasn't looked at anything their case will be weak and could be denied.

[DaveNot 55]

I don't see a single red flag. Marriage being spoken of after a week could just seen as commitment, culturally speaking. I've seen this in a few places. People are basically saying they are a person that their partner can rely on if you go ahead with taking me on board and skip all the usual whoo Hoos.

Being divorced, having kids, being fat, age difference, different religion and ethnicity can't really be considered red flags, it's 2016. Obviously, you can scrutinize these things, and may even look at them with extra detail, but certain not a red flag. e.g. 20 year old with no life experience marries guy with 4 kids aged 50.

People fall in love online all the time and the requirements for meeting can even be waived under certain circumstances. So, for this reason it isn't abnormal to meet just once. The process is long and hard, and they bank on time to tell the tale.

Either way, as boiler said, "mention her having to move there." That's a good test...

[Georgia16 2,858]

No, she doesn't appear to have put any realistic thought into this at all.

By the way, are you saying she won't even be able to get married anytime soon? She is visting the guy soon and planning on getting married...are you saying that's not even possible.

Thanks again, everyone for replies. This is very frustrating. I've been friends with this woman since we were 8.

I am also friends with her family and feel horrible about myself for not telling them about the marriage plans.

Well a friend there is REALLY concerned would tell her family!

[Wintertime 0]

To be honest I don't even want to be friends with her anymore. I do. But this is too painful being able to see the potential outcome.

The only thing I can compare this too is my sister being addicted to pain medication. I kept telling her there was a problem and she would not listen. And now her life is ruined.

How does this end for most women if is fraud. Can they eventually get over it? It seems like the type of thing that will leave permanent scars. We are both still so young. She could have any guy she wanted...why take this risk.

[Wintertime 0]

Her keeping it a secret can also cause problems for them. Some of the high fraud places like to know what all the friends and family know. Like did they approve, did they go to the wedding? Have the parents met? Some places can be pretty picky on what they want to see.

Honestly let her be. If it is all fake then as you said she hasn't looked at anything their case will be weak and could be denied.

Okay, this seems to conflict with your other post. There you were saying that me reporting my suscpicions will do nothing. Here you seem to be saying that they might already have a weak case to begin with.

All I am saying is that a friend telling them information that this is all being kept secret etc. just might make there case that much weaker.

Let's say they do get their marriage turned down in Morocco...for whatever reason. What will his response be? If this is truly her soulmate he'll stick around. If he is in this for a greencard he'll move on quickly. Am I correct about that?

[Amhara 460]

In the US if someone proposed to someone after a week almost everyone would think that is insane. Why do the rules suddenly change when its a foreigner. If anything it makes it more suspect since many foreigners have the ulterior motive of getting residency.

I don't understand why they don't just make the rule that you have to know each other for a year before even starting the marriage process.

You can't know anyone well enough after a week to marry them. I don't get this.

So wait, wait, wait - what "rules" are you referring to? Does your state not allow people to marry? Do they need to be engaged for a specific period of time? I didn't think so; therefore, no - there are no "rules changing when it's a foreigner". Think of it this way, would you REALLY walk into a police station and 'report this guy for fraud' if he was American living here? Duh, you would not. So you saying you are going to "report" him is ignorant.

This is not your friend. Just stop talking to her. If you are trying to save her from a bad situation, you have a really sour attitude about it. How did this guy tell YOU that he wanted to work in America, but not her? What did she say when you told your friend about this comment? How are you telling HER stuff about marriage when she denies she will get married?

If you really wanted to help your friend, you would stop going all vigilante (because everyone is telling you why it won't work), stop trying to brow-beat this woman, and rather talk to her logically about this. Ask her what her plans are. Ask her what will happen if they don't get approved. Ask her how she knows he's legit. Ask her if she would move to Morocco. Ask her why marry and just get engaged with him. Ask her if she would do the same if he was here. Challenge her in a compassionate way - not like a stubborn donkey.

[Unlockable 7,315]

Listen,

By the frequency and tone of your posts it is obvious that you are highly concerned about your friend. And we truly admire that. But what everyone here is trying to tell you is that without proof your attempts to get some type of authority to stop the marriage is futile. This is not to go against you. This is all sincere advise.

There are numerous threads on this site from people who have been in fraudulent marriages. You wouldn't believe the stories. Producing children, developing connections with extended family members, professing unconditional love, only to have their bags packed that day after they either receive a green card or citizenship. Its a game that is played every day and some play it well.

You can contact as many immigration authorities as you want. But ultimately, you have no right over your friends decision to get married nor to whom.

Edited February 17, 2016 by NuestraUnion

[Boiler 45,993]

To be honest I don't even want to be friends with her anymore. I do. But this is too painful being able to see the potential outcome.

The only thing I can compare this too is my sister being addicted to pain medication. I kept telling her there was a problem and she would not listen. And now her life is ruined.

How does this end for most women if is fraud. Can they eventually get over it? It seems like the type of thing that will leave permanent scars. We are both still so young. She could have any guy she wanted...why take this risk.

Nothing is going to happen anytme soon. Lets say she is stupid enough to marry him and then wants him to move to the US you are looking at least a year.

I have read many many posts from embittered USC's, mostly on the lines of them wanting somebody to send the ex back! Too late by then.

[yuna628 9,702]

OP: People need to be allowed to make their own choices, whether they are mistakes or not. You may seek to protect her, but in the end you will cause more harm to your relationship and more hurt than you realize if you do not go about your concerns wisely.

You find it improbable that someone could fall in love and want to marry in a whirlwind manner, but the truth is it happens all the time, both inside and outside of the US. It's not such a fantasy as you may think. There have been many a successful and loving marriages in this way... and yes, many failures.

Let us say your friend marries him, she will have to apply for a visa for him, and leave him behind to return to the US without him. And as others have told you here, that process takes a very long time, and it is not easy. They'll have prove the relationship to the officials in their paperwork, so let those officials do their jobs. What will be, will be.

[DaveNot 55]

To be honest I don't even want to be friends with her anymore. I do. But this is too painful being able to see the potential outcome.

The only thing I can compare this too is my sister being addicted to pain medication. I kept telling her there was a problem and she would not listen. And now her life is ruined.

How does this end for most women if is fraud. Can they eventually get over it? It seems like the type of thing that will leave permanent scars. We are both still so young. She could have any guy she wanted...why take this risk.

To be honest, if you were a good friend you wouldn't be saying "I don't want to be friends with her". Also, if you are a good friend, you'd also realize that your decisions and suggestions don't always weigh everybody elses. Meaning, you accept they are wrong and move on and continue to support your friends choices instead of opposing them. You don't personally have to do this, as nothing changes. However, it seems to me you're overeating. You can't just say" here's my advice take it or I'll leave" that's childish.

Maybe your friend is making a mistake, but there are far more tactful ways to be helpful rather than poking constantly.

All women are different, so, being a part of such presumed circumstances are variable. Really, she is a grown adult is able to make such decisions alone, and it seems weird. This is obvious anywhere in the west. Unfortunately, I know it is hard to see somebody go through something you conjure up happening. Maybe be nice about it, and her doors will open with more detail...

[heo luoi 206]

Isn't it a red flag that this guy is trying to marry her after two months? What else do you need to know? There is obviously something way off with people getting married that soon.

If the country is difficult to get approved with little evidence than why do I even have to report this guy? If its so hard to approve wont they just look that theyve only met in person once as evidence that it isn't a real relationship.

I think its awesome your vested interest and concern. Sure are they 'red flags'? But they are just flags. I think if you perused VJ you'll see a lot of unorthodox / unconventional courtships. However there are also circumspect folks w/ less than noble intentions as well. I'd continue to scrutinize and tread lightly. Id encourage you to think like a USC agent would and vet the legitimacy without assumptions. You're not privy to all their exchanges/dialogs...etc I presume.

My sisters rarely asked me anything. My friends knew and others knew nothing until after I was married. I'm sure with varying levels of familiarity and knowledge everyone had some level of concerns or preconceptions.

Its nice that you are genuinely interested / concerned.

At 29 she is a grown woman. Capable of intercontinental travel and making her own decisions. I'm well aware of those that have a trait of 'needing to be loved'...hoping its not so severe as inhibiting her other faculties from working. Is she trying to do K1 or K3?

Good luck OP to you and your friend....and your friendship.

Edited February 17, 2016 by heo luoi

[Amhara 460]

Nothing is going to happen anytime soon. Lets say she is stupid enough to marry him and then wants him to move to the US you are looking at least a year.

There is also this step called "Administrative Processing". Let's say your friend goes thorough all the visa steps (fiance or spousal, whichever) and he has his interview with the US Embassy. 99.9% of the time, they will choose to put him in what we VJ'ers lovingly call AP. The embassy conducts a background check and evaluates the evidence they have. There is a very low chance that he will get approved for the visa that day. I have seen some Moroccans get their visa approved that day, and some after five years. So if they have a real or fake relationship, it will be tried - a lot.

Winter, you aren't able to prevent all your friend's problems. Has she acted impulsively like this before? Does she value your advice and viewpoints? You may get the willies about this guy and you may be very legitimate with that, but you aren't saving your friend if she's blind. If she values you, she will confide in you. If she doesn't trust you, she will hide her relationship from you.

Edited February 17, 2016 by Amhara

[Cathi 5,783]

She's simply a jerk and not faithful to her boyfriend at home.. This guy is probably using some vodoo of a sort.. Your friend is in for real trouble

voodoo? seriously?

[Wintertime 0]

Is she trying to do K1 or K3?

Good luck OP to you and your friend....and your friendship.

Thanks for your thoughtful response.

As far as I know her plan is to marry in Morocco. Don't know what the plan is after that. I don't even know what the purpose of them getting married right now is. Is it so they can stay in hotels together or something? Aren't there rules about unmarried men and women?

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Thanks for your thoughtful response.

As far as I know her plan is to marry in Morocco. Don't know what the plan is after that. I don't even know what the purpose of them getting married right now is. Is it so they can stay in hotels together or something? Aren't there rules about unmarried men and women?

That may be it, or it may be a misinformation that he'd have the right to pick up and move to the USA. A get out of jail free card per se