Marriage getting Rocky...Advice needed.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Wow, oh wow. I am curious as to which country the op is from?

Who cares about what school the child goes to? Op, you are in possibly the worst situation a person can be in and you are worried about what school your child goes to. And all these other posters are only focusing on that.

Your family definitely threw you under the bus by not telling you your fiancé was pregnant by another man. Who does that? Your family is making my family look like saints. The minute you found out about the pregnancy, you should have packed your bags and went back home. Right there, your relationship was doomed. From that moment on, you lost all your self esteem and became a door mat and punching bag. Your wife is obviously a person without character and morals, so how do you expect to have a productive, healthy life with a partner like that? I have heard about some messed up situations in my time on earth, but this takes and eats the cake. Cheating is one thing, which I wouldn't forgive, but having another man's child while you are in the process of coming to the USA. No way.

Is baby daddy even contributing financially to his child? Not that this is the issue at hand, but definitely a consideration. Or his he just sticking his nose in to exacerbate the situation?

And your family's deception and secrecy is unbelievable. Who doesn't tell their family member who is immigrating that his wife/fiancé is cheating and having another man's child? Appalling behavior to say the least.

Newsflash. Your wife has done probably the worst thing a woman could do. Add to this the fact that you are coming to a foreign country trying to build a new life.

The problem is that you have zero self esteem or self worth. How can you expect to have anything in life if you allow people to keep feeding you garbage sandwiches and you eat them while saying thank you in the process?

Until you develop some standards for behavior, you will continue to be everyone's doormat. There isn't a forum in the world that can help you with the problems you are experiencing.

[caliliving 606]

You knew she was pregnant by another man! And you say she kept seeing him? This obviously was not a one night stand. It sounds as though you married so you could move to the US and move your son here as well!! You even said you had family here. IMO you knew exactly what you were doing.

[TBoneTX 46,373]

There is zero foundation for this "marriage," perhaps less than any ever described on this website.

[DDB1975 1]

Wow, oh wow. I am curious as to which country the op is from?

Who cares about what school the child goes to? Op, you are in possibly the worst situation a person can be in and you are worried about what school your child goes to. And all these other posters are only focusing on that.

Your family definitely threw you under the bus by not telling you your fiancé was pregnant by another man. Who does that? Your family is making my family look like saints. The minute you found out about the pregnancy, you should have packed your bags and went back home. Right there, your relationship was doomed. From that moment on, you lost all your self esteem and became a door mat and punching bag. Your wife is obviously a person without character and morals, so how do you expect to have a productive, healthy life with a partner like that? I have heard about some messed up situations in my time on earth, but this takes and eats the cake. Cheating is one thing, which I wouldn't forgive, but having another man's child while you are in the process of coming to the USA. No way.

Is baby daddy even contributing financially to his child? Not that this is the issue at hand, but definitely a consideration. Or his he just sticking his nose in to exacerbate the situation?

And your family's deception and secrecy is unbelievable. Who doesn't tell their family member who is immigrating that his wife/fiancé is cheating and having another man's child? Appalling behavior to say the least.

Newsflash. Your wife has done probably the worst thing a woman could do. Add to this the fact that you are coming to a foreign country trying to build a new life.

The problem is that you have zero self esteem or self worth. How can you expect to have anything in life if you allow people to keep feeding you garbage sandwiches and you eat them while saying thank you in the process?

Until you develop some standards for behavior, you will continue to be everyone's doormat. There isn't a forum in the world that can help you with the problems you are experiencing.

As I stated, she didnt find out about the pregnancy until 2 weeks before my arrival. She told me it was a one night stand. I asked my family why they didnt inform me and no one wants to give me a straight answer. My wife and I talked about it when I finally arrived here.

The baby's father comes and sees the baby but per my knowledge, never stays overnight. Especially when I was still living with my wife. Whether or not there is something going on between them behind closed doors now, I don't know. I have personally never seen them do anything so I cannot just go and say "she's sleeping with baby daddy." As far as the financial needs for the child, She does have a card from him to get the baby diapers and formula and whatever else he needs. Not sure if he is feeding my wife ideas about leaving me and letting them become a family. I still periodically spend time with my wife and over the time together, she is not has happy or joyful as before.

It has not been easy, but I have not been one to give up. Thanks for the advice.

[DDB1975 1]

You knew she was pregnant by another man! And you say she kept seeing him? This obviously was not a one night stand. It sounds as though you married so you could move to the US and move your son here as well!! You even said you had family here. IMO you knew exactly what you were doing.

They saw each other in regards to the baby. He went with her to check up on the baby and so forth, and he would be at the house after the baby was born. He never stayed the night. And they were never alone with one another. There was always with them whether it was me, the kids, or even her mother.

I did not know she was pregnant by another man, nor did I know she had cheated on me until I came here.

[DDB1975 1]

Cheating the school system calls into question your morals. You need to be able to say "I entered the marriage in good faith and not for benefits". Someone with questionable morals will not be believed. And yes you may have had a legitimate reason for wanting your child in a different school district. It often happens. But the proper way is to advise the district of your true address and PAY a fee to have your child attend there as a non resident.

Where we stay we don't have to pay a fee to attend a school that is not in our district. However, we did not feel that it was a big problem having my son at school with cousins that would be able to help him more than his younger step sister who could not communicate with him. My wife did advise me to register my son at the same school with her daughter, and initially I agreed but once we came here and I saw how much more comfortable he was with his cousin I rather he went to school with them. I even asked my son, and he asked to be at the same school as his cousins.

[Marrienne 114]

OK, guys and gals... relax! We do not know for sure what happened or what went through their minds. Did he cheat the system because in their home country they were starving? Maybe.
To me (and sorry about this dude) the wife sounds very superficial. Who in their right mind has three children with 3 different people then marries a 4th, then has nothing to do with him???
And after already having had two kids you don't know you are PG until 4 1/2 months into it? No way!!!

Ok that said... OP, you NEED a lawyer if you want to have ANY small chance of remaining in the USA. This is a very very tough case to prove the marriage was entered in good faith. RUN, get a GOOD lawyer, it is your ONLY chance. You mentioned Vietnamese, where are you from?
I know how it is to have a poor quality of life in your home country and to try to make a better life in another country. Your motives might have been 100% sincere but your case is still very hard to prove as such. This is the best advise anyone can give you... GOOD LAWYER. NOW!!!
Best of luck!!!! And I am SO sorry this happened to you, you did deserve better!!!

[DDB1975 1]

OK, guys and gals... relax! We do not know for sure what happened or what went through their minds. Did he cheat the system because in their home country they were starving? Maybe.

To me (and sorry about this dude) the wife sounds very superficial. Who in their right mind has three children with 3 different people then marries a 4th, then has nothing to do with him???

And after already having had two kids you don't know you are PG until 4 1/2 months into it? No way!!!

Ok that said... OP, you NEED a lawyer if you want to have ANY small chance of remaining in the USA. This is a very very tough case to prove the marriage was entered in good faith. RUN, get a GOOD lawyer, it is your ONLY chance. You mentioned Vietnamese, where are you from?

I know how it is to have a poor quality of life in your home country and to try to make a better life in another country. Your motives might have been 100% sincere but your case is still very hard to prove as such. This is the best advise anyone can give you... GOOD LAWYER. NOW!!!

Best of luck!!!! And I am SO sorry this happened to you, you did deserve better!!!

She doesn't have 3 kids with 3 different people. I think you misread that...

She had 1 child and I have a child.

She got pregnant with baby #2 during my K1 process. Together it's 3 kids.

When she came to visit me in 2012 we went and took pictures. She has been asking me for the album ever since we took the pictures. We actually argued about that a couple of times during the time of our k1...and right before New Year's we got into a huge fight. She went out and supposedly that's when "it" happened.

I did ask her about not knowing she was pregnant. She told me she had her monthly as usual from Jan - March. When she didnt get her period in April, that's when she took a test at the end of April and it came positive, she went to the doctor first week of May...2 weeks before I was about to fly here. She did inform my family once she found out about the pregnancy. Why they didn't tell me, I don't know.

We were both willing to work through the whole baby situation, as stated before we both were okay with another child. Just didn't think it would be like this. Not sure if the hormones from the baby and her father getting sick and passing away...She just wasnt the same person from when we first met. People change, but sadly, she wasn't the same person from when we first met.

thank you for the advice about lawyer. spoke to one already. I guess time will tell.

[TBoneTX 46,373]

Sad to hear. Good luck, and come back with updates if you'd like to give them.

[Marrienne 114]

It is probably a combination of both. When my father died (also from cancer), I fell apart and even became physically ill which turned into pneumonia, and it took 8 months until I was anywhere near normal again. In fact I can't remember anything after his death, but somehow I still shopped, cooked, cleaned and worked because the kids were fed, the bills were paid and nobody starved!! But it was all auto-pilot!
When I had my 3rd baby, I had post partum depression, as my husband was severely sick and bed-bound so I was left with a newborn and two older kids all by myself. Took me a year to get back to normal.
He stuck by me, I stuck by him, it was hard, it was painful and we made it through.
Marriage is not all roses and frills, sometimes the "hard times" can last months and some phases even YEARS!!!
I am not questioning your motives, I am just saying that it will look very suspicious to any officer reading your file, that's all.
I do like you are standing up for her though That shows love. I do think you need counseling as a couple. Can't do any harm and even if you don't stay together at least you are both getting some help.

I really hope, mostly for your little boy's sake, you get to stay!! Please update if you'd like. And tell us what the lawyer says if you are so inclined!!
Good luck!!!

[Villanelle 4,122]

A lawyer is going to give him a fancy song and dance. Hes going to tell him they will help put together a ROC packet with the best evidences they can find and hope for the best. He may even quote him the statistics of ROCs that get approved and cite his own personal record of approvals. None of that really matters though. Every case is evaluated on its own merits. If the OP doesnt have a good case he will be denied- statistics dont matter.

I havent really offered much as advice in this thread because I dont really see any. Im not going to advocate lying or misleading but there is a fine line between full disclosure/pointing things out and omitting or glossing over facts. A trained adjudicator is looking for everything- things you say, things you dont say. You can certainly not point out the fact that the baby has a different father and was conceived and born during the 'valid relationship' between him and his spouse but you cant lie and pretend the baby doesnt exist or is the OPs.

You can gloss over the fact that it appears the OP has a significant amount of family here in the US- leading one to believe immigration intent to reunite with them using a spouse. You can also gloss over the fact that the OP used family address to keep his child with his family over the 'new' blended family as it was more comfortable. But Im not sure how glossy the eyes will be of the adjudicator. Its a lot to swallow.

He married in June 14 and moved out in April 15. Was the move before his GC arrived? I dont know. Maybe. It definitely plays into how the case is going to be looked at. They also filed separate taxes for 15. He has a 'joint account' only he is using, no bills or leases besides statement from family and 10 months of cohabitation during which she gave birth to anothers child.

I would be careful with what an attny promises as an outcome. For the money that will be paid to them they better come up with some creative evidences and a strongly worded statement.