Marriage getting Rocky...Advice needed.

[DDB1975 1]

I met my wife in 2012. We fell in love instantly and everything was great. We got engaged in November 2012 and I was approved for my K1 visa in April 2014 & purchased my plane ticket for May.

I came over here with my son on May 17, 2014 and I found out that my fiance was 4 1/2 months pregnant. We had gotten into an argument over Christmas and she had a one night stand with a "friend" of hers. She didn't find out she was pregnant until May 5th. (That's another story in itself). My family knew 2 weeks before my arrival that she was expecting and even they did not tell me she was expecting. When I ask her, she tell me that she had waited 1 1/2 years for our paperwork to finalize and was afraid that telling me before my departure that I would have second thoughts. She and I have talked about having kids once we were married, I just didn't realize it would be like this.

So, I got to US and I see her...she didn't tell me right away. But we talked and she told me about the one night stand and how she discovered she was expecting. We decided that we could make it work. We love each other and after waiting for 1 1/2 years were just glad to be able to be with one another again.

We got married on June 2, 2014.

A few weeks after we got married, my father in law discovered his liver cancer had returned. He was constantly in and out of the hospital from that point. My wife, pregnant finding out about her father's condition took a toll on her emotionally. She quit working to be with father and when I tried to comfort her, she got more and more upset with me. It was like she wanted to be comforted but did not want to be comforted at the same time. Things got worse between my wife and I when her father got worse. She did not want to be with me at all. We begin to argue and fight. I hoped that things would get better over time, but that was not the case. October 2014, my father in law passed away. The same night we cremated my father in law, my wife gave birth. She was devastated about her father and again I tried to comfort her but again, she did not care to be comforted. Well, weeks after giving birth we started to fight. The baby's daddy would come over to see the baby again and again. My wife was never alone with him when he came over but I can't help but feel that there is something going on between the two of them and it's not just the child.

Weeks turned into months. My wife already had a 6 year old and I had an 8 year old. We were constantly fighting and bickering. To the point where both our families asked my to move out to see if that may help with our situation. They said that when we were not living together we got a long a lot better.

My son & I physically moved out of my inlaws in April 2015. We went to stay at a cousin's house and we have been there ever since. Legally I am still registered at my in law's, but now that my ROC is coming up I have a few concerns with the evidence I have available. We have little to go by because of the death of her father and the new baby. It was literally everytime I tried to get near her to comfort her she pushed me away. We opened a joint bank account shortly after our marriage, but only my checks are deposited in this account. She has access to this account, but her checks are deposited into her own personal account. Reason being was that she had set up multiple direct debits for all of the house bills and we figured this way we could budget our expenses vs. our spending. We lived with my inlaws so we don't have to get a mortgage. My father had an extra line on his account and allowed me to use the cell phone line so that my wife didn't have to open another line on her cell phone account for me. My son wanted to go to school with his cousins, so we registered him at his grandfather's house instead of my inlaws house and my stepmom handled my son's papers for school.

We filed for taxes joint in 2014 but for 2015 filing, my wife filed for head of household because we are not living together. I also qualify for head of household because of my son.

I'm afraid my wife may want to file for divorce before time comes for my ROC.

If she does file for divorce I don't have much evidence due to the personal issues my wife was experiencing. I love my wife but not sure if she feels the same way towards me. Do you guys possibly have any advice that may help me?

Edited February 6, 2016 by DDB1975

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Moved from ROC to Effects if Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~

[Georgia16 2,858]

I'm sorry your marriage is not working out. Just keep in mind that all people morn in their own way and that needs to be respected no mather how weird it may seem to others.

When/if you get divorced you are able to ROC on your own.

[aleful 1,905]

hi

start gathering evidence because you will need to divorce and remove conditions on your own

not easy because you were never a real couple once you came here

[Deagle 508]

Collect evidence as much as you can, try getting affidavits from your family and hers. Go to a store like BJ's Costco or Walmart etc.. and create membership with both your names, if you have you could add her name to your car insurance. Ask her to go with you to marriage counseling.

Even if she filed for divorce you still have a chance if you have enough evidence.

Good luck.

[Jawaree 718]

Having a new born & a death does take a toll, however the sister seem to be using a defense

ploy at always not wanting comfort...she messed p, maybe she knows she don't deserve the care from

you...You are a better dude than I am,....when one really love they wait on that other person & "IF"

the person is weak to step out, protection of all kinds should be the foremost thing. This will always

be an in your face thing with ole boy still hanging around.

If you love her that much & wants her that bad both of you should get counseling & guidelines set up

with baby-daddy co-parenting because the child deserve a relationship with him...can there be trust

after ? hmmm you have to figure that out.

Get affidavits from her family members & others, ask the inlaws about gettink a lease letter for the

room, reason with her about the AOS, or get your divorce,,,,good luck

[tomyka81 95]

Tell the truth at your interview. You had good faith in marriage. Unfortunately she didn't. Your in-laws know you are good. Cheating is forgivable. Unprotected cheating with a stranger is a whole new level. Forgive her but don't forget and move on from her. Pick up the pieces. You tried doing the right thing with the wrong person. I am so sorry.

[Sandra G. 5,079]

A child with another man. No commingling finances,using grandparents adress for your child school etc.Your case is a mess and you can have serious problems with your I751.

Cheating the school system is not cool man.

Edited February 8, 2016 by sandranj

[DDB1975 1]

A child with another man. No commingling finances,using grandparents adress for your child school etc.Your case is a mess and you can have serious problems with your I751.

Cheating the school system is not cool man.

How is cheating the school system anything to do with my case?

My son was more comfortable with his cousins cause they are all boys whereas his stepsister is 3 grades younger and did not speak Vietnamese like his cousins. We had a legitimate reason to why my son is in school with his cousins rather than his stepsister. We have a joint account that we both use, her account is mainly for the household stuff. She pays her parents utilities, water, and cable/phone bill. I realized my case is a mess with my wife seeming to want to leave but not leaving. That's why I'm here seeing what options I have...Thanks for pointing out what's already been stated.

[DDB1975 1]

Having a new born & a death does take a toll, however the sister seem to be using a defense

ploy at always not wanting comfort...she messed p, maybe she knows she don't deserve the care from

you...You are a better dude than I am,....when one really love they wait on that other person & "IF"

the person is weak to step out, protection of all kinds should be the foremost thing. This will always

be an in your face thing with ole boy still hanging around.

If you love her that much & wants her that bad both of you should get counseling & guidelines set up

with baby-daddy co-parenting because the child deserve a relationship with him...can there be trust

after ? hmmm you have to figure that out.

Get affidavits from her family members & others, ask the inlaws about gettink a lease letter for the

room, reason with her about the AOS, or get your divorce,,,,good luck

She was born and raised here in the states. I on the otherhand was not not. The argument we had when it happened was a pretty huge one. We talked about it and we moved on. My family was well aware of her pregnancy and asked her not to tell me until I came over here. We waited so long to be together again, and like previously stated we had talked about having another child once we were reunited...not quite like this, but things happened and we wanted to try to go back to how it was...or rather I wanted to go back to how it was.

They have attempted the co-parenting but he seems to always be around. I'm all for it but when it got to the point where we were arguing about him and also finances, things just got ugly. And my poor MIL. She didn't care to be brought up in it at all. My stepdaughter's father is not involved in her life, so having this 2nd child's father involved is giving her hope that this child won't be abandoned again. I love the kid, but since i've been around, the father does not allow me to try to have a relationship with the child for my wife's sake.

I plan on getting the lease from my MIL, more than likely she will agree to get it for me and from our friends that knows our relationship before things started to go downhill. Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated.

[DDB1975 1]

hi

start gathering evidence because you will need to divorce and remove conditions on your own

not easy because you were never a real couple once you came here

How are we not a real couple? Life happened all at once for her and she had her priorities. Her father was in and out of the hospital and within months he passed. It was a trying time for her and I did not wish to bother. I tried to comfort her but I felt like i was burdening her more than helping.

Perhaps that's where I went wrong? Not knowing how to comfort her.

[kkk1 42]

How are we not a real couple? Life happened all at once for her and she had her priorities. Her father was in and out of the hospital and within months he passed. It was a trying time for her and I did not wish to bother. I tried to comfort her but I felt like i was burdening her more than helping.

Perhaps that's where I went wrong? Not knowing how to comfort her.

You tried. You shouldn't blame yourself. Failure of marriage wasn't your mistake. She never was honest with you. Anyways; do as people suggested you. Vj sandrjan raised important point think about it; here people trying to help you. Everyone is friend here.

[Villanelle 4,122]

How is cheating the school system anything to do with my case?

My son was more comfortable with his cousins cause they are all boys whereas his stepsister is 3 grades younger and did not speak Vietnamese like his cousins. We had a legitimate reason to why my son is in school with his cousins rather than his stepsister. We have a joint account that we both use, her account is mainly for the household stuff. She pays her parents utilities, water, and cable/phone bill. I realized my case is a mess with my wife seeming to want to leave but not leaving. That's why I'm here seeing what options I have...Thanks for pointing out what's already been stated.

Cheating the school system calls into question your morals. You need to be able to say "I entered the marriage in good faith and not for benefits". Someone with questionable morals will not be believed. And yes you may have had a legitimate reason for wanting your child in a different school district. It often happens. But the proper way is to advise the district of your true address and PAY a fee to have your child attend there as a non resident.

[Sandra G. 5,079]

Cheating the school system has part to with your Immigration case, if you want to be part of this Great Nation leave the old habits in your home Country!.

You came here to ask about immigration,but you are breaking the Law here, and I can't silence seeing this bs,this is a Country that I love and respect and I will expect you respect as well. I don't care if your child wants to be with his cousins,we have Laws here to be enforced and not disregarded. If you could use your own address then you would not be using his grandfather address to enroll him in different school.

Making a mistake I can understand, but justifying is despicable to say tge least. Do you want to stay here? then start following rules and Laws.

Edited February 9, 2016 by sandranj

[Dario2012 51]

Cheating the school system has part to with your Immigration case, if you want to be part of this Great Nation leave the old habits in your home Country!.

You came here to ask about immigration,but you are breaking the Law here, and I can't silence seeing this bs,this is a Country that I love and respect and I will expect you respect as well. I don't care if your child wants to be with his cousins,we have Laws here to be enforced and not disregarded. If you could use your own address then you would not be using his grandfather address to enroll him in different school.

Making a mistake I can understand, but justifying is despicable to say tge least. Do you want to stay here? then start following rules and Laws.

Unnecessary sanctimony. OP has already been advised of the moral character implications of the school address.