Here we go Again,Wife seding money to Ph.When we dont have it Now

[mawilson 2,133]

You don't have to send thousands of dollars a month...$100 goes a long way in a place like the Philippines.

I agree. $100 / month sounds reasonable but I'm guessing the OP's wife sends more than that?

FWIW, even $50 / month would get you a lot more than "breadcrumbs".

[Dr_LHA 3]

in some cultures, you marry the whole family, brother.

Do you get to have sex with the whole family?

If the relationship you have with your wife is all about sex, then perhaps you should rethink the reasons why you married her in the first place. She more than likely didn't leave her family only to have sex with you in the guise of marriage. If you don't at least extend an offer to help her family in the event of a legitimate, real need, what if your wife were to cut off sex from you? You don't have to send thousands of dollars a month...$100 goes a long way in a place like the Philippines.

I have nothing to add to this discussion other than saying that this comment is marvellous. Talk about overreaction to mawilson's flip comment. I laughed.

[Fandango 1,440]

Helping is all well and good, but not when you don't have it to give. That's just crazy.

If my fiancée, Jacki, came from a poor family with many young mouths to feed still, I would look at the situation like this: We would be living in a nice new house here, as I am living alone in right now, with a new car, and a semi-fair job to pay all of our bills. There in the Philippines, the situation could be a family, in abject poverty, with little money coming in (think $10/day), who live in a cardboard box on the streets, in unsanitary conditions, no airconditioning, no refrigerator, no toilet, no medical care, few if any nice clothes (talking about general tshirts, shorts, shoes here...not suits and dress shirts/pants), etc., and a possible diet of leftovers (from more fortunate folks) or long spoiled fruits to be shared between two parents and three to eight children. This is not the situation with Jacki's family, by a long shot, but it very well could be with any other Filipino fiancée or wife's family. Just think about it. We here in America live like kings, even if we think we are poor or are barely making ends meet. Next time you want to chew out your wife for a desire to send family to a family who may very well need the money more than you do, think about that. Go without Aircon for a month...it's cooler in most parts of USA in summer than it is in Philippines, trust me!!! Just be open to communication and be open to compromise. Maybe one day her family may thank you in ways that you never dreamed possible.

David

ya but LisaD is talkin about when you can actually afford to help the SO's relatives... sure if u have some extra cash yea why not.. but when there's barely enough money to pay bills, rent, mortgage, whatever, are you gonna sacrifice a whole week's meals, or something like that, in order to send money to ur SO's country?

My statements apply to LisaD's post, too. As I stated, we live and eat like kings, if you really think about it. We have every restaurant imaginable, and most will fit within our price range, even a good romantic dinner for two out at your fancy steakhouse, or whatever, once or twice a week. That doesn't break the budget... BUT, think about his or her family in the country where they came from. They might be spending ALL that they've got just to feed the parents and two or more young children BREAD CRUMBS...if their family is in need of money to help put decent food on the table, I would not be the one to say no just because I wanted filet mignon at my favorite steak restaurant and she eats a big lobster tail or crab legs or whatever on Friday night. I'm glad my fiancee's family is not poor, but if there was a pressing and legitimate need, I would not want to lose her loyalty to me, her husband, because I/we are selfish and want to live it up here in the USA. Family is very important, especially in the Philippines. It used to be important in America in the days gone by, but now family is just about as gone as most other good old time traditions. And no, I'm not over 60 and being an old timey person...I'm 25, and I believe in family still.

Imagine if the situation were reversed. You are engaged or married to an American and you know what you used to live in, you know what you used to eat, and you get reports from time to time about a food shortage in the family, or a parent is sick and in need of medical care, but can't get any because there is no money left. What would you want to do? You're miles away from them now, married to an American, and perhaps your family used to depend upon you for some of their income. Now what do you do, knowing how you are living now and how your own flesh and blood is living where you used to live. Would you ask your American husband/wife if you could cut back on some things like fancy dinners or a super-cooled air-conditioned house for a few weeks so you can send a little bit of money to your family? Or would you ignore your own family, who raised you from birth till you left to be with your wife/husband?

I hate to sound like an old Sally Struthers commerical from TV, but the person you married very well could have come from similar conditions that you see in those "Help the Needy" ads...perhaps you ignored the ads before, when all you were asked to do was give 30 cents per day. Now you're married to someone who's family came from or lives in similar conditions...does not even her family mean anything to you now???? Think about it...

#1 - you don't know the OP's situation. You don't know what his budget is, how he eats. Yet you're assuming he's going out for steak every night.

#2 - you're assuming the OP's inlaws are feeding imaginary children bread crumbs.

How about learning more about the situation before you judge it as 'selfish'

[Bobbie 1]

My wife's sister in Montana has had a job for 20 years so that she can earn money to send to her family in the PI. My wife told me when she gets here she'll agree that we will pay all of our own bills before she'll send any money to her family back home. But she's been taking care of them for most of her life, I expect her to be doing much like your wife keeps doing. Not much we can do about it, it's their way of life to help family.

Hey I'm from Montana originally. Your wifes sister must really love him to live in the snow! But it is beautiful, I would be there anyday, if the money was easier to obtain there.

Bobbie

[belize 0]

My husband came from a "poor" family, financially, but they always had food and shelter. As the US citizen, I want to give just as much as he does, so we have no problems with this, even when I was the only one working 6 or 7 days a week and knew what it meant to work hard to earn that money.

So now for Christmas and birthdays we send some money down. However, instead of money, we focus more on sending down high-quality gifts and also visiting as much as we can. For example, this time we are bringing down like 20 pairs of name-brand well-made shoes for friends and families, things that will last and that are too expensive to buy when they are imported there. We take care of other expenses, for example, like buying all the school supplies for our nephew who is about to start preschool and buying dresses for my sister-in-laws school graduation.

[belize 0]

My husband came from a "poor" family, financially, but they always had food and shelter. As the US citizen, I want to give just as much as he does, so we have no problems with this, even when I was the only one working 6 or 7 days a week and knew what it meant to work hard to earn that money.

So now for Christmas and birthdays we send some money down. However, instead of money, we focus more on sending down high-quality gifts and also visiting as much as we can. For example, this time we are bringing down like 20 pairs of name-brand well-made shoes for friends and families, things that will last and that are too expensive to buy when they are imported there. We take care of other expenses, for example, like buying all the school supplies for our nephew who is about to start preschool and buying dresses for my sister-in-laws school graduation.

We send things that are meaningful and needed in the area...when we go down in June we have lots of toothbrushes and things for the kids and school workbooks and such. I grew up in a Jewish home very focused on charity and to my husband and I, this form of giving is a part of life. We make a great living, even on my wage--why? because we don't buy #######! we don't go shopping for the sake of shopping, we eat out ONCE a month (if that) and home cook everything, we don't own gym memberships (we play soccer for free), we don't own a TV, we use the library for internet access, we own one old car between the two of us, etc....

Whatever my family in belize needs, potentially we can provide, especially if it is something more serious like medical. However, I married into a family who does not take advantage of this. For example, some of the money we have sent helped my sister finish a nursing degree, so she will now go on to be a nurse working at the top hospital and making her own wage--that, to us, is sustainable.

[carrob 0]

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.

Teach him to fish, you feed him for life."

Why don't you just lend them some money to start a small business with? If they fail twice, tell them there's nothing more you can do about it

[carrob 0]

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.

Teach him to fish, you feed him for life."

Why don't you just lend them some money to start a small business with? If they fail twice, tell them there's nothing more you can do about it . What do you know, if they'd succeed, they might be the ones sending your wife money in the future.

Luckily it's the other way around for me. My family never expects me to send them money as they are better off than me. Constant communication is what is important to them.

[mawilson 2,133]

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.

Teach a man how to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks"

[Dan J 277]

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.

Teach a man how to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks"

Teach a man how to use the Internet and he will play online games for weeks

[Almi and Randy 0]

I know this has come up before But my wife keeps sending money(zoom) to ph and we dont have enough right now!Can anyone understand where im coming from?

Hello born in a barn,

May i know much money does your wife send to her family? Hope you won't mind my question.

Please take note that Filipinos extend help to the members of the family. It is part of our way of life. It is morally wrong for us to neglect the members of the family who are in dire need.

In your case, sending money to her family causes you financial burden. Please try to discuss this issue with your wife and come up with a win-win solution to the problem.

Maybe you can make an agreement that she will work extra hour or skip dinner in a restaurant during weekend and save the amount. A little sacrifice so that she can send money back to her family.

Later, if yoru finances is stable, you can loan her family so that they can start a small business.

Almi

[Ban Hammer 13,659]

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.

Teach him to fish, you feed him for life." won't see him for weeks on end

there, much better now

[chas3121 0]

My wife comes from a large family but they all have jobs and none of them need any thing from each other and she has already said that she will not send money over to them since most of them are better off then her. So I guess I'm lucky in that part.

[BJZags 17]

Don't be like me, if you can't do it. I am a very high standard person, with high expectations for myself. If you cannot withstand sacrifices like I do, then do whatever you can. I have a PH.D in Engineering, and I know how to take care of my own body since I also have some minor background in genetic engineering in the past. Please, whatever you do...do not try to be like me!

Once again, it is evident that higher education does NOT include common sense!

I think, as others have posted, the biggest problem associated with this "debate" is that both sides cannot comprehend the scale of the two economies, and as such, the realities of life in each place. Living month-to-month or handout-to-handout is fine in the Phil. if you have a family to support you. But in America, this family to support you in your "retiring" years often does NOT exist. Teaching a new spouse from the Phil. (or similar country) the importance of saving for the future can be a difficult lesson.