Regret marrying k1 pinay

[tyler007 26]

It makes sense, an inexperience province girl who dreamed of an "American Dream". No exposure about what really life here in America. Maybe it was her first time to go out of the country.

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About "Silent Treatment", my husband experienced this too. Because I'm so frustrated that sometimes it's better to shut up rather than talk and say things that later I regret. But he compromised, he tried to understand what makes me upset and try to avoid those. And later I realize he doesn't deserve such treatment and I tried so hard to be vocal about my feelings. Now we are more than 2 years married and happy. There's still some misunderstanding and miscommunications but I learned to talk about it because he "MADE" it easy for me to do it. That's very important! No matter how bad you feel about your wife behavior, you should be more sensitive about her feelings. You are adjusting too, just too bad your wife now is not on the same page.

But if you think you don't have "PATIENCE" left. You know what to decide. No one will dictate or tell you what to do….. it's up to you...

Good luck!

Cheers!

Wow Dahlia, this is what EVERY Filipina should realize. There are discussions on Filipino relationship groups on FB and this topic of Tampo is brought up a lot. Perfect response to eliminate this BAD trait.

Your husband is lucky to have someone like you.

Lee, you may want to discuss this part in red with your wife at some point. Show here that there are other options.

Tyler

[The Conqueror 47]

Wow Dahlia, this is what EVERY Filipina should realize. There are discussions on Filipino relationship groups on FB and this topic of Tampo is brought up a lot. Perfect response to eliminate this BAD trait.

Your husband is lucky to have someone like you.

Lee, you may want to discuss this part in red with your wife at some point. Show here that there are other options.

Tyler

Tyler,

Most of Filipinos are not used to expressing themselves. It was a big step for me, it ain't easy hahahaha. But when your husband let you feel the openness, the love and respect, eventually it makes you realize how blessed you are.

A lot of Filipinos are not fortunate to be here in America. Let's not forget that. Even if we are here we need to work hard to have a good life. Not unless you married a guy with a golden spoon.

Let's not forget why we got ourselves into "MARRIAGE". It is not all about compatibility, that one should have the same likes, habits and favorites. It is working out our "DIFFERENCES".

Age differences shouldn't be an issue either. I'm 40 and my husband is turning 65. It's about life experiences and maturity and maturity doesn't comes with "AGE, it's a "CHOICE". You can be 100 years old and still immature. Having said about my previous comment. Anna is only 25, "maybe" inexperience about reality so it may take time for her to understand the reality of handling a relationship or never. Only time will tell. That's one thing for sure, the realization strikes if ever she had a chance to come back to Philippines. While Lee is 43 you have a ways to go, either you fret about your wife negativity or find a way to for her to win her heart again. I'm sure there's "LOVE" there, it's just never blossoms because of we focused on negatives. My husband and I always reminds each other how our relationship started. It wasn't love at first sight. Our love grew because we watered it with patience, respect and understanding…….. it wasn't easy ride. But it was worth it once you realize this is nothing compared to problems other couples experiencing.

Cheers!

[Joshua@Tinz 52]

I read through this thread and a few things surprised me, and would be a direct insult to most wives in any culture. I am not saying that you are wrong or that you are right, but you are not treating your wife as your equal.

I feel like Pinay need to feel that they are on the same level as you in a relationship,as does any woman. just the simple fact that you think you deserve appreciation for bringing her here is an insult, appreciation is given for things you do not "have" to do, it is not given for bringing the woman you love to live in your country. That is expected, it isn't a gift.

The fact that you are separating your finances tells another story as well, it is your wife...why would you require her to work to pay for her ticket home? she should be involved in your finances enough to know whether you can afford it or not, how can you expect her to be comfortable in your relationship if you treat her as a second class member of it? This is even bigger of an issue for a pinay, simply because of the conditions she lived in before, she will not admit it, and may not even know it, but it is true.

I do not know your wife, so I am trying not to make too many opinion based statements and trying to offer constructive critism, I have been with my wife for 4 years and I have slipped into making some similar mistakes as I feel you are, and at the end of the day when I stepped back and tried to put myself in her shoes it would nearly bring me to tears at how I had treated her, she needs re-assurance much more then an American girl, she may feel like it is so easy for you to walk away and want to see if that will happen. She needs to feel like she is not expendable just because she is a pinay. It will get better with time, my wife has no doubts now, it is like any relationship you have ever been in, just with different problems and a less vocal partner. my thoughts to you is to stop separating yourself from her in terms of pinay and kano, be a couple. If you want to give up do it soon for her sake. good luck man, I wish you both the best

[Lee&Ana 88]

Some good posts and advice. However, Josh I disagree with you on the finances.

I have a plan in place that my wife will be independent of me and probably make more money than me on a regular basis. I am trying to set her up with a situation that she will be successful in the long term as opposed to instant gratification in the short term. I want her to be fully capable of taking care of herself in the USA, especially if something happens to me.

Most of the pinay we meet here in the USA are working at Walmart for $8.25 an hour or some fast food job because they are content to earn money and don't know any better. Their asawa buys them an iPhone 6 and they have some spending money.

I want to push my wife up so she is successful, not hold her down with the illusion of perceived independence.

I also want her to become a citizen as soon as possible. To me the greatest gift we can give our foreign wives is the freedom that comes with having an American passport that allows them to travel the globe, which is something that a pinay cannot do in the Philippines.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Some good posts and advice. However, Josh I disagree with you on the finances.

I have a plan in place that my wife will be independent of me and probably make more money than me on a regular basis. I am trying to set her up with a situation that she will be successful in the long term as opposed to instant gratification in the short term. I want her to be fully capable of taking care of herself in the USA, especially if something happens to me.

Most of the pinay we meet here in the USA are working at Walmart for $8.25 an hour or some fast food job because they are content to earn money and don't know any better. Their asawa buys them an iPhone 6 and they have some spending money.

I want to push my wife up so she is successful, not hold her down with the illusion of perceived independence.

I also want her to become a citizen as soon as possible. To me the greatest gift we can give our foreign wives is the freedom that comes with having an American passport that allows them to travel the globe, which is something that a pinay cannot do in the Philippines.

Whoa!! I see a lot of "I" where is the "WE" and for sure where the HECK is the input from what your wife wants.... she isn't chattel!

How about talking with you wife on YOUR plan, then report back on HER plan... not yours.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Hank_

[Brassballs 47]

I also want her to become a citizen as soon as possible. To me the greatest gift we can give our foreign wives is the freedom that comes with having an American passport that allows them to travel the globe, which is something that a pinay cannot do in the Philippines.

Just curious as to what countries excludes recognizing a Philippine passport, but allows US passport entry?

For me the greatest gift I can give my wife is unconditional love, 'for better or worse, richer or poorer, yada yada yada'. Not a blue booklet with a face picture in it.

[The Conqueror 47]

Whoa!! I see a lot of "I" where is the "WE" and for sure where the HECK is the input from what your wife wants.... she isn't chattel!

How about talking with you wife on YOUR plan, then report back on HER plan... not yours.

Spot on!!!!

[Ted & Janine 31]

Some good posts and advice. However, Josh I disagree with you on the finances.

I have a plan in place that my wife will be independent of me and probably make more money than me on a regular basis. I am trying to set her up with a situation that she will be successful in the long term as opposed to instant gratification in the short term. I want her to be fully capable of taking care of herself in the USA, especially if something happens to me.

Most of the pinay we meet here in the USA are working at Walmart for $8.25 an hour or some fast food job because they are content to earn money and don't know any better. Their asawa buys them an iPhone 6 and they have some spending money.

I want to push my wife up so she is successful, not hold her down with the illusion of perceived independence.

I also want her to become a citizen as soon as possible. To me the greatest gift we can give our foreign wives is the freedom that comes with having an American passport that allows them to travel the globe, which is something that a pinay cannot do in the Philippines.

I noticed the same thing as "Hank_", lots of "I's". Your story made me think of "90 Day Fiance" with Nikki and Mark (for some reason). Maybe it is the separatism that you casted. But I applaud you for planning a financial future for your wife, it shows you care. Just keep in mind that she is your wife right now, and she needs to feel that way. The dollar can buy lots of things, but not love.

I really hope things work out for both of you.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Without "MY" plan, my wife's plan would be to get a MCJob like most immigrants, because she wouldn't know any better. What does your wife do for work if I may ask? I have a job lined up for my wife that starts at $14.00 per hour and goes to $18 per hour after 4 months.

So before you try to paint me as some uncaring, dictator husband, realize that just because my ideas are not the same as yours doesn't make them wrong. Some people in this forum seem to have preconceived notions as to how things should be and like to call people out that have different standards, ideas, opinions etc.

My wife's plan is to go back to the Philippines because she was too impatient to wait 83 days for her EAD to get here. We have the combo card in hand and no rfe's throughout the process so far.

The post referring to me thinking she is chattel is highly inflammatory, insulting and unwarranted. Everyone who meets my wife tells her how lucky she is and how nice I am. So for all the people who want to play Dr. Phil and paint me as some loser, controlling petitioner, you, the horse you rode in on and the cavalry behind you, you can fill in the next statement

[Joshua@Tinz 52]

Some good posts and advice. However, Josh I disagree with you on the finances.

I have a plan in place that my wife will be independent of me and probably make more money than me on a regular basis. I am trying to set her up with a situation that she will be successful in the long term as opposed to instant gratification in the short term. I want her to be fully capable of taking care of herself in the USA, especially if something happens to me.

Most of the pinay we meet here in the USA are working at Walmart for $8.25 an hour or some fast food job because they are content to earn money and don't know any better. Their asawa buys them an iPhone 6 and they have some spending money.

I want to push my wife up so she is successful, not hold her down with the illusion of perceived independence.

I also want her to become a citizen as soon as possible. To me the greatest gift we can give our foreign wives is the freedom that comes with having an American passport that allows them to travel the globe, which is something that a pinay cannot do in the Philippines.

I fail to see where I said anything about NOT having a financial plan, you also contradicted yourself and your earlier posts by telling us what "most" pinay do here for money. I said she should be "involved" enough in your finances to know what you can and cannot afford. It is fine that you have a plan for a 25 year old woman, but remember when you were 25? did you have a plan? would you have listened to any plan forced upon you? I think you may need to re-read my post and you may find some useful insight, you may not, but one thing is certain.

You set the tone for this and your entire relationship with the title of your post, REGRET. She feels that regret as well, its up to you to fix it, disagree with me until your blue in the face, arrogance will not make your wife happy again.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Without "MY" plan, my wife's plan would be to get a MCJob like most immigrants, because she wouldn't know any better. What does your wife do for work if I may ask? I have a job lined up for my wife that starts at $14.00 per hour and goes to $18 per hour after 4 months.

So before you try to paint me as some uncaring, dictator husband, realize that just because my ideas are not the same as yours doesn't make them wrong. Some people in this forum seem to have preconceived notions as to how things should be and like to call people out that have different standards, ideas, opinions etc.

My wife's plan is to go back to the Philippines because she was too impatient to wait 83 days for her EAD to get here. We have the combo card in hand and no rfe's throughout the process so far.

The post referring to me thinking she is chattel is highly inflammatory, insulting and unwarranted. Everyone who meets my wife tells her how lucky she is and how nice I am. So for all the people who want to play Dr. Phil and paint me as some loser, controlling petitioner, you, the horse you rode in on and the cavalry behind you, you can fill in the next statement

Until you acknowledge that "MY" only works when follows by - wife and I talked and WE have a plan.

You are totally missing it.

[Joshua@Tinz 52]

Until you acknowledge that "MY" only works when follows by - wife and I talked and WE have a plan.

You are totally missing it.

The point he fails to see is exactly the problem, agreed Hank

[The Conqueror 47]

Without "MY" plan, my wife's plan would be to get a MCJob like most immigrants, because she wouldn't know any better. What does your wife do for work if I may ask? I have a job lined up for my wife that starts at $14.00 per hour and goes to $18 per hour after 4 months.

So before you try to paint me as some uncaring, dictator husband, realize that just because my ideas are not the same as yours doesn't make them wrong. Some people in this forum seem to have preconceived notions as to how things should be and like to call people out that have different standards, ideas, opinions etc.

My wife's plan is to go back to the Philippines because she was too impatient to wait 83 days for her EAD to get here. We have the combo card in hand and no rfe's throughout the process so far.

The post referring to me thinking she is chattel is highly inflammatory, insulting and unwarranted. Everyone who meets my wife tells her how lucky she is and how nice I am. So for all the people who want to play Dr. Phil and paint me as some loser, controlling petitioner, you, the horse you rode in on and the cavalry behind you, you can fill in the next statement

You totally scared the hell out of me with your "RESPONSE". I don't see any compassion in your response. If this how you communicate with us, I'm guessing this is also how you communicate with your wife. No wonder she don't appreciate you.

If I were you let her work at MCjob that you think it's a degrading work for immigrants. Let her decide for herself while she is adjusting. She don't appreciate your effort because it is too much for her to handle as of the moment.

You do have a good plan for her. I commend you for that. But the way you write comments here……….. It is out of question……..maybe you are a nice guy… but a nice guy won't even talk that way. Think first because you go ballistic with your response.

Why would you post your concern here if there's not a hint of appreciation in your part with our comments.

Maybe your wife just reciprocate how you treat her. Think it over.

Edited February 3, 2016 by dahlia0811

[jam2016 10]

I would divorce her and get her start packing.

Meanwhile, I will order a bunch of Thank you cards and prepared to get married when the first wife is gone.

Just Kidding...you know you married to a person that needs to be taught about the life in the U.S.A...

Here, we earn...We don't get nothing free (well, I know it's not true)....

Teach her, tell her, explain to her and get her up to speed slowly.

If you wants appreciation, you need to think hard and recall why you get married with her in the first place.

Good Luck to you and your Marriage. Hope you can save it.

And Hope you get better from Shingles too. I wouldn't know that pain but I heard it is very bad so save yourself from the misery and don't think too negative.

Keep your chin up, man!

Edited February 3, 2016 by jam2016

[Joshua@Tinz 52]

I'm sorry I have this problem, it probably stems from being an Engineer. People seem stupid to me sometimes, it is easy for me to envision them as ants going about their business and not paying attention to whats going on around them. It is a less desirable trait and I do try to control it most times, however this is not one of them. You do realize that 14 bucks an hour is less then many fast food....I'm sorry...MCjob workers get now right? and if you think $18 an hour is a "plan" lol I have news for you buddy.....you are in your mid 40s and married a 25 year old woman, work it out, if not divorce her so she can get on with her life while she is still young, but above all don't go on a social site and blast everyone's advice after you aired your dirty laundry, we didn't ask about your business, you put it out there.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Joshua@Tinz