Here we go Again,Wife seding money to Ph.When we dont have it Now

[Niels Bohr 72]

Don't be like me, if you can't do it. I am a very high standard person, with high expectations for myself. If you cannot withstand sacrifices like I do, then do whatever you can. I have a PH.D in Engineering, and I know how to take care of my own body since I also have some minor background in genetic engineering in the past. Please, whatever you do...do not try to be like me!

[Caladan 19]

The OP hasn't said whether the money she sent is going for rent and basics or was going to be used to buy extras and more frivolous things.

But either way, the wife isn't just an interchangeable part. She's not going to give up all of her family connections, her worries about her parents and her brothers and sisters just out of gratitude to you (I mean, really, you married a person who's nice and kind. Presumably one of those reasons she's nice and kind is due to her caring for her family.) You marry a family, not just a person, and anyone who thinks otherwise really needs to talk to their in-laws.

Still, you need to talk to her about a budget that you can both deal with. A little U.S. dollars goes a long way. But an attitude of "you are here, I am your husband, screw your family" isn't going to make anyone happy.

[tweety 1]

As far as I could read from the above posts, many of the US citizens facing this problem are close to their retirement age. May-be it would help if you would discuss the differences in retirement founds/resources here in the US to the Philippines. Also point out that while she is providing for her family, there won't be anyone providing for you if the resources are depleted. Explain to her the importance of having adequate savings here in the US.

A good husband-wife talk should go a long way. If tradition asks for it, agree on an adequate monthly amount - make sure the amount is affordable. If she wants to spend more than you can afford - tell her to get a job for the excess money she plans on sending.

Money is known to be a make or break point for relationships. Don't let it break yours.

Edited March 15, 2007 by tweety

[almaty 19]

How did your wife's family manage to survive in the Philippines before your wife was able to send them money?

Good question! Claudeth's dad was a salesman selling tools but the owner decided, after 20 years, that there wasn't any money in it any longer so closed shop. Her dad never did look for another job, they had me.......and now that she is here and working...they have her

in some cultures, you marry the whole family, brother..i hope this works out for you and my sister claudeth...i know she is a level-headed young lady and caring for her family, but also, caring for you...i think in 4 years, maybe there will be some changes for her family in the PIs...and this lessen your and her's financial role ..your friend and brother..dean

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

when I lived in Hong Kong my Filipina maid (my company paid for my accomodation with maid service provided, I am not lazy) used to send money home -- I was shocked to learn that she was only making about $350 US a month (and honkers ain't cheap) yet she still sent most of this home. I was pretty amazed my her selflessness but it is part of the culture and what you marry into when you marry someone from Ph I would imagine.

[mawilson 2,133]

in some cultures, you marry the whole family, brother.

Do you get to have sex with the whole family?

[dj1206 0]

Helping is all well and good, but not when you don't have it to give. That's just crazy.

If my fiancée, Jacki, came from a poor family with many young mouths to feed still, I would look at the situation like this: We would be living in a nice new house here, as I am living alone in right now, with a new car, and a semi-fair job to pay all of our bills. There in the Philippines, the situation could be a family, in abject poverty, with little money coming in (think $10/day), who live in a cardboard box on the streets, in unsanitary conditions, no airconditioning, no refrigerator, no toilet, no medical care, few if any nice clothes (talking about general tshirts, shorts, shoes here...not suits and dress shirts/pants), etc., and a possible diet of leftovers (from more fortunate folks) or long spoiled fruits to be shared between two parents and three to eight children. This is not the situation with Jacki's family, by a long shot, but it very well could be with any other Filipino fiancée or wife's family. Just think about it. We here in America live like kings, even if we think we are poor or are barely making ends meet. Next time you want to chew out your wife for a desire to send family to a family who may very well need the money more than you do, think about that. Go without Aircon for a month...it's cooler in most parts of USA in summer than it is in Philippines, trust me!!! Just be open to communication and be open to compromise. Maybe one day her family may thank you in ways that you never dreamed possible.

David

ya but LisaD is talkin about when you can actually afford to help the SO's relatives... sure if u have some extra cash yea why not.. but when there's barely enough money to pay bills, rent, mortgage, whatever, are you gonna sacrifice a whole week's meals, or something like that, in order to send money to ur SO's country?

My statements apply to LisaD's post, too. As I stated, we live and eat like kings, if you really think about it. We have every restaurant imaginable, and most will fit within our price range, even a good romantic dinner for two out at your fancy steakhouse, or whatever, once or twice a week. That doesn't break the budget... BUT, think about his or her family in the country where they came from. They might be spending ALL that they've got just to feed the parents and two or more young children BREAD CRUMBS...if their family is in need of money to help put decent food on the table, I would not be the one to say no just because I wanted filet mignon at my favorite steak restaurant and she eats a big lobster tail or crab legs or whatever on Friday night. I'm glad my fiancee's family is not poor, but if there was a pressing and legitimate need, I would not want to lose her loyalty to me, her husband, because I/we are selfish and want to live it up here in the USA. Family is very important, especially in the Philippines. It used to be important in America in the days gone by, but now family is just about as gone as most other good old time traditions. And no, I'm not over 60 and being an old timey person...I'm 25, and I believe in family still.

Imagine if the situation were reversed. You are engaged or married to an American and you know what you used to live in, you know what you used to eat, and you get reports from time to time about a food shortage in the family, or a parent is sick and in need of medical care, but can't get any because there is no money left. What would you want to do? You're miles away from them now, married to an American, and perhaps your family used to depend upon you for some of their income. Now what do you do, knowing how you are living now and how your own flesh and blood is living where you used to live. Would you ask your American husband/wife if you could cut back on some things like fancy dinners or a super-cooled air-conditioned house for a few weeks so you can send a little bit of money to your family? Or would you ignore your own family, who raised you from birth till you left to be with your wife/husband?

I hate to sound like an old Sally Struthers commerical from TV, but the person you married very well could have come from similar conditions that you see in those "Help the Needy" ads...perhaps you ignored the ads before, when all you were asked to do was give 30 cents per day. Now you're married to someone who's family came from or lives in similar conditions...does not even her family mean anything to you now???? Think about it...

[dj1206 0]

in some cultures, you marry the whole family, brother.

Do you get to have sex with the whole family?

If the relationship you have with your wife is all about sex, then perhaps you should rethink the reasons why you married her in the first place. She more than likely didn't leave her family only to have sex with you in the guise of marriage. If you don't at least extend an offer to help her family in the event of a legitimate, real need, what if your wife were to cut off sex from you? You don't have to send thousands of dollars a month...$100 goes a long way in a place like the Philippines.

[pedroh 21]

How did your wife's family manage to survive in the Philippines before your wife was able to send them money?

Good question! Claudeth's dad was a salesman selling tools but the owner decided, after 20 years, that there wasn't any money in it any longer so closed shop. Her dad never did look for another job, they had me.......and now that she is here and working...they have her

so basically they stop working because they know they will be supported? I mean, I don't know the laboral situation in those countries.. but one thing is no jobs available, the other thing is 'heck why should i work if my son/daughter is sending me money'..

and again.. the people that say that the ones that live in America should 'sacrifice' something.. I'm not talkin about not eating filet mignon every day or drinking fancy beer.. I'm talking about basic needs.. yes, maybe having 3 pairs of shoes is a basic need in USA.. but I'm talking of really necessary things.. or are you gonna live withouth electricity? water? heat? are you gonna skip a month's rent because in ur SO's country they are 'eating crumbs'?? or what if u have a kid.. are you gonna stop buying diapers or baby food for that.. those are the basic needs I'm talkin about.. not if there's no money for the new playstation game, or something frugal like that..

btw, very interesting topic

Edited March 16, 2007 by pedroh

[s2convt 0]

Don't be like me, if you can't do it. I am a very high standard person, with high expectations for myself. If you cannot withstand sacrifices like I do, then do whatever you can. I have a PH.D in Engineering, and I know how to take care of my own body since I also have some minor background in genetic engineering in the past. Please, whatever you do...do not try to be like me!

Book smart...not street smart.

You are no help to your family if you send them all your money and die of malnutrition from eating Ramen noodles everyday.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Book smart...not street smart.

You are no help to your family if you send them all your money and die of malnutrition from eating Ramen noodles everyday.

Are you kidding me? That expression are for those who are incapable of thinking. Street smart will get killed, I hope you will be aware of that. And, the CIA what are they?

Oh, in response to your post Pedroh, the availability of jobs depends on the economic situation of the country and how developed they are. Easier to find a job here because of McDonalds, Burger King, Wal-Mart. You can be a cashier, etc...Overseas, most likely to find a job like that is hardly non-exist. You can probably be a delivery boy, but then again labor laws aren't really established all that well so the workers sometimes get cheated out of their wage.

So, you had it easy if you don't understand.

Edited March 16, 2007 by consolemaster

[pedroh 21]

Book smart...not street smart.

You are no help to your family if you send them all your money and die of malnutrition from eating Ramen noodles everyday.

Are you kidding me? That expression are for those who are incapable of thinking. Street smart will get killed, I hope you will be aware of that. And, the CIA what are they?

Oh, in response to your post Pedroh, the availability of jobs depends on the economic situation of the country and how developed they are. Easier to find a job here because of McDonalds, Burger King, Wal-Mart. You can be a cashier, etc...Overseas, most likely to find a job like that is hardly non-exist. You can probably be a delivery boy, but then again labor laws aren't really established all that well so the workers sometimes get cheated out of their wage.

So, you had it easy if you don't understand.

#######? "you had it easy if you don't understand." dude I don't know what the hell u're talkin about.. that wasn't even part of my question... my question was, when relatives lose their jobs, like jasman's example, is it that they can't find a job, or they don't WANT TO find another job, cuz the good dollars are coming from USA and 'its their obligation to support me'

[KansasDragon 1]

It is part of the culture of the Philippines. Annie is constantly helping her family with her income already, and we plan to help them when she arrives here. But we are both very aware of the importance of controlling it.

Annie plans to work in the USA, and will use part of her income to assist her family, part of it for our trips to the Philippines, and I will be the one earning the money to live on. But that's our plan, and we've talked about it many time, already. She's also always saying, "I will use part of my income to save for the future, too." lol, but she's a good business woman.

You need to take time to discuss the needs of the family, and agree on what is important, and not important. What you can afford, and what you can't afford.

And very important, never promise her family anything, unless you really plan to do it, and know you can do it. It will reflect badly on HER, if you can't. I've always been very careful not to promise anything, and then when I feel the need and know I can afford it, then I help.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I think the main point in al of this matter, is that one should talk with their spouse prior and during thier stay in the USA about financial (and all) matters. So many couples forget to communicate.

[pedroh 21]

I think the main point in al of this matter, is that one should talk with their spouse prior and during thier stay in the USA about financial (and all) matters. So many couples forget to communicate.

agree