Regret marrying k1 pinay

[Hank_ 9,174]

Well stated!

[Boiler 45,853]

Has anyone experienced an ungrateful pinay, k1 wife?

They get mentioned on here.,

[Lee&Ana 88]

Why do anything for anyone if they aren't going to appreciate it? What makes people go to work? Because they need money. If there is no motivation to do something, then why do it?

Appreciation is showing someone you care or a simple thank you or a cup of coffee. Or being sympathetic towards your spouse when he has shingles, which is the worst pain I have ever experienced. It is just as bad as the motorcycle accident I had back in 2003.

And you can only ring the bell of leaving friends and family etc. so many times before you cannot ring it anymore.

My wife worked as a dental assistant, having obtained a 4 year college degree, for the measly sum of 4000 pesos which is about $94 a month. That includes overtime and sometimes 7 days a week without overtime.

She rented a room the size of my bathroom(I live in a 1 bedroom apt). No tv, Internet, phone, microwave etc. She lived 7 and a half hours away from her family, which is in pangasinan. I had to give her money to go see them during the holidays of 2014.

She didn't pay not one peso or dollar towards anything. I had to buy her passport, luggage to come here, everything. Additionally, I am paying for her younger sister to go to college who I have only met on skype, because her family doesn't have the money.

My wife didn't even know what her real birthday was until I took her to the NSO to get her birth certificate for the k1 process. Picture going through your life and your mother told you that your birthday was 2 months earlier than it was.

So I don't want to hear about what she gave up to come here. Believe me, if what they had was so great, there would be no way they would travel 8,000 miles to come here.

I am her and her sisters' benefactor no matter what way you slice it. Her family isn't doing diddly squat for her. She was on her own at 15 when she graduated high school. She maybe went home to see them twice a year.

I gave up everything I wanted to do for a year and a half to give her a better opportunity.

Additionally, I live in Las Vegas where there is a sizable pinoy community. But, there are a lot of bad influences here. This city chews up and spits out grown American adults like they were nothing with the gambling, drinking etc.

An example of this: I have a work friend who got involved with a pinay here. She came to the USA 7 years ago on a k1. She divorced the petitioner. He allegedly physically abused her. She didn't file for VAWA. The government gave her a one year extension to remove conditions. She never did. So 4 years later, she has no job, money, car, status, license etc. She is with my friend only so she can stay in the USA. She uses and abuses this guy, but he is happy to have a girlfriend so he takes the abuse.

She drinks, gambled and smokes, which a good pinay would never do in their country.

This is the woman my wife was hanging out with and giving my wife advice, which because they are both pinay, they listen to each other like it is the gospel, rather than me. Eventually, I put a stop to it but I had to be cautious because I am/were friends with the guy and we work together.

Most Filipinos in Vegas gamble and drink like there is no tomorrow. They are one day millionaires. Now to be fair, it isn't just Filipinos, it is 90% of the population here that do this. However, I only mentioned Filipinos due to the fact of they follow each other's advice no matter what.

Granted, I have been overprotective of her because I want her to be successful and productive in her new life.

The way it stands now, I want to protect myself financially, physically and emotionally from the fallout of her getting AOS and having the upper hand. If I cut bait now and she doesn't get the 2 year greencard, she can go home and I can chalk the whole experience up to a lesson. But if she stays, adjusts status, she will gain rights that can potentially be disastrous for me.

When we go out in public and I see a Filipino, I try to get my wife to talk to them and maybe make a new friend, but she resists. She doesn't want to talk to anyone over 30 because they are old or she doesn't want to be bothered.

As far as my sickness, there is no sympathy or compassion. 20 years from now if I become ill, I do not see her as being the type to take care of me. The outlook is I will be stuck and responsible for an ice cold, unsympathetic woman who will take me to the cleaners. All the love and companionship isn't worth it in my opinion

[Boiler 45,853]

Divorce and move on.

[Ted & Janine 31]

Why do anything for anyone if they aren't going to appreciate it?

Because she is your wife.

Otherwise... what "Boiler" said.

I think that "Amy & Randy" are spot on and were offering constructive criticism. In fact, that opened my eyes. Of course there is such thing as having the wrong friends, the wrong influence.

I used to work in a hospital and there were three young ladies working there, all from Philippines, and all married to American men. They told me that they did not realize that they would be living in isolation. No friends, no family, and a husband that was at work 40 to 60 hours a week. All they could remember was being at home alone. One of them told me that she understands how lions and tigers taken out of the wild and caged feel. Of course life improved for them once they began working... and now they are happy.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not throwing her or you under the bus. But... we are only getting your side of the coin.

[amberammo9915 19]

Why do anything for anyone if they aren't going to appreciate it? What makes people go to work? Because they need money. If there is no motivation to do something, then why do it?

Appreciation is showing someone you care or a simple thank you or a cup of coffee. Or being sympathetic towards your spouse when he has shingles, which is the worst pain I have ever experienced. It is just as bad as the motorcycle accident I had back in 2003.

And you can only ring the bell of leaving friends and family etc. so many times before you cannot ring it anymore.

My wife worked as a dental assistant, having obtained a 4 year college degree, for the measly sum of 4000 pesos which is about $94 a month. That includes overtime and sometimes 7 days a week without overtime.

She rented a room the size of my bathroom(I live in a 1 bedroom apt). No tv, Internet, phone, microwave etc. She lived 7 and a half hours away from her family, which is in pangasinan. I had to give her money to go see them during the holidays of 2014.

She didn't pay not one peso or dollar towards anything. I had to buy her passport, luggage to come here, everything. Additionally, I am paying for her younger sister to go to college who I have only met on skype, because her family doesn't have the money.

My wife didn't even know what her real birthday was until I took her to the NSO to get her birth certificate for the k1 process. Picture going through your life and your mother told you that your birthday was 2 months earlier than it was.

So I don't want to hear about what she gave up to come here. Believe me, if what they had was so great, there would be no way they would travel 8,000 miles to come here.

I am her and her sisters' benefactor no matter what way you slice it. Her family isn't doing diddly squat for her. She was on her own at 15 when she graduated high school. She maybe went home to see them twice a year.

I gave up everything I wanted to do for a year and a half to give her a better opportunity.

Additionally, I live in Las Vegas where there is a sizable pinoy community. But, there are a lot of bad influences here. This city chews up and spits out grown American adults like they were nothing with the gambling, drinking etc.

An example of this: I have a work friend who got involved with a pinay here. She came to the USA 7 years ago on a k1. She divorced the petitioner. He allegedly physically abused her. She didn't file for VAWA. The government gave her a one year extension to remove conditions. She never did. So 4 years later, she has no job, money, car, status, license etc. She is with my friend only so she can stay in the USA. She uses and abuses this guy, but he is happy to have a girlfriend so he takes the abuse.

She drinks, gambled and smokes, which a good pinay would never do in their country.

This is the woman my wife was hanging out with and giving my wife advice, which because they are both pinay, they listen to each other like it is the gospel, rather than me. Eventually, I put a stop to it but I had to be cautious because I am/were friends with the guy and we work together.

Most Filipinos in Vegas gamble and drink like there is no tomorrow. They are one day millionaires. Now to be fair, it isn't just Filipinos, it is 90% of the population here that do this. However, I only mentioned Filipinos due to the fact of they follow each other's advice no matter what.

Granted, I have been overprotective of her because I want her to be successful and productive in her new life.

The way it stands now, I want to protect myself financially, physically and emotionally from the fallout of her getting AOS and having the upper hand. If I cut bait now and she doesn't get the 2 year greencard, she can go home and I can chalk the whole experience up to a lesson. But if she stays, adjusts status, she will gain rights that can potentially be disastrous for me.

When we go out in public and I see a Filipino, I try to get my wife to talk to them and maybe make a new friend, but she resists. She doesn't want to talk to anyone over 30 because they are old or she doesn't want to be bothered.

As far as my sickness, there is no sympathy or compassion. 20 years from now if I become ill, I do not see her as being the type to take care of me. The outlook is I will be stuck and responsible for an ice cold, unsympathetic woman who will take me to the cleaners. All the love and companionship isn't worth it in my opinion

I tried to resist not meddling here but I am a Filipina or Pinay and your statement is trying to generalize US. Let me share with you my favorite Bible verse. I am lucky to have a respectful and loving relationship with my American husband which meets every detail of this. We all have our share of failed relationships because sometimes we expect too much and count every detail of what we do for our partner and expect something in return. I am sorry that you are unhappy but please look also into yourself and analyze what went wrong. She must have deserved your attention when you wooed her to be with you.

1 Corinthians 12 1 Corinthians13:4-7NLT1 Corinthians 14

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

[clairegie 265]

I think its loneliness and a lot of adjusting masking as ungratefulness. You are now married to this " stubborn, immature province girl" and the best you can do now is work on how you two communicate. For you, she didn't leave much in the Philippines since her family didn't really care for her. But for her, she left behind the comfort of the familiar. All the things you said about doing everything to make her comfortable, they get boring after a while. I'm sorry to hear you feel she doesn't appreciate you and doesn't care that you're in pain. She is going through a lot, just like you. She's adjusting to a different culture, adjusting to married life, etc. That doesn't excuse her for not giving you the proper care and love that you deserve of course.

"She complains that she is stuck in the house without work for 8 months. " All that time in the house without anything to do gave her time to think about what she is missing back home (it may not be much, but again, she misses the familiarity of it all). She needs time to adjust to the new culture and that doesn't happen fast. Took me almost 2 years, I think.

I used to feel everything she is feeling now. You know what made me change my attitude? I visited the Philippines again and saw how good I have it now here in the States. Get her to start working, help her develop hobbies, anything to take her mind off negative stuff. See if things get better once she finds better use of her time. You wanted to be married to her. It's time to follow through on your marriage vows.

Edited February 1, 2016 by iammrsregie

[Transborderwife 4,666]

You brought her here, you should have the decency to pay to send her back if she so desires. She just sounds homesick to me.

[Lee&Ana 88]

You brought her here, you should have the decency to pay to send her back if she so desires. She just sounds homesick to me.

What is wrong with her earninf her own money to take a trip back to the Philippines?

I think its loneliness and a lot of adjusting masking as ungratefulness. You are now married to this " stubborn, immature province girl" and the best you can do now is work on how you two communicate. For you, she didn't leave much in the Philippines since her family didn't really care for her. But for her, she left behind the comfort of the familiar. All the things you said about doing everything to make her comfortable, they get boring after a while. I'm sorry to hear you feel she doesn't appreciate you and doesn't care that you're in pain. She is going through a lot, just like you. She's adjusting to a different culture, adjusting to married life, etc. That doesn't excuse her for not giving you the proper care and love that you deserve of course.

"She complains that she is stuck in the house without work for 8 months. " All that time in the house without anything to do gave her time to think about what she is missing back home (it may not be much, but again, she misses the familiarity of it all). She needs time to adjust to the new culture and that doesn't happen fast. Took me almost 2 years, I think.

I used to feel everything she is feeling now. You know what made me change my attitude? I visited the Philippines again and saw how good I have it now here in the States. Get her to start working, help her develop hobbies, anything to take her mind off negative stuff. See if things get better once she finds better use of her time. You wanted to be married to her. It's time to follow through on your marriage vows.

Good advice. But she also has marriage vows to follow through on. I have followed through with my vows.

I tried to resist not meddling here but I am a Filipina or Pinay and your statement is trying to generalize US. Let me share with you my favorite Bible verse. I am lucky to have a respectful and loving relationship with my American husband which meets every detail of this. We all have our share of failed relationships because sometimes we expect too much and count every detail of what we do for our partner and expect something in return. I am sorry that you are unhappy but please look also into yourself and analyze what went wrong. She must have deserved your attention when you wooed her to be with you.

1 Corinthians 12

1 Corinthians13:4-7NLT

1 Corinthians 14

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Interesting point of view

Interesting point

[Eric&Tasha 5]

Why do anything for anyone if they aren't going to appreciate it? What makes people go to work? Because they need money. If there is no motivation to do something, then why do it?

Appreciation is showing someone you care or a simple thank you or a cup of coffee. Or being sympathetic towards your spouse when he has shingles, which is the worst pain I have ever experienced. It is just as bad as the motorcycle accident I had back in 2003.

And you can only ring the bell of leaving friends and family etc. so many times before you cannot ring it anymore.

My wife worked as a dental assistant, having obtained a 4 year college degree, for the measly sum of 4000 pesos which is about $94 a month. That includes overtime and sometimes 7 days a week without overtime.

She rented a room the size of my bathroom(I live in a 1 bedroom apt). No tv, Internet, phone, microwave etc. She lived 7 and a half hours away from her family, which is in pangasinan. I had to give her money to go see them during the holidays of 2014.

She didn't pay not one peso or dollar towards anything. I had to buy her passport, luggage to come here, everything. Additionally, I am paying for her younger sister to go to college who I have only met on skype, because her family doesn't have the money.

My wife didn't even know what her real birthday was until I took her to the NSO to get her birth certificate for the k1 process. Picture going through your life and your mother told you that your birthday was 2 months earlier than it was.

So I don't want to hear about what she gave up to come here. Believe me, if what they had was so great, there would be no way they would travel 8,000 miles to come here.

I am her and her sisters' benefactor no matter what way you slice it. Her family isn't doing diddly squat for her. She was on her own at 15 when she graduated high school. She maybe went home to see them twice a year.

I gave up everything I wanted to do for a year and a half to give her a better opportunity.

Additionally, I live in Las Vegas where there is a sizable pinoy community. But, there are a lot of bad influences here. This city chews up and spits out grown American adults like they were nothing with the gambling, drinking etc.

An example of this: I have a work friend who got involved with a pinay here. She came to the USA 7 years ago on a k1. She divorced the petitioner. He allegedly physically abused her. She didn't file for VAWA. The government gave her a one year extension to remove conditions. She never did. So 4 years later, she has no job, money, car, status, license etc. She is with my friend only so she can stay in the USA. She uses and abuses this guy, but he is happy to have a girlfriend so he takes the abuse.

She drinks, gambled and smokes, which a good pinay would never do in their country.

This is the woman my wife was hanging out with and giving my wife advice, which because they are both pinay, they listen to each other like it is the gospel, rather than me. Eventually, I put a stop to it but I had to be cautious because I am/were friends with the guy and we work together.

Most Filipinos in Vegas gamble and drink like there is no tomorrow. They are one day millionaires. Now to be fair, it isn't just Filipinos, it is 90% of the population here that do this. However, I only mentioned Filipinos due to the fact of they follow each other's advice no matter what.

Granted, I have been overprotective of her because I want her to be successful and productive in her new life.

The way it stands now, I want to protect myself financially, physically and emotionally from the fallout of her getting AOS and having the upper hand. If I cut bait now and she doesn't get the 2 year greencard, she can go home and I can chalk the whole experience up to a lesson. But if she stays, adjusts status, she will gain rights that can potentially be disastrous for me.

When we go out in public and I see a Filipino, I try to get my wife to talk to them and maybe make a new friend, but she resists. She doesn't want to talk to anyone over 30 because they are old or she doesn't want to be bothered.

As far as my sickness, there is no sympathy or compassion. 20 years from now if I become ill, I do not see her as being the type to take care of me. The outlook is I will be stuck and responsible for an ice cold, unsympathetic woman who will take me to the cleaners. All the love and companionship isn't worth it in my opinion

Divorce her. She doesn't love you. Loving is caring, specially when your husband / wife is in pain.

Tasha

[tyler007 26]

Ok Lee, I may have missed it if it was mentioned earlier but what is your age gap?

I realize many Americans marry girls from the Philippines much younger than themselves and sometimes it works but sometimes it does not.

Do the two of you have anything in common?

Tyler

Edited February 2, 2016 by tyler007

[Lee&Ana 88]

Ok Lee, I may have missed it if it was mentioned earlier but what is your age gap?

I realize many Americans marry girls from the Philippines much younger than themselves and sometimes it works but sometimes it does not.

Do the two of you have anything in common?

Tyler

I am 43 and she is 25

[The Conqueror 47]

I am 43 and she is 25

It makes sense, an inexperience province girl who dreamed of an "American Dream". No exposure about what really life here in America. Maybe it was her first time to go out of the country.

I'm a Filipina too. I told my husband not all Filipina are ready to face life here in America. Most of Filipinos are very dependent to their close relatives. She's having a culture shock that's why she is listening more to her pinay friend because she can express herself more. And if you still have a little love in your heart, be more patience and put yourself in her shoes. I admit we Filipinas are stubborn, but with your big heart, you guys will overcome this. You're newly married and I "think" this is normal? Adjustment period.

That's why relationship is knowing each others differences and trying to adjust to them. Not totally accepting them but looking for a way to compromise. But there's a difference of a good pinay without bad habits like smoking, gambling or drinking. That's common mistake Amercians does, they overlooked those. I myself made sure my Amercan husband don't smoke and doesn't have other bad habits.

About "Silent Treatment", my husband experienced this too. Because I'm so frustrated that sometimes it's better to shut up rather than talk and say things that later I regret. But he compromised, he tried to understand what makes me upset and try to avoid those. And later I realize he doesn't deserve such treatment and I tried so hard to be vocal about my feelings. Now we are more than 2 years married and happy. There's still some misunderstanding and miscommunications but I learned to talk about it because he "MADE" it easy for me to do it. That's very important! No matter how bad you feel about your wife behavior, you should be more sensitive about her feelings. You are adjusting too, just too bad your wife now is not on the same page.

But if you think you don't have "PATIENCE" left. You know what to decide. No one will dictate or tell you what to do….. it's up to you...

Good luck!

Cheers!

[Hank_ 9,174]

Good advice Dahlia!

(Say Hi to Curt from me)

[tyler007 26]

I am 43 and she is 25

Not a huge age gap at all.

Hope you two can work it out.

You both went through a lot to be together as we all know the process here.

Keep talking with her.

Ask her what she wants and how you can help.

Tell her your needs and expectations as well.

Tyler